Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

For the past few days, Ive never ended the day without being thankful of the bros and sisters that I have. I am truly blessed...not that ive never seen it...just that we all forget....

I spent an evening with my cousins yesterday and much as they are younger than me and we had never really been close...somehow..my auntie's death made us closer...I thank her for this and I thank God for bringing us together. We had fun watching Casino Royale..despite a bunch of stupid idiots laughing aloud like a bunch of deranged hyenas..at everything...I swore to myself that if I would bump into any of them..and they irritated my cousins..Id give them a piece of my mind...only a piece...they dont deserve my wasting brain cells... I resolve to spend more time with them...because somehow or rather..I really do love them and them being cousins...its rare to have so close cousins...I treasure that...dont ask me abt my immediate family..I really am trying..

Work as been worrying..due to my own neglect and Im geting very worried abt my working speed etc..but I do believce that God is there...there is nothing to worry abt when God is with me all the way. Y0u may not get what I mean but when you do learn that God really does love you..even when you feelt hat nobody does...it is truly..heart fulfilling....I am happy!

As for all the bros I have...God take care of them...bless them Father. my dear sisters and real sister.....I love all of them...even when I sometimes dont show. They are all blessings to me..someone who has a head up there and stubborn etc....shake your heads and sigh..yes I know...Im a problem at times hahahahha So out of all that...Im so surprised that people will say that Im so approachablke and that they can speak to me abt their probs..it is..a privilage....truly is and while I listen to all that...I also pray to God that I cud dispell some good advice that would help them....but it needs praying...coz I never thought I could give good advice..only that which God provides...It would be my privilage if God would speak to him/her through me...even if its a simple advice of.."dont worry..everything will be fine" And if at this moment you are troubled and needed advice or comfort and that advice I just said...helped you....Then I know its meant for you. Know that He asked me to pass this msg to you. :)

I came out of church feeling really blessed and relieved today.... I hope that all of you will one day feel how I feel. :P He is great...His love is good...His embrace is warm...

K gotta go...lastly.....something I know in my heart....God does love you..You! Me! All of us! But most importantly..you!

Ive just been inspired to write a christian song for Him..He deserves my every praise and I believe that the talent that He's given me...was meant to be used int he right areas...one would be this.

God Bless!

Rain

Had a friend send me this..isnt the 1st time but this time it rings because it means more to me...

Its an analogy abt God and how He loves us.
Rain falling is like us sinning, the wind shield wipers are like Jesus washing us of our sins...And when the rain keeps pouring, it means we keep sinning...but guess what! Jesus keeps washing our sins away.

I used to think that being loved by God was somehitng I had to earn..something that required millions of good deeds to earn his favour...but the actual fact and wonderful fact is....no matter how we use good deeds to clear our sin, it doesnt work...so it hit me how hard it was.....I think I gave up after awhile..thinking about how fake it would be to drag myself to do things just to please God...I wasnt using my heart...I was following a rule....
But guess what, I realize now that no matter how heavy the rain pours...God still wipes it off! Not cause we've applied RainX to our car windows..or we've been angels...but because He loves us! Simple...no terms and conditions, no strings attached. He made us and He loves us, even when we can be mean and vulgar and bitchy...so unlike what He wants...
I can imagine Him, shaking His head everytime we do something wrong..yet..his heart is soft and in that crooked disagreeing lips of His, is a small "what am I gonna do with you my child" smile.....
Thats about the same thing as when the people we love, do something wrong and much as you are angry or dissappointed...you cant bare to leave them...you still love them and care for them.
And amazing thing abt dissappointment and anger...towards people sorta means you care. If you didnt, how would you even be able to conjure up any feeling?

Im in the office now..work work work...times have been tough..but the tougher days were during the musical...that was nasty.... Now, Im gettng the hang of things....Soo many things I wanna do but procedure makes me take small steps...thats how it is w all organisations so what can I say.

From the apprehension I had intially....Im not energized byt he things Im hoping to do..and guess what! Im actually very happy to work with students etc! :)

Got an office now, got pictures around...

God, you are my father...my heavenly father..Im am never too discouraged by anything because you are there for me! Thank you Jesus for bringing me back to our Father's place.

God Bless

God...dont let that thing happen to me again....no more

Ive been frustrated recently... work and all, family and all, feelings and all...

feelings never stop until we find someone we love...but the extent of the feeling is different.... Right now, Im sure I have feelings...but Im not so sure that they're good to be worked upon...or rather...I dont want to work upon them...practical reasons...

If you're worried that Id fall into another inter-racial...Im not. Somehow much as I have a thing for indians....doesnt mean I need to get one...so rest assured my fine chinese friends..Im very much chinese as any chinese girl, minus looks and language.... hehehe

TO be honest, Id much rather see veryone I love be happy....Im ok being sad :)

K meeting! Love you guys! Ciaos

haiz...

Yesterday, had a long chat w my dad. the fact that its a chat... its a controlled discussion...havnt had that since I asked him about my ex..but nvm abt that..that is all over.

Just had my club's Halloween Party and I never knew how damn talented and wild this bunch is! They can draw and paint etc and they listen to techno and watever song makes them dance! I cant help but feel proud of them..makes me wanna work harder for them...just gotta make sure im not bullied. Hmm nah I think it'll be okay... I think Ive managed to gel w them quite well...

For the past few months, some of my close fren's frens or reatives have passed away and its quite queer to see it happening as often as this...Satan is at work...All I know is that nothing will happen in my family! Amen!

Work is okay...stessed at times but Im trying to get my engine to full speed.

Anyway...just went to guardian (healthcare shop) just now and as I was browsing the store, one of the ladies next to me, asked me the price of the prod.....do I look like Im working here?!?!?! Haiz....

My hope is to, get more stable and focused and get things done...I dotn wanna get distracted again....too much stuff is happening and Im trying to hide from them cause facing it would be opening the door to more trouble. I thank God for being my father. :) He watches me and keeps me safe...all I have to do is look to Him and everythingelse seems smaller...How Powerful is He!
Wish everybodyelse could feel the same way. its like how I used to say....you wont know how it feel slike to love...until you do fall in love. Ive ....seen and felt the "Crazy in Love" aspect.... hahahah Ive just been sane enough to not do STUPID things!

Couldnt believe it when my dad actually asked if I was drinking or taking drugs....it hurt that he asked that...but I knew he meant well...so instead of showing how dissappointed I was....I said.."no im not taking drugs" in teh most neutral tired state that I was. I paused before saying that, letting the qn sink in to both our heads...wondering if he realized how ridiculous the qn was....I wouldnt do drugs or drink or even smoke because since young, I learnt how bad those are for me. Sigh..cant stop parents from worrying..yet I have to stop them from controlling what I do...or I will never have the peace I need to get stuff done. :p

K gonna go. Sunday is a rest day..I need to rest.

God Bless

I cried

Wow its been awhile since I last cried like that....it hurt but Im fine now. God is with me all the way.

The long long dead relationship that I guess I tried to keep alive sooo much..is really now dead. No more disillusions...cause right fromt he horses mouth..I knew my fate...it really hurt but I finally felt the knife. :) And Im honestly smiling coz Im glad its really really really over!

I called my fren that night and honestly much as I wanted to talk...I didnt know what to say...as it is in my state...Ive gone past understanding..I dwelt int he hole too long for people to even save me. Of rather as some frens would say...they've thrown the rope for me to catch..it just depends on whether I wanted to hold it.

But Ive grabbed hold of the rope... I turn back to see the wreckage and sigh but I hold on for life because I dont have a choice anymore.

Pity for me..is to put in soo much for nothing. Pity I used to tell myself that the 1st is the last...pity...but who ever said life was fair huh....

Anyway...Im trying my best to go by God's book and live a life that He wants...cause if its the 1st as the last, God is my 1st and my last. Im not saying that nobody will come my way...more like..God always comes 1st. Praise Him in the tough trials and the best moments..because He is always there!

God Bless you all!