Feeling damn sad...

6 days before I fly over and Im getting slightly emo.

Been trying to clear my room...office and house. both are hard... As I cleared alot fo stuff from my office, I was feeling abit sad and reminised about how my years in DSD has been...the photos, the flowers, the songs that have become more meaningful to me..Eg: Hey Soul Sister, The Man Who Cant Be Moved, River Runs In You, Drip Drop, etc

I went to see my grandpa yesterday and I wasnt feeling very happy because the morning, I was woken up by my mum who then proceeded to nag at me to visit my grandpa..in a particular tone, implying that I didnt care abt him. Truth is, if I think about leaving my grandpa for so long, I get emotional. He is my one and only grandpa...and I love him to bits! He's not a grumpy old man, he's got the stubborness of a small boy at times but he's also a humourous quiet man....

And to be honest, I can safely say that aside from my grandpa, I dnt think id cry for any other relative when I leave because I wont feel tha same affection. Not that the others dont matter to me. My cousins and my niece and nephew  do...but I know they can look after themselves. But sad to say...I dnt klnow if i'll say the same for my parents. Its not about them not being perfect...its more abt them not being mature enough to handle their relationship and each other. And they have no maturity to handle their own children. Yes they have been dissappointing. I respect them obviously...but my love for them isnt the kind that would make me wanna share everything I know or feel with them..because..maybe...since young, I never received the verbal affection, reinforcement of love...that would convince me that they do love me and regard me as special as compared to other people they compare me to....

my mum will be going w me and I suspect that this s because my dad forcedf her and because she doesnt want to...she's subconsciously taking it out on me. Shes shows her irritation on me but most of it are not for me but she evidently becomes especially angry now even when I make small mistakes. Haiz...