And of course Im just a regular human being

After meeting a bunch of ex students/old friends, i realised that sometimes...Im just a silly fool to think that after so many years of not meeting up, that I could expect things to be as they were before I left. And this time round I left the place feeling like I shunt have turned up or shudnt have joined in....

That maybe I shud have been more attentive at the signs..that maybe inviting me was a polite gesture and not an earnest invite. And if this was true...Im such a fool...

We all choose to think that we ware better and more valuable people than we are and things like that remind me of how truly small my circle of close friends are..and maybe I am just such a terrible and unappreciative human in people's eyes...

And these close friends of mine, are just the nicest most forgiving people I know...who tolerate me for who I am, or just have not known me enough to see my true colours, end hence, still have the tolerance and love for me...

So I sat at my void deck, stomaching this revelation and fighting back tears, because I realise how small of a person I am..how ignorantly silly...and unobservant I am...

I guess Ive been (as my colleague had once said) too innocent...

I guess I am just disappointed w myself.. and a small part of me is disappointed with others...

This is Me. Im not perfect and I might be an annoying person... Im sorry in advance...

God Bless

random much

So recently, my friend asked me to be a part of his band. Im pleasantly surprised and it was a lot of fun to sing for them. Of course Im not the lead singer at all and its understandable. But being able to be part of a band, working to get my singing right and hopefully eventually playing the keyboard..its exciting. Gonna work at it. This will be my only chance to really be in a band. Even though, all of them are Malay.
Truly..I dont think I've ever been very chinese when my friends are mostly malay and indian...
Also, Ive been keeping myself busy with other things like swimming and zumba. Thanks to Alan & Carrie, Ive kept going.  Ive also been going with my sis to pilates and also to zumba with Cal & Naz.
:) I guess my aim is to lose more weight..be more toned. :P
As for other things, everything is quite the same... which is annoying..need change..improvement
Been abit moodier recently...think time is making me agitated more easily...
to be honest, i know that me not having that someone is making me abit frustrated. I can't depend on any of my friends not because they're not reliable..but because...I can't let them take that on. They have their own lives...Puneet, Sonal, Cal, Neetz, Naz etc..love them to bits...but I need someone...

God Bless

I will cry...

will i cry for you sir?
and if i do, how many tears will flow?
how much do you mean to me?
to Singapore?
the things you've done for our nation,
the value of those things,
the sweat, tears, words of motivation.
what does that amount?

all that You've given to this island.
a teen amongst the nations older.
yet
the controversies that spin around like the black widow's web.
trying ever, ever trying to tarnish those white uniforms.

minus that from the whole of your works.
Will that make me cry for you sir?
Will that make my tears flow like the others next to me?

....Maybe i will
....i will
i will cry for you.
for your works, your sacrifice
you made this nation a worthy home.
I learnt that, whilst away from home.

but more so...
because you are but a human
who took the hardest tasks of believing
who still went home to a family of 5 after
after working for the family of millions tirelessly
who guided this lion cub with an iron fist connected to an understanding heart
who loved, loved your kids and wife with a tender invisible touch..

I will cry Sir
Cry as I say farewell
tears of joy for your release
tears of sadness for our lose
tears of gratitude for your tireless service
and tears of regret for not understanding till now
~~~

Thank you Mr Lee

setting goals again

This week, I pat myself on the back for being able to swim. Remembering that just last year, I embarked on my goal to take lessons and learn how to swim. Albeit I'm no where near getting the butterfly..but Ive got the freestyle and breast stroke. No Im not perfect with them.

This year, I need to set new learning goals.

Cycling and playing the guitar...

Yes..I cant cycle. The same response when I told people that I cant swim...

So I do want to learn how to cycle this year.

As for learning the guitar, I've had my guitar for years and since JC times, I've never really touched it.. need to do so now... again..

Its time...

God Bless

sick, party, reality check

Been sick the past few days. All started with a sore throat that grew into a monster of a fever, headache and running nose etc. That coupled by some smelly nonsense in school and that made my thursday quite shit. I took leave on friday...

But saturday was like a dream... us sistas heading to a yacht for a sista's birthday, playing music that pleased the crowd and decking up the place with simple buntings.. Feeling the wind in my face as we ride the waves... and thought back on when it was that Id last sat a boat like that... realising that it was my ex who put us on a bumboat ride around the Singapore river hahahaha because he had no money to out us on a yacht or cruise ship hahaha. Dont worry Im not being emotional. Its all past now.
In fact, if anything at all, Im happy that I managed to enjoy this yachting experience with my sistas! And that the birthday girl is happy with the surprise.

Im thankful that I was healthy enough to go and help despite knowing that i was perspiring abit more than usual just hanging buntings and that I wasn't in my most alert of minds..One of those out of body experiences..

I proved that i was an indian by my song selections. It would have made Sonal and Puneet proud too.
All the hindi songs and bhangra etc

We had the best time last night. :)

Then as I lay down on my bed last night... I realised that Im so glad I have this bunch of friends...none of them are chinese actually...my best friends are mostly Indian. My farmily is chinese yes but more western... and like Puneet said, I was one in a million. My character is so unique that I'm the centrespace between the cultures that actually appreciates the best of all the worlds.
Thats me...and Maybe being one in a million isn't that good a thing anymore...coz its a lot harder to find the other one in million...adding on to the small probability that the next one would be a chinese male.

So as I lay in my bed...i realised that maybe...just maybe..I will be alone in this world. surrounded by amazing friends and family etc. But maybe...this world hasn't made enough oddballs like me.

All I know is that I dot wanna lose my friends...ideally, I want someone who can assimilate into all my groups of friends..especially the ones dearest to me. Coz they are family...