Love

Whilst walking to the train station and listening to a long song. I small empty feeling sorta surfaced. My head started thinking and this is what came out..

Love is knowing that the person would slow down his life if he needs to, to care for you. But not wanting him to do so because you know that you dnt want to be his stumbling block to his dream chasing. Its forcing yourself to say no because it's better for her, when what your heart really wants to shout out is an earth shattering YES. Is feeling weak and not having the strength to carry on, except for the spark of strength gained from the mere silhouette of a person whom you constantly remind yourself that he/she is the one that you are "fighting" for. Is to feel so much for a person that if you could, you'd envelope them in your arms forever, yet fearing that the strength and love you have in you, could hurt them, that you hold it back. Love is a contradicting matter. Some people choose to cast it off from their beings but it will never be possible. The same passion to cast it off, is the same passion that will be overwhelmed by it. Let love come and liken it to be a rose that is delicate and sweet smelling yet carries with it a sting which reminds you not to take love easily, but think twice of whether you would risk being pierced to obtain it. When you do pluck it, dnt take it for granted, display it and treasure it.

I put it on FB whilst on the train.

Of course love is more than this. And i gather that maybe I've forgotten half of what love is...
What i remember is the love my family and friends have given me.

Just can't wait for the moment when I know that I want feel bad for needing to talk to the person I love. Because Id know that he's all mine. 

God Bless

Letting go...

Dont start thinking that its about a guy. its not...

Today I felt the hot tears and the strain from my gritted teeth as I finally decided that somethings are just not worth fighting for. And you may find it ridiculous, silly, over emotional for me to actually feel so much for a club that Im looking after..but it is so. And knowing how silly these feelings of mine are, I decided to stop worrying about them and let them do their job. Despite having a gut feeling that they are heading in the wrong direction.

Maybe finally I can let it go. dont worry about whether this club is surviving..because i am washing my hands off them...

Admittedly Ive always had a fav club and with this happening, Im can finally be a more objective officer. Of course I do need to apologise to the other clubs I look after... I have not been fair..

Honestly, I feel disappointed. I do... And it will take time for me to get over that and look at them like any other of my clubs. Instead of constantly feeling the pinch.

*shrugs*

oh well.... shit happens...

God bless

First gig...

Saturday was nerve wrecking. took us a long time to come together to play a gig and i was so nervous that I forgot lyrics. Thankfully it was a small crowd and forgiving but I felt so bad...

Anyway as first gigs go, everyone is telling me that its fine and I just have to keep working at it..

The only thing stopping me from backing out, is that I might not want to go back to this if i give up now. Also that (only because they are friends of mine) I dont want to back out on them. If they decide that Im not up to it, then i guess...

Anyway..I need a few days to recover..then go back and look at the videos to see how to improve. it would be akin to having my meat sliced off again..but I have to do it no?

I have to...

God Bless

And of course Im just a regular human being

After meeting a bunch of ex students/old friends, i realised that sometimes...Im just a silly fool to think that after so many years of not meeting up, that I could expect things to be as they were before I left. And this time round I left the place feeling like I shunt have turned up or shudnt have joined in....

That maybe I shud have been more attentive at the signs..that maybe inviting me was a polite gesture and not an earnest invite. And if this was true...Im such a fool...

We all choose to think that we ware better and more valuable people than we are and things like that remind me of how truly small my circle of close friends are..and maybe I am just such a terrible and unappreciative human in people's eyes...

And these close friends of mine, are just the nicest most forgiving people I know...who tolerate me for who I am, or just have not known me enough to see my true colours, end hence, still have the tolerance and love for me...

So I sat at my void deck, stomaching this revelation and fighting back tears, because I realise how small of a person I am..how ignorantly silly...and unobservant I am...

I guess Ive been (as my colleague had once said) too innocent...

I guess I am just disappointed w myself.. and a small part of me is disappointed with others...

This is Me. Im not perfect and I might be an annoying person... Im sorry in advance...

God Bless

random much

So recently, my friend asked me to be a part of his band. Im pleasantly surprised and it was a lot of fun to sing for them. Of course Im not the lead singer at all and its understandable. But being able to be part of a band, working to get my singing right and hopefully eventually playing the keyboard..its exciting. Gonna work at it. This will be my only chance to really be in a band. Even though, all of them are Malay.
Truly..I dont think I've ever been very chinese when my friends are mostly malay and indian...
Also, Ive been keeping myself busy with other things like swimming and zumba. Thanks to Alan & Carrie, Ive kept going.  Ive also been going with my sis to pilates and also to zumba with Cal & Naz.
:) I guess my aim is to lose more weight..be more toned. :P
As for other things, everything is quite the same... which is annoying..need change..improvement
Been abit moodier recently...think time is making me agitated more easily...
to be honest, i know that me not having that someone is making me abit frustrated. I can't depend on any of my friends not because they're not reliable..but because...I can't let them take that on. They have their own lives...Puneet, Sonal, Cal, Neetz, Naz etc..love them to bits...but I need someone...

God Bless