Melbourne Trip

Okay after 3mins, I finally got the textbox working...
So anyway, its the last day of holiday which isnt the best day for me but enough of that, Melbourne trip.Its sad that it only occured to me that I was alone on this trip  when I was walking to the plane coming home. Albeit that I was staying at my relative's place...but I was essentially travelling to and fro melbourne alone.It started off with me not sleeping the night before I left. With Ian, Stephen and Fran on skype, that made things easier. Getting my butt to the airport wasnt as expected. Missed the bus by less than 1 minute and ended up taking a cab. Got to the airport, checked in my bag and proceeded to my gate. All was cool and I was quite excited despite being sleepy. Almost collapsed when I fell asleep standing. Slept on teh plane. Was an hour plane trip.

The descend onto the airport runway was beautiful!. As the plane went in, the neighbouring carpark had rows of cars that reflected the morning sun. So row by row they would "light up" Like 70's disco floor  lights that light up square by square. Only this was brighter. Amazing.

There wasnt the moveable corridoor that other airports had so we had to get off hte plane, onto the tarmac and walk towards the arrival hall. 1st time. call me noob then.

I got out of the customs and went to get my bus ticket to the city. Having done so, picked my luggage and went tot he bus. The bus ride was relaxing because the airport was out in the "oo loo-iest" country suburbs that most of hte bus ride was going through farmland. 50mins worth. It was relaxing and the closer I got to the city, the more excited I got.

Stopped at Southern Cross Station and proceeded to walk down to the Crown to watch ny nephew and niece dance. :) Got in,watched and cheered. well...silent cheering hahah

I admit I wantedf to go and see how dancesport competitions were like, as well as to be morale support to my niece and nephew hahahah that probbably didnt turn out as planned because I fell asleep at times (definitely the one they were in) and we were quite far away. On hindsight, should have just sat with them as my nephew offered...but it felt abit funny to be sitting with dancers...abit (as singaporeans say it) "Zor Dang"

So after the competition, we had dinner at a japanese restaurant together with Foong's dad and Laura's husband. Fabulous sashimi but bloody expensive. And the running topic was how gay the waiters were. hmmmThe next 2 days were on my own. pity because everyone was working. Which is fine because I really wanted to get my essay done..except that my determination to finish essays was screwed. I took that time to meet my friends as well. Poh Ling, Eric, Timothy, Zeeson.. So it was either visintg hte city or staying at home. I managed to meet many of my distant relatives and learnt that I now had 1 grand niece and 1 grand nephew in Melbourne. And I got to see Kee again after such a loonnnggg time! He's lost much weight..I think the thing I hated most in melbourne was not being able to provide my own easy transport. And being a typical Singaporean Chinese...brought up with mum's nagging...I felt uncomfortable just letting my relatives send me around as and when I needed.. I hated that...So badly that I resorted to finding my own way home from the train station.I guess I hated being a burden..I wanted as much to just leave the planning to their convenience because I hated making them go an extra inch for me. So Id try to plan my own day with as much trouble for them as possible.Admittedly, i also wished I had spent more time with them. I wished that I had planned all my friend gatherings at the time that my relatives were not free..so that I could be there when they had more free time. Shit..But even then...that would have been weird for me too because I didnt want to be a trailing auntie. That everywhere my nephew went, Id follow hahahaha That would be terribly akward.  In fact, just being there with him and his dance friends...was...not entirely uncomfortable...more that I didnt have anything to say and hence felt out of place...not that I didnt want to meet his friends..not that I was being antisocial...more that I really didnt seem like I fit in...hmmNot all of his friends are that way by the way.
So other stuff that happened..I did value the time I had with ym old friends too. To check up on how they are doing and see how their lives are like. I went down to Uni Melbourne to have a look...nice old school in fact..walked around it with Eric. Took pics of the ISC there. The size of teh clubhouse would have made SP ISC drool hahahahabut back to family..I just ended up in a dilemma of wanting to spend more time with my nephew but definitely didnt want to be clingish and in my head..I somehow felt that that was really wrong...... I think its coz when I 1st came to melbourne, I was a kid and he was the only other kid I could play with, draw and colour with, run around the house with. And I had felt a very strong bond with him...like he was my brother. No jokes and Im not taking this brother thing lightly. Him and my other 2 cousins in US are my closest Blood related brothers. I love all 3 of them to bits and I guess I really regret not having been able to spend more of my childhood years with them each. Because I miss tussling and wrestling and being kiddish with them. So in the sense, I feel abit dissappointed that I couldnt relive that fun playful time when we're all grownups. or maybe I let my age and status get in the way... especially for my nephew and I..this whole auntie thing made me feel like I had to be the more mature one... which sucks...I want to be the one who cn still be a kid and have fun and snuggle up into a ball with my cousins and nephew, and tease and crack lame jokes with them...we grew up too fast.I had alot of chocolate on this trip...Koko black, Max Brenners, Haigh... loved it.. ALso bought some chocs to Sydney. not gonna last very long...but oh well....So the night before yesterday I stayed up all night again..so that I wudnt oversleep. my nephew sent me to the airport on time but my plane got delayed...that could have given me enough hours to even consider sleeping the night before! The hours spent not sleeping was spent on chatting with my niece (who is 7 years my seniors) About dance, about the big family tree..Despite the dissappointment, I am glad that I am still quite close to my nephew and niece. Why? because for starters we are distant relatives..their grandma is my grandma's niece...we're not even within the same great grandma or same grandma. So we're really very distant relatives. Yet to be able to have such a relationship with them is really rare even for a big family.All thsi makes me miss my cousins in US even more and makes me miss my family of bros and sisters...At this very moment, I really really need to huddle up to all of them...have all of us squeeze onto a sofa or bed, under covers, watch random shit on tv, with popcorn...for 1 entire nght. doesnt matter if any of us fall asleep..we just fall asleep in the midst of each other..its cramped but its very cosy...need allt eh physical hugs I can get...Call me silly and say that I dont have a childhood but I also didnt have a close knitted direct family..This si random but I really really think that for a child to feel loved, physical touch is important. Hugs, hair tussels, holding of hands, its needed..truly. So as I walked onto the melbourne tarmac again...it hit me that I had been on this trip on my own..my 1st plane trip alone.. I had started to feel quite shitty before hte trip ended..Anyway about my descend onto Sydney..before descending, we came to a whole sheet of clouds. white clouds..a whole carpet of it...no gaps int eh middle to show land. as we got lower to the sheet of clouds, the sun rays started to reflect more and the clouds started to change to a sheet of pink cotton floss. As we moved down through the sheet of clouds, its was just pink for a while until we got out and instantly, there were raindrops on my window. Yes Sydney was raining...in fact yesterday and today was raining...
Got home, slept till evening, had dinner with Tom (my classmate), slept till today morning....did my essay, had lunch........didnt have mood today...no mood at all.
Really needed physical hugs today..needed to huddle up with bros and sistas...suffering from Melbourne withdrawal syndrome...regret not having enough time....all sorts of nonsense feelings...some warranted..some not...

I know Il be fine soon..but just feel absolutely ridiculous today hahaha Haiz....might not even have dinner coz Ive no appetite...just wanna sleep and get rid of this irritating headache I have...

God bless

Happiness pops out at the darkest places

In the midst of a series of sad things happening, 2 things happened that made me a much happier person. 1, my grandpa asked to be baptized this week and he is gonna be baptized today :) 2), one of my best friends is attached.

For the 1st, I praise god for giving him that want. I also pray that god will keep guiding him towards Him. That he will eventually be in heaven. Praise the Lord Almighty!

The 2nd: I'm so happy that he's found his love. We've had a hard few years. At least he's found someone to share it with. Not that I'm not close enough to him to share his joy and pain... But theres only so much even a best friend will know.

Hmm this emo season is abit worse than I thought. I found myself asking and thinking about the past (past that shouldn't be dug up and should never be spoken of) found myself being upset or scared of things that I normally wouldn't.

Hmmm anyway, today is the last day in Melbourne. Feel sad because I wish it'd last longer but at the same time, I feel like I shouldn't impose on my relatives. I know it's an old fashioned thinking but I do feel like that alot ... Oh well..
K gonna go.. Heading to Cory now.

God bless!

People emo, I also emo

So much has been happening in Singapore and aroun me that I couldn't help to emo abit haha.. Oh well at least it's only monthly. Cut me some slack you!

Anyway, I've been pushed into remembrance of my little past. It sucks to know that people I know feel pain and sadness that I had once had been flooded with. And to want to help them yet not know how... All one can do sometimes is to knod in agreement...

Anyway, yap abit of emo-ness did affect abit of my day. Also because I didn't sleep, I've been quite groggy today. Body shutting down at random parts of the day.

Glad that I managed to meet Ling and Tim and Eric in this week... Much catching up done. :)

God, nobody is able to fully express what they feel because of lack of words/pride/pain etc but I know and am relieved that You are with me, in me, looking down on me. Reading my thoughts and feelings like an open book. That I wouldnt even need to speak in words. Jut close my eyes, tilt my face to the wind and smile. Afterall, it is done.

Too many people whom I love God. Keep them in your watch too because their happiness does affection and I do love them. :)

God Bless