Who's Ning?

sleepy and bitten

2012-01-31T06:37:00.000+08:00

Sonal and I finished watching Dil Bole Hadippa by 12 midnight and went to sleep. Sadly, the mosquito had to plague me. Was bitten at least 3 times! So itchy!
So in conclusion, I didnt sleep much last night. Woke up for school at 4am SG time...aarrgghhhh
Sooooo sleepppyyy!

Feeling really bad that I cant spend as much time w Sonal...because of Welcome event...

Im still missing home...I miss the people..miss farmily..miss my other sisters and brothers...

Cant wait for sat and sunday to get more rest... :/

God Bless

things i really would want to say...

2012-01-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

To someone:
Miss you. Really miss you. Its bad that I feel like I want to msg u every day. Because I know nothing will work out between us. I know because given the circumstances, I wont let it happen. But nothing stops me from having feelings for you. So unfortunatly while I do wish I could express my feelings, I cant. But I will be there for you. At least I will try to. U are such a talented person that Im in awe at times..but at hte same time, slightly jealous...grr And the bit that i like most abt u, ur such a kid...and u make me laugh. All i can say then is... oh well... still love you.

To 2 of you:
I dont know how u guys got together. whatever it is, both of you need to work it out. for my sake. let me just say that its time u guys thought of your own welfare.

To someone:
Im sorry in advance. What you saw is not really who I am. In fact I will feel bad in dissappointing you. I am the introverted girl next door who would trade heels for flip flops any day. Or letting my hair down and putting my glasses on as opposed to putting on makeup and crinkling my hair...
I am super lame...Im not prim and proper. I dont watch my words and I dont watch my ettiquette.
If ur expecting to get to know a gorgeous girl whom u can call yours and show off. Not meaning to make u sound bad... then Im not the one... And Im sorry..

To someone:
U didnt even come to say hi! U didnt even ask to meet up. Or was I being unreasonable by expecting you to contact me? No matter how long, I still do care for you. Which sucks because it hurts. I will always treat u as a brother, a friend. Evven though its hard for us to talk to each other now...hopefully some day, we would be able to sit down and talk like old best friends again. I will always love you. Thank you for making me who I am...

God Bless

Back...

2012-01-30T06:54:00.000+08:00

Maybe because I had so much fun in SG, I miss home alot more. Thank God for my friend Sonal who kept me company through to the first day of school.
Both of us are so similar that its crazy!. Will miss her when she leaves on wed. :(

Still suffering from time zone diff :( Sooo sleepy...shit..

Still missing a bunch of people whom I have to undergo withdrawal from... sucks that i miss em so much.

God Bless

Ning

before i fly...

2012-01-28T00:55:00.001+08:00

counting down less than 10hrs to lift off...

Im sad.

Just when ive gotten myself updated with all the happenings, I have to leave again.

But there are a few things Im happy for because of this trip...
1) be a part of Cal's wedding
2) get to practice what I learnt
3) get to host in Esplanade again
4) get to show my song and have it appreciated and recorded
5) get to catch up w students
6) get to meet my sec sch teachers
7) get to meet my family!!! esp my niece and nephews
8) get to eat bah kwa and carrot cake and kway chap etc
9) get to jam with Wan and gang
10) get to observe wicked
11) get to meet up w farmily

This trip was so fruitful that Im quite reluctant to leave... in fact I really appreciate all thats happened while Im back. Dont know if i will cry tomorrow..or rather..later today... Hope not...

Sydney is a nice place..but it doesnt feel like home to me..not yet. I do miss sonal. And I do wanna meet up with her and tell her everything...

Honestly, this trip has given me much to think about. it was at times an emotional roller coaster....

At times, it has brought out my emo side..at times, it just made me act like an excited school girl. At times it makes me feel like i could do everything/anything...at times it makes me feel useless...

Im thankful that i had time to strengthen friendships with people whom matter alot to me...pple like Janice, Wandi, Calista, Neetz, Naz etc.

K anyway I need to stop babbling :/ time to rest...

Goodnight SG. later today, i will leave you for SYD again. But as the song goes...This Is Where Id Rather Be....

God Bless

reflections for these 2 months

2012-01-19T13:02:00.000+08:00

My holiday is coming to an end in 9 days. At Esplanade now for an event.

The past 2 months have been awesome :) I had to go back to work but it was good too because that means that I can see my student. Its an awesome feeling when they realize that Im back and come over to say hi. hugs even. Miss that feeling.

Miss my clubs too :) This time I can take a step back and be the "friend" as opposed to "officer"

While 2 months seems like a long time, it really felt like a short time. so many people I needed to meet and alot of htem I wanted to meet more than once. Like my clubs, my family, Wandi, my Farmily etc.

Also had the chance to help out in Open House, String Ensemble Concert, Capoeira Performance etc. All of which I constantly learn to improve. Thanks to people like Wandi who constantly reminds me to not be slacked... Last person I wanna piss off and upset is Wandi because I respect him too much :)

Also glad that I could meet with Farmily. Despite how Ian isnt around. It feels soo much like home to be with at least one of the brothers :) Love them to bits. And also really happy that he is happily with his gf. Love them to bits.

I glad I got this chance to meet my cousins and my nephews and nieces. Its awesome to see hte growth of hte next generation. :)

I dont know if my 1st few days back in sydney will be sad...withdrawal syndrome.. :(

Okay anyway, theres sooo much more I want to say but im at esplanade, preparing for show tonight.

Gong Gong

2011-11-30T17:02:00.000+08:00

Thought of my grandfather today during rehearsals and felt like tearing.
Not gonna be able to visit him when I get back this time round. Wanna visit him... visit mama and visit Ma ma.

We spoke about being remembered today. And that made me recall how I wanted to record my maid's voice before she left... Miss her too.

Wish I knew where she lived...wish I knew where she is now. how she's living. She would be upset to know that my grandma has passed away....

Miss them...

Words to the would be...

2011-11-29T08:31:00.000+08:00

Sitting in the rehearsal room alone. It refreshing, opposed to a whole bunch of chattering TPs in the room. Playing Adele's Turning Tables.

Felt the need to write you a letter but that would be weird because I don't even know who you are. hahaha

But I already expect that byt eh time we do meet, there would be much much to say about ourselves. It would feel like we have known each other since the beginning and after such a long time away from each other, it would be only natural that we recount to each other what we've missed out in each other's lives.

Of course, I'll leave out the bits about other guys in my life. Ive learnt the hard way that such information could hurt what we would have between us.

At a time like this, I do miss you. Where are you now? with another girl? overseas?

I keep reminding myself that the reason why we havnt met is because we are not ready for each other yet. Yap. we both need abit of prepping, training and stuff that would make us right for each other. No I dont expect you to be perfect, and I hope you dont expect me too. Because I cant...

I thought of this a few days ago...about how when u do come into my life, there would be many precious people that I will have to introduce you to. They are all people I hold dear to my heart but remember that of all the people I know, I love you the most. Right after Jesus Christ. :)

I sorta hope you'd be willing to join me in my happiness when Im with the students..but that would be a qn for another time. It would be awesome though.

I guess on hindsight, Im glad I dont have you now. Imagine how terrible it could be to have a distance relationship! I used to think that distance relationships arent a problem if 2 people love each other alot..but I realize that maybe hte more 2 people love each other in a distance relationship, the harder it gets. because it hurts longer and the loneliness is lonelier just as the darkness gets darker...

But of course thats my brain speaking. my heart often disagrees.

I do miss you... would be good to go home to see you there. And us just curling up ont he sofa, watching mindless tv. :)

Long chats

2011-11-26T19:33:00.000+08:00

Had a llloonnnggg chat with Sonal. About our past relationships. Reminded me of how happy I was before.

Despite how Im not in it now, the memories were still golden. I still smiled and laughed at them.

While a part of me missed him still, at hte same time very sure that nothing could be done to rewind time, I actually was more happy than sad that I had those memories.

Im not sure whether i miss him and still love him..or whether I just miss having someone...

And Im sorry to keep talking abt this in all my entries so far. Maybe it is because I am in a foreign country and Im alone...

The long chat we had was a very fruitful one. Both of us with our pasts yet agreeing on so many principles and thoughts and ideas...

OH well...they always say that time will heal all things. Im gonna be naive and believe that is still so. :)

God Bless

itchy hand lah u!

2011-11-26T15:46:00.000+08:00

Before I delve into my intended entry, Just wanna say that Im glad that Im in the production Im in now. It isnt just that it's logistically easier...its also coz hte people Im working with are hte loveliest bunch of people.

I cant help but wanna give them hugs! They bring a smile to my face.

Anyway was on facebook today and very much excited to catch up w family and friends in 2 weeks time.
I guess i communicated with a certain person whom I probabaly shud never have communicated with ever again. which in itself is also a pity..that person is a good person.

Except that, by doing so, Im causing myself more trouble.

itchy hand lor! type the msg some more lor. kaypoh lor! Ning ning ning....whatever will we do about you. You got yourself from all that shit and now u happily dug a hole for yourself again. why not jump in and start piling mud on yourself now.

Sigh

Gonna drown my sorrow in bubble tea...

GOd Bless

notes to self for intl students

2011-11-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

Walking home has always been a reflecting time for me.

This time, i reflected on my journey as an intl student.

I realize that myself as an intl student, hasn't been smooth.

I found myself thinking that people werent as friendly with me because I was asian/chinese.

Alot of people thought I was from China...

I guess after that entire experieince, there are somethings I want to say to the intl students in singapore

1) That Singaporeans or others may seem unapproachable..butu as an individual need to approach them because they are very comfortable in their comfort zones and they wouldnt apparoach u unless they need to if you dont.
2) That language is an issue but it must not stop you from learning to communicate with them.
3) Dont see yourself as an outsider but an ambassador for your country. Educating them on your country, reducing as many blind F's as possible.
4) Dnt settle for "Im fine" tell them more, care for them too

God Bless

one of those days

2011-11-16T17:19:00.000+08:00

Maybe its the production Im in taht is making me think back on certain thing. :/

I read back on some blog entries ad I realize how happy I used to be hahaha. Emm it is a blatant sign that I havnt been myself.

AnywayIve blogged so much lesser because there hasnt been much to blog..considering how I know my blog entries are probably monitored by peoplle from my school. both ing SG and SYD.

Today I managed to leave school earlier. It was an awesome rehearsal and Im am still in soo much awe of those I work with!

Havnt gotten in touch with alot of my SG friends in a long time. Most of it on facebook obviously..but that just makes me wanna go back and hang with them. one message isnt as good if one has to wait an entire day for a reply!

Went home straight after school. contemplated going out or staying out but didnt have the mood to do so. Even listening to music wasnt fun... its like nothing was worth doing in my time that I end up on the sofa doing nothing. THATS BAD!!!

Part of me wants to write a new song but I dnt have a muse..no inspiration...

SIGHHH

I could keep thinking abt wht I need to bring to SG or bring back from SG or do in SG but thats making hte rest of hte days in SYD agonizing.

So now ive taken to listening to Take That on mp laptop..pphhffff

even going to the cityis boring!

okay I shall stop boring those who actually do read this...not that Ive thought of something else to do...Im just gonna try again...

God Bless

reminded of you...

2011-11-14T15:27:00.000+08:00

So I bumped into another junior yesterday. its amazing to meet people I knew, in Sydney. This time, I met a junior from SP who quite insensibly reminded me of my ex boyfriend.

Also, during today's rehearsals, I was reminded of him too.

Which isnt a big deal..its just....sigh...

I know this isnt a relapse. Because it feels different.

However, it does remind me of how I don't have someone to share life with. The someone who is a best friend and a lover at hte same time...thats what I miss the most. And because this particular person is the one whom I thought I could have that with, whenever I feel like I need that, my mind automoatically thinks of a solution. In this case..this automatic solution is him...because he was the last source of it...was being hte key word.

In the worst times...I wonder of I actually do miss him...or i miss the feeling of completeness.... Theres a difference...missing him means the only way to solve it is to get him back. Missing the feeling of completeness means it can be solved if I am able to find another person to share life with.

So thats why its abit of a siigghhhh

Right now, im happy with my production, I feel like its a family gathering in the rehearsal room and I do love it. Unlike hte previous production which made me feel more...judged.

december is coming and i wanna go home. I wanna see people whom I love..I wanna tell them about whats been happening in Sydney. I wanna sit and slack with them and enjoy the sun at a cafe.. starng into space...enjoying the time that plies away without words or activities even...but still feeling fruitful. :) Thats also what I miss.

I feel like a trip to the Esplanade to enjoy the breeze, and hopefully writing a song...something I havnt done for a long time...

I guess the question of what I really miss...will only be answered when I see the solution....

God Bless

Writings on anything

2011-11-10T10:16:00.000+08:00

Maybe this production Im now in has awaken a something in me that feels like I havnt reached hte depths of my emotions. Unlike my peers int eh production, I feel like I have had the least emotional life. By that I mean...my life has been majorly stable that I didnt have to suffer certain emotions.

I dont know whether to count this as a blessing or a loss.

Whatever it is, I feel myself opening up to alot more things now than before.

I remember writing songs because i felt that i had something to say but since goodness knows when, that urge left...

I remember a time when I needed to blog or write a diary entry but not because i had something to say but because i had to say something..anything to feel better...or to sort out my identity...as if writing the thoughts down would help me sort out my own identity...

maybe this is what the production is meant to bring for me...

God bless

Homosexuality

2011-11-09T18:15:00.000+08:00

I sense raised eyebrows... No Im not homosexual.

On the contrary, I realized that I have come across quite a few homosexual people in my life. some of whom I do care for in a sibling sort of way.

Especially since coming to Sydney, I've gotten to know more homosexuals and it's like a window into a new part of the world.

This new world is actually as sensitive and as compassionate as those of people who are straight.

Alot of the homosexuals I've come to love are really nice people!
While I know that I do not orientate towards that way, I have respect for them and I also realized that most of them are fantabulously artistic and smart and ingenius intellects. I truly respect them for that.

I really wanted to say this because I see in them sooo much and I realize how little of them I know. Especially very few who are openly homosexual. And because they are so open, it also means they put their real selves up front so quickly that it humbles me. For me to be included into the knowledge of this identity that they readily give...

God Bless

Been such a long time since I blogged...

2011-11-08T20:17:00.000+08:00

So today is a rainy day...for the first time in a long time, I enjoyed walking in the drizzle. To be fair, if I didn't I wouldnt ever get home...

Didnt have a proper dinner either because Nothing was thawed and I didnt wanna eat rice with japanese rice seasoning flakes stuff only.

Made barley and beancurd dessert in the weekend.
Had awesome salmon, avocado and lettuce wrap for lunch these 2 days.

I think Im still recovering from the previous production.... thats really bad because I shudnt have to be affected so much.

Anyway its another month before I return to Singapore. Can't wait! Cant wait to meet with friends and family and students!

So many meetups this round!

I've got a section of my room dedicated for photos. Photos of all those whom I love and whom love me. And everytime I look at them, I get reminded that I am loved and that I am more than just a simple person because of all these people whom I mean something to....

And its this knowledge that i know I can do what I have to do. sometimes it gets harder than usual..but it still helps me trod on...

which reminds me that I need to take photos of my friends here. we need a group pic! without them, life would be sooooo much harder...

I realize that Ive had such a long period of thikning about myself and how things are going for myself that Ive become like any other working person who sits head down in the bus...or train. not looking up.

Thats why the last weekend and the wekend before that, I felt soooo refreshed after going around taking photos of random stuff...random signs, random unnoticed things, I kept my head up on bus and train rides and observed the sky, the scenery, the people, small things even!

The few songs that Ive discoverd since coming to Aus:
Duck Sauce - Barbara Streisand
Maisey Rika - Reconnect
Gotye - Somebody I used to know
Kimbra - Settle down
Adele - Rolling In The Deep & Someone Like You
Maverick Sabre - I need
500 days of summer OST - All is love
BOB - Airplanes
Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song
Dev - Bass down low & In the dark
Jessie J - Pricetag
Ellie Goulding - Lights
Erik Hassle - Hurtful
Katy B - Katy on a mission
Tony Bennet & Lady gaga - The Lady's a tramp
and other bollywood/indian songs...

I think im ranting nonsense...they dnt link. But I feel like I have to write these things...

Maybe things will make more sense when I do get down to really writing something hahaha

God Bless

recovering from last production.

2011-10-31T12:36:00.000+08:00

Note for myself that to monitor the welfare of intl students, a focus group session has to be done for them in the beginning month and then in the mid year and end of year.

Because one's condition changes throughout the year.

1st round is meant to find out how they're initial settling in process is. Whether they have problems communicating, finding common groups, getting transport etc

2nd Round is meant to see how they have been after a session of project work and assignments etc

3rd round is meant to see if they have any reflections and observations at the end of the year and how certain things could be improved for the next year.

Saddest Birthday yet...

2011-10-30T10:33:00.000+08:00

Its my birthday today. :) Its heartwarming to see that my students actually rememebr my birthday and msged me on facebook. :)

Anywaay this year's birthday is the saddest. spending the day at home I presume.

Really cant wait for the day that Im heading home. Im actually excited!

I miss everyone in Singapore. Miss them and miss hanging out with them and just chatting with them etc.

Miss finding things funny.

Last night, alot of peolpe were out dressed as ghouls and monsters and zombies. Halloween. As i sat the bus last night, I wondereed why I wasnt one to like partying and dressing up etc. And then I realized that people who liked dressing up, obviously found it fun since their childhood. And for me, I dnt think I ever got a chance to go for birthday parties. Maybe thats why.

What a revelation to have at 28 yrs old...Geez!

I know its sunday..but I dnt feel any energy to do anything today. :/
And I havnt been partying!

Oh well.

God Bless!

Hard...

2011-10-25T14:08:00.000+08:00

Its closing night. Im glad its so but I cant wait for it to end.
Think my experience has been a long and self tormenting one. Feel the need to relax but its actually really hard to relax now. I feel quite on the edge. Might be a good thing in the short run...but not really in the long run. One shouldnt have to work with stress and fear.
My goal is to prevent myself from getting there.

Im happily counting down to next next month, 8 dec.

Cant wait to go back home. Albeit, I'm gonna be working...but at least i feel like Im speaking the same lingo... technically I am...

In much pain. not physical now.

Im gonna keep talking myself to relaxation

God Bless

:) got me smiling

2011-10-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

I dont normally post titles to productions but I had to for this one. Last Days of Judas Iscariot.

Its a school production. I went in thinking that this production would probably cause me to stir in questions in God's defence. I heard that it was gonna be vulgar with numerous "fuck"s and etc but it wasnt how I expected.

On the contrary, I left the venue feeling more love for God.

In the midst of my depression, this performance reminded me of how much God loves me. In fact, it was just a simple thing Satan said. (the acting Satan) and how he was proclaiming that God loved every thing. And it was interesting how Satan would be the one who said that. Well the stage Satan at least. But that didnt stop me from having a revelation.

That no matter how Satan is against God, he knows very well that God loves everyone. And that included me.

Despite how this story isnt really biblical...it still spoke so much to me. It asnt how I would see as defaming God because it contained defence for Judas...but it was actually in a basic level, defending God.

The best bit...was when Jesus (acting Jesus) came out and spoke to Judas, saying that He loved him. No matter how Judas refused...eventually, Jesus came out again to wash Judas's feet.

I wont say that I agree all of Judas's arguements but I do believe that he eventually got saved.

I just think this show was put at the right time when I started labelling myself a terrible asm. I know its not actually so, but I put sooo much blame on myself that it felt so true.

To watch this production now reminded me of His love that I forgot. Because I havnt been in tuned to it for so long.

Im so glad that my God is a merciful God and a God who doesnt look at merits. Because if he did, none of us would be able to get to heaven.

Ive got 3 more runs and I intend to work all of htem with God's grace and power. Im not gonna worry.

This renewed love I feel for God is the only thing that is motivating me to learn more about Him again. To read more about Him and listen to more of His word. As opposed to sinking back into normal life.

I cant describe it to non-christians well. I can only say that this love I feel is a love I dont deserve but rushs through my body, starting fromt eh inside out, making me tear or smile. It tunes my mind to think more of Him. There is a warmth inside that made me wanna think about Him and absorb the revelation He gave me through this production.

Why I say this production was for me, is beause it came at the right time. Im sure He is using it to stir other people's hearts as well and thinking about that makes me feel happy. Just happy. Dont know why but I do. Mybae thats what God's love does. It makes us feel things we like but can't explain. And as we learn about Him, we slowly understand why we feel this way and rejoice in it being given for free.

After this production, I feel that its true that Judas felt so much remorse for his doing that he felt that he couldnt even seek Jesus forgiveness or God's forgiveness. Or maybe he felt that he had ended all good in the world by betraying Jesus and that dying would be better than what would happen to the world. But knowing God, before Judas took his last breathe, God would have spoken to him and explained it to him and asked him to come back to Him. Judas believed in God and loved Him and once we are a part of God, we are a part of God.

Im happy now :)

God Bless!

Imma stay strong

2011-10-20T14:37:00.000+08:00

Munching on a piece of tim tam. Dark chocolate. classic dark. Never fails to make me happier.

Just finished watching another NIDA production and it brought confusion in me hahaha. I dont know if I like it or not...

My mood now is apprehensive. I know I'll survive this entire production period and I know I will get better. I just wished that I could stop making mistakes altogether.

I think Ive slowly gone back into a hermit hole. I remember how I used to be this sour face who didnt take jokes and my cousins would tease me and call me names. And how alot of people think I look serious when Im not smiling. I dont wanna be that way again...

I think the way I got out is through having confidence...but my confidence has been waining abit these days.

And I cant help but think about past times that I had sunk that low.

As I was walking home from school last night, I sorta wanted to tear and in me a small person actually blamed my upbringing that made me feel so conscious and small.

Thinking back about it, its not fair to think this way anymore. no parents are perfect and nobody can be blamed anymore than my own mentality.

Im gonna have to keep telling myself that Im stronger than I feel. I will do this! I will!

I guess we in this industry are destined to go through all this and in the process of reaching there, we build nerves of steel and become bolder and more in control.

In all this, I know Im gonna look to God for all my strength. I know Im stronger than allt ehr est because I have Him. He will be my peace in the storm. The peace and strength that keeps me int eh stronghold when I start to feel like my confidence is under attack again.

And this forcefield of strength will get stronger.

GOd Bless

Opening Night

2011-10-19T19:50:00.000+08:00

Went well but not well enough. Always something I need to do better...Im not perfect.
My confidence level has been played to all sorts of levels. Part of the SM game.

I know it isnt always others making me feel bad or lousy. most of the cases its because of me. I need to speak up more. I need to be proactive.

I think my body and my esteem is tired.

To be absolutely honest, i feel like I could tear a little. I know Im stronger than that normally but this time I felt abit hurt. not anyone's fault. Just the hay that broke the camel's back.

I know that to redeem myself, I have to do it better and better. it cant be rocket science...

I just wanna go home and rest now. tomorrow will be better. Always need to remind myself that Im better than all that.

God Bless

Hanging on..

2011-10-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

Rehearsals have been good. yes Ive made silly mistakes butIm trying not to elt it get me down. Thank God for Sarah! and Brad! And all the other crew I have!

Had a short chat w my cousin and that makes me look forward to going home alot more! I wanna see my family and relatives and friends and students again!

I miss them so much!

flights are booked and teh dates are set!

I know when I get back, Im gonna ransack my granparent's closet for photos and put together a family album! :D

And Im gonna take the chance to meet up with my students/alumni :D and do abit of dance and sports.. I hope :P

God Bless!

bad dream, sour face and compliments

2011-10-13T18:22:00.001+08:00

So I had 2 bad dreams this week. No..call one a nightmare and another one a bad dream because it wasnt bad as in frightening nightmarish, but it was a good dream that would be bad for me.So my nightmare was of my mum, auntie and I running away from a huge crack in the ground that was growing. We were running away from the crack.The bad dream was me dreaming of my ex again. Which was a nice dream but it wasnt a healthy one. I dont wanna be dreaming of him anymore. Not that I have been for hte past years. In fact its suddenly come back. I suspect that its because some of my friends have recently had similar experiences and me trying to comfort them and show them that there are people who go through as much shit...made me think about these things again. Note that I don't have that strong a feeling as when my stories first happened. But the dream still came back. Sigh. Dont worry. I dont sink into the emotional abyss anymore. I just sigh and wish i had someone else in my life. Lol!In due time yah. in due time.
Anyway Ive been super busy with rehearsals. My production is getting busier and busier and Im getting more stressed and etc. I guess hte challenge is really to work with people whom I may not feel very comfortable with. To continue to bite my lip and work with them even though Id much rather not. Note that this isnt me complaining and kicking a fuss. I am still handling everything that I can. Its reality to work with people we don't like and I am not running away from it. In fact, every emotional or mental challenge I get makes me a stronger more emotionally stable person. It shows me who I can be if I force myself. It shows me who I should be and who I shouldnt.
In fact Im trying to not be affected by sour faces and to take compliments hahaha to claim my compliments. I know that Im someone who cant take compliments which is bad! I need them to make myself to better and work well.
God Bless

Okay sooo I should be doing Prompt copy now but ....

2011-10-09T18:20:00.000+08:00

Since my last entry, my time has gone to Prompt Copy and my production. Time is too short here.
Anyway...needed to take time out to disgest my dinner and get some peace of mind...rest from stress.My lifestyle hasnt been healthy these few weeks. Been snacking abit more. the type of food I eat etc...
I have been taking up dance class every saturday but still that isnt enough to stop my body from its aches and pains. Damn it!
So yap. Im not doing fantastic. :/ But Ive been trying my best.
Its production period. This also means that my time to rest is little.
So little time for rest and so little time for Jesus. Of course, I can hear a voice going, "make time!"..yap.
so true. I realize that without God, I feel like Im fighting to be better every day. Which tires me out easily. It may seem like the normal thing to do for most people. But I just don't see how that could be life.
I miss my church and I miss my home. I miss being around people I know who do care for me and whom I do care and enjoy being around.
As you can see...my thought process is abit messed up now. Dnt worry. Im not being hysterical or depressed or anything. Im just throwing in random things to unload myself :)
God Bless

Its almost the end of september!

2011-09-28T12:12:00.001+08:00

Time flies! Its almost the end of september!
Its been 8 months! Every production is a new challenge!

Since the last entry, Ive started dancing every saturday.

ASMing is a challenge. Working with seniors and a director is a challenge.

I think ive become less sensitive to some people's emotions. Because its a waste of time doing that.

In 2 months and a few weeks, the school term will be over and I can head home!

Going home means that I will miss a few chances to do events but I have to go back to SP to work.

Anyway...these few weeks are crucial for me to finish my prompt copy, perf history and stuff but im being lazy...bad!

K gotta go. Love!

God Bless!

ASMing

2011-09-15T11:33:00.000+08:00

So its day 4 of ASMing. I think ive been doing good so far but maybe I havnt been asking enough questions and that I'm not doing as much as I have to do.

Im still gonna keep trying. :)

This time, Im not gonna let depression and low self esteem get to me. :)

Its gonna be difficult but I'LL KEEP TRYING! I WILL!!!

God Bless

Arts & Ideas, Rock climbing, Dance, Beach, PORT and kids...

2011-09-11T20:12:00.000+08:00

And I know I should be finishing Arts & Ideas. About 3/4 done and Im starting to procrastinate.
Just for updates, Ive started my role as an ASM. So far its been good but Im still nervous about how things will be as we go. Im gonna try my absolute best to do well and keep my head above water.
It started with rock climbing on friday night. With Issy, Tanisha, Brad and I. Cant believe that I did that well. Loved it but afraid of it at the same time. Especially the corner spot with 3 walls to climb at once.
Stayed over at my friend, Sonal's place on friday night. Then we went for dance class with one of my classmates on saturday afternoon. In fact that dance class was the best Ive had! :D Might decide to do this dance class every saturday..whichever saturday i have that is..
Then we stopped at The Rocks Market to have subway. Then succumbing to the carbohydrate curse, Tom and I got sleepy and we decided to leave Sonal in the city and head back to our own homes to sleep. Indeed yesterday was a very very good day! My body is aching but its a good ache.
Sunday, Sonal and I met to head to Manly. Its too chilly a day for a suntan but we did hangout at the beach for abit. In fact, I feel asleep. Cant wait for a sunny day to actually get a suntan.
Although it was a short trip to Manly, it was a relaxing one and Im glad I went. On the way back from Manly, a family of 4 sat next to us. Th 2 kids were adorable to the max! The older one is probably in lower primary? He has a pure blond head of hair with clear blue eyes! And his younger brother has curly hazel hair with blond streaks and light brown eyes! Both are sooo cute they're positively lethal!
The older boy kept looking out of the window to see the boats and waves but the younger one couldnt so the big brother tried to carry him up but couldnt. So innocent and so funny!
It just seems like a model family! The boys love each other, the parents look like they are close and the whole family seemed closely knit. :)
I had much fun interacting with the kids :) Especially the older one. The younger kid had an especially cheeky smile! As all younger kids do. But the blue eyes were the best attraction of the day. :) He's gonna grow up to be a heart throb. Im not a pedophile yah. But his eyes were really attractive! He'll be a heartthrob when he grows up! Alot like the guy from Home Alone but better looking.
In fact I was telling Sonal that I would never forget those kids.
That sorta brought me to a sad thought of whether something like that would ever happen to me. I dont mean having a blond blue-eyed child. I mean having someone to love and be loved by the person. In my heart, as I looked at the waves and the distant houses, I was asking God about this.
I guess the conclusion is that if Im the Child of God and God does want me to be happy, then I would have someone. Its not an "If"...its a "When" And after asking Him why it's taking so long, the answer I felt given back to me is," because both of u are not ready for each other" For reasons only God will know, both of us would never be able to make hte relationship last if we met and got together now. i know I wouldnt..because I have my studies. Also because Im not in Singapore and I dont intend to find someone outside of Singapore.
Anyway, Im back home now. Home meaning Kensington, Sydney. This next fw months will be scary and fast paced and Im gonna keep trying my best to do bring it on!

Im gonna depend on God to give me the favour and knowledge and understanding to do my work well and efficiently. Because I myself as a human being wont be able to do it alone.

Counting down to 12 Sept...

Which reminds me that today is the Sept 11, 10th year anniversary. its been too long a time.. Glad Osama is finally dead although I know Satan always has a backup henchman ready to succeed Osama...

Okay back to Arts&Ideas!

God Bless

Peace That Passeth Understanding...

2011-09-06T20:27:00.000+08:00

For someone who doesnt have much faith in herself, Im very much surprised when people tell me that I come across as being very calm.

Had a classmate in Poly who said I was like the Calmness before the storm...

And just now, after chatting with one of my poly students on facebook and giving her advice on an upcoming camp, She thanked me and said that I brought about a very "safe/secure feeling"

My tutors thought I didnt have problems with my class because I seemed so calm and not uncertain...

Am I really that calm? From my knowledge, Im like a swan.. calm and collected on the top, paddling for dear like under the water surface!

I guess in certain cases, its good that I have such a talent.. Maybe thats how I got into comperes hahaha

But honestly, I thank God for this ability. Especially if I make people feel secure...
Maybe it's God's blessings on me that make me look like I have the peace that passeth understanding. While it doesnt always feel that way inside, yet on the outside, I still become the model of God with that sense of peace and security on the outside.

And where Calmness and Peace is mentioned, it brings to mind my name: Ho Wei Ning
Ho: sounds the same as another chinese character that is hte first charcter for the word "peace"
Wei: second character for the word: wisdom
Ning: first character for the phrase "peaceful and quiet"

Maybe God does look at names and their meanings.

God Bless
And where peace and clamness is concerned, it brings to mind my name... Wei Ning

Last day of Holis

2011-09-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day of holidays. Almost done with Perf Hist Essay....
Went for dance class in the afternoon. This is obviously my last class for the holidays. I guess the rest of the tickets will have to be used during the weekends. I think after going for a few classes, I figure that Im quite happy with latin american dance and hip hop.
From tomorrow onwards, I'll be throwing myself into the Port world. It's gonna be my first ASM role. The Gala wasnt counted! Im actually pretty scared :/ Not even nervous!Throughout this holiday, Ive been at home most of the time. Because Ive been alone at home most of the time without even Sonal, Ive felt very very lonely...not desperate lonely...just lonely. Made me miss Sonal & Sam. And made me miss fambily and family...I actually really really miss everyone in Singapore! I miss interactions w people I love and can bare my heart out to. Not that I cant do it here...there are a few that I can..but I think my tendencies to qualify myself and pit myself against them is actually destroying it... Im scared that I might end up messing things up like in JC.Yap! Thats the confession! I'm possibly like the kid who screws up because he/she is so scared of screwing up that he/she trips and screws up. The ultimate irony...I dont want that to happen....I dont...Im actually possibly scared of the new term.. Confession #2Scared yah..not nervous..literally scared.I think Im actually going through a battle with the devil. He's making me think that Im lesser than everyoneelse...And by doing so, He'll affect my friendships, my grades etc..
Anyway tomorrow the new battle starts!
God Bless

Man in full body tattoo with a small child, dance class

2011-08-31T08:19:00.000+08:00

K so I know I should be concentrating on my essay but I really needed a break. So im blogging!
Body is aching but its a good ache this time because of dance class yesterday night. I decided that within this 1 week holiday, Id take the chance to destress by taking up hip hop dance, by exploring cooking and my pampering myself in a way.
Hopefully I can finish this essay, do my props extraction and do my arts & Ideas essay. this is just a farction of what Id need to finish by end this week. :(
Anyway was sitting the bus recently and sat across this guy who had full limbs of tattoos. He could be menacing except that his attire was normal and casual. He also didnt look too angry. But what made me smile was when he got down, another small bespectacled and warmly dressed girl went down with hima nd walked by his side. Then he reached for her hand and they walked hand in hand down the street. Sweet :) Wondered what the relationship between them was and it would be interesting to think taht He was the dad and inside that tattooed and slightly angsty body of his, is a soft spot for his little girl.
Anyway..it's wednesday. The plan is to finish my essay by afternoon. *cross fingers*
God Bless

Hang in there Ning!

2011-08-18T19:36:00.000+08:00

Hang in there babe.
You know you;re better than who you think you are.
You know that You can do better and you cant let yourself be handicapped by thoughts...
Everybody has to learn and dont let your thoughts handicap you from learning...

Yes skills and knowledge is the makes of a good SM or techie but attitude is as well and so you will have to show people that your attitude is good.
You can do it Ning. You're a fighter! Dont forget what Ms Liu said before.
Dont forget that you have alot of people who support you. Including God.
Dont forget that if He is for you, no one can be against you.
No matter what kind of challenge you get, you will get through because you are a Child of God.

Letter to my grandparents...

2011-08-08T17:53:00.000+08:00

Dear Gong Gong, Ma ma & mama:

I miss all 3 of you. I miss visiting you. I miss the hugs and I miss the past.

I also wished that I had been a better and more considerate grandchild. I wish that I had more vivid memories of all of you because with all 3 of you gone, a part of the family history is gone.

I realize that theres so little I know about our family and about the troubles that u guys had to go through. Eg: WW2, migrating here, losing a spouse, losing children, etc. Maybe it doesnt seem important to for me to know but I feel like I need to. to preserve my memory of your existence. Not that your life wasnt precious to start with...but I feel like I would love to tell people about you...of your life...yet I have so little to say....

In the current age, we all take things for granted...I regretted that...

I want so much to take the time this year to look through photos and recount memories of you. to finally put together the pieces of your lives in our lives. To hear the stories you told my aunties and uncles that never got passed down. To see the streonger younger side of you that got lost byt eh time I had enough sense to realize.

Especially to Gong gong, I love you. You're the coolest grandpa. I dont know about how u were in the past but if you were as well tempered and quiet and cool as now, I would have loved to have u as my father. you would have been a model father... I especially adored you not only because you were the only grandpa I knew...but because of your character. Your humour, your few words, your everything.
Since ma ma died, I felt the tenderness towards you because I became aware of how fragile you were as a person. how much u loved my grandma and how much you loved your children and us.

I was so happy for you and Ma ma when both of you carried your 1st great grandchild. The joy on your face brings tears to my eyes still. And when Ngoh Ye and Ma ma passed away, I cried not just for the loss...but also for your pain. How even more fragile you became since then.

Now that you've gone, I can only say Im happy for you and I know you wouldnt want me to be grieving...but I cant get over it right now... I know God will give me the strength and peace.

For Ma ma, I love you too. I love how you and Gong Gong did such a good job raising half a dozen children. And how both of you have kept the family so close knitted. Despite how the aunties and uncles still have disagreements at times. I can still hear your voice when you call me or when u answer the phone. You would be hte first person I see when I entire the front door. Yes I miss your hugs.

Mama, you have done soooo much as well...survived the abuse as a small wife, finally finding your happiness to eventually lose my grandpa and have to raise up half a dozen kids on your own. knowing christ, basically surviving alot of hardship. And at the last fwe decades of your life, suffering hte nonsense that your children sometimes treat you with. I hate my young self who didnt treasure you...I hate not being patient with you. I hate not knowing you well enough...I love you and I dont wanna forget what your voice sounds like or your wise words..or even your singing. You were such a chrisitan trooper. reading the bible and praying every day. singing praises as you did your chores or did your craft. I felt like I didnt know you well enough to absord your resilience. You are in a way my idol. Because of you, cantonese old songs and chinese opera have a meaning to me.

I want to work hard to make all 3 of you proud. I hope all 3 of you are in heaven because that way when its my turn...Id see all 3 of you there.

Once again, I love you.....

Ode to my grandpa and a big LOVE to my family and friends

2011-08-08T11:26:00.000+08:00

My grandpa passed away on 1 Aug. I was there to say goodbye...
Deep inside Im still crying because I always wanted my grandpa to get better.
I was so glad that I could go home to say my last goodbyes and give my eulogy. Im so glad that he saw his great grandchildren as well.
Having the little kiddies around helped me feel better as well.
I didnt cry as much as expected in Singapore but now that Im back, I feel the pain even more because Im alone.
I will miss giving my grandpa hugs, buying food up for him, seeing him and communicating with him in cantonese...just being by his side...
Im so thankful that I have family and friends around me who have helped me through this time. My own sister, cousin: Bryan & Jill, my niece and nephew:Ally & Max, my bros: Ian, Stephen, my sistas: Francine, Peiyan, my other bros: Wandi, and other close friends: Wendy, Jess etc
Also those in Sydney who look out for me too. :/
I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life....
I know that although funerals are painful, that its always in these occassions that I feel the blessings in my life..that my relatives come together and get closer. I love my extended family even more. esp my niece and nephew and my baby cousin, Bryan who is no longer a baby.
It was a short few days but i had a chance to catch up with Bryan, with my bros and sistas and with Wandi
Thanks guys for spending time with me...u guys mean alot to me. Not just being there to help me with things, but just merely to cheer me up. to make me laugh, to help me get my mind off my grandpa.
Now I know how it feels like to lose a precious grandfather while overseas. Reminded me so much of Pravin....I remember how he loved his grandfather like his own father. While I didnt get a chance to send him my condolences...I still felt the pain when I knew about it. I guess in a way...I wished that I was still close to him. no doubt that he is only a msg away....but we have probabaly drifted too far away to offer each other such condolences without feeling akward. I feel that he might be the best person to understand me...afterall, I still regard him as my bestest best bro.... These are the times that I wish we were still close...
I guess now I can stop worrying about anything happening to Gong Gong. because he is in a better place now...
God Bless

Swollen eyes

2011-08-02T06:10:00.000+08:00

Stayed at sonals place last night.
Cried myself to sleep...
Woke up with swollen eyes.
Flying tomorrow morning back to Singapore
Feeling quite numb...

When I think of how he was supposed to wait for me to come back in December, I cry...
I know I should be glad that he died peacefully... But I didn't even want him to die. Maybe I was being selfish but I wanted him to recover...

Alas..

Time for school... Bye

God bless

2011-08-01T17:10:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling much pain now...

My grandpa has just passed away. My precious grandpa.
The whole time he was in hospital I was determined to stay hopeful of his recovery but allas...

It hurts knowing that I wasn't there and throughout the day, periodically, I teared. Then as if triggered by human touch, the floodgates open and streams flow...

He is supposed to wait for me to come back in December...

It may sound wrong but I feel like I'd just broken up with someone and every memory is triggering tears.

This man is an awesome man! Well natured, humorous, funny man. I respect him as a father...
This is the only reason why I'm glad that I went back last month.

I miss him...

In memory of Mr Wong Kim Siang...

1st ASM duty...terrifying

2011-07-24T11:12:00.000+08:00

So just finished an event nad my duty was ASMing. It is truly terrifying. I really did dread it and I really did feel like I failed. I felt like my classmates judge me as well. And all that in my head. I know its not safe to think that all that "behind my back" jibber jabber was going on but letting it get to me would put me back int eh pits of depression really soon and to survive this course, I have to stay afloat..above depression. I guess my only solution is to believe that God will keep me in favour...no matter what others say.

Anyway updates on life. Just fixed up my table and chair. On my own yah. Its ane asy DIY but I take pride in it. Rushing Prompt Copy and Arts & Ideas assignment today nad I feel like I can make it :) Not my favourite state to be in but I know God has given me enough strength to power through this week and next and next next.

Since coming back from Singapore. I have learnt a few things about being an intl student. And reason why Im writing this down..is because I know that someday Im gonna need to reflect on this for my own intl students...
1) you will still feel sad, cry on your 2nd, 3rd time leaving home.
2) When u come back to where u study...it is an awesome feeling to have someone to welcome u back and help you to acclaimatize to your study life again. Esp if u are just moving back into an unfamiliar house
3) It is very worthwhile and reassuring to have housemates that you can click with because aside from homework, they will be ur 1st source of encouragement and entertainment and company
4) No matter how long u've been there, you always need to be the 1st to make a move and make friends especially if ur very different from the locals
5) Never let ur mindset that locals treat foreigners differently, hinder ur objectiveness and approachability to them. Also never let that mindset affect how u view the locals daily response to u.

k gonna have lunch now.

God Bless!

He is AWESOME!!!

2011-07-20T18:31:00.000+08:00

So this entry is a tribute to God. :)

Been feeling down these few days. yes I had a wonderful time in Singapore nd it was a recharge..but I didnt get much work done. So now is crunch time. I do hate myself for not doing work while I could but it was a tempation that won.

Anyway this lingering sadness sorta grew because I was quite alone in Sydney. But as already mentioned..my exhousemates did make my life better. God bless them! :)

What I really wanted to say was at the saddest and most stressful time today, my sista msged me with awesome news that Lee Foundation gave her a grant to study. not only that...the amount of money means her dad will have enough money for her younger sister to go for her exchange programmes.
Awesome news! God has provided for her and her family to not worry about money issues.

I feel happy for her and I feel how much God loves her. :) He is truly an awesome God. Only issue is that people even christians misunderstand Him.

And after chatting with her and thinking about my own situation. About how God even provided for me. Giving me this fabulous chance to study here. I say "Amen" to that too.

At the most stressful moment now...Im gonna work in confidence that He will get me through to meet my deadlines and go well even! Nothing works with only my strength. His power adn strength in my life will make things work out smoother.

I am now encouraged! :)

All Praises go to God! My Father, My Brother and My Holy Spirit! If He has put me here in Sydney, it will not be just for my benefit, for my success...but also to be the little candle for Him. to show the world in everything I do, that He is a GOOD GOOD GOOD God!

God Bless!!!

Thank God for friends

2011-07-19T18:19:00.000+08:00

Its been 3 days since Im back... Am in school doing assignments now... sianz..

Have been quite down these few days because I sorta feel alone in Sydney. Which is odd because I didn't feel this the 1st 5 months. Even when my mum left... But this time..I really felt quite alone...

Updating on my flight.
My flight from singapore Brunei was meant to be at 1155am but the moment I got the the waiting lounge, it rained heavily...as if Singapore was crying for me. I couldnt bring myself to call my grandpa because he's the one I dont bear to leave the most...

The rain caused my flight to delay for 1 hour. Reached Brunei an hour late and had to wait a long while to enquire about leaving the airport. I got out and managed to meet Liyi and FangLing and the little Zion. What a blessed family! I can't put in words how much I adore them as a family and how much blessings I see in their lives and in Liyi's life.
Had Ayam Penyet with them and went off to the airport. Waited for 2 hours to board my flight..only to have hte flight delayed for another hour. Due to technical issues....

So the Brunei light flew at 11pm. I thought I had a good seat this time but the flight stewardess came and asked if I and the guy next to me could swop seats with another lady who needed that extra accessibility. The guy wasnt very reluctant to reply but when he heard that the other seat was along the aisle, he immediately requested for that. What a GENTLEMEN! I ended up getting the middle seat on the middle aisle... Oh well. I can deal with it...

I obviously didnt get a very good sleep but its okay. :) The 2 ladies who swopped with us were very grateful for the swop and we chatted awhile. :) I felt good.

I did my baggage claim and goods declaration as fast as I could. In fact the declaration line was amazingly short and best thing was I didnt even need to open my luggage for checking. BUT..despite all that smooth procedure, I still missed my flight. So the next flight came 1hr 45mins. Besides that, it was also 30mins delayed. So instead of returning at 11.30am sydney time, I returned at 1.05pm.

Really tired..took a cab to my new home. Honestly, in a place where I had no family and long time friends, I felt lonely and I was so glad that I had Sonal, Karthika and Samantha to call and hang around with.

I must say that after having such an awesome time in Singapore, Sydney was absolutely boring...

So back to today...still feeling abit of the pinch...have been camping at Sonal's place for 2 nights. And if I let myself, I'd end up camping at her place forever. I really wouldnt know if I would have been able to handle these first few days without her.

I think once I get to saturday where I ge the time to do up my room, Id feel better.

K gonna go do my work again.

God Bless

Back in Sydney

2011-07-17T08:27:00.000+08:00

So i just got back from Singapore. Shall spare u the details of my flight for now. This entry is pretty much for me to vent my feelings.

I am missing family and friends now.

Now I understand what it feels to still feel sad and teary on the 2nd and consecative times u leave home. Makes me almost wish I didnt go back these 2 weeks because it would have saved me that feeling.

Its weird that I felt like I had never left Singapore...eveyrthing was still so familiar that I had never lost touch of anything.

I was so excited to see family and friends and triewd to camp all my gatherings intot eh 2 weeks as possible but to my dissappointment. I dont even think I could ever be able to do that! Theres just too many!

But Im glad I managed to meet alot of my clubs, my dear students, my Fambily, my family and extended relatives..and especially my grandfather. Broke my heart to see his condition. I pray that his healing will speed up and that the condition would never occur again!

After crossing the "half way through holiday" mark, I started feeling down...

In fact I can say that I was possibly handling it worse than when I first went. Maybe coz I now know whats in store. Not that I dont wanna be in NIDA. But that I know what hardwork I would have to put in. meeting expectations of others and mine.

Okay..gonna go. Need to settle much today. starting with bed. Shall blog on my holiday anf light back the next time :)

God Bless!

Last Day before leaving for Singapore

2011-07-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

I guess you could count this as a reflection for the past half year. or 5 months to be exact. I think I did good. I think I survived well and Im proud of myself.
Just moved my stuff into my new house and its alot cheaper than what im paying now. However, Il need to get my own furniture. Thank God for Vanessa who is giving me her bed frame. Thank God for my classamtes who offer soo much to me. I do feel very privileged :)Cant wait to meet family and friends again :)The past few weeks have been tiring. its a good tired though. got my prompt copy assignment back and i did well. production was an experience that was so fruitful that even negativity of any kind was counted as good.I know i havnt been the smartest and fastest one on the block but I did try.On the closing day, we have a tradition to give presents to each other and I got a very nice present from my Lx Head and Lx designer. It made me feel like I had done well as a Lx Asst and I really do hope so.I know ive learnt the ins and outs of how to go about getting stuff. about different lights. Gel colours, how to patch up the dimmers. Do followspotting, focus lamps, fire retard curtains, operate the ULs, use the harness on the grid etc.
An equally important thing Ive learnt is not to let my emotions get the better of my work. Not that im emotional. Just overly concerned with how others view me. That isnt how God wants me to work and I know I shouldnt be that way.
This is truly my first production and throughout whatever trials, I still did enjoy it :)
Cant wait to hit Singapore tomorrow evening :)
God Bless

Opening night!

2011-06-22T17:44:00.000+08:00

It's opening night for our productions. Amazing how time has flown. All our handwork will pay off and I claim this production a huge success!
Waiting for the half hour call.
I think I've learnt sooo much during these many weeks.
Much learning in lighting and practical work.
I really don't know how I can convey these lessons to those in Singapore.
Huge task!
I
I can't wait for my trip to Singapore but as I expected, I Havnt been able to get myself to go my assignments or projects.., sigh.

All will be well! I will do good. Getting my footing now. I'm startin to feel comfortable with the equipment etc.

God bless!

Little bit of understanding

2011-06-13T13:24:00.000+08:00

So, from last week, ive started having late nights. school work is pilling up and Im starting to get stressed.
Ive also been thinking about what I need to do before going home, while Im home and after. As well as what to pack so that when I leave Unilodge, I can move stuff easily. All this will be a B*&^$ to settle since Im in production mode.

Thankfully today is a public holiday. :D time for me to do some stuff. And had midnight grocery shopping last night so groceries are settled. All i need to do is start cooking... for this week's lunch and dinner. RRaawwrr. Ive been very disciplined in not having instant noodles ...only the occasional lazy dinners. But even then, my maggi dinners have been with vegetables, corn and bits of stuff. not just egg and MSG.

So I've been living in a less oil style since coming here. I really hope Ive lost weight. :/

Cant wait to go back to Singapore and do stuff with people I love :)

Yet I know that it willb e a very packed 2 weeks because I have assignments to finish.

I had a revelation the last few days about some people ive been having trouble understanding. I realize that their erratic behaviour could be due their own reaction to the behaviour of others around of above them. Isnt a new discovery but it made me think things from a different point of view. Maybe I am one of those causing their response too... oh well...

Anyway im getting more excited by the day. cant wait for 2 July. :)

God Bless

Its been a long 4-5 weeks

2011-06-08T12:55:00.000+08:00

So few thigns on my mind now...new house, Singapore holiday, ASSIGNMENTS and production. I dont know how Im gonna handle it actually but I know I will. Have to lah.
Apparently the exchange rate now is 1.45 SGD per AUSD. scary!
The past few weeks have been quite a time. Im in the new world of lighting and Im really trying my best not to be a troublesome lighting assistant.... I really am trying..I just havnt been able to do well...I feel like a slow brained lost sheep who doesnt know what the hell Im supposed to do and I hate for people to keep giving me instructions and repeat them. Just coz I feel like I should already get the picture ont eh 1st order.
Thats mostly whats been bugging me. Also that I feel like I need to read minds to know how Im supposed to react to people's comments. Just cause I dont know what mood they are in. And that sucks the most!I realize that that issue in itself can make me tensed and stress is what comes out of it.
Adding on to my "failed" english...and inabilitiy to understand the aussie accent well....
Makes me feel like Im a potential failure...Haiz
But Peiyan messaged me yesterday about having faith in God. About remembering that I am put in NIDA not by my own skills or smarts...but seriously purely by God's grace. And knowing Him, He doesnt put me in a place to fail. Im am here not just to learn, but also to "teach" While I see myself as having the inability to "teach" I know I have to learn. And Im gonna keep that in mind to keep learning and keep persisting in that because while it may seem tough at times...He also doesnt put us in situations that we can't handle. Hence I know that within the 3 years, I will turn out fantastic. I choose to see it that way.
The production will persist till end of June. Wendy is popping by and Early July I'll be home. Assignments due when Im back. LOTS TO DO!
Anyway..lunch is over. Back to work...
GOD BLESS!

Blog 1st, Homework later! No not really hehehe

2011-05-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

Its already 2 days intot eh week and Im already wishing for the weekend! Raawwrrr! Aside from that Im doing fine.

I did however call myself "stupid/blur/wth!" quite aa few times these few days and it is a clasic example of me putting myself down. I wish I knew more about lighting and rigging and all the different procedures of doing stuff and most importantly, "getting the idea" quickly! I feel like I let my lighting head and lighting designer down!

And there I was a day ago feeling good about how my common sense was enough for me to figure out how to cook and not to cook stuff. At least the basic principles... Haiz.

As I walked home, I talked myself to be positive and not worry about what others say. I am indeed a noob at lighting and so its obvious that it will take me awhile to get it. I doubt myself and my impressions too much and I think faster than I hear...

If I let myself be dissappointed by myself and the whispers of Satan to bring me down...Id eventually go down. But I dont want that! I will persist in learning from my stupidity..

Also last night, I had a very vivid dream that I my ex had come back to me....doesnt hurt anymore but I was quite surprised by what triggered this dream off. of course not all dreams made sense or even stood for anything so Im not holding it against God or the dream itself to have any significance in my life hahaha Dont worry Im fine :) not upset, not worried, not affected, just curious.

Obviously as old flames go, the good ones die hard. Im not in pain but I sometimes also wished that what was, wasnt so shortlived. obviously that would be my own opinion haha

That said, in all the times after that, Im glad I wasnt in a relationship. Im very glad Im not in one now. Coz it would be a total ass of a situation when Im overseas now and studies are to be my priority. Im very relieved esp when seeing how some of my friends are going through all that now.

Anyway, life must go on and I have faith in my God that such an important affair as this will not be ignored and left to mere human understandings. God always has plans for me and I will dwell in that knowledge. Amen!

K back to work!

God Bless!

My Class in Strine (Aka Australian) slang

2011-05-15T07:55:00.000+08:00

So after a casual metion of the Servo, Bottle O and Sando, my 2 mentors decided to further educate me on australian...excuse me I meant Strine slang.

Why is it Strine slang? Because if you say the word Australian in the australian outback accent fast enough, you'll hear it as Strine! So Strine it is!

It was the most interesting lunchtime class I had and all this credit goes to Juz and A-Man (aka Alex)

1) Yanking your chain - Joking with you
2)Spring a leak - Pissing
3) Drop your kids at the pool - Shitting
4) Driving the Porcelain bus - Shitting
5) Taxi - ( this is yelled out when someone drops anything glass)
6) Ducks Guts / Bees Knees - When something is deemed as excellent or awesome
7) Bulldust - Lie
8) Cadsuaoop - lie
9) Stroof - Exclamation of surprise
10) Dullbludger - a person living of goverment funding
11) Drungo - Idiot
12) She'll be Apples - She'll be fine
13) Chin Wag - Light informal conversation for social occassions
23) Esky - Ice box/cooler
15) Ankle Bitters - Kids
16) Bottle O - Alchol Shop
17) Exy - Expensive
18) As useful as an ass on an elbow (self explanatory)
19) As useful as tits on a bull - (self explantory)
20) Watering Hole - Pub
21) Booze Bus - Police vehicle used to deals with drunkards
22) Barbie - Barbeque
23) Servo - Petrol Kiosk
23) Sando - Sandwich

Class Dismissed!

God Bless!

Missing home...

2011-05-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

Yap missing home again. Think its the cold that makes me miss the warmth of family. Whether is hanging with the guys or even hanging with sister in front of PC or meeting students...miss it.
Received news today that my newphew is visiting Sydney. Wohoo! Family!
Also cant wait to go back to singapore. Wohoo!
Getting all the random msgs from friends on facebook. Wohoo!
And keeping in touch w Steph, Fran, Peiyan and Ian on whatsapp. :)
Yes the internet is a valuable thing to have. Its cause of internet that I probably feel better...but it also brings about the phrase " so near yet so far"
Recently, my housemate asked me how it feels to not have a boyfriend. Especially when it means he'd be in Singapore while I in Sydney. And for the first time in my life, Im glad.

I wont say that I havnt been happy...nor would I say Ive been very much depressed with not having one...but the lack of one is a relief...saves me the need to maintain it while still here. or even worry about whether we'd break up.

Im very very very sure that God had in mind for me to go through all this further studies..and maybe thats why He's preserved me till now... Afterall, he knows very well that I wont be able to handle all that while in Sydney.

Oh Well. He's given me the strength and spirit so far...He'll definitly guide me through

Ning

Melbourne Trip

2011-04-26T18:21:00.000+08:00

Okay after 3mins, I finally got the textbox working...
So anyway, its the last day of holiday which isnt the best day for me but enough of that, Melbourne trip.Its sad that it only occured to me that I was alone on this trip when I was walking to the plane coming home. Albeit that I was staying at my relative's place...but I was essentially travelling to and fro melbourne alone.It started off with me not sleeping the night before I left. With Ian, Stephen and Fran on skype, that made things easier. Getting my butt to the airport wasnt as expected. Missed the bus by less than 1 minute and ended up taking a cab. Got to the airport, checked in my bag and proceeded to my gate. All was cool and I was quite excited despite being sleepy. Almost collapsed when I fell asleep standing. Slept on teh plane. Was an hour plane trip.

The descend onto the airport runway was beautiful!. As the plane went in, the neighbouring carpark had rows of cars that reflected the morning sun. So row by row they would "light up" Like 70's disco floor lights that light up square by square. Only this was brighter. Amazing.

There wasnt the moveable corridoor that other airports had so we had to get off hte plane, onto the tarmac and walk towards the arrival hall. 1st time. call me noob then.

I got out of the customs and went to get my bus ticket to the city. Having done so, picked my luggage and went tot he bus. The bus ride was relaxing because the airport was out in the "oo loo-iest" country suburbs that most of hte bus ride was going through farmland. 50mins worth. It was relaxing and the closer I got to the city, the more excited I got.

Stopped at Southern Cross Station and proceeded to walk down to the Crown to watch ny nephew and niece dance. :) Got in,watched and cheered. well...silent cheering hahah

I admit I wantedf to go and see how dancesport competitions were like, as well as to be morale support to my niece and nephew hahahah that probbably didnt turn out as planned because I fell asleep at times (definitely the one they were in) and we were quite far away. On hindsight, should have just sat with them as my nephew offered...but it felt abit funny to be sitting with dancers...abit (as singaporeans say it) "Zor Dang"

So after the competition, we had dinner at a japanese restaurant together with Foong's dad and Laura's husband. Fabulous sashimi but bloody expensive. And the running topic was how gay the waiters were. hmmmThe next 2 days were on my own. pity because everyone was working. Which is fine because I really wanted to get my essay done..except that my determination to finish essays was screwed. I took that time to meet my friends as well. Poh Ling, Eric, Timothy, Zeeson.. So it was either visintg hte city or staying at home. I managed to meet many of my distant relatives and learnt that I now had 1 grand niece and 1 grand nephew in Melbourne. And I got to see Kee again after such a loonnnggg time! He's lost much weight..I think the thing I hated most in melbourne was not being able to provide my own easy transport. And being a typical Singaporean Chinese...brought up with mum's nagging...I felt uncomfortable just letting my relatives send me around as and when I needed.. I hated that...So badly that I resorted to finding my own way home from the train station.I guess I hated being a burden..I wanted as much to just leave the planning to their convenience because I hated making them go an extra inch for me. So Id try to plan my own day with as much trouble for them as possible.Admittedly, i also wished I had spent more time with them. I wished that I had planned all my friend gatherings at the time that my relatives were not free..so that I could be there when they had more free time. Shit..But even then...that would have been weird for me too because I didnt want to be a trailing auntie. That everywhere my nephew went, Id follow hahahaha That would be terribly akward. In fact, just being there with him and his dance friends...was...not entirely uncomfortable...more that I didnt have anything to say and hence felt out of place...not that I didnt want to meet his friends..not that I was being antisocial...more that I really didnt seem like I fit in...hmmNot all of his friends are that way by the way.
So other stuff that happened..I did value the time I had with ym old friends too. To check up on how they are doing and see how their lives are like. I went down to Uni Melbourne to have a look...nice old school in fact..walked around it with Eric. Took pics of the ISC there. The size of teh clubhouse would have made SP ISC drool hahahahabut back to family..I just ended up in a dilemma of wanting to spend more time with my nephew but definitely didnt want to be clingish and in my head..I somehow felt that that was really wrong...... I think its coz when I 1st came to melbourne, I was a kid and he was the only other kid I could play with, draw and colour with, run around the house with. And I had felt a very strong bond with him...like he was my brother. No jokes and Im not taking this brother thing lightly. Him and my other 2 cousins in US are my closest Blood related brothers. I love all 3 of them to bits and I guess I really regret not having been able to spend more of my childhood years with them each. Because I miss tussling and wrestling and being kiddish with them. So in the sense, I feel abit dissappointed that I couldnt relive that fun playful time when we're all grownups. or maybe I let my age and status get in the way... especially for my nephew and I..this whole auntie thing made me feel like I had to be the more mature one... which sucks...I want to be the one who cn still be a kid and have fun and snuggle up into a ball with my cousins and nephew, and tease and crack lame jokes with them...we grew up too fast.I had alot of chocolate on this trip...Koko black, Max Brenners, Haigh... loved it.. ALso bought some chocs to Sydney. not gonna last very long...but oh well....So the night before yesterday I stayed up all night again..so that I wudnt oversleep. my nephew sent me to the airport on time but my plane got delayed...that could have given me enough hours to even consider sleeping the night before! The hours spent not sleeping was spent on chatting with my niece (who is 7 years my seniors) About dance, about the big family tree..Despite the dissappointment, I am glad that I am still quite close to my nephew and niece. Why? because for starters we are distant relatives..their grandma is my grandma's niece...we're not even within the same great grandma or same grandma. So we're really very distant relatives. Yet to be able to have such a relationship with them is really rare even for a big family.All thsi makes me miss my cousins in US even more and makes me miss my family of bros and sisters...At this very moment, I really really need to huddle up to all of them...have all of us squeeze onto a sofa or bed, under covers, watch random shit on tv, with popcorn...for 1 entire nght. doesnt matter if any of us fall asleep..we just fall asleep in the midst of each other..its cramped but its very cosy...need allt eh physical hugs I can get...Call me silly and say that I dont have a childhood but I also didnt have a close knitted direct family..This si random but I really really think that for a child to feel loved, physical touch is important. Hugs, hair tussels, holding of hands, its needed..truly. So as I walked onto the melbourne tarmac again...it hit me that I had been on this trip on my own..my 1st plane trip alone.. I had started to feel quite shitty before hte trip ended..Anyway about my descend onto Sydney..before descending, we came to a whole sheet of clouds. white clouds..a whole carpet of it...no gaps int eh middle to show land. as we got lower to the sheet of clouds, the sun rays started to reflect more and the clouds started to change to a sheet of pink cotton floss. As we moved down through the sheet of clouds, its was just pink for a while until we got out and instantly, there were raindrops on my window. Yes Sydney was raining...in fact yesterday and today was raining...
Got home, slept till evening, had dinner with Tom (my classmate), slept till today morning....did my essay, had lunch........didnt have mood today...no mood at all.
Really needed physical hugs today..needed to huddle up with bros and sistas...suffering from Melbourne withdrawal syndrome...regret not having enough time....all sorts of nonsense feelings...some warranted..some not...

I know Il be fine soon..but just feel absolutely ridiculous today hahaha Haiz....might not even have dinner coz Ive no appetite...just wanna sleep and get rid of this irritating headache I have...

God bless

Happiness pops out at the darkest places

2011-04-24T11:04:00.000+08:00

In the midst of a series of sad things happening, 2 things happened that made me a much happier person. 1, my grandpa asked to be baptized this week and he is gonna be baptized today :) 2), one of my best friends is attached.

For the 1st, I praise god for giving him that want. I also pray that god will keep guiding him towards Him. That he will eventually be in heaven. Praise the Lord Almighty!

The 2nd: I'm so happy that he's found his love. We've had a hard few years. At least he's found someone to share it with. Not that I'm not close enough to him to share his joy and pain... But theres only so much even a best friend will know.

Hmm this emo season is abit worse than I thought. I found myself asking and thinking about the past (past that shouldn't be dug up and should never be spoken of) found myself being upset or scared of things that I normally wouldn't.

Hmmm anyway, today is the last day in Melbourne. Feel sad because I wish it'd last longer but at the same time, I feel like I shouldn't impose on my relatives. I know it's an old fashioned thinking but I do feel like that alot ... Oh well..
K gonna go.. Heading to Cory now.

God bless!

People emo, I also emo

2011-04-23T17:31:00.000+08:00

So much has been happening in Singapore and aroun me that I couldn't help to emo abit haha.. Oh well at least it's only monthly. Cut me some slack you!

Anyway, I've been pushed into remembrance of my little past. It sucks to know that people I know feel pain and sadness that I had once had been flooded with. And to want to help them yet not know how... All one can do sometimes is to knod in agreement...

Anyway, yap abit of emo-ness did affect abit of my day. Also because I didn't sleep, I've been quite groggy today. Body shutting down at random parts of the day.

Glad that I managed to meet Ling and Tim and Eric in this week... Much catching up done. :)

God, nobody is able to fully express what they feel because of lack of words/pride/pain etc but I know and am relieved that You are with me, in me, looking down on me. Reading my thoughts and feelings like an open book. That I wouldnt even need to speak in words. Jut close my eyes, tilt my face to the wind and smile. Afterall, it is done.

Too many people whom I love God. Keep them in your watch too because their happiness does affection and I do love them. :)

God Bless

:) Yes Im proud of you.

2011-03-27T20:05:00.000+08:00

Not much space on facebook to say it so I decided to do it here. Its probably coz Im being abit more emotional this weekend hahaha
Anyway I figured that I might as write it here because I know you'd be able to find it here.
1stly, Im honored that you'd think of me when u got nominated babe. I am honored coz I cant believe that I would have that significance to you. It sounds like Im being melodramatic but it truly means something to me that you did and I am touched. :) Really
2ndly, I am proud of you despite your getting selected or not because I love you like a sister and I havnt not been proud of you. no matter how you may feel that you've dissappointed me .I cant believe that given the status diff between us in SP, that such a relationship would occur and honestly, in current times, it is very rare so I value our friendship.So yes I am proud of you as a sister for having handled everything that life threw at you with such energy, maturity and confidence. I know at times you're not your happy self but you dont really show it but I admire you for having all that strength in you :)3rdly, Congrats for graduating from SP. I'm sure its been a very long journey for you. No matter what has happened, SP will definitely have significance in your life. Im so sorry that I cant be there with u at Graduation ceremony. Thats my biggest regret in leaving Singapore so quickly. Seeing you guys graduate..being there to take pics w you guys.
I love you and miss you very very much woman :) Its students and friends like you that make me miss SP...and its students and friends like you that make me sad and happy that you're graduating.

If you do get selected, then have fun doing it and please please save a recording for me! Make sure u get a copy of the recording babe. Also, remind me again on when the graduation date will be so that I might *cross fingers* be able to tune in live.

HUGS HUGS HUGS *Chocolate CAKE*

Ning

So far so good :) 1 more week to 2 months in Aussie

2011-03-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

Hahahah honestly i didnt expect to be blogging so little but I guess my initial fear of not being able to keep in touch w people I loved..wasnt as bad hahaha
School has been quite busy, typical day is 9-6pm and on assignments are due soon.
Bought my ticket to melbourne in april to visit my nephew and a bunch of other friends there, esp poh ling. :)
Making friends with people from various countries, starting with my housemates who are a fun bunch of people...and this is not cause I know one of them reads this hahaha Yes Im still the craziest one in the house but we just have loads of fun laughing and making fun of each other hahahaHad a wonderful time having a heart to heart talk with them last weekend :)
Foodwise, its been more cooking than anything. amazingly enough, the little aounts of cooking Ive done during Home economics or at home, have paid off! Somehow God has kept that in the depths of my brain that I would still be able to remember enough to cook an edible meal. Needless to say, theres been a fwe failures. hahhahaha yah but well if they're edible, one can't reaally deem in as a failure right? hahahahaAnyway Ive now got a regular routine of sunday calls to grandpa's place. Which is cool when i get to see my nephew, niece, cousins, aunties, mum, and grandpa. And yes I miss family, my bros and sistas and I also miss my "kids" Had a few chances to observe a few productions in the last month and I feel very much privileged :) Sometimes I wished that my students had such privileges too. had a classmate who introduced to me a particular competition for college kids who put up musical like performances with elaborate sets, costumes etc and the quality of their work is ahelluve lot better than what singaporean youth could do... of course singaporean institutes dont have the luxury of that kind of money.
Aside from which, I havnt had a chance to really sit down somewhere and chill and reflect and write songs etc...its been soooo long. I havnt been singing as much....Im actually itching to dance or sing leisurely.... :) And as usual, I sorta wished that I knew how to play the piano...not that I have a piano in my house...but in school yes hahaha
oh well...gonna stop here. Work to do. :)
God Bless!

1 month anniversary

2011-03-11T19:04:00.001+08:00

Its been about 6 weeks since I left Singapore and I must pat myself on my back about my ability to handle being away from home. I guess my initial sentiments of not being able to stay away from Singapore might not be as bad as I thought.
Of course it could just be because I have stuff to do and Im still finding the novelty of exploring australia.
Anyway school is good. We're going through assignments etc and Ive got my big project even!
Since leaving Singapore I've gotten my mum's eye for mess. Well not to her level at least but I have been more serious with the cleanliness of the kitchen. Food has been good and Ive started to cook. no burnts and injuries so far.
My housemates are fun to speak to and they remind me of my friends in singapore. Fun bunch! I malaysian, 1 indian, 2 from china etc :)
Ive grown to love alot of my classmates and what I love about people in australia (at least those Ive come in contact with) is that they are more vocal about affection. But yet..it also reminds me of the love and affection I have for those I love in Singapore.
Recently...unfortuantely..Ive started to wonder how great it would have been to have someone special I love..but I then quickly remind myself that that relationships would be in trouble. So I guess in a warped way, Im glad I didnt have a relationship before I came over. Everyones asking me if I found an angmoh boyfriend hahahhaha but I know I wudnt ever go there. Aside from all this, my communication with my family has been better. Its maybe because I dont ave to face them every day and I dont have to hear their rambles, only their misses. But having not to hear their rambles and complaints actually makes it easier for me to speak to them via email.Hopefully my emails to them about my thought process here and how Im living, would help them realize that I am able to be more independent that what I may seem in Singapore. that I can looka fter myself, that I do cook and clean, that I am cautious and fast thinking about certain things....in essence, that Im not just taking things for granted. Hope my mum realizes that nagging has never helped things in the present and that just coz she sees certain things as they are...doesnt mean that they are always that way...I especially miss my grandpa. Hope he's in good health. My heart goes out most to him...I also miss my sis. Its a pity that our family never developed the "hugging" culture because hugs can make such a big difference. at least I think so. And maybe I sorta regret not giving my family hugs. Especially my sis. Its actually amazing really. My sis and I didnt always hit it ont eh right note and I reacll quarrelling with her a fair bit...but I always remember the small things we used to share. basketball sessions, playtime, tv drama times, random movie moments etc. And I cant say that our relationship was bad. It was and is quite good! :) Yeah and I can actually say that I really do love my sister. She annoys me at times but I do love her. Our family is quite screwed up on a whole but Im glad that i have her.Also miss Francine , ian & Stephen, Peiyan etc. My sistas, my student clubs and basically....Singapore and the familiarity of it...No dont worry that I miss singapore too much, Im doing fine and I dont start crying when I think about home etc. Im not homesick.Anyway as the school term goes, I forsee other problems surfacing from the class and I forsee my stress level going up but Im clear that I will eb able to handle it. God will help me with that!Just had a backstage tour of Capitol Theatre today and it was FABULOUS! When I saw the HUGEASS sound desk and the BIG BAND miced up onstage, i got sooooo excited! Shit! I wanna be able to work that!ANd when they played music through the system...I was HIGH! I know what excites me now!K gotta go back to doing my project work now....I know in my heart, there are 1 or 2 people whom I cant name, whom I miss alot and I wished that I could tell them that...but I cant...coz it wouldnt be right. I also know they wouldnt read this blog coz they wouldnt bother. But nonetheless...I do miss them...
As for church, I admit I havnt been the most disciplined christian...but yes I do go to Hillsong for church. Worship has been so helpful in bringing me closer to God :) Its sooo easy to forget about Him...because Satan preys on people who are alone.
K seriously time to go. Take care and I love you!
God Bless

okay its been awhile but im back!

2011-02-23T14:34:00.001+08:00

Yes im officially back! Ive got my iphone, mobile broadband and sch connection so Im quite connected to the world :DSchool has been good, Ive managed to adapt to the environment for now, made new friends, still quite shy about people who are not in my class but alls still well. Had fun during the workshop periods, made my own old school tool box (drill, sander, nails and screws and all) and made my own apron! Yes wearable!Been cooking as well and somehow Ive become alot more disciplined here than in spore. marketing weekly and stuff.School work is picking up but im really trying to stay focused.Still miss people in Spore but Im actually adapting quite well. At least now australia doesnt seem like a foreign country to me. I dont feel a stranger to the place and Im quite happy to communicate with people. Somehow, australia is friendlier and more expressive than S'pore..or maybe im just generalizing....
new housemate is finally in and she's malaysian hahha which is a sense of familiarity for me. In fact only last week, i finally found someone i know in Spore, studying in UNSW! one of my sp students!I was surprisingly happy about it and only then did i realize how it feels to have "a piece of home".Not that I was very close to him..but because he was someone who represented (in a way) who i was and where i was from...
Cant wait to have people visit me coz it would be a great great feeling!
K gonna pack up and head home :)
God Bless!
Ning

Back online but stillin sydney

2011-02-02T14:41:00.000+08:00

To all lf my (at most) 6 people who read this hahahaha

So I'm online because I have my iPhone. but im at a internet cafe downstairs my place now. Called Happy Convenience. hahahaha

1st week was fun coz it wasn't the school term and I could hang out in the city with mum. We did slot of walking and exploring in the city. Seems there's alot more Chinese than I expected and in fact, there are alot of Cantonese speaking people. I bought my hp in Cantonese hehehe

The bus system is bait like Melbourne and Singapore in the sense that it goes by geographical distance but we enchant an ezlink card that will automatically calculate our distance. We haveto buy the right ticket for the estimated distance

Mum and I ended up walking alot more coz itwas abut hard to find out which bus does where.

We happened to arrive the day before australia day and so weended up at darling harbour watching the Australia day fireworks and performances.

In themidst of all this, I was still quietly assessing the sydney Australian so see how I should be acting as too. I guess they're quite like singaporeans...

In the midst of all that, I got my hp, and bank account done so I'm working on getting all my tools and books for school. In the meantime, school orientation has started. In fact its already the 3rd day. Trying hard to fit in because my classmate Nd I are the only intl students there. in our cohort. Other students who are not australian born , have at least lived in australia for around 3 years plus.

I know Im supposed to count my blessings that Im here but Im missing singapore and everyone there. Especially the times that my friends and I go for supper or dinner. Somehow, my appetitite hasnt been upt eh past 2 weeks. Simply coz I dnt have hte mood to. Even when mum was here, I just didnt have a preference on what to eat..no craving etc. Simply eat coz I have to.

So for teh past few days..I havnt been eating outside. Bought abit of stuff from Woolworths and other convenience stores and survived on that...dont worry..vegetables and fruits included.
It isnt as healthy as I would have wanted it but I know as I slowly get used to my school life (afterall its still only orientation now) that I would slowly build steam and get down to making my lifestyle healthier.

Cant wait for Foong to visit, cant wait for my bros and sistas to visit. much to eat guys! But I wouldnt go without u.....feels wrong.

so yeah... :)... miss u guys, lotsa love from downunder.

God Bless

Feeling damn sad...

2011-01-18T04:19:00.000+08:00

6 days before I fly over and Im getting slightly emo.

Been trying to clear my room...office and house. both are hard... As I cleared alot fo stuff from my office, I was feeling abit sad and reminised about how my years in DSD has been...the photos, the flowers, the songs that have become more meaningful to me..Eg: Hey Soul Sister, The Man Who Cant Be Moved, River Runs In You, Drip Drop, etc

I went to see my grandpa yesterday and I wasnt feeling very happy because the morning, I was woken up by my mum who then proceeded to nag at me to visit my grandpa..in a particular tone, implying that I didnt care abt him. Truth is, if I think about leaving my grandpa for so long, I get emotional. He is my one and only grandpa...and I love him to bits! He's not a grumpy old man, he's got the stubborness of a small boy at times but he's also a humourous quiet man....

And to be honest, I can safely say that aside from my grandpa, I dnt think id cry for any other relative when I leave because I wont feel tha same affection. Not that the others dont matter to me. My cousins and my niece and nephew do...but I know they can look after themselves. But sad to say...I dnt klnow if i'll say the same for my parents. Its not about them not being perfect...its more abt them not being mature enough to handle their relationship and each other. And they have no maturity to handle their own children. Yes they have been dissappointing. I respect them obviously...but my love for them isnt the kind that would make me wanna share everything I know or feel with them..because..maybe...since young, I never received the verbal affection, reinforcement of love...that would convince me that they do love me and regard me as special as compared to other people they compare me to....

my mum will be going w me and I suspect that this s because my dad forcedf her and because she doesnt want to...she's subconsciously taking it out on me. Shes shows her irritation on me but most of it are not for me but she evidently becomes especially angry now even when I make small mistakes. Haiz...

Celebrate the new year with cramps...Grrr

2010-12-31T14:11:00.000+08:00

Yeah woman's woe....

Anyway Im bad at new year resolutions, bad at parting words, bad at evaluting the year. All I know is that I feel like I hadnt had a very fulfilling year and I hope to fight my urge to repeat that next year.

things are gonna change drastically next year...and the more I feel like Im fine with it, the more I wonder if Im being complacent at my capabilitites to handle living and studying in a foreign land..hmmm

Life is as such I guess...

Next year the only resolution is to make sure that I keep God in my life. To lose Him would be to lose the compass...

God Bless

Christmas Day came and went

2010-12-27T11:56:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I wasnt in the Christmassy mood this year..as it has been for a few years..that said, I do value the family gatherings :P Just dont see joy in buying presents anymore..why ah?

Is it coz I have so many friends and family that buying for all would be like buying the entire Robinsons? And whats this about buying for 1 person and feeling bad that I didnt buy for the others? Aferall, that its the point...Christmas is most firstly about Christ being born human for us. Then comes all the thanksgiving etc because we give thanks to those around us who have loved us and whom we love. not cause we have to..but cause we want to and we can.

That said..maybe Christmas in Spore is so commercialized that theres a very little hint of the real christmas in it..hence not really worth celebrating? Hmmm

Anyway Merry Christmas! It's a time to reflect on how much you've grown in the year and all the little or big blessings that God has bestowed to you. Congrats on the little hiccups, humps, challenges and trials that you overcame this year, despite it looking like Mt Everest when you first laid your eyes on it...Congrats on your progress if you're one of those who is chasing your dream. It may have felt little but if you look back.it sure has been a looonngg way.

Personally..Im making it a time to give thanks to God. For bringing me through to where I am and where Im gonna be. Im gonna thank him in advance for the blessings and favour He has given to me so that my studies in Sydney will be fruitful and eventful (in the right ways) Im just gonna do what Paul, Joseph, Abraham, Moses, Jesus and all the other disciples did...go my way and trust in Him to guide me.

God Bless

realization....

2010-12-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

Got my black buff :D...
Was looking at getting a rice ooker for sydney coz its darn expensive there. :/
Then walked around the suntec fair yesterday, came across a mattress sale section...NOOO Im not gonna buy a mattress to Sydney! Was planning to get it for Mum.
Bought a DVD player for parents...

Nothing for sister yet but havnt been in the Christmas mood recently. Im not being Emo...just dont feel teh mood.

BTW just coz I aint got the christmassy mood doesnt mean Im less of a christian. Nope. In fact Christmas is often celebrated for the wrong reasons..or rather celebrated with only half the reason.

Anyway..been planning my time recently...looks like my days are numbered...got almost everyone I want to meet in those days but..for those Im meeting in dec..it just doesnt seem good that they have to meet me 1 month in advance and not see me in Jan...

Walked around the whole day today and because all this is running in my mind...I sorta felt that my day was not as worthwhile....why ah?

Just yesterday, had a ball of a time w 2 of my indian besties. We talked abt our happenings and about the upcoming events et..went to one fo their new homes, did a tour of the house, screamed in her walk in wardrobe (for fun) and sat down to wath her wedding vids. :D Yes everybody's life is falling into place. hahaha mine has only started and I dont even know what its gonna end up like. hahahah
Love them to death and so happy for them.

December huh....time flies...its past mid Dec...5 more weeks to go....

God Bless

Wishlist...

2010-12-15T10:18:00.000+08:00

sooo been working on a wishlist hahaha. Nope i dont do this every year. In fact its hte 1st time Im doing this and its because of my upcoming trip to Aussie that has compelled the shopperholic in me to come alive! But One cant be a shopaholic without getting some help. :D

Here it is!!
- 1 black buff. Can have patterns but patterns cant be bright and obvious. Should be the Buff brand. :)
- 1 pair of black crocs :) shud be a size 7 or bigger hehehe
- 1 waterproof haversack :D
- i iphone :D :D
- 1 pair of cargo pants that can be zipped down into burms. Ie: bottom half is detachable

That would be it :D And of course if its not possible for anyone to buy the item itself coz its bloody expensive, Sure! I dnt mind Ang Baos! :D

Yeah You got me all figured out.

2010-12-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

Hmm yes got a reply from neighbourhood "penpal" Nothing much to say except, "thanks! Im glad you finally got me figured out"

So anyway, nothing much today except me strumming too hard on Band hero and getting a blister on my thumb. And I said to myself, " Good going Ning.."
Amazingly Janice & I hit it off quite well and somehow I see abit of me in her. Hahahah the way we see things maybe? How we think...hmm not good for her. Hahaha Hate to say this but she makes me regret alot fo things that I didnt do in my life hahahaha

Finally told Wendy & YQ about my NIDA offer and YQ's reply went something like, "You got into NIDAaaaNA BEH!" hahahaha damn funny hahahaha His reply was classic hahaha

Sooo...let's hope that my company is okay with me changing my decision...

K gonna skype my brother in peace.

God Bless

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!

2010-12-09T13:24:00.000+08:00

"To God,

Oh Lord, I don't know where to start to thank you Lord. Shall i start from the part where you gave me the interest to pursue it? Then you put people in my life who made that interest grow and pushed me to pursue it..and now...
Lord, they all say that I am lucky, some say Im smart...Im gonna say Im blessed. Because out of all the admin staff who get chances to further study under SP (which is very little already), a smaller percentage of them and almost none of them get to study with full sponsorship! And that I would be in that small almost impossible group...is no short of a MIRACLE!!!

My Lord! How can anyone not see how good you are to your children! it isnt just me Lord..I see you doing so many things for your children around me....I see their blessings bless the others who don't know you...

Lord, I believe that you have gone ahead of me to prepare my arrivial in Australia... :)
That no matter how out of water I may feel from the start..that I would assimilate and excel smoothly!

Thank you Lord! "

Ning

The Script, The Fray, One Republic, change of the music genre these days

2010-12-07T16:46:00.000+08:00

Got myself hooked on some recent bands and somehow..its giving me the itch to sing again...Man!!!

Pity my bros are not in town...

Ive only got till feb to organize a something to sing at....

And all the acoustic versions for these songs are fabulous! I sooow ished I was there in person to listen to them...And even thinking about it makes my heart expand and Im forced to take a long deep breathe. As if doing so would help me take in more fo htat fabulousness in the music!

My regrets are that I didnt practice my guitar well enough to play a proper song....nor did I learn the keyboard...Yeah some people have all the talent :/ *shrugs*

They've got all the right moves and all the right places, yeah we're going down..

God Bless

I am subtly amused... flinch blink ..okay

2010-12-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

So I received a very queer mail today and upon reading it, I realized that someone in my naighbourhood read my blog hmmm not good but calculated risk.

K well after being slightly reprimanded for blogging about the person previously in a not soo pleasant way..I apologize. No seriously! I do!

To the person:

I did consider writing a long entry but I deleted it..this isnt with regards to an issue of trust; But more like , if I wanted to say more, I would have to write an essay. Alot of it will consist of justifications and might end up making things worse unneccesarily. No need for all that since I would say that there was never anything between us anyway except friendship (at a point of time)

Maybe it would have been good to let you come to the right conclusion on your own although one would wonder how long it would take and if my entry did give you that final conclusion, while it did hurt your feelings, it probably was needed. And hence, yes maybe God did intend to let you find it afterall even I cant find my blog, much less that entry myself. And since it is that hard, not many people bother finding it either so rest assured that any damage done was not alot. All of at most 6 of my readers dont know you personally. Nonetheless, lesson learnt for both of us.

No Im not scared shit-less..(from this letter or previous ocassions and smses) but nonetheless it would have made me reconsider friendship. Which brings to thought the extent of trust that I would have considered while blogging. ie: "issue of trust" level of friend or non-friend. Hence the level of transparency or bluntness in my previous entry.

And lastly..yes I believe in God, not the church itself. In fact while ur past experience with a church gives you commands on how to live...doesnt mean that the church is right and doesnt mean that God or Christianity is wrong. Too many churches out there carry His name wrongly. In fact, God doesnt just consist of the church or a church in specific. :) He's bigger and better than all that. Hope you'll really get to know Him and Jesus Christ some day. Hopefully sooner than later.

Since the internet is so accessible, feel free to read on.

God Bless

Things to do before going to Melbourne...

2010-12-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

- friendship band (red orange turquoise purple

- take pictures by groups(grandpa, Fran/Peiyan/amily/deb, Ching/yan, isc, comperes, family, auntie, cal/neetz, spmac, yq/wendy, pravinngang,

- get iPhone

- get clothes

- clear room

- decide what I want to bring over

- write a song

- meet up w ms ng mrs cheong

- decide on when to go over

- Christmas cards

- Christmas n new year gathering

- develop some pics

- stay overnight at grandparents place

- learn to cycle

- learn to cook, learn to pick foood

- get TB hard drive

- cut hair

- give away stuff

Bestest Best Bro

2010-11-28T23:41:00.000+08:00

So my long lost bestest best bro came back to visit. Well things have been rough between us before we graduated and Im happy to say that Im sooo glad I can talk to him again. It isnt like before when we could chat till no end and come up w silly ideas together...but its a start and I somehow have no doubt that I could start from where we left off as friends.

As bestest best bros go, I couldnt not agree if he requested me to do anything cause he's my dearest bestest best bro..and its been such a long while since I saw him and caught up with him. I truly believe that things are alot better between us and we've put the past behind us. And yes I do love him as a brother. :)

In fact, because he specifically requested, I decided to join them for their indian clubbing hahaha Yeah it was an interesting experience but Im glad for the company :) And truth be told, while I cant dance, I do love the beats :)
By now, my bestest best bro would be in Malaysia and onroute to UK.

I'll miss him coz I know its gonna be quite long before I see him again. And even when I come back, Im not sure if he'll be in singapore. :)

Of all this...Im soo glad that I didnt lose a friend :)

God Bless

It is done!

2010-11-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

I got into VCA!!! :) And I got my full scholarship!!! Its amazing and I believe that God gave me favour in everyone's eyes! I just didnt thinkk id get in! I know I'd get into something but it never occured to me that it would be Uni Melbourne! Woohooo!

The most exciting bit abt hte full scholarship, is that I'm getting pay and allowance! OMG!!!!!

WWOOOHHHHOOOOOO

I guess at the samt time, I realize how fast its gonna be before I fly and Im gonna miss my students like hell!!!
Im sooo gonna take loads of pics w people I love! Soo many people I love!!!

All I can say is...Praise The Lord!!!!! Praise Him for giving me favour and blessings! Praise Him for having people around me to lead me into this path! Praise Him for people around me who encouraged me while i was down...PRaise Him!!! I am ssssoooooo blessed! Soooo full of unmerited favour!!!

God Bless!

VCA application is getting hotter

2010-11-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

Well..VCA aint the best but its not bad....*shrugs* I leeaaked out abit of info to the rest to give them a little heads up in case I leave. I will miss my "children" but I know I have to go and take care of my own life 1st.

Anyway met up w some of the peeps in the past few days. Bumped into Wandi at orchard too! Poor dude! Setting up the sound system at midnight in orchard..siao man!

Had such a big laugh from bugis to orchard and its seriously been a while since Ive laughed that hard hahaha thanks to YQ and peiyan.

Still thinking abt Melbourne...still thinking about how Id live there...freaks me out abit..but i realize that hte more i know about the place and how to get aaround...the better I feel about going over. Am looking forward to spending more time with my nephew but at the same time...I know that I will be on my own most of the rest of the time...wow...

I know my God is with me and I love Him! :D I see my road ahead!

God Bless

Missing Melbourne

2010-11-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

So Im still missing melbourne not coz of the food or shopping in central, but Im still missing my nephew, Foong. :) Its crazy hahaha when I left, I felt like I was leaving an immediate family member. :/
Was at church today and as I sang the worship songs and thought back on the aussie trip, the disappointments, the encouragements from my nephew, etc..I was tearing.
Its weird really... hahaha I honestly figure (from this situation) that if I would go to the US now to visit Chris & Dave, Id cry by the end of the trip. Id miss them so much!!!
All in all, Id say that Foong is my closest nephew. And Chris & Dave my closest cousins. I love them all to bits and I guess thats why Im more emotional. Cant wait to get back to melbourne again :P

Also want to say a HUGE "CONGRATS" to PohYan! Finally married! Dinner is done and we had fun doing it!Happy for her and Ricky :) Despite all lack of sleep, I manged to wing it. Not to my utmost but nonethelss, quite okay :P All us sisters had fun clowning around hehehehe

Anyway..still owe the sleep bank alot of hours. Need to rest my aching wrist and joints...no joke man..

Im thanking God for a wonderful holiday and the growing closeness of the family.

God Bless

last day of melbourne... :/

2010-11-13T14:47:00.002+08:00

Last day of melbourne trip. slept at 4am to finish project..was really really nervous because this was the big killer. Woke up at 6.30am. Lugged the stupid model down to Malthouse by 9am. Took cab coz mum and I didnt think we'd be able to fit the model in. *shrugs* Thankfully the auditioner was very nice. He wasnt impressed I cud tell and I didnt have much to tell him...but..well I will believe in Melbourne Uni. Foong has been very positive about it and hopes to see me in melbourne very soon.
This trip has somehow hit a very strong chord in my heart time and again.Yes Ive been having probs with mum throughout the trip but we ended all on a very mutual ground.I guess through this trip..Ive been trying hard to show her that Im independent..but to her..it could have seemed like I was just being ridiculously reckless..despite my pre-departure research. Pisses me off but im trying not to show it.
But what really brought my heart strings into knots was to see my nephew again.We hit it off really quickly with a big hug and abit of chit chatter about the past.Somehow Im soooo amazed by how close we still are and Im quite touched by it. Its like we're lost siblings. or thats how I feel. I feel like we didnt really lose touch. And I honestly cant remember how I ever got in touch with him again. But when we started talking, it's as if there was so much familiarity that we just carried on with the last conversation.
He's grown up to be a fine young man with a responsible yet fun loving character.Im sooo happy for him that he's turned out this way. :) And I know I havnt beent here for him but I am very proud of him. :)
I only managed to really speak to him on wed night and it was such an honest talk. We spoke about what we liked to do and our recent past. Seems like our choice of music is quite similar and i cant believe that he watches anime and still loves basketball.
In fact, Ive forgotten alot of things about him.
I rememebr he gave me an alaskan husky soft toy and he gave me a doggie coin bank for me to save up for my next aussie trip. I didnt fulfillt hat and it took me 15 yrs to get back to melbourne.
I wish I could spend more time with him, to just get to know him better again. Sadly we're all in the working class. While we were in aussie, he had to work as well...he ouldnt spend time with us unlike when we were kids and he would be able to play after he finished school. I didnt even reply his mail! Im aterrible auntie...I also rememebr how much fun we had hanging out at his place with his best friend Joong, or just watching tv and playing with sheila.
We even ended up giving each other nicknames. Or rather, I gave him a nickname...foongster. Id clean forgotten that nickname.
Its weird cos the more I talk about this, the more I feel like crying. I will miss him alot. He is truly like a brother to me. Maybe he doesnt feel the same and I dont know why I feel so strongly about it but...I do.I really really see him as my younger brother...
And amazingly Foong's father sees me as a 1/10 daughter too. He's cantonese too so somehow we clicked too.

This day has been boring after the audition coz foong and the other cousins are now in goldcoast. Mum & I are lazing around the hotel area coz we didnt want to spend anymore transport money and we had little time left to travel. Nobody is sending us off so we were quite bored. Something is missing without family sending us off. :/
OMG, I miss Melbourne already and I miss Foongster!
Yes it stupidly sounds weird and dont get your twisted minds working because Im not the incest sort.
Some relatives just click very well and he is one of those I know I will keep holding on to.
He's doing up a family tree and I'll try my best to include my side of the family as well...long long family tree.

Im probably gonna wait till I get hgome before sending him a msg on facebook to thank him and let him know how much he means to me too.

I also got to meet Joong..or aka joongster.Who doesnt recognise me anymore but whom I rememebr was quite a rascal when he was young haha. But now he is foong's best friend and after listening to foong's dad about him, Im glad foong has joong in his life. :) And im sure they will be best brothers for life. :) Even when they bid us goodbye, they said it at the same time! And I see much of Ian & stephen's bond in them.

i must say that im happy about coming to melbourne. It was really worthwhile. I really enjoyed walking around, reading maps, talking to locals and figuring my way out of the maze of roads, taking pictures of interesting stuff... :)

PG is sometimes not advised..especially when ur over 18...

2010-11-09T18:58:00.000+08:00

Suffering from heartbreak now...As if my auditin wasnt enough to give me a headache, I had my mum nagging at me since the 2 weeks before.
I didnt need nagging...I didnt need advice that I already knew..as if I was only a 5 yr old child. I needed support..moral support..encouragement that I could do well...That I didnt get. What i got was " U better go and settle yoursstuff ah. Dont wait till the last day!!!" If I were still a kid, Id wait till teh last day befoer I got it working...JUST TO PISS HER OFF...but Im not. In fact all the researching and meeting with wendy I did (that could never be seen by her) was not accounted for...And because it wasnt accounted forr..and she never saw it...she assumed that I didnt do anything...
Sad....
So now we're in Aussie...Yes I got her to pay the plane ticket etc 1st.intending to pay back half. But at the rate things are going...Im planning to pay her back eveyrthing including her share in full. Because of her comment " All I know is that I paid for the......and now....." Iadmit I asked her because I didnt want papa to worrya nd because it would be easier to stay at our relative's house. But I didnt want her to come to be my parent...more to be my encourager...motivator....
But it still hurts to hear your own parent comment in that way that Money could be more important...
And if she means what she said..then it also means that she regret going with me..and if that is so..plau allt eh nagging and "irriated" tone she's given me....I regret it too. There! Ive admitted it!

Im in a way...very dissappointed...

My family is officially "Cui"....Ive never had my mum tell me she loved me since primary school. In fact I distinctly remember her complaining that she had to pay alot of money for my hospital fees long time ago because I was sick with bronchitis. Not that I wanted too and also my fault coz I was too scared to cough out my phlegm...

Yet its sad that I would have to go through this and Its frustrating when the only way I know to deal it is by being defensive and showing her that I am independant...

Very tired even before my interview....looks like this trip has been a challenge in more ways than one....

God Bless

Day 1 in melbourne

2010-11-08T20:43:00.000+08:00

I thank God that I have such a good nephew! :) I cant believe that we still have a bond after 15 years! Im sooo touched by it! He brought us around for the whole sunday and I guess its coz we're now adults and not kids anymore. He was soooooo cute last time!

This nephew has gone through alot of stuff! I really feel for him....

We spent some time at Glen Waverly Train Station, The Glen etc. We went to visit my uncle and my cousin who passed away, then had dinner at my auntie's place.

Got a chance to chat with him and we talked about the last time I came down to melbourne.

And I must say that he is a fine young man! A very proper young man with a loving mother and father. His relationship with his parents seemed strong and with his dad, they are like friends. I admire that.
Im praying that this nephew of mine lives a blessed life!

Day2:

Went for VCA audition. Was good! I felt comfortable speaking to them! Im so ready to call melbourne my new home! And being w Foong and seeing melbourne, I felt it a pity to only be here for 1 week :)
Went to a few places like Southgate's foodcourt that has yummy mediterranean sandwiches n wraps!!!
Then walked across the river to flinder st, down st kilda's. Saw shops that sold bubble tea along elizabeth st,. spanish donuts, crumplets from cole supermart, Degrave st that has alot of nice cafes. Not cheap but such a nice spot to hangout. If Ian & stephen were with me, I think we'd be hanging out there alot more!
Then checked out chintown visited our previous hotel, Hotel Welcome, checked out Myers and David Jones
Then we went to see hte state library. So many pple sitting outside the library studying or reading or just enjoying the cooling sun!
Swanston st, spencer st, Lonsdale, Latrobe, Degrave, Elizabeth, Collin st, Bourke st etc
Found this nice coffee stop in the subway under st kildas towards the train station. nice original coffee.

K more tomorrow :)

Thanks God for Uni Melbourne VCA!!!

God Bless

I need to get myself out of the whirlpool of doom

2010-11-04T09:20:00.000+08:00

Im almost up to my neck in anger because my mum has been trying to encourage me by nagging me and saying that Im waiting to the last minute to do my audition stuff.

It pisses me off soooo bad because I know Im really trying and I know I have more to do but her 1 sentence annihilates all the hardwork I felt Ive been putting in...leaving me with exactly what she said..."nothing"

Well if thats the case, I might as well dnt go for audition right!

It hurts...I have half my mind to just tell her that i rather go australia alone than have her with me. I have half my mind to really tell her off! Hasnt she learnt that her words are sooo full of poison?!?!
Hasnt she realized that the reason why nobody in the house listens to her is because she has nothing good to say?!?!

How can anyone not feel relieved when they leave the house? Why would anyone want to go back early when the family is soooo dysfunctional!

Both my parents are mad!

I know Im not supposed to feel dissappointed and discouraged now..I know I shudnt sell myself out for a few useless comments from others...but I still cant believe that my family is actually soooo self destructive!

This sat, I'll be stuck in australia with my mum...for the past few weeks, Ive slowly begun to regret asking my mum along....

Haiz...I need a mother that doesnt just nag..but truly encourages and have faith in me...Someone who doesnt welcome me with "put your socks in the laundry basket" or "wah ur feet"...but also " welcome back" Someone who doesnt grumble abt having to do stuff when she's the one who started doing it without pple telling her.

Sad to say, many families dnt event mention to each other "I love you", "I miss you", " you can do it" "I have faith in you"

Times like these...I know our country is screwed...we are so driven by results and achivements that thats all we can see for our children...

2010-10-18T01:00:00.000+08:00

You obviously dont know this but I do like you & miss you. That actually irritates me because I know I cant have these feelings..not for you at least. We are from 2 very different mentalities and backgrounds.
In fact I am almost certain that my feelings are 1-sided.Your openess and opinions have already shown me how impossible it is for anything between us to happen.
Yet...I do miss you. Miss working with you, miss crapping w u, miss ignoring your silly approaches etc
I admire your sense of humour although it gets irritating at times...yet in the midst of that humour, I sense maturity...I sense a tender heart...I sense a feeling of security while being w u...
While that security gets shattered quickly at times..some other times..it lingers alittle longer.

Evidently Im over my head on this and once again, I know very well that no thing could amount to any thing. And thats why I will only see our relationship as friends.friends that are close and chatty on contact..but almost out of contact when we dont bump into each other.

I can only hope that I would be ale to find someone with the same humour and maturity..minus the reckless flowery words

God Bless

Sister sister sister

2010-10-13T14:04:00.000+08:00

K so its one of those times where the emo-ning appears hahaha

Much is happening recently and 1 way or another, I feel the pinch.

Got an audition on 19 oct for a BA in Production in Uni Melbourne. If I get in, I'll fly over to Melbourne to study for 3 years. If I dont, I stay here as per normal. :/
Another one on 12Nov...God's gonna have to help me for both.

Thinking of this further studying business and preparing for it is giving me added stress. I also wonder how my clubs would do without me. Of course they will have someoneelse to be in charge of htem...but I will miss them. That is 1 part of life I cant take back...Also my family and friends..will miss them very much.

One of my dearest bros is now in UK. Just started his studies and Im glad he's got it all settled down. Thank God for skype, msn...technology in general..Yes do miss the times that the bunch o us "siblings" would hangout for supper, for live music etc. :) Yes of all the brothers, the one that had to further study was the most talkative one...now everything is quieter.

Ive come to give thanks to God about me having so many siblings. :) Yap given that some are closer to me than others..but its so different having them as friends than siblings. Because they are siblings, I have an added need to shower them with more care and attention. :) I guess its the result of being the youngest child in a not so functional family. :D I know that in turn, my siblings have helped me in countless things and I love them even more for it. U can equate this role to Jesus's role. He came to redeemt he lives of those who were meant to be Children of God.
Thats also why Im thankful to Jesus, coz he's my big brother.

Anyway this sister issue has been a blessing and curse to me. :) I recall a sister of mine who said that Im sooo much a sister that everybodyelse really just sees me as that. A sister! Hahahah Which is true isnt it. Those nuns who call themselves sisters will alwas have everyone call them sister ______ . always a sister and nothing else, nothing more. :)
No Im not complaining. I love my bros and sisters :) I hold true to my faith in God that somewhere out there is someone who would see me differently :) I will hold on to His promise! :) Dont know when he'll come but nonetheless...

Anyway showed my colleague my song. The same one that won a song competition. He said its a nice song! :) And when I showed it to 2 of my bros, they seemed to like it. :D Its a good feeling. :) Im itching to record it properly. SERIOUSLY! No matter whether I send it out, whether its sung,,I wanna see it come to life..to become a proper song! :)

I guess the reason why I havnt done it earlier was because I didnt know if the song was good and whether I would bear to give it away to grow. Afterall, it is a very personal song... Plus, I dont want to get people who dont want to, to help it. Its a personal project and I dont wanna trouble others..especially if htey dont want to do so.

Got my ears stuck on One Republic...I love their acoustic set. :) Yes One Republic is climbing up the Ning's Top 50 artistee list!

Lastly, for hte record..not like my sis would ever read this blog,

Happy Birthday! I know Ive wished u before (in fact I was the 1st) but heres a short para for you.
Thanks for being the real sister in my life. I don't think id get by well in this family without your sanity and your insanity..all of which at the right time.

Yes you can be irritating and spoilt but I think I have something to do with you being that too. Despite me being younger, I do still end up spoiling you.

Thanks for coming before me. Because Ive learnt many things from watching you and your elder-ness is in a way my security. :)

There are pockets of memories of us that I treasure the most and thinking back on it, these memories dont seem like much on its own..but somehow..the memories hit a deep chord within and I cant not recall them without feeling loved..even if its as simple as you letting me sit in the same room to listen to u play the piano. Weird how the heart works. :)

Im too old to draw pony cards so I hope the Vienetta worked hahaha

God Bless!

Sooooo needed to do this! Best lame vids this week!!!

2010-10-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

I cant help but laugh at the following vids and Im sure some of it are beyond other people's humour threshhold hahahah proceed with precaution hahaha

1) Charlie The Unicorn #3
2) Giraffe in Quicksand
3) Never say no to panda

Back with more vids next time!

God Bless!

Sunday

2010-10-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

@Jas: babe if i keep smacking my forehead because of you, u'll know ur special :)

Went to church w mum today :) Pastor's sermon was exceptionally good! Reminds me of when Jesus resurrected and expounded ont eh bible from over to cover, to peter and anoter apostle onte h road to Emaeus. :) It was sooo good that my mum actually wanted tog et a copy! :D Excellent!
Im praying that should I leave Singapore, that my mum would continue to go to church.

Had some time at Parkway with Bryan. :) my youngest cousin. :) Cant believe that he will be heading into the army in november...absolutely gonna miss him!

Was watching tv with grandpa and eveyrtime I look at him, I feel the tenderness towards him. He is my one adn only grandpa but even then, my favourite grandpa. :) I lveo him to bits! And at times, Im worried that even he would pass away. I claim in Jesus name of his long life! I claim that he will know Christ! It is never too late! :/

Saw my nephew and niece. How fast they grow. Ally & Max. :) Cant help but to grab them, give them hugs & kisses. Wonders! Esp Ally...very very very smart! And for Jillian...Im proud of her being such a good mother! It somehow came naturally even though I know it wasnt easy for her. :) Good job Jill! :)

Life is flying by too fast. :/ But Im sooo glad I have all I have. :) Thanks God!

Bless everything I have Lord! Let the blessings you promise for me, overflow towards those that I love and who love me. :)

God bless!

Things to do...

2010-10-02T23:44:00.000+08:00

- Reread The History Boys
- Get new POSB account for savings
- Get another account for parents
- Continue to pack room
- activate ibanking accnt
- settle phone bill
- etc

The more I think of these..the more tired I feel....but i has to be done...
Sad to say..its also makng me the age that I am. :/
I know..I am very belated in financial management, life management etc...I have so many younger friends who can deal with their life better than me. Its quite shameful.
Been thinking more about my life and I know I really need to make thigsn work.

Btw..was at he career fair today, sat through a career seminar and hte presenter was very good! very interesting, very fluent and eloquent..but the projector was so low that every time he stood in front of the projection, his words and images were projected on him instead. And they were so low that his words were projected below his torso....yeah u get what i mean... geez. Poor dude. He got everythign padded down except for this hahahha

God Bless

This Saturday is the start

2010-10-02T21:51:00.000+08:00

So we sent Ian off at the airport. None of us teared for him although we sorta feel the absence. As we would joke, he is the noisiest.
As we walked back to the carpark, I wondered whether I would be reduced to tears if I would leave Singapore for further studies. Maybe..most probably. That would suck...

Been reading "The History Boys" because thats the book I might have to use for my audition..

Un-nerving...scary...but inevitably...time to move on...

God Bless

Childrens Day, Stephen's Bdae, Day before Ian goes off

2010-10-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

Today is truly a very special day. We start with it being children's day, then the day that Stephen was born and also the day before Ian leaves for UK. So much meaning in 1 day.

Speaking of Children's day, whoever said that Children's day was only meant for kids? Take Mother's Day for example, it's meant for every mother out there. Which often includes Grandmothers right. Because Grandmothers are mothers in our mum's eyes.
Yet for Children's day, it seems that only the kids get it. I guess the word "children" in Children's Day is used more as a collective term for young people who are in primary school and below; as opposed to people who are sons and daughters of others. Because in my grandmother's eyes, my mum is still her daughter, IE: her child.
SOOOooo I firmly believe that Children's day is meant for young and old who are still children of others older.

That said, it also means that Grandparents day is just an extra day aside from Father's Day & Mother's Day for the older generation to feel appreciated..afterall, them being hte oldest generation alive, can't really celebrate Children's Day can they.

After all that consideration...I sorta made a decision to enforce the better meaning of Children's Day to my next generation. Should I have 1 of course. :)

Heres another birthday wish to Stephen, my much loved, much blessed brother. A shy but very smart guy who is mostly into his tv shows, games and puzzles but when he talks, he always makes people laugh. I mean it in a good way. :D
He's awfully quiet but inside him is alot of love and wisdom! :)
Happy Birthday bro!!! Many more memories in years to come! Love you loads. Thanks for all the love a brother can give.

Another brother of mine who's leaving Spore tomorrow, incidentally a twin of Stephen and also a much loved and much blessed bro of mine, Ian. I never fail to be amazed at how all 3 of us could haphazardly meet and become friends and siblings.
Ian is the noisiest of us all. Incredibly smart (like stephen), abit too vocal for his good, but tries to get away with it like how Puss In Boots would in Shrek.

He & Stephen are the closest of brothers and I must admit that its enduring to see both of them that united. They're practically psychic lah! They make the best team!
I must say that while I dont get to hang out with them much, nor do I express my worries about them...I am proud of them. Not just of what they've accomplished individually, but just proud of them for the people they are. Their character, their bond with each other...yeah just them. Just proud of them :)

Anyway, Ian's going off tomorrow and maybe its that and stephen's birthday and my pending further studies that causes me to think about my bunch of bros & sistas. (Francine included) that makes me more sentimental? hahahaha Im giving thanks to God for them k. And I know i wanna do this coz I was born with a very foul mouth (minus the vulgarities). I speak too many negativity that I dont even know how to compliment at times. Its bad when we cant even say good things to those you care about to compliment & encourage them.

So there!

Times like these that i know how fortunate I am. No matter how people can blame their origin, their parents, their grandparents etc...one thing they can always do to even teh odds, is to open their eyes to the blessings they have around them in the present times. :)

God Bless!

Panic Attack!!!! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

2010-09-27T01:31:00.000+08:00

Okay okay breathe...breathe in...breaathe out....take long deep breathes slowly.....
It sucks when Im trying to sleep and all of a sudden I get this sudden panic that I forgot something and Im doomed to failure tomorrow...esp at 1am in the morning...aarrggghhhh

I know Im fine..nothing bads gonna happen but my heart is still racing! Talk abt F1 lah!

Anyway while I try to cool down...decided to start blogging again...

yesterday (being sunday) was a lazy day..didnt leave the house..did abt of packinng..did alot more sleeping... Somehow I needed to take a break...to stone. I dont think anyone has ever heard of the need to "stone" but that is a necessity for me and I honestly recommend it to one and all! haha

Stone= to plonk youself on a butt-friendly place that allows you to abide for long lengths of time to simply do nothing but think/contemplate.
What people choose to think abt or contemplate about....is dependant on individual interest...

Just thinking abt teh plans will get me hyperventilating aging so i wont mention it now...all I know is that this is gonna be the start of a long ride.

Thanks to all who have congratulated my flying to australia...its only for a week although everyone already thinks I made it to NIDA or VCA. Im not gonna turn down that congratulations. Im claiming it with a big AMEN!!! WOHOOO!

You may think that the higher hopes I have, the more dissappointment I will feel. True...but I cant let that stop me from going to the auditionn confidently...as they say.."if you think ur gonna lose, you've already lost half the battle" And besides...I know how Stephen's (my brother) bored angel works. If I deny my blessigns now...He'll be happy to help me make those *worst case scenarios* come true. Neh! Not gonna give the bored angel that satisfaction.

Also managed to catch the last episode of Hana Yuri Dango. The episode where the couple finally finally get married. Not bad! hahah not the wedding.....more like the "adventure" they had before the wedding hahaha
Amazing really hahaha i didnt mean to catch that episode haha just happen to change channels hahaha Admittedly..I always wanted to know how things would end.
And about tv dramas...I am staying out of that hahahaha watch anymore of those and Im gonna drive myself nuts!

Lastly...cant wait for the upcoming weddings :D Might not be able to turn up...but really happy for them!

I guess its time :)

2010-09-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

So Im calling for interested parties to be part of a podcast!

I dont know how long this things is gonna last but no harm trying. Its time!

I know I cant use music so its probably just gonna be alot of talking and VOs and small bits of music...

Might not sound very interesting...but like I said..no harm trying..:)

K so recording would most probably be either weekday eve or saturday...depending on who's gonna be in it..and it can be a weekly guest appearance thing too! :)

YES! it will Work!

Btw: quote for today:
You can suck as a colleague, friend and husband..but if you treat your child right and show love to her. She will still see you as her guardian angel and love you as the best person in the world.

God Bless!

Ning's Quotes

2010-09-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

As my brother would say: hindsights a B*&^%...took me 3years to learn that sometimes camwhoring could work for you in your portfolio..sigh.

Pain is feeling your stomach cringe up and your lungs mulfunction when you see your old self.

The lack of self esteem stops you from showing others who you really are.

I always knew I wasnt photogenic..now i can prove it. But please don't force me to.

The 2 easiest ways to make me kill myself, 1) sing out of tune 2) show me a recording of myself

If I had a 3rd hand to smack my forehead with, I'd do it

Ning

low self esteem...

2010-09-18T00:40:00.000+08:00

I see so many blessed people around me. Christian or not, they are blessed and some are talented and good looking etc.

The whole of this week has been good. I dont say much through the trip because I utter rubbish mostly but I do see my bros & sistas in such a light. They are truly smart and talented people. All different in their own ways and it amazes me how we ended up being in this big family.

I see my bros in such a strong bond that u could pass them off as fraternal twins! And to see how they support each other and understand each other so well... :)

I guess at certain points of the week, I sorta felt that my differences with them and the other sisters could be so huge that I could simply be a passerby friend. Of course I know this is insecure me talking and thats also why I shut up...coz it proves that i utter too much rubbish. EMO Ning talking..

And yet at the same time..I makes me soooo thankful that I would be counted as a sister in this group of people that takes away my pride and gives me full humility.I dont know how I landed a role in this family but Im sure glad that I have them. :)

I know I shouldnt be so negative but I already see a part of me giving way...mentally...emotionally...physically. Can keep up with them anymore...if I dont already irritate them...I already irritate myself...

My hearing sucks...my muscles n joints ache easily...and admittedly I feel the pinch of not having someone to hold on to at the times when it matters. Sad... I know full well that these siblings of mine will find their better half and Im gonna be happy for them. :)

Basically feeling very emo now.... can start writing emo songs again...

I know that God is the one whom I can depend on 24hrs to be there and for all the bros & sistas I know..they are all provided by God as well...

God bless

Away from home

2010-09-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

Being away from home has a way of making me reflect on life quite abit...

LTC trip last month was reaally good and I did learn alot about myself. I learnt how I need to leave my emotions out to better facilitate a group in debriefing. The students I got were (in my emotional opinion) on the egoistic side. While we all did have fun, I sorta felt hte students could have done better in leading...but I know very well that I could have done a better job in debriefing them too...
Got sick too..but thats a small issue lah...
I got to know Jacob alot more and yes he can be abit looney at times and that totally makes him a "normal" guy hahaha
Conclusion: lots to lern to be a proper facilitator and (I presume Jacob would agree) I dont think one would ever stop learning to be a good facilitator.
Did I also mention that I now know that listening to Gospel songs really helps me to calm down and if I ever feel like cant sleep, that would knock me into lala land fast. Not that I dont like it...just that it clams me down...puts me at peace :)

Anyway..in camp again and this time I have my bros and sister with me. :) In fact..this would be the 1st time Im at camp with all of them... This is a time where I know how fortunate I am to have these siblings. I do love all of them very much.
And I am very much aware of the fact that I have a helluvalot of bros & sis hahahaha All are good in their own way. :D I do feel blessed to have all of them. :)

Speaking of being blessed and being loved...whoever you are reading this, go check out this book (if you havnt already), 5 love languages. it is a fabulously good book that makes alot of sense and shows you ways to better express your love for those whom matter to you. :) Very good book! recommended to all!

Other than that, life is okay. Am trying to apply for further studies in aussie so lets hope that will work out well. Gotta go around getting referals :/

God thank you for those around me. Yes sometimes it may seem that no matter how many frieds we have, we're still empty and lonely..but you never fail to show me that its not true. You also never fail to show me how much you love me with the little things even.

God Bless

Roar......HOLD UR TONGUE!!!

2010-08-10T16:22:00.000+08:00

Nothing pisses me off more than ____________

Wisdom is holding my tongue when my emotions tells me otherwise.
Freedom is being able to control yourself even though external factors and/or your emotions tempt u to act otherwise..

AARRGGGHHHHH

Peace is the ability to to do both and not drown in the internal pit of anger....

Im very very tempted to write an extraordinarily angry msg to everyone but I dont like those either. Nor do I like to be a ranter on facebook or twitter...

Its not easy because Im quite upset and dissappointed...but I know I have to leave this to God's hands......

God Bless

You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed....

2010-08-03T10:26:00.000+08:00

I've never purposly directed people to my blog before but I feel compelled to do so because this means alot to me. No Im not being emo okay.

Im sorry if I dont keep in touch enough...I dont mean to. :P

This entry is an excerpt of the book, "The Little Prince" written by Antonio Saint Exupery. It's simple to read...yet so meaningful...My cousin Jillian and my sister's all time fav book.
This book has been a reminder to me..about how life becomes more colourful when we find more meaning in it.

I dedicate this to everyone I know. students, friends, teachers, colleagues, bosses, family, those who have left, those who just came and those who might not be staying for long...
Because of you the gold of the wheatfields mean something to me. :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning," said the fox.

"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.

"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."

"I am a fox," the fox said.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."

"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."

"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.

But, after some thought, he added:

"What does that mean--'tame'?"

"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"

"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"

"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"

"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."

"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."

"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.

The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.

"On another planet?"

"Yes."

"Are there hunters on that planet?"

"No."

"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"

"No."

"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.

But he came back to his idea.

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:

"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."

And the roses were very much embarassed.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
And he went back to meet the fox.

"Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

limp

2010-07-28T13:57:00.000+08:00

Satan throws a cheap blow in my direction....my right knee.

Was walking home yesterday when my knee suddenly began to hurt....

Now I have a prob climbing down stairs...

And after the lunchshow that went on just now...I have a bigger pain..cant bend my knee fully...

Hmm this is getting on my nerves...I need my knee to get better...

God Bless

Faith...

2010-07-27T11:09:00.000+08:00

Needless to say..there is a disturbance in the force...

Im not gonna let the dissappointment and fear get to me because I want to believe that God will rule over this situation. I dont wanna lose hope.

I know we cried about it in my office before but I don't wanna go to that state anymore.

Im gonna believe in God's wisdom and favour for me when I deal with my students and that God will work in their hearts too to make the club stronger.

I will believe that God's glory will shine in the success of the clubs too.

God Bless

TADA! Healed!

2010-07-23T09:59:00.000+08:00

Arm is okay, leg is okay..now just gotta wait for another crazy day!

Its friday and that ups my *happy* scale to MAX!

Been having really weird dreams for the past few days man! Dreamt 1 of my club presidents started smoking...dreamt that our dept was to organize the entire NDP, dreamt Sam used a laser to vandalise the Spore flag...geez.. Sorry sam. :P

For those who dnt know. I did eventually get myself an itouch. :D

God BLess

Pain....

2010-07-19T12:24:00.000+08:00

For the past 2 weeks I hurt my arm and leg.

Both from "trying" to swim...

..really tired now because of the pain that kept me up for the whole night. Groggy. But nvm..my God is always providing healing for me and I believe that even by today..there will be a super speedy recovery!

Still need to learn how to swim and I forsee that I will be discovering mroe muscles in my body..so more cramps and aches and pains will appear soon. Oh well. :) no pain no gain at times

Watched Sachoom on sat..really cool lights lah! red, pink, purple, gold, blue, turquoise!
Nice effects! Also makes me wanna dance..shit...

Sorry if I havn't been blogging much coz I havnt had much to blog abt...
nothing much has been happening in life thats worth updating..

God Bless!

good compere? what is a good compere?

2010-07-07T15:02:00.000+08:00

i think even till now..Im battling with this same qn...
what is a good compere?
- one who has the stage presence (he gets people's attention)
- one who knows what he's saying
- one who has a good voice that can command others attention
- confidence in voice tone, projection,
- has an attractive character
- is fast in picking up cues or information
- is has a sense of humour and dares to try new things
- is resourceful enough to have tricks up his sleeve when time is needed

Seems so darn simple buts its so definitely not! inside every criteria..there is a whole web of small criterias needed to fulfill it.
And how to train each student to meet those criterias...

God Bless

Places that I can feel at peace...

2010-07-07T13:13:00.000+08:00

Everybody needs a place to feel relaxed and at peace with oneself...I hope you have a place like that.. :)
Anyway..in the light of the busy period...been hoping to get a few days off to get some extra "peace" into my system. I had in mind a few places to go and somehow these places immediately struck a "peaceful chord" in me.
- sentosa beach
- church
- starbucks
- roof top of some high building
- carpark top

:) I guess its good to get away for awhile with yourself...reflect on how your life has been and see if you need to make new resolutions/committements/opinions...afterall you should be living life...not life living you.

God bless

Im sorry if I cant save you at the end of the day...

2010-07-06T16:32:00.000+08:00

You know those movies where the guy saves the damsel in distress and they're close to living happily ever after when suddenly the *supposedly dead* villan grabs a weapon from *somewhere* and shoots..thist ime the damsel gets in the line of fire and dies...leaving the hero grieving and feeling guilty that he had brought this girl out from *wherever it is she came from* only to have her die in his arms...

i feel like that now...not the damsel...more of the incidental hero...the one who thought they cud heal the world...only to see things around them not working as well as expected...

im sorry if att he end of the day...I cant save you...maybe Im really not suited to be a super hero...maybe i messed things up so bad..things will ricochet back and hit us all in the head...and as the movie goes...I wud rather it be me down than u..

The emo me was on a rampage for awhile..but im back so no worries yah. God will keep me safe.

Maybe Im too excited...

2010-07-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

I've gotten into an excited mood thinking of the possibility of going to Australia to study.

I dnt know if its just me or God's given peace that I would be so positive enough to even start thinking abt how I wud have to live in australia..eg: how to save..what to bring..what to do etc...

I sorta have to remind myself that thigns arent confirmed...

I know I wanna trust God for it. I want to just step forth when it time..try my best..BUT leave the rest to God because its worthless to worry. Im also gonna hold on to this dream with a loose hand..loose enough to let go easily if its not meant to be..but firm enough to hold on if I still can...
If all else works..i might not be in SP in next march..hmm will miss everyone..

God bless

Time flies

2010-07-05T11:41:00.000+08:00

Met up w SUlaiman, Shahid and Vanessa recently. ts been such a long while and thanks to God, we always managed to bump into each other once in awhile when I think of them.

Bumped into Shahid and Sulaiman at NAFA and manged to get their contacts.

Anyway...I finally got down to planning a small gathering for hte 4 of us. Simple meal...Popeyes at Toa Payoh Central.

Its really endearing to see the smallest of us 4, Shahid grow up into a charming guy! All of us past our 20yrs.
Its also very awakening!

After dinner we went to watch Toy Story 3. :) By popular demand. I decided that Id watch it again because it was the company and not the show that I valued.

We're hopping to have another gathering in Westlake. Not too late coz we'll get chased off by guards..also..not much place to sit hahaha but Westlake is a place of many memories so why not. :)

Hmmm Yes time flies..but no matter how far it flies...its always good to know that u got a piece of history w u. IE: friends

God bless

Condemnation is a many dangerous thing

2010-06-21T18:02:00.000+08:00

I know this is a christina thinking but having seen sooo many students and their different issues with life..I really came to see how poisonous condemnation is...

It can come in small amounts but every pinch of condemnation and guilt added together...makes a big difference..esp since we humans dont forget our guilt easily..it all rools up into a big snowball and while we dont get paralysed 1 fine day..by it...it does result in a gradual increase in lack of self esteem..maybe the loss of friendships..maybe..the loss of self-motivation and gradual lack of confidence in fulfilling our own dreams.

COndemnation is what stops us from thinking better of ourselves..stops our confidence from growing.

You may ask abt over confidence...well my observation has taught me that over confident people are actually people who are insecure..hence lack of confidence.

In reality..over confidence is the lack of confidence that is disgused with fake confidence...or over enthusiasm to show that they are not confident.

Truthfully..I too suffer from this..

And alot of people suffer from lack of confidence from their background history..family issues, school issues, communication problems...etc

I however honestly feel that...the prettiest children....are those who have suffered alot..who are suffereing alot....somehow or rather..they are...

God Bless

Too many things I wanna do...

2010-06-13T22:59:00.000+08:00

Okay so I guess Im easily influenced.. but then again....u cant help but think abt how colourful life would be..with those skills.
- Aikido
- Hip Hop Dance
- Sign language Class

And futher studying. Is that too much? Maybe...it sorta means that I wont have time for my friends...and family...

But does this mean I shudnt do it? Maybe I shud do it now before I think abt my age again and panic hahhaha

But to be honest..I know God's blessing will ensure that my body is physically good till a ripe old age. And maybe thats why till now..I still let myself dream of doing more things..Maybe its also got to do with hanging with students more..they keep me young and dreamy? hahaha

Anyway...Im just babbling again...

Sadly my hand hurts now and I dont know why. Cant press down on it. Hmmm

God Bless

Get ready for a busy week for the next 3wks!!!

2010-06-10T19:22:00.000+08:00

Preparing for Robocup now and right after that is Spore Intl Water Festival.

In the midst, got SPARC & Comperes Camp and SP JCC Camp...hmmm

Im gonna believe God for the wisdom and peace and inklings to know what to do. :D
Im also believeing for a good batch of students and batch of XCO for this acad year.

and did I mention? ITS THUR!!! TOM IS FRI!!!

Had dinner 2 nights back with my sis and her bf. :) Somehow I still see a childlike thing in them..the jokes they make..the silly thigns they do and it makes me smile coz Im happy for my sis. Someone to keep her young. :)
Also felt privileged to be with them..something like how you as a kid would always wanna be part of what your older siblings are into. Same but not as clingy. :P

K Im rambling...:)

Also note to self: not to buy so many cds! Time to stop!
I know I wanna train my ear to hear good music..hope it will help with my audio "evaluation kills" hahaha
But money wouldnt let me hahahaha

K shall stop here.

God Bless!!

Yes Im feeling ugly....

2010-06-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

Ever done something that u regret..something that showed a side of you that U later felt was despicable? that was rude and mean? Yep...

Because of that..I felt ugly...and i still feel ugly...

I know I pissed u off...gave u a side of me that u would bitch to no end about...and while I did that in a wrong method...I was compelled to do it...compelled with a lack of sense...so I apologize. Im sorry. Its not lying..I really do still love you yah.

I guess its only better that i dnt name names...but you know who you are. I dnt know if you read this though hahaha

I believe that I also cud have done things to you that I didnt even know I did. And you kept it to urself...I apologize too.

As for you! You who caused me all the headaches..who got me in a state of confusion...who made me lose my cool....I dnt blame you....I am to blame too. I wish there cud be a way to detach you from your irritatingness because Id like u alot better that way...but life isnt fair.
Pity u saw my ugly side...coz thats the last I want to show anyone. Im sorry if I let u down then...
In fact wud have loved for us to be friends...but it seems we will be stuck to being only acquiantances...
And for the good of both of us..that wud be the best :)

Have this urge to do aikido and hip hop dance again. :P anyone wanna join me? I need a partner!!!
Also need Cikgu's help with audio..
The mind will never be too old to learn things!

God Bless!

Love is a many irritating thing...

2010-06-07T18:55:00.000+08:00

Finally..after such a long while..back to blogging my june entry.

Funny how I used to do this every week in the past..but now..not really.

Im starting to realize just how fast time flies. my 2nd youngest cousin is a grown up guy studying in US..and my youngest cousin in his last or 2nd yr in Poly.
My best friend's cousins (who were small when she was in poly) are in sec sch or army!
Time truly flies..my grandma's 1 yr death anniversary was last week.

The more I think about it..the more I could feel depressed seeing so many other people getting to places when Im still crawling through life..and I have no one to blame but my slothful self...I guess u can say I should be seeing things from a positive point of view..ie: now that I realize it..time to speed up.
Yes..true.. I will!

Aside from all this...I realize that I have lesser stuff to say these days...Im dry out of words and things to blog about..coz alot of things have lost their importance in my heart...hmmm

K enuff said...

God Bless