Day 1 @ Hairstyling School
Day 1 @ Home - Day 2 Planning
Day 2 @ Local schoolThats all for now folks! Stay tuned to another edition of Ning's Medan Trip in the next entry! Coming Soon!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Medan pics day 1 & 2
Day 2 @ Local school
Medan Day 1& 2
Day 1:
1st time leading students overseas, it got me quite nervous coz I didnt want to do stupid things or let them do stupid things and get people hurt. Shud I be he officer or the silly crazy sister?
Met them at the airport and right away, we started crapping. Likewise, due to my easiness, I became more of a student than an officer hahaha And while all of you will agree that Im a true master of crap, MBA and PHD all...I have given up my post to my student Peili hahahaha She is the Lame God! I hope I dont forget any of her lame comments. Chances are that ive already forgotten some coz they are just too lame..too cold for me to register.
Im really glad for the students that came. It was a good mix and a good frequency between all of us. Esp with pple like Malcolm, Isa, Nesh, Cherng Lin, Thura etc What a truly crappy bunch! Once again they learnt the hard way of my high frequenciness Hahahahahha
We had breakfast at mac b4 we left then had plane food breakfast, and just when we thought it was enough, our hosts gave us another heavy breakfast that I cudnt refuse..manners mah!
We went to the kidney diaysis centre, blind massage center and hairstyling sch etc Nature small bro kept calling and I tried to hold it like mad...call me insecure abt the local toilet..but eventually, I just told myself that nothing cud be worse than LiuKu's toilet hahahahaha China my friend! China!
After that, we went to see alot of other places even the local indian temple, before settling for dinner with the local medan youth group.
Day 2
The 1st trip to the school. This school was run down by spore standards. The students ranged from Kindergarden to sec school. Sec 6 to be exact. The smallest kids got the better room while the bigger kids got no fan, no white board. We entertained and taught the small kids english by using balloons..but when we came down to sec sch kids, balloons cudnt do the job anymore so we resorted to playing hangman. Using whatever english textbook they had, we set questions and we kept having to raise our standards because some of them were too easy hahahha Some of them were cute and some pretty, some of them handsome..hahah had some of my students admiring them too hahahaha...kids!
That took up alot of the day. Thanks to medan's cooling and non-humid weather, we had no probs walking in the rain hahahha i loved the weather there man! We had lunch then went to the local wet market for awhile to see. If you thought local wet market was bad, you wud be claustrophobic if we came to this one. There left no space for squatting or jumping or idling chating, there left alot of opportunities to pickpocket though and I always kept my hands to my stuff.
Some of my students went to try out the blind massage. Seems that it was very good..alot of cracks heard hahahah I for one didnt go and decided to have a nap from the long day.
Dinner was with the local medan youth. We always met up during dinner and fromt he mere 6 days, we made alot of frens with them hahaah some even surprised me with their music! Hindi songs man! Given how out of 100 indonesian folks, only 1 or 2 wud be indian, and this guy wasnt even indian, he had Hindi songs! Wohooo! spread the love man!
BY the time we got home, we were soo tired that we sat on the couch and talked. From 12 to 3 plus, we just chatted about music and everything..even work and school and SAA. If seems they had a few doubts int he system and I cleared it out with them coz there are alot of thnigs they dont know. Some were saying that SAA officers were very strict abt rules etc...and I cleared it out that it was really for their own good. A very good chat it was...I got to know them better and likewise. :)
End of day 1& 2!
God Bless!
1st time leading students overseas, it got me quite nervous coz I didnt want to do stupid things or let them do stupid things and get people hurt. Shud I be he officer or the silly crazy sister?
Met them at the airport and right away, we started crapping. Likewise, due to my easiness, I became more of a student than an officer hahaha And while all of you will agree that Im a true master of crap, MBA and PHD all...I have given up my post to my student Peili hahahaha She is the Lame God! I hope I dont forget any of her lame comments. Chances are that ive already forgotten some coz they are just too lame..too cold for me to register.
Im really glad for the students that came. It was a good mix and a good frequency between all of us. Esp with pple like Malcolm, Isa, Nesh, Cherng Lin, Thura etc What a truly crappy bunch! Once again they learnt the hard way of my high frequenciness Hahahahahha
We had breakfast at mac b4 we left then had plane food breakfast, and just when we thought it was enough, our hosts gave us another heavy breakfast that I cudnt refuse..manners mah!
We went to the kidney diaysis centre, blind massage center and hairstyling sch etc Nature small bro kept calling and I tried to hold it like mad...call me insecure abt the local toilet..but eventually, I just told myself that nothing cud be worse than LiuKu's toilet hahahahaha China my friend! China!
After that, we went to see alot of other places even the local indian temple, before settling for dinner with the local medan youth group.
Day 2
The 1st trip to the school. This school was run down by spore standards. The students ranged from Kindergarden to sec school. Sec 6 to be exact. The smallest kids got the better room while the bigger kids got no fan, no white board. We entertained and taught the small kids english by using balloons..but when we came down to sec sch kids, balloons cudnt do the job anymore so we resorted to playing hangman. Using whatever english textbook they had, we set questions and we kept having to raise our standards because some of them were too easy hahahha Some of them were cute and some pretty, some of them handsome..hahah had some of my students admiring them too hahahaha...kids!
That took up alot of the day. Thanks to medan's cooling and non-humid weather, we had no probs walking in the rain hahahha i loved the weather there man! We had lunch then went to the local wet market for awhile to see. If you thought local wet market was bad, you wud be claustrophobic if we came to this one. There left no space for squatting or jumping or idling chating, there left alot of opportunities to pickpocket though and I always kept my hands to my stuff.
Some of my students went to try out the blind massage. Seems that it was very good..alot of cracks heard hahahah I for one didnt go and decided to have a nap from the long day.
Dinner was with the local medan youth. We always met up during dinner and fromt he mere 6 days, we made alot of frens with them hahaah some even surprised me with their music! Hindi songs man! Given how out of 100 indonesian folks, only 1 or 2 wud be indian, and this guy wasnt even indian, he had Hindi songs! Wohooo! spread the love man!
BY the time we got home, we were soo tired that we sat on the couch and talked. From 12 to 3 plus, we just chatted about music and everything..even work and school and SAA. If seems they had a few doubts int he system and I cleared it out with them coz there are alot of thnigs they dont know. Some were saying that SAA officers were very strict abt rules etc...and I cleared it out that it was really for their own good. A very good chat it was...I got to know them better and likewise. :)
End of day 1& 2!
God Bless!
Before I talk abt my Medan Trip...
I could do all my 6 days in Medan in one entry but you guys wud get so bored, you'd slide off your chair... so I'll do my entry for the past few days 1st.
Christmas was only 50% coz I missed alot on Christmas Eve, but for the 1st time, I the Santa Claus...Im glad my cousins liked the gifts, Im glad my coleagues loved my gifts too. Everythings been slow moving coz I had to readjust to my work. Got a new colleague to help with the workload and much as she's quite different from Matthew and I, I still try to gel with her hehehe
Yesterday, met with my Intl Students Club and had a singing session. I know every one of them were amazed if not, unsure of why an SAA Officer was singing with them. Honestly, I fetl abit uncomfortable being there coz status wise, I really shudnt be there. If any of them showed that they felt uncomfortable of me being there, I wud have left. Not coz Im angry..I just never liked to intrude. Like I said, one of the reasons why I dont treat them different from frens is coz they do likewise for me.
I am worried though, of what wud happen to my committement level shud I get more clubs. That wud definitely be inevitable...I dont want my committement in them to waver and I dont want them to feel that it was wavered. Coz at the end of the day, after we've all graduated, wudnt we we be frens? If not, wudnt that be a pity? Maybe its just me..the "lets make frens with everyone" person.
Anyway..Im in the office now. Back to do my work. Let me finish it.
God Bless! next entry...Medan!
Christmas was only 50% coz I missed alot on Christmas Eve, but for the 1st time, I the Santa Claus...Im glad my cousins liked the gifts, Im glad my coleagues loved my gifts too. Everythings been slow moving coz I had to readjust to my work. Got a new colleague to help with the workload and much as she's quite different from Matthew and I, I still try to gel with her hehehe
Yesterday, met with my Intl Students Club and had a singing session. I know every one of them were amazed if not, unsure of why an SAA Officer was singing with them. Honestly, I fetl abit uncomfortable being there coz status wise, I really shudnt be there. If any of them showed that they felt uncomfortable of me being there, I wud have left. Not coz Im angry..I just never liked to intrude. Like I said, one of the reasons why I dont treat them different from frens is coz they do likewise for me.
I am worried though, of what wud happen to my committement level shud I get more clubs. That wud definitely be inevitable...I dont want my committement in them to waver and I dont want them to feel that it was wavered. Coz at the end of the day, after we've all graduated, wudnt we we be frens? If not, wudnt that be a pity? Maybe its just me..the "lets make frens with everyone" person.
Anyway..Im in the office now. Back to do my work. Let me finish it.
God Bless! next entry...Medan!
Monday, December 25, 2006
Jesus was born this day 2006 years ago!
Hey Peeps! Sorry for missing for this whole week! Ive been in Indonesia, soaking the not soo hot and humid sun, and looking at lives from a different perspective!
Would love to tell you more abt it but now is Christmas, so Id love to dedicate this entry to Jesus.
Thank you Lord for coming to earth as a man and dying for all our sins. Thank you for being with me no matter where I am and how I am. Thank you for having angels look after me. Thank you for being my bridge to the heavenly Father, that I could speak to Him directly and not through sacrificed sheep and bulls etc Thank you for keeping my students and I safe through the whole trip. Thank you for getting us back safe, in a plane, on air..with angels around to keep it stable.
Today I shout out and say, "Happy Birthday Jesus Christ! Your presence is my reassurance and safety and comfort!
I dont have the Santa spirit to say "Ho Ho Ho" But it doesnt matter coz it isnt about a fat old man in red! its about you! Rudolph can go organise a techno party with his nose and I know I wudnt be missing a thing.
I love you Jesus for all you've done and are doing and will never stop doing. So where more than 1 will gather in your name today, I know you will be int he midst, smiling upon us and bless us.
To all of those I love, Merry Christmas t0o you, dont forget the real meaning of Christmas...if you dont believe it, enjoy the festival anyway and feel the warmth of this season..a season that will make even the coldest nights warm.
God Bless!
Would love to tell you more abt it but now is Christmas, so Id love to dedicate this entry to Jesus.
Thank you Lord for coming to earth as a man and dying for all our sins. Thank you for being with me no matter where I am and how I am. Thank you for having angels look after me. Thank you for being my bridge to the heavenly Father, that I could speak to Him directly and not through sacrificed sheep and bulls etc Thank you for keeping my students and I safe through the whole trip. Thank you for getting us back safe, in a plane, on air..with angels around to keep it stable.
Today I shout out and say, "Happy Birthday Jesus Christ! Your presence is my reassurance and safety and comfort!
I dont have the Santa spirit to say "Ho Ho Ho" But it doesnt matter coz it isnt about a fat old man in red! its about you! Rudolph can go organise a techno party with his nose and I know I wudnt be missing a thing.
I love you Jesus for all you've done and are doing and will never stop doing. So where more than 1 will gather in your name today, I know you will be int he midst, smiling upon us and bless us.
To all of those I love, Merry Christmas t0o you, dont forget the real meaning of Christmas...if you dont believe it, enjoy the festival anyway and feel the warmth of this season..a season that will make even the coldest nights warm.
God Bless!
Monday, December 18, 2006
To Indo I go!
Tom morning I'll be on my way to Indonesia!
lotsa stuff I dont know yet and preparing for this trip has taught me soo much stuff!Dang!
Im truly excited to go for this trip coz its really the 1st time Im going on my own..I have students going with me and much as we have a proper place to stay and all..still seems quite cool to em ahhaha
Anyway..I'll tell you guys more next time!
God Bless!
lotsa stuff I dont know yet and preparing for this trip has taught me soo much stuff!Dang!
Im truly excited to go for this trip coz its really the 1st time Im going on my own..I have students going with me and much as we have a proper place to stay and all..still seems quite cool to em ahhaha
Anyway..I'll tell you guys more next time!
God Bless!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
oh Lord...keep my heart calm
Lord, I dont wanna fall back into the trap ... I know Im going there because everytime I walk away Im bracing myself to walk off with my head held high...
I dont wanna let my emotions run wild and I dont wanna end up getting confused like how I was before...
God Bless
I dont wanna let my emotions run wild and I dont wanna end up getting confused like how I was before...
God Bless
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
pics! wohoo!
BEHOLD THE GREAT DUCK!
MY INJIAN FUMILY (indian accent) Neen unnai tadiliki raain! Pyar!
Brudda brudda brudda...model sia!All these pics are only the tip of the iceberg of my birthday last year. :) Have yet to receive my birthday pics this year hahaha haiz..gotta wait another year? Hahaha I think I need to get my ISC ones too! Hahahaha
~~~~ GOD BLESS ~~~~
Monday, December 11, 2006
The best camp....comes when the heart is put in...
B4 I start on my topic...Im glad to say that the long awaited (1yr and 2 months lng) photos of my birthday in JB..are up! MUahahahaha Thank you edwin & saad! Come to think of it...one of them is possibly leaving spore for good and I havnt been a very gd sister to him coz I keep getting pissed off with him! Haizzz..sorry bro... I also do realize that im losing a church partner...double haiz....Well bro...for the last time...stop smoking lah! Im not gonna be around to tell you that k but I hope in that way..you know I care... I finally know how my mum feels...hehehe
Moving on....and honestly..im alone in the office coz of this. was supposed to be gone for tuition by now but I really needed to blog this down...its worth 20 pages and because of this..my day started very well...
for the whole weekend, I was at a camp...ISC's leadership camp...I know Ive blogged a thousand times that I had no idea on why I was put with ISC but while I had that thought...I was also very very excited and ready to do alot of stuff for them. Maybe its coz I learnt to love them and realize how much potential they have to show people what they've got...maybe its coz my ex was the president of this group and I stupidly made it a personal resolution to bring them up to the next level...maybe its both. But while I was at the camp...at one point waiting for the lift...I prayed to God for that few mins..that He would look after them all...after my "kids"
I guess once I start to care..its hard to turn off...
I thanked God for putting me in this club...I thanked God for putting soo many things in my life that made me who I am and gave me the drive to look after this club. Note that its not the other way around yah. I thanked God for giving me my ex...that I would see malaysians or even indians in a different and more objective light than others..and realize how valuable individuality could be.
The club memebers have worked so hard for this camp and always hand in hand...I feel soooo proud for them and raise them in all respect (fist to chest) They even came up with an original game that blew me away on the 1st idea. I think at that point..my eyes lit up...
By the end of the camp...we had our sharing sessions...I made my homemade postcards and gave each memeber 4-5 sheets..I instructed them to write it to anyone in the camp whom they thought...meant alot to them. To be honest...In the back of my head...I thought of whether anyone would give me a card int he end...that lasted for a few seconds and I didnt let that thought reach my heart...coz I shoved it away. But as I instructed them...I wanted to tell them not to write any to me but I thought it would be to cocky or proud of me, so I didnt"
While we exchanged cards, we sang,"pass it on" the single song that warmed my heart as we sang because I know God has sooo much to do with this camp!
Through the camp, I wondered if God would have me spread His word to ISC...an interesting and difficult task. But as we sang..I realized that He is doing it already! Pass it on is a christian song! He kept all my members safe even in dangerous situations...Oh How I Love Him!
In our sharing session when everybody shared their views of the camp...I almost cried...because I was soo proud of them..I had utmost respect for them esp the president...and I was int he midst of my motto and in the midst of talent.
I told them my "hands to clap" theory and how they were creative, resourceful, giving and patient people....
What touched me most...was that they would actually include me in their already scare number of cards...and they would even respect me...me! I dont wanna be proud...coz I dont want to belittle..so Im staying away from that. All I can say is...I will try my best to prove to all the international students that with ISC, you DEFINITELY will not be alone... AMEN! By God's grace, AMEN!
God Bless!
Moving on....and honestly..im alone in the office coz of this. was supposed to be gone for tuition by now but I really needed to blog this down...its worth 20 pages and because of this..my day started very well...
for the whole weekend, I was at a camp...ISC's leadership camp...I know Ive blogged a thousand times that I had no idea on why I was put with ISC but while I had that thought...I was also very very excited and ready to do alot of stuff for them. Maybe its coz I learnt to love them and realize how much potential they have to show people what they've got...maybe its coz my ex was the president of this group and I stupidly made it a personal resolution to bring them up to the next level...maybe its both. But while I was at the camp...at one point waiting for the lift...I prayed to God for that few mins..that He would look after them all...after my "kids"
I guess once I start to care..its hard to turn off...
I thanked God for putting me in this club...I thanked God for putting soo many things in my life that made me who I am and gave me the drive to look after this club. Note that its not the other way around yah. I thanked God for giving me my ex...that I would see malaysians or even indians in a different and more objective light than others..and realize how valuable individuality could be.
The club memebers have worked so hard for this camp and always hand in hand...I feel soooo proud for them and raise them in all respect (fist to chest) They even came up with an original game that blew me away on the 1st idea. I think at that point..my eyes lit up...
By the end of the camp...we had our sharing sessions...I made my homemade postcards and gave each memeber 4-5 sheets..I instructed them to write it to anyone in the camp whom they thought...meant alot to them. To be honest...In the back of my head...I thought of whether anyone would give me a card int he end...that lasted for a few seconds and I didnt let that thought reach my heart...coz I shoved it away. But as I instructed them...I wanted to tell them not to write any to me but I thought it would be to cocky or proud of me, so I didnt"
While we exchanged cards, we sang,"pass it on" the single song that warmed my heart as we sang because I know God has sooo much to do with this camp!
Through the camp, I wondered if God would have me spread His word to ISC...an interesting and difficult task. But as we sang..I realized that He is doing it already! Pass it on is a christian song! He kept all my members safe even in dangerous situations...Oh How I Love Him!
In our sharing session when everybody shared their views of the camp...I almost cried...because I was soo proud of them..I had utmost respect for them esp the president...and I was int he midst of my motto and in the midst of talent.
I told them my "hands to clap" theory and how they were creative, resourceful, giving and patient people....
What touched me most...was that they would actually include me in their already scare number of cards...and they would even respect me...me! I dont wanna be proud...coz I dont want to belittle..so Im staying away from that. All I can say is...I will try my best to prove to all the international students that with ISC, you DEFINITELY will not be alone... AMEN! By God's grace, AMEN!
God Bless!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
YAWN!
Sunday morning and Im in SAA taking my cushion and clothes to my campsite. ISC's leadership camp.
Much as Ive been worried that I cant take on ISC? Im sooo glad I did...I guess God knows my heart and has put me to a club that follows my heart..or my motto...watever that cud be...
All I know is that I sorta have a reason of why soo many things have happened to me..they all accumulated to who I am now.
I saw the stars just now and forthe 1st time i my whole life, Ive never seen soo many stars! And they're all sooo clear! Not to mention..I once again soo a rainbow halo around the moon. By my believes....God gave us rainbows to say that our sins are all forgiven..grace is given to us and He loves us!
One of the camp songs we learnt..was Pass It On...and much as I used to wonder how God would let me touch these guys hearts in regards to God. I realize that I dun need to worry! He does it Himself!
Father..bless my kids...in all ways possible...bless them in abundance that it overflows...give me wisdom Lord....I cant lead them without you.
God Bless
Much as Ive been worried that I cant take on ISC? Im sooo glad I did...I guess God knows my heart and has put me to a club that follows my heart..or my motto...watever that cud be...
All I know is that I sorta have a reason of why soo many things have happened to me..they all accumulated to who I am now.
I saw the stars just now and forthe 1st time i my whole life, Ive never seen soo many stars! And they're all sooo clear! Not to mention..I once again soo a rainbow halo around the moon. By my believes....God gave us rainbows to say that our sins are all forgiven..grace is given to us and He loves us!
One of the camp songs we learnt..was Pass It On...and much as I used to wonder how God would let me touch these guys hearts in regards to God. I realize that I dun need to worry! He does it Himself!
Father..bless my kids...in all ways possible...bless them in abundance that it overflows...give me wisdom Lord....I cant lead them without you.
God Bless
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Hmmm
Qn: Where is DOHA?
Went out w frens yesterday at Boon Lay and bumped into an acquaintance...funny thing is on normal circumstances....i wud only nod at acquaintances..or even only do a"mini" smile or even just walk away! But for this guy, I did a smile and wave and he did the same. Its as if we were better acquainted than how we actually are. He was my ex's fren/acquaintance hahahha
As i went down the escalator, this hit me..why ah? Hmmm
Anyway.. I trying to deal with my terrible self..God help me...
Christmas is coming near and Im excited! hahahah
K anyway..back to work!
God Bless
Went out w frens yesterday at Boon Lay and bumped into an acquaintance...funny thing is on normal circumstances....i wud only nod at acquaintances..or even only do a"mini" smile or even just walk away! But for this guy, I did a smile and wave and he did the same. Its as if we were better acquainted than how we actually are. He was my ex's fren/acquaintance hahahha
As i went down the escalator, this hit me..why ah? Hmmm
Anyway.. I trying to deal with my terrible self..God help me...
Christmas is coming near and Im excited! hahahah
K anyway..back to work!
God Bless
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Father...my slothing sin is back...
I hate myself everytime I realize that I slacked....its a habit im finding soo hard to overcome...
I know I wanna get this right but..how? time management?
Oh God....help me to be a better worker....if only life were sooo easy to flip a button in me and voila..im perfect! Alas....
I sooo need to get my act together and I know that im dissappointing my boss....arrgghhh...
I want to break myself apart and fix myself back again in a better version...
Im gonna try to manage my time...I really need to sit down and think abt how to better tune myself to finish stuff faster...I really need to adjust to this new life and not just stumble over it....
Father...Jesus....help me to always keep me reminded of this aim....Father..I want to e a better employee....I want to work hard and fast...I need to tune myself...Oh Father...please give me your discipline and strength..please give me the professional mind and the wonderfulmind that soo many of my colleagues have that make them such efficient workers...Oh Father...
Father..I need your guidance...I lackt he motivation to be a good christian...
God Bless
I know I wanna get this right but..how? time management?
Oh God....help me to be a better worker....if only life were sooo easy to flip a button in me and voila..im perfect! Alas....
I sooo need to get my act together and I know that im dissappointing my boss....arrgghhh...
I want to break myself apart and fix myself back again in a better version...
Im gonna try to manage my time...I really need to sit down and think abt how to better tune myself to finish stuff faster...I really need to adjust to this new life and not just stumble over it....
Father...Jesus....help me to always keep me reminded of this aim....Father..I want to e a better employee....I want to work hard and fast...I need to tune myself...Oh Father...please give me your discipline and strength..please give me the professional mind and the wonderfulmind that soo many of my colleagues have that make them such efficient workers...Oh Father...
Father..I need your guidance...I lackt he motivation to be a good christian...
God Bless
Saturday, December 02, 2006
World AIDS Day
I never realized it was World Aids Day had I not read the papers..Yes there has been alot of noise abt AIDS and I think its about time!
Read the Home page today and all the testimonials of some AIDS sufferers and what struck me as most disgusting...wasnt that they had this disease due to some sexual intercourse (not all get it that way) or infected needle or with their spouses, but it was the sheer fear of AIDS from people arnd these sufferers. Newsflash people! The disease can not be spread by air..if so..it wud have been worse than SARS...it is not spread by sharing of utensils or drinks or food...Yes you can share food with them and you can share drinks and you can use the same forks and spoons.
What causes AIDS to spread..is exchange of bodily fluids and blood....simple. This exchange can come in forms of sexual intercourse, sharing of contaminated needles, open wounds where a sufferer's blood gets into your system.
Any other way like sneezing and coughing doesnt work.
And whoever thinks that they cant contract AIDS in sex..if they use medicated oil or pills...u need to get checked now.
I shiver at the thought of this disease but I also know the ways it cant be spread..and while people run away from their loved ones and colleagues who got it...I shud love to push them to a computer to make them read what AIDS is abt, before drawing lines and ending frenships. Any true friend and relative wud do so 1st and decide whether quaratining is needed later.
I imagined one of my relatives or freinds having this and imagined the reaction of my other relatives and friends and wonder if any of them would ever try to persuade me from sticking to my fren or relative....
How scary is that? At the worst moment...we are left alone.
I admit some or most of the AIDS victims are not victims..they had the sex without thinking with their heads...The ones I dislike most...are those who are doing it casually and often and behind their spouses backs. Ticks me off....
Yet...we all make mistakes and get Fd up results....literal or figure of speech....
My heart goes out to those who didnt get it on their own folly...esp those wives who got it from their A*& H$%^ husbands...and the poor poor kids..
While I express my views for this topic...it amazing linked to what I was looking through for the whole 2-3 days yesterday..Ive been searching for my Kunming Trip photos and videos for my ISC (intl Students Club) Hoping to get inspiration on what to do for the club...so many goals I have for this club! Coincidently, this trip was abt spreading the AIDS mssg to china students and the videos brought back memories.....
It never crossed my mind till I read the papers k so imagine my surprise when at this time, I was also looking for those videos....wonder what it is God wants to say..but seems very very coincidental....
Anyway..Much planning is needed for myself..I went for a Time Mastery class yesterday and it gave me so much inspiration to mend my work habits..old to new...if I cud only pull my socks up.
It helps to have colleagues that are nice..truly nice to me..sincere...Thank you Father!
Once again..as I always do...I Thank God for all the provisions..Thank Jesus for His precious blood...So many times I have the faith that Eveyrthing is gonna be smooth and Im safe from harm.....nly prob is..I find it hard to tell my non-believing parents that Im truly safe in God's hands. What my parents cant do (which is to look after me 24/7) my God can. My Father and My Jesus.... How do I tell those I love that theres someone out there who can stop the rain from falling for me...
God Bless
Read the Home page today and all the testimonials of some AIDS sufferers and what struck me as most disgusting...wasnt that they had this disease due to some sexual intercourse (not all get it that way) or infected needle or with their spouses, but it was the sheer fear of AIDS from people arnd these sufferers. Newsflash people! The disease can not be spread by air..if so..it wud have been worse than SARS...it is not spread by sharing of utensils or drinks or food...Yes you can share food with them and you can share drinks and you can use the same forks and spoons.
What causes AIDS to spread..is exchange of bodily fluids and blood....simple. This exchange can come in forms of sexual intercourse, sharing of contaminated needles, open wounds where a sufferer's blood gets into your system.
Any other way like sneezing and coughing doesnt work.
And whoever thinks that they cant contract AIDS in sex..if they use medicated oil or pills...u need to get checked now.
I shiver at the thought of this disease but I also know the ways it cant be spread..and while people run away from their loved ones and colleagues who got it...I shud love to push them to a computer to make them read what AIDS is abt, before drawing lines and ending frenships. Any true friend and relative wud do so 1st and decide whether quaratining is needed later.
I imagined one of my relatives or freinds having this and imagined the reaction of my other relatives and friends and wonder if any of them would ever try to persuade me from sticking to my fren or relative....
How scary is that? At the worst moment...we are left alone.
I admit some or most of the AIDS victims are not victims..they had the sex without thinking with their heads...The ones I dislike most...are those who are doing it casually and often and behind their spouses backs. Ticks me off....
Yet...we all make mistakes and get Fd up results....literal or figure of speech....
My heart goes out to those who didnt get it on their own folly...esp those wives who got it from their A*& H$%^ husbands...and the poor poor kids..
While I express my views for this topic...it amazing linked to what I was looking through for the whole 2-3 days yesterday..Ive been searching for my Kunming Trip photos and videos for my ISC (intl Students Club) Hoping to get inspiration on what to do for the club...so many goals I have for this club! Coincidently, this trip was abt spreading the AIDS mssg to china students and the videos brought back memories.....
It never crossed my mind till I read the papers k so imagine my surprise when at this time, I was also looking for those videos....wonder what it is God wants to say..but seems very very coincidental....
Anyway..Much planning is needed for myself..I went for a Time Mastery class yesterday and it gave me so much inspiration to mend my work habits..old to new...if I cud only pull my socks up.
It helps to have colleagues that are nice..truly nice to me..sincere...Thank you Father!
Once again..as I always do...I Thank God for all the provisions..Thank Jesus for His precious blood...So many times I have the faith that Eveyrthing is gonna be smooth and Im safe from harm.....nly prob is..I find it hard to tell my non-believing parents that Im truly safe in God's hands. What my parents cant do (which is to look after me 24/7) my God can. My Father and My Jesus.... How do I tell those I love that theres someone out there who can stop the rain from falling for me...
God Bless
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The Little Prince, Tues w Morrie, etc
Every day, Im inspired by my bros and those I love, to write an entry..many days, I lack the necessary laptop and connection to do so...in result, I dont give enough credit to those whom I feel soo blessed to have....God is soo giving and He provides me with sooo much refuge and strength...I am truly truly...blessed...not because if myself...but because of Him.
My best fren is back from Aussie Land. In fact..both my frens are back from Aussie land...incredibly good news that is.
Having a terrible stomachache now...think its my irregular eating hours...sigh
Anyway..as the title says...I wanted to talk abt my 2 fav books, The Little Prince and Tues W Morrie.
Theres a piece of The Little Prince that I loved most... The Prince comes across a fox, who lets the prince tame him. But when the prince has to leave..the fox wanted to cry..yet it never complained that the prince tamed it and abandoned it...heres how it goes
It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean--'tame'?"
"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"
"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."
"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.
The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"
"Yes."
"Are there hunters on that planet?"
"No."
"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"
"No."
"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please--tame me!" he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."
The next day the little prince came back.
"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:
"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarassed.
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
I refered this to the times that I lost loved ones and there was a time I wud have loved to send my ex this book. Much as I introduced it to him, He didnt read it..its a pity...Likewise..because of him and all my other indian frens, I have an affinity for indian music and indian culture.. because of my grandma, I have an affinity for cantonese music..even opera hahaha you shud read this book.
Tuesday with Morrie...Mitch Albom visits his old proffessor and as the professor slowly dies from illnesses, hegives Mitch the most impt lessons...lessonsof life..the reality of how we as humans react and how we should be...
Why are we scared of loving? Because we're scared to lose.
Why do we work in something that we dont like? Do we do the work we love, or do the work we hate? Or hate the work we do?
Infants are born loving physical contact..yet through the years....as we grow up, we cringe at the thought of physical contact...
We have to love or we'll die
To live life is to accept that death will inevitably occur. Am i living the life I want to live? Little blue bird on our shoulders...
Both these books...teach me so much..to look at those I love and pass on the most valuable thing of all..something that forces the barred up parts of our hearts to open...to bring out the inner us that tries to hide away. Its always with love and hugs that causes a person to burst out in true feelings...in the happiest and sadest moments.
God Bless
My best fren is back from Aussie Land. In fact..both my frens are back from Aussie land...incredibly good news that is.
Having a terrible stomachache now...think its my irregular eating hours...sigh
Anyway..as the title says...I wanted to talk abt my 2 fav books, The Little Prince and Tues W Morrie.
Theres a piece of The Little Prince that I loved most... The Prince comes across a fox, who lets the prince tame him. But when the prince has to leave..the fox wanted to cry..yet it never complained that the prince tamed it and abandoned it...heres how it goes
It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean--'tame'?"
"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"
"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."
"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.
The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"
"Yes."
"Are there hunters on that planet?"
"No."
"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"
"No."
"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please--tame me!" he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."
The next day the little prince came back.
"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:
"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarassed.
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
I refered this to the times that I lost loved ones and there was a time I wud have loved to send my ex this book. Much as I introduced it to him, He didnt read it..its a pity...Likewise..because of him and all my other indian frens, I have an affinity for indian music and indian culture.. because of my grandma, I have an affinity for cantonese music..even opera hahaha you shud read this book.
Tuesday with Morrie...Mitch Albom visits his old proffessor and as the professor slowly dies from illnesses, hegives Mitch the most impt lessons...lessonsof life..the reality of how we as humans react and how we should be...
Why are we scared of loving? Because we're scared to lose.
Why do we work in something that we dont like? Do we do the work we love, or do the work we hate? Or hate the work we do?
Infants are born loving physical contact..yet through the years....as we grow up, we cringe at the thought of physical contact...
We have to love or we'll die
To live life is to accept that death will inevitably occur. Am i living the life I want to live? Little blue bird on our shoulders...
Both these books...teach me so much..to look at those I love and pass on the most valuable thing of all..something that forces the barred up parts of our hearts to open...to bring out the inner us that tries to hide away. Its always with love and hugs that causes a person to burst out in true feelings...in the happiest and sadest moments.
God Bless
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Praise God from whom all blessings flow...
For the past few days, Ive never ended the day without being thankful of the bros and sisters that I have. I am truly blessed...not that ive never seen it...just that we all forget....
I spent an evening with my cousins yesterday and much as they are younger than me and we had never really been close...somehow..my auntie's death made us closer...I thank her for this and I thank God for bringing us together. We had fun watching Casino Royale..despite a bunch of stupid idiots laughing aloud like a bunch of deranged hyenas..at everything...I swore to myself that if I would bump into any of them..and they irritated my cousins..Id give them a piece of my mind...only a piece...they dont deserve my wasting brain cells... I resolve to spend more time with them...because somehow or rather..I really do love them and them being cousins...its rare to have so close cousins...I treasure that...dont ask me abt my immediate family..I really am trying..
Work as been worrying..due to my own neglect and Im geting very worried abt my working speed etc..but I do believce that God is there...there is nothing to worry abt when God is with me all the way. Y0u may not get what I mean but when you do learn that God really does love you..even when you feelt hat nobody does...it is truly..heart fulfilling....I am happy!
As for all the bros I have...God take care of them...bless them Father. my dear sisters and real sister.....I love all of them...even when I sometimes dont show. They are all blessings to me..someone who has a head up there and stubborn etc....shake your heads and sigh..yes I know...Im a problem at times hahahahha So out of all that...Im so surprised that people will say that Im so approachablke and that they can speak to me abt their probs..it is..a privilage....truly is and while I listen to all that...I also pray to God that I cud dispell some good advice that would help them....but it needs praying...coz I never thought I could give good advice..only that which God provides...It would be my privilage if God would speak to him/her through me...even if its a simple advice of.."dont worry..everything will be fine" And if at this moment you are troubled and needed advice or comfort and that advice I just said...helped you....Then I know its meant for you. Know that He asked me to pass this msg to you. :)
I came out of church feeling really blessed and relieved today.... I hope that all of you will one day feel how I feel. :P He is great...His love is good...His embrace is warm...
K gotta go...lastly.....something I know in my heart....God does love you..You! Me! All of us! But most importantly..you!
Ive just been inspired to write a christian song for Him..He deserves my every praise and I believe that the talent that He's given me...was meant to be used int he right areas...one would be this.
God Bless!
I spent an evening with my cousins yesterday and much as they are younger than me and we had never really been close...somehow..my auntie's death made us closer...I thank her for this and I thank God for bringing us together. We had fun watching Casino Royale..despite a bunch of stupid idiots laughing aloud like a bunch of deranged hyenas..at everything...I swore to myself that if I would bump into any of them..and they irritated my cousins..Id give them a piece of my mind...only a piece...they dont deserve my wasting brain cells... I resolve to spend more time with them...because somehow or rather..I really do love them and them being cousins...its rare to have so close cousins...I treasure that...dont ask me abt my immediate family..I really am trying..
Work as been worrying..due to my own neglect and Im geting very worried abt my working speed etc..but I do believce that God is there...there is nothing to worry abt when God is with me all the way. Y0u may not get what I mean but when you do learn that God really does love you..even when you feelt hat nobody does...it is truly..heart fulfilling....I am happy!
As for all the bros I have...God take care of them...bless them Father. my dear sisters and real sister.....I love all of them...even when I sometimes dont show. They are all blessings to me..someone who has a head up there and stubborn etc....shake your heads and sigh..yes I know...Im a problem at times hahahahha So out of all that...Im so surprised that people will say that Im so approachablke and that they can speak to me abt their probs..it is..a privilage....truly is and while I listen to all that...I also pray to God that I cud dispell some good advice that would help them....but it needs praying...coz I never thought I could give good advice..only that which God provides...It would be my privilage if God would speak to him/her through me...even if its a simple advice of.."dont worry..everything will be fine" And if at this moment you are troubled and needed advice or comfort and that advice I just said...helped you....Then I know its meant for you. Know that He asked me to pass this msg to you. :)
I came out of church feeling really blessed and relieved today.... I hope that all of you will one day feel how I feel. :P He is great...His love is good...His embrace is warm...
K gotta go...lastly.....something I know in my heart....God does love you..You! Me! All of us! But most importantly..you!
Ive just been inspired to write a christian song for Him..He deserves my every praise and I believe that the talent that He's given me...was meant to be used int he right areas...one would be this.
God Bless!
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Rain
Had a friend send me this..isnt the 1st time but this time it rings because it means more to me...
Its an analogy abt God and how He loves us.
Rain falling is like us sinning, the wind shield wipers are like Jesus washing us of our sins...And when the rain keeps pouring, it means we keep sinning...but guess what! Jesus keeps washing our sins away.
I used to think that being loved by God was somehitng I had to earn..something that required millions of good deeds to earn his favour...but the actual fact and wonderful fact is....no matter how we use good deeds to clear our sin, it doesnt work...so it hit me how hard it was.....I think I gave up after awhile..thinking about how fake it would be to drag myself to do things just to please God...I wasnt using my heart...I was following a rule....
But guess what, I realize now that no matter how heavy the rain pours...God still wipes it off! Not cause we've applied RainX to our car windows..or we've been angels...but because He loves us! Simple...no terms and conditions, no strings attached. He made us and He loves us, even when we can be mean and vulgar and bitchy...so unlike what He wants...
I can imagine Him, shaking His head everytime we do something wrong..yet..his heart is soft and in that crooked disagreeing lips of His, is a small "what am I gonna do with you my child" smile.....
Thats about the same thing as when the people we love, do something wrong and much as you are angry or dissappointed...you cant bare to leave them...you still love them and care for them.
And amazing thing abt dissappointment and anger...towards people sorta means you care. If you didnt, how would you even be able to conjure up any feeling?
Im in the office now..work work work...times have been tough..but the tougher days were during the musical...that was nasty.... Now, Im gettng the hang of things....Soo many things I wanna do but procedure makes me take small steps...thats how it is w all organisations so what can I say.
From the apprehension I had intially....Im not energized byt he things Im hoping to do..and guess what! Im actually very happy to work with students etc! :)
Got an office now, got pictures around...
God, you are my father...my heavenly father..Im am never too discouraged by anything because you are there for me! Thank you Jesus for bringing me back to our Father's place.
God Bless
Its an analogy abt God and how He loves us.
Rain falling is like us sinning, the wind shield wipers are like Jesus washing us of our sins...And when the rain keeps pouring, it means we keep sinning...but guess what! Jesus keeps washing our sins away.
I used to think that being loved by God was somehitng I had to earn..something that required millions of good deeds to earn his favour...but the actual fact and wonderful fact is....no matter how we use good deeds to clear our sin, it doesnt work...so it hit me how hard it was.....I think I gave up after awhile..thinking about how fake it would be to drag myself to do things just to please God...I wasnt using my heart...I was following a rule....
But guess what, I realize now that no matter how heavy the rain pours...God still wipes it off! Not cause we've applied RainX to our car windows..or we've been angels...but because He loves us! Simple...no terms and conditions, no strings attached. He made us and He loves us, even when we can be mean and vulgar and bitchy...so unlike what He wants...
I can imagine Him, shaking His head everytime we do something wrong..yet..his heart is soft and in that crooked disagreeing lips of His, is a small "what am I gonna do with you my child" smile.....
Thats about the same thing as when the people we love, do something wrong and much as you are angry or dissappointed...you cant bare to leave them...you still love them and care for them.
And amazing thing abt dissappointment and anger...towards people sorta means you care. If you didnt, how would you even be able to conjure up any feeling?
Im in the office now..work work work...times have been tough..but the tougher days were during the musical...that was nasty.... Now, Im gettng the hang of things....Soo many things I wanna do but procedure makes me take small steps...thats how it is w all organisations so what can I say.
From the apprehension I had intially....Im not energized byt he things Im hoping to do..and guess what! Im actually very happy to work with students etc! :)
Got an office now, got pictures around...
God, you are my father...my heavenly father..Im am never too discouraged by anything because you are there for me! Thank you Jesus for bringing me back to our Father's place.
God Bless
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
God...dont let that thing happen to me again....no more
Ive been frustrated recently... work and all, family and all, feelings and all...
feelings never stop until we find someone we love...but the extent of the feeling is different.... Right now, Im sure I have feelings...but Im not so sure that they're good to be worked upon...or rather...I dont want to work upon them...practical reasons...
If you're worried that Id fall into another inter-racial...Im not. Somehow much as I have a thing for indians....doesnt mean I need to get one...so rest assured my fine chinese friends..Im very much chinese as any chinese girl, minus looks and language.... hehehe
TO be honest, Id much rather see veryone I love be happy....Im ok being sad :)
K meeting! Love you guys! Ciaos
feelings never stop until we find someone we love...but the extent of the feeling is different.... Right now, Im sure I have feelings...but Im not so sure that they're good to be worked upon...or rather...I dont want to work upon them...practical reasons...
If you're worried that Id fall into another inter-racial...Im not. Somehow much as I have a thing for indians....doesnt mean I need to get one...so rest assured my fine chinese friends..Im very much chinese as any chinese girl, minus looks and language.... hehehe
TO be honest, Id much rather see veryone I love be happy....Im ok being sad :)
K meeting! Love you guys! Ciaos
Sunday, November 05, 2006
haiz...
Yesterday, had a long chat w my dad. the fact that its a chat... its a controlled discussion...havnt had that since I asked him about my ex..but nvm abt that..that is all over.
Just had my club's Halloween Party and I never knew how damn talented and wild this bunch is! They can draw and paint etc and they listen to techno and watever song makes them dance! I cant help but feel proud of them..makes me wanna work harder for them...just gotta make sure im not bullied. Hmm nah I think it'll be okay... I think Ive managed to gel w them quite well...
For the past few months, some of my close fren's frens or reatives have passed away and its quite queer to see it happening as often as this...Satan is at work...All I know is that nothing will happen in my family! Amen!
Work is okay...stessed at times but Im trying to get my engine to full speed.
Anyway...just went to guardian (healthcare shop) just now and as I was browsing the store, one of the ladies next to me, asked me the price of the prod.....do I look like Im working here?!?!?! Haiz....
My hope is to, get more stable and focused and get things done...I dotn wanna get distracted again....too much stuff is happening and Im trying to hide from them cause facing it would be opening the door to more trouble. I thank God for being my father. :) He watches me and keeps me safe...all I have to do is look to Him and everythingelse seems smaller...How Powerful is He!
Wish everybodyelse could feel the same way. its like how I used to say....you wont know how it feel slike to love...until you do fall in love. Ive ....seen and felt the "Crazy in Love" aspect.... hahahah Ive just been sane enough to not do STUPID things!
Couldnt believe it when my dad actually asked if I was drinking or taking drugs....it hurt that he asked that...but I knew he meant well...so instead of showing how dissappointed I was....I said.."no im not taking drugs" in teh most neutral tired state that I was. I paused before saying that, letting the qn sink in to both our heads...wondering if he realized how ridiculous the qn was....I wouldnt do drugs or drink or even smoke because since young, I learnt how bad those are for me. Sigh..cant stop parents from worrying..yet I have to stop them from controlling what I do...or I will never have the peace I need to get stuff done. :p
K gonna go. Sunday is a rest day..I need to rest.
God Bless
Just had my club's Halloween Party and I never knew how damn talented and wild this bunch is! They can draw and paint etc and they listen to techno and watever song makes them dance! I cant help but feel proud of them..makes me wanna work harder for them...just gotta make sure im not bullied. Hmm nah I think it'll be okay... I think Ive managed to gel w them quite well...
For the past few months, some of my close fren's frens or reatives have passed away and its quite queer to see it happening as often as this...Satan is at work...All I know is that nothing will happen in my family! Amen!
Work is okay...stessed at times but Im trying to get my engine to full speed.
Anyway...just went to guardian (healthcare shop) just now and as I was browsing the store, one of the ladies next to me, asked me the price of the prod.....do I look like Im working here?!?!?! Haiz....
My hope is to, get more stable and focused and get things done...I dotn wanna get distracted again....too much stuff is happening and Im trying to hide from them cause facing it would be opening the door to more trouble. I thank God for being my father. :) He watches me and keeps me safe...all I have to do is look to Him and everythingelse seems smaller...How Powerful is He!
Wish everybodyelse could feel the same way. its like how I used to say....you wont know how it feel slike to love...until you do fall in love. Ive ....seen and felt the "Crazy in Love" aspect.... hahahah Ive just been sane enough to not do STUPID things!
Couldnt believe it when my dad actually asked if I was drinking or taking drugs....it hurt that he asked that...but I knew he meant well...so instead of showing how dissappointed I was....I said.."no im not taking drugs" in teh most neutral tired state that I was. I paused before saying that, letting the qn sink in to both our heads...wondering if he realized how ridiculous the qn was....I wouldnt do drugs or drink or even smoke because since young, I learnt how bad those are for me. Sigh..cant stop parents from worrying..yet I have to stop them from controlling what I do...or I will never have the peace I need to get stuff done. :p
K gonna go. Sunday is a rest day..I need to rest.
God Bless
Thursday, November 02, 2006
I cried
Wow its been awhile since I last cried like that....it hurt but Im fine now. God is with me all the way.
The long long dead relationship that I guess I tried to keep alive sooo much..is really now dead. No more disillusions...cause right fromt he horses mouth..I knew my fate...it really hurt but I finally felt the knife. :) And Im honestly smiling coz Im glad its really really really over!
I called my fren that night and honestly much as I wanted to talk...I didnt know what to say...as it is in my state...Ive gone past understanding..I dwelt int he hole too long for people to even save me. Of rather as some frens would say...they've thrown the rope for me to catch..it just depends on whether I wanted to hold it.
But Ive grabbed hold of the rope... I turn back to see the wreckage and sigh but I hold on for life because I dont have a choice anymore.
Pity for me..is to put in soo much for nothing. Pity I used to tell myself that the 1st is the last...pity...but who ever said life was fair huh....
Anyway...Im trying my best to go by God's book and live a life that He wants...cause if its the 1st as the last, God is my 1st and my last. Im not saying that nobody will come my way...more like..God always comes 1st. Praise Him in the tough trials and the best moments..because He is always there!
God Bless you all!
The long long dead relationship that I guess I tried to keep alive sooo much..is really now dead. No more disillusions...cause right fromt he horses mouth..I knew my fate...it really hurt but I finally felt the knife. :) And Im honestly smiling coz Im glad its really really really over!
I called my fren that night and honestly much as I wanted to talk...I didnt know what to say...as it is in my state...Ive gone past understanding..I dwelt int he hole too long for people to even save me. Of rather as some frens would say...they've thrown the rope for me to catch..it just depends on whether I wanted to hold it.
But Ive grabbed hold of the rope... I turn back to see the wreckage and sigh but I hold on for life because I dont have a choice anymore.
Pity for me..is to put in soo much for nothing. Pity I used to tell myself that the 1st is the last...pity...but who ever said life was fair huh....
Anyway...Im trying my best to go by God's book and live a life that He wants...cause if its the 1st as the last, God is my 1st and my last. Im not saying that nobody will come my way...more like..God always comes 1st. Praise Him in the tough trials and the best moments..because He is always there!
God Bless you all!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Poor bro of mine....but God Bless him
I have a bro who has rendered me speechless, I got to know this guy from Spore Idol and he's a nice guy who's a gentleman..but also very shy..etc
For months, we've talked and become good friends and he tells me about his problems...
JUst last week, we were talking and he was telling me about the girl he loved and knew he'd marry but how he's got no choice but to give her up to his cousin...For months, he's fought with himself to tell or not to tell her but by the time he wanted to..his cousin proposed. I do believe that this girl loves him (my fren) too. Pity...Pity he decided to give her up, so that his cousin would be happy..yet now. he cant even face the 2 of them....
I cant say a thing coz part of me wants to yell at him for hesitating for so long. Another part of me...is amazed at how lovestruck he is and yet how he could give it all up. He also gave her up because he didnt want to hurt her by creating all the trouble... He did it for her...
Sound familiar? Hmmm dunno...I feel abit of dejavu...
Im not charmed or smitten by him..if you think that he's pulling a fast one on me. We lack chemistry. What he's only done is reminded me that love can be true...regardless of how reality seems like.
I still pray that God gives all whom I love, the ones they are meant to be with. I cant help but smile to their description of how they feel.
Jesus, take care of this brother...you know how he will go in his life. stir him away from harm and help him not to get hurt and get over all trials.
God Bless
For months, we've talked and become good friends and he tells me about his problems...
JUst last week, we were talking and he was telling me about the girl he loved and knew he'd marry but how he's got no choice but to give her up to his cousin...For months, he's fought with himself to tell or not to tell her but by the time he wanted to..his cousin proposed. I do believe that this girl loves him (my fren) too. Pity...Pity he decided to give her up, so that his cousin would be happy..yet now. he cant even face the 2 of them....
I cant say a thing coz part of me wants to yell at him for hesitating for so long. Another part of me...is amazed at how lovestruck he is and yet how he could give it all up. He also gave her up because he didnt want to hurt her by creating all the trouble... He did it for her...
Sound familiar? Hmmm dunno...I feel abit of dejavu...
Im not charmed or smitten by him..if you think that he's pulling a fast one on me. We lack chemistry. What he's only done is reminded me that love can be true...regardless of how reality seems like.
I still pray that God gives all whom I love, the ones they are meant to be with. I cant help but smile to their description of how they feel.
Jesus, take care of this brother...you know how he will go in his life. stir him away from harm and help him not to get hurt and get over all trials.
God Bless
Wohooo! (cool shit sign!)
I had a wonderful birthday yesterday night, aside from my friends attempting to throw me int he pool. That was (if some of you dont know) an INSTANT way to get me pissed. My face literally changed when they did that..and my mood too.
But aside from that, I had the time of my life :P Thank you God for blessing me with so many people who care about me. Not that those who didnt come, dont care...they do! But I get to see abit of how much they love me. Even those that wanted to throw me into the pool....If they didnt know how to swim, they wud jump into the pool to get me out if I did get thrown in and had trouble getting out... or do I have too much faith in them... hahahaha
Anyway to put crudely on how I was sabohed yesterday, I was forced to have a facial of chocolate cake, and got humped. Dont spray ur drink all over the screen n no use wiping the screen or ur eyes...yes...I had a friend physically over my back...disgusting! hahahaha
I have also found out the 3 reasons why I dont like to organise my own birthday parties....
1) I hate to chase friends etc for RSVP (makes me feel like Im forcing someone to go)
2) I dont want to create a condusive env for ALL my friends to gossip about my whole life. I have done my fair share of stupid things in my 23 years...eg: breaking my chin....
3) I dont wanna get dunked!
I guess by the end of that day, alot of my frens now know that I hate being dunked.. They know which buttons they can press and which cant. It is relative....If I had a bf dunk me, how can I be angry? Hehehehehhe Provided he gets me up again!
I thank God for letting me live such ablessed life. Despite the work in my life and the stress and the pain and dissappointment I had....I am still happy at many times. God has never let me forget that He is there for me and that I have His strength and His hand to hold onto. :) God is great!
Will write more later. :P
God Bless!
But aside from that, I had the time of my life :P Thank you God for blessing me with so many people who care about me. Not that those who didnt come, dont care...they do! But I get to see abit of how much they love me. Even those that wanted to throw me into the pool....If they didnt know how to swim, they wud jump into the pool to get me out if I did get thrown in and had trouble getting out... or do I have too much faith in them... hahahaha
Anyway to put crudely on how I was sabohed yesterday, I was forced to have a facial of chocolate cake, and got humped. Dont spray ur drink all over the screen n no use wiping the screen or ur eyes...yes...I had a friend physically over my back...disgusting! hahahaha
I have also found out the 3 reasons why I dont like to organise my own birthday parties....
1) I hate to chase friends etc for RSVP (makes me feel like Im forcing someone to go)
2) I dont want to create a condusive env for ALL my friends to gossip about my whole life. I have done my fair share of stupid things in my 23 years...eg: breaking my chin....
3) I dont wanna get dunked!
I guess by the end of that day, alot of my frens now know that I hate being dunked.. They know which buttons they can press and which cant. It is relative....If I had a bf dunk me, how can I be angry? Hehehehehhe Provided he gets me up again!
I thank God for letting me live such ablessed life. Despite the work in my life and the stress and the pain and dissappointment I had....I am still happy at many times. God has never let me forget that He is there for me and that I have His strength and His hand to hold onto. :) God is great!
Will write more later. :P
God Bless!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Sucky event
Sooo my rare chances to compere and I screwed it up. Why? Lets just say that I regret not learning my chinese well....
Lesson learnt: Dont give up on your mother tongue especially when its chinese. In fact...dont give up on your mother tongue PERIOD!
I had to hobble through chinese when the audience or the boss of the coordinator started complaining. I thought that in such a community-ish event, you'd want english because it would be fair for all races...but I guess deep inside, there is abit of denial involved...and stubborness and fear. I was down after the event because of my lack of chinese, because of having to suffer complaints and because it could be the end of my compereing chances....not that Im even getting paid. But still...
Due to all this dissappointment in myself and apologies to the event coordinator and my fren (sound guys) the first thing I did when I left the house....was get myself a chinese mag. NUYOU. Why did I choose that? Well I figured the easiest thing to read would be chinese fashion mag and they were giving away a free bag. Hahahah cheap thril right? But seriously..Im quite determined to get myself more equipped in terms of languages. In fact...due to my work, Ive had t speak more chinese in school than normal life. Thanks to God for my new club, and my job scope that forces me to be the chinese I ought to be. Boy should my dad be laughing now!
BTW, any body know which part of the body is called giu wo? cheeks? Hahahha
Anyway, I got bluffed into going to school...also due to my silliness....Im in school and blogging ont he staircase while my compere juniors and newbies are upstairs getting acquainted hahahaha I cant wait to join them. Maybe its good that I came to sch anyway hahahah
K gonna stop here. Ive blogged my heart out.
Gotta thank my colleague for forcing me to go for Bible Study on thurs....It cleared my stress..made me calmer and happier :P But even without him, I did feel the strongest urge to go to BS on that day..God just provided the transport and thanks to God, I got a seat too! Very Rare in this context! Hahahaha
K THE END
Love you all in buckets and Pails (Patented ah!)
God Bless!
Lesson learnt: Dont give up on your mother tongue especially when its chinese. In fact...dont give up on your mother tongue PERIOD!
I had to hobble through chinese when the audience or the boss of the coordinator started complaining. I thought that in such a community-ish event, you'd want english because it would be fair for all races...but I guess deep inside, there is abit of denial involved...and stubborness and fear. I was down after the event because of my lack of chinese, because of having to suffer complaints and because it could be the end of my compereing chances....not that Im even getting paid. But still...
Due to all this dissappointment in myself and apologies to the event coordinator and my fren (sound guys) the first thing I did when I left the house....was get myself a chinese mag. NUYOU. Why did I choose that? Well I figured the easiest thing to read would be chinese fashion mag and they were giving away a free bag. Hahahah cheap thril right? But seriously..Im quite determined to get myself more equipped in terms of languages. In fact...due to my work, Ive had t speak more chinese in school than normal life. Thanks to God for my new club, and my job scope that forces me to be the chinese I ought to be. Boy should my dad be laughing now!
BTW, any body know which part of the body is called giu wo? cheeks? Hahahha
Anyway, I got bluffed into going to school...also due to my silliness....Im in school and blogging ont he staircase while my compere juniors and newbies are upstairs getting acquainted hahahaha I cant wait to join them. Maybe its good that I came to sch anyway hahahah
K gonna stop here. Ive blogged my heart out.
Gotta thank my colleague for forcing me to go for Bible Study on thurs....It cleared my stress..made me calmer and happier :P But even without him, I did feel the strongest urge to go to BS on that day..God just provided the transport and thanks to God, I got a seat too! Very Rare in this context! Hahahaha
K THE END
Love you all in buckets and Pails (Patented ah!)
God Bless!
Sucky event
Sooo my rare chances to compere and I screwed it up. Why? Lets just say that I regret not learning my chinese well....
Lesson learnt: Dont give up on your mother tongue especially when its chinese. In fact...dont give up on your mother tongue PERIOD!
I had to hobble through chinese when the audience or the boss of the coordinator started complaining. I thought that in such a community-ish event, you'd want english because it would be fair for all races...but I guess deep inside, there is abit of denial involved...and stubborness and fear. I was down after the event because of my lack of chinese, because of having to suffer complaints and because it could be the end of my compereing chances....not that Im even getting paid. But still...
Due to all this dissappointment in myself and apologies to the event coordinator and my fren (sound guys) the first thing I did when I left the house....was get myself a chinese mag. NUYOU. Why did I choose that? Well I figured the easiest thing to read would be chinese fashion mag and they were giving away a free bag. Hahahah cheap thril right? But seriously..Im quite determined to get myself more equipped in terms of languages. In fact...due to my work, Ive had t speak more chinese in school than normal life. Thanks to God for my new club, and my job scope that forces me to be the chinese I ought to be. Boy should my dad be laughing now!
BTW, any body know which part of the body is called giu wo? cheeks? Hahahha
Anyway, I got bluffed into going to school...also due to my silliness....Im in school and blogging ont he staircase while my compere juniors and newbies are upstairs getting acquainted hahahaha I cant wait to join them. Maybe its good that I came to sch anyway hahahah
K gonna stop here. Ive blogged my heart out.
Gotta thank my colleague for forcing me to go for Bible Study on thurs....It cleared my stress..made me calmer and happier :P But even without him, I did feel the strongest urge to go to BS on that day..God just provided the transport and thanks to God, I got a seat too! Very Rare in this context! Hahahaha
K THE END
Love you all in buckets and Pails (Patented ah!)
God Bless!
Lesson learnt: Dont give up on your mother tongue especially when its chinese. In fact...dont give up on your mother tongue PERIOD!
I had to hobble through chinese when the audience or the boss of the coordinator started complaining. I thought that in such a community-ish event, you'd want english because it would be fair for all races...but I guess deep inside, there is abit of denial involved...and stubborness and fear. I was down after the event because of my lack of chinese, because of having to suffer complaints and because it could be the end of my compereing chances....not that Im even getting paid. But still...
Due to all this dissappointment in myself and apologies to the event coordinator and my fren (sound guys) the first thing I did when I left the house....was get myself a chinese mag. NUYOU. Why did I choose that? Well I figured the easiest thing to read would be chinese fashion mag and they were giving away a free bag. Hahahah cheap thril right? But seriously..Im quite determined to get myself more equipped in terms of languages. In fact...due to my work, Ive had t speak more chinese in school than normal life. Thanks to God for my new club, and my job scope that forces me to be the chinese I ought to be. Boy should my dad be laughing now!
BTW, any body know which part of the body is called giu wo? cheeks? Hahahha
Anyway, I got bluffed into going to school...also due to my silliness....Im in school and blogging ont he staircase while my compere juniors and newbies are upstairs getting acquainted hahahaha I cant wait to join them. Maybe its good that I came to sch anyway hahahah
K gonna stop here. Ive blogged my heart out.
Gotta thank my colleague for forcing me to go for Bible Study on thurs....It cleared my stress..made me calmer and happier :P But even without him, I did feel the strongest urge to go to BS on that day..God just provided the transport and thanks to God, I got a seat too! Very Rare in this context! Hahahaha
K THE END
Love you all in buckets and Pails (Patented ah!)
God Bless!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Frens
I think Ive hit a wall again....its only been once that I've felt that my frenship wth someone is dissipating...but now..its happening again. This time...it hurts the most....
I dont know what to do and somehow Ive come to some crazy conclusion that silence is best....Leaving is best. I dont normally talk to this person coz it brings back memories...and hence, we've kind of distanced ourselves from each other....but how do i put it? its like a thorn stuck in the flesh...pulling is pain and pushing is pain...
When I dont see a reply to my email....I naturally get into a fear or sadness...that he's avoiding...forgetting to reply...just dont cut it when he's obviously checking his mail. So maybe it wud be better to stop fighting for this fren....even if this fren is too dear to me?
I fear this feeling....I especially hate the fear of someone close to me...not wanting to be near me...guess its low esteem....its also an experience inflicted phobia.
Anyway experieince also tells me that Im emotional only for awhile....and experieince tells me that best frens dont die off that easily...
Father....I trust in you...I trust that everything that happens..all troubles...work to my way at the end of the day. Father, frens come and go easily but let me always remember that those that matter most..are the ones that stay...and that no fren is fren without you bringing us together.
God Bless
I dont know what to do and somehow Ive come to some crazy conclusion that silence is best....Leaving is best. I dont normally talk to this person coz it brings back memories...and hence, we've kind of distanced ourselves from each other....but how do i put it? its like a thorn stuck in the flesh...pulling is pain and pushing is pain...
When I dont see a reply to my email....I naturally get into a fear or sadness...that he's avoiding...forgetting to reply...just dont cut it when he's obviously checking his mail. So maybe it wud be better to stop fighting for this fren....even if this fren is too dear to me?
I fear this feeling....I especially hate the fear of someone close to me...not wanting to be near me...guess its low esteem....its also an experience inflicted phobia.
Anyway experieince also tells me that Im emotional only for awhile....and experieince tells me that best frens dont die off that easily...
Father....I trust in you...I trust that everything that happens..all troubles...work to my way at the end of the day. Father, frens come and go easily but let me always remember that those that matter most..are the ones that stay...and that no fren is fren without you bringing us together.
God Bless
Why?
Have you gotten into a fenship that you can feel is slowly dissipating? You feel it and your trying to hold on...yet...you dont wanna suffocate the person while doing so.....
Why do we have to find good excuses and reasons to say hi? Why do I feel guilty even saying Hi?
Why dont I just give up? Coz Im getting paranoid....
God Bless
Why do we have to find good excuses and reasons to say hi? Why do I feel guilty even saying Hi?
Why dont I just give up? Coz Im getting paranoid....
God Bless
New lives....old lives
2 simple natural things happened through the weekend....it happens all the time but the fact that they are both relaed to me...makes you see the whole picture.
Sat, my colleagues 3rd child was born
Sun, my bro's grandma died
Life goes on doesnt it?
As my bro talked abt how he felt.... one similar concept came about...... reality just "doesnt seem to register". At this stage, facts are so easily forgotten because our hearts are feeling so much otherwise...Where have I felt that before? When someone I loved to death...left.... at that ponit all I could say is.... "it doesnt register"
But that got me thinking...how much something would have to mean to someone, to let that whole "unregisterable" phenomenon happen....
Dont let me go into all that again...Ive climbed out of the whirlpool and giong back would be stupid. But as my bro was crying his eyes red....it made me remember my auntie who died last year. I was sad....but I cried the hardest when I saw my grandparents come into the room....they are older but their hearts are the most fragile. My heart broke for my grandpa...
So...is not knowing your relatives well enough...a good thing? or bad thing?
God had plans for all of us yesterday...it rained like crazy, the cab stopped my fren and I at the wrong part of the hospital, making us walk the maze to the right wing......if He hadnt done that....we would have been there before she died...but my bro would not have gotten the chance to say goodbye properly...
Father, you work your ways but I love you...I know nothing bad comes from you but Satan...In fact, for Murphy's law....I do believe that Murphy is AKA Satan. Father, work in my bro's heart and keep him and his family strong....
God Bless
Sat, my colleagues 3rd child was born
Sun, my bro's grandma died
Life goes on doesnt it?
As my bro talked abt how he felt.... one similar concept came about...... reality just "doesnt seem to register". At this stage, facts are so easily forgotten because our hearts are feeling so much otherwise...Where have I felt that before? When someone I loved to death...left.... at that ponit all I could say is.... "it doesnt register"
But that got me thinking...how much something would have to mean to someone, to let that whole "unregisterable" phenomenon happen....
Dont let me go into all that again...Ive climbed out of the whirlpool and giong back would be stupid. But as my bro was crying his eyes red....it made me remember my auntie who died last year. I was sad....but I cried the hardest when I saw my grandparents come into the room....they are older but their hearts are the most fragile. My heart broke for my grandpa...
So...is not knowing your relatives well enough...a good thing? or bad thing?
God had plans for all of us yesterday...it rained like crazy, the cab stopped my fren and I at the wrong part of the hospital, making us walk the maze to the right wing......if He hadnt done that....we would have been there before she died...but my bro would not have gotten the chance to say goodbye properly...
Father, you work your ways but I love you...I know nothing bad comes from you but Satan...In fact, for Murphy's law....I do believe that Murphy is AKA Satan. Father, work in my bro's heart and keep him and his family strong....
God Bless
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Yoh! Honey! Im home!
Woh! Its been such a long while since I came to blog! Sooo much I wanna say....
Im at Mac Donalds now, had a long chat with one of my sisters and its been sooo long since we talked....I was happy hahahaha
Havnt exactly spoken about the musical and maybe I shud exercise some censorship on it hahaha coz I know my colleague is reading em..even my boss.
So many things Ive learnt in the musical....I see how different I am to the rest of the cast...I am more grown up and more serious...maybe this musical meant more to me...does it? It does mean alot to me....but more? Or is it coz Im another Mary, trying to please and hence, rushing around the kitchen to prepare food for Jesus, while my younger siblings or Martha, sits by Jesus feet and listens to Him. Am I being too serious? Couldnt I have just let go? Was I too worried about work and all other stuff? Was I being to harsh on Martha because she was taking the easy way out? Is this even the same.... In Mary and Martha's case, Jesus is more important, hence cooking isnt the better thing to do at that time..but...in this case? Which one was more impt? To me......both. Hence I was serious on both work and musical....
After all that...all the small notes that everyone gave me...touched my heart...after all this, I love them and they are my little bros and sisters and I do feel guilty for being stern but I hope they understand. :P
Did an MRI scan last week...the indicator for my usual throat cancer check-ups has gone up abit and so an MRi Scan was warranted. The results was out yesterday and the result...im clear. No unusual swelling except for lymphnodes...Im fine. I saw my brain and my throat and my skull and my eyeballs.....yep..those are mine....hahahahaha says the doctor who is as lame as me hahahaha My dad went too.
Anyway...a blood test was taken again and 2 wks later, I gotta go there again. If its as high as the 2 previous tests, Im in for a biopsy.....not good! General Anaestetic (if its spelt that way) Biopsy. Ie: They make me sleep and go in deeper. Sound bad? Yeah it is...worse hahahahaha But you know what...I know God is with me. That Im so certain of, that I know I dont ahve to go for biopsy!
God has been my pillar of strength these many months and Im so thankful. Like I mentioned before, Im now baptised and that to me...is great news! I had my 1st communion last sunday and the feeling is surreal...I cant believe I was holding the cup and bread in my hands...I always used to see people do it...never knew how it felt...I always wondered what they were thinking holding those things, not that they were really grand to hold or behold...the cup was made of plastic and the bread was normal crackers....but what it symbolises or rather to put it better, what we are reminded of with these 2 things....is Jesus....
How can anyone who has God, feel powerless.....
My job scope has exploded into something Im scared to think of but I much as Im still grabbing at the dark now, I know that God will give me the wisdom to handle things as I go along and there is no better mentor and tutor than God who is always wth me and always wise....I will have His wisdom. This is a proclamation and not a passing remark.
Ive made many new frens these many months...many siblings and thinking of them and feeling the love for them, makes me feel happy and ....xing fu hahahhahaha blessed. Once again I stick by the theory that guys and girls can be best of plutonic frens! And also, if any one were to harm my siblings, I'll be the 1st to hang them! Im thankful that some of them have found their partners and gone into parenthood or even marriage hahahahah Its good to know that the blessings I get from God, overflows. Something I used to tell myself and God...that I dont mind losing someone I love...if it means that everybodyelse around me will eventually find their right one and live in bliss...and understand how it is to love someone like I have. :p Thank you Father for fulfilling my wish. Maybe then, some of my best frens would have kids and I could have kids without having to go through the usual way or even medical procedures hahahahahah Ie: God children.
Ironically....yes I am still looing after my ex's old club and its funny how the senior year stuents still know me as who I used to be in relation to my ex ( the ex president) hahahahaha I must admit that Im having fun taking care of this group of people hahahaha Im cool with it! I intend to be a fren and not an officer..hence Iev banned them to call me Ms Ho! Over my dead and mouldy body! Id rather be called Ms Ning (only on formal occassions) and Ning (on others) than other names. Not that I hate "Ho" but that I know the age gap between us and I dont need to feel superior allt he time..I want them to be able to talk to me....Ho stops that.
K Im gonna go off now. To all my annas, akkas, tankachis and thambis, Happy Deepavali!. To my adiks and kakkaks and abangs, Happy early Hari Raya! To the rest, I love you all too!
Im missing all your company! Hugs and kisses!
God Bless!
Im at Mac Donalds now, had a long chat with one of my sisters and its been sooo long since we talked....I was happy hahahaha
Havnt exactly spoken about the musical and maybe I shud exercise some censorship on it hahaha coz I know my colleague is reading em..even my boss.
So many things Ive learnt in the musical....I see how different I am to the rest of the cast...I am more grown up and more serious...maybe this musical meant more to me...does it? It does mean alot to me....but more? Or is it coz Im another Mary, trying to please and hence, rushing around the kitchen to prepare food for Jesus, while my younger siblings or Martha, sits by Jesus feet and listens to Him. Am I being too serious? Couldnt I have just let go? Was I too worried about work and all other stuff? Was I being to harsh on Martha because she was taking the easy way out? Is this even the same.... In Mary and Martha's case, Jesus is more important, hence cooking isnt the better thing to do at that time..but...in this case? Which one was more impt? To me......both. Hence I was serious on both work and musical....
After all that...all the small notes that everyone gave me...touched my heart...after all this, I love them and they are my little bros and sisters and I do feel guilty for being stern but I hope they understand. :P
Did an MRI scan last week...the indicator for my usual throat cancer check-ups has gone up abit and so an MRi Scan was warranted. The results was out yesterday and the result...im clear. No unusual swelling except for lymphnodes...Im fine. I saw my brain and my throat and my skull and my eyeballs.....yep..those are mine....hahahahaha says the doctor who is as lame as me hahahaha My dad went too.
Anyway...a blood test was taken again and 2 wks later, I gotta go there again. If its as high as the 2 previous tests, Im in for a biopsy.....not good! General Anaestetic (if its spelt that way) Biopsy. Ie: They make me sleep and go in deeper. Sound bad? Yeah it is...worse hahahahaha But you know what...I know God is with me. That Im so certain of, that I know I dont ahve to go for biopsy!
God has been my pillar of strength these many months and Im so thankful. Like I mentioned before, Im now baptised and that to me...is great news! I had my 1st communion last sunday and the feeling is surreal...I cant believe I was holding the cup and bread in my hands...I always used to see people do it...never knew how it felt...I always wondered what they were thinking holding those things, not that they were really grand to hold or behold...the cup was made of plastic and the bread was normal crackers....but what it symbolises or rather to put it better, what we are reminded of with these 2 things....is Jesus....
How can anyone who has God, feel powerless.....
My job scope has exploded into something Im scared to think of but I much as Im still grabbing at the dark now, I know that God will give me the wisdom to handle things as I go along and there is no better mentor and tutor than God who is always wth me and always wise....I will have His wisdom. This is a proclamation and not a passing remark.
Ive made many new frens these many months...many siblings and thinking of them and feeling the love for them, makes me feel happy and ....xing fu hahahhahaha blessed. Once again I stick by the theory that guys and girls can be best of plutonic frens! And also, if any one were to harm my siblings, I'll be the 1st to hang them! Im thankful that some of them have found their partners and gone into parenthood or even marriage hahahahah Its good to know that the blessings I get from God, overflows. Something I used to tell myself and God...that I dont mind losing someone I love...if it means that everybodyelse around me will eventually find their right one and live in bliss...and understand how it is to love someone like I have. :p Thank you Father for fulfilling my wish. Maybe then, some of my best frens would have kids and I could have kids without having to go through the usual way or even medical procedures hahahahahah Ie: God children.
Ironically....yes I am still looing after my ex's old club and its funny how the senior year stuents still know me as who I used to be in relation to my ex ( the ex president) hahahahaha I must admit that Im having fun taking care of this group of people hahahaha Im cool with it! I intend to be a fren and not an officer..hence Iev banned them to call me Ms Ho! Over my dead and mouldy body! Id rather be called Ms Ning (only on formal occassions) and Ning (on others) than other names. Not that I hate "Ho" but that I know the age gap between us and I dont need to feel superior allt he time..I want them to be able to talk to me....Ho stops that.
K Im gonna go off now. To all my annas, akkas, tankachis and thambis, Happy Deepavali!. To my adiks and kakkaks and abangs, Happy early Hari Raya! To the rest, I love you all too!
Im missing all your company! Hugs and kisses!
God Bless!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
SuperStar...
I never imagined how much of a withdrawal syndrom I would get from the musical. I miss them to bits and everytime one of the casts and crew comes in, Id give them a hug!
Yesterday we had a performance at Istana and sad to say, we were not up to our mark...imagine my dissappointment....I know everyone was excited and I was overwhelmed too but ....I didnt know how much noise my cast can make! They are like small kids, overexcited! Haiz...I cant be angry with them but I cant believe the difference between an adult and them....adults know when to keep quiet....Hahahaha nonetheless, I still love them...they are like my little siblings!
Got small notes from them...what Xingfei would call, "fuzzy muzzies" and most of them just said, "Ning, you're like a big sister!" I guess all my nagging and scolding worked in a good way. I do hope they understand why I had t do it....
I have alot more to write...but thats it for now. Work time!
Yesterday we had a performance at Istana and sad to say, we were not up to our mark...imagine my dissappointment....I know everyone was excited and I was overwhelmed too but ....I didnt know how much noise my cast can make! They are like small kids, overexcited! Haiz...I cant be angry with them but I cant believe the difference between an adult and them....adults know when to keep quiet....Hahahaha nonetheless, I still love them...they are like my little siblings!
Got small notes from them...what Xingfei would call, "fuzzy muzzies" and most of them just said, "Ning, you're like a big sister!" I guess all my nagging and scolding worked in a good way. I do hope they understand why I had t do it....
I have alot more to write...but thats it for now. Work time!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
New room? New job scope? new post-its pasted on my screen
alot has to be done...room moving...musical talks abt reruns...doc's appointments...hinking abt how to further improve my voice...aikido....
Just attended my new club's event and what can I say...maybe its coz its my ex's club..maybe coz I know people there, maybe coz of my interests...I feel like im startng to love my new club! Hehehehe God does know what I like.
All tht the times that I wished I cud take up a new language...Ive been pushed intot he source of many new languages...think Im gonna start learning from my international students...on their mother tongue...cool? COOL!
Life is starting to take its original form except, im still going through withdrawal syndrome from the musical.
The only prob with being an officer in school, is that yu make frens with students and 3 ears, they move on...new batches come and go and before you know it...you've forgotten abt the 1st batch..or vise versa. I know some dont forget you & do come and visit....those are rare. :P
K back to work! :)
God Bless!
Just attended my new club's event and what can I say...maybe its coz its my ex's club..maybe coz I know people there, maybe coz of my interests...I feel like im startng to love my new club! Hehehehe God does know what I like.
All tht the times that I wished I cud take up a new language...Ive been pushed intot he source of many new languages...think Im gonna start learning from my international students...on their mother tongue...cool? COOL!
Life is starting to take its original form except, im still going through withdrawal syndrome from the musical.
The only prob with being an officer in school, is that yu make frens with students and 3 ears, they move on...new batches come and go and before you know it...you've forgotten abt the 1st batch..or vise versa. I know some dont forget you & do come and visit....those are rare. :P
K back to work! :)
God Bless!
Monday, October 09, 2006
good students...bad students...
what makes students good? or bad? dunno leh... Hard to explain...
The new fren I made recently..turned out to be not so...fantastic afterall...
Much as I know he's more mature than others...he is also bitchier....
I know ive been struggling to get my emotions on check and right now, I do believe Im over certain things. :P
Had to settle some stuff. abit of firefighting...but it sorta still makes me wonder why Im given a big club to handle...my ex's club...he was the president...the current president recognises me....and the previous president recognises me too hahahahahahha Maybe its because I always wished that I could interact with people of different nationalities
Im sressed because I wanna do well with my job but somehow I feel like Im contrantly struggling to keep afloat. I know I can eventually..I know I can because I have God.
Been missing church recently...sigh....miss the sermons...they give me strength...
Thanks guys for being so patient with me during these months of inactivity....I hope I havnt lost any frens or made enemies in the process...I love you guys...in fact..through the musical, I know Ive changed...my attitude has changed...my heart has grown bigger...
God Bless!
The new fren I made recently..turned out to be not so...fantastic afterall...
Much as I know he's more mature than others...he is also bitchier....
I know ive been struggling to get my emotions on check and right now, I do believe Im over certain things. :P
Had to settle some stuff. abit of firefighting...but it sorta still makes me wonder why Im given a big club to handle...my ex's club...he was the president...the current president recognises me....and the previous president recognises me too hahahahahahha Maybe its because I always wished that I could interact with people of different nationalities
Im sressed because I wanna do well with my job but somehow I feel like Im contrantly struggling to keep afloat. I know I can eventually..I know I can because I have God.
Been missing church recently...sigh....miss the sermons...they give me strength...
Thanks guys for being so patient with me during these months of inactivity....I hope I havnt lost any frens or made enemies in the process...I love you guys...in fact..through the musical, I know Ive changed...my attitude has changed...my heart has grown bigger...
God Bless!
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Standing Ovation!!!!
I cant believe it! Its a standing ovation! We did it! All the training paid off!
Im sooo touched I cried! Wohoooo!
Today is the last day...how sad is that! All the training for the past year! Im lost for words about what we just did! Will write more but right now...Im lving in my wonderland!
God Bless!
Im sooo touched I cried! Wohoooo!
Today is the last day...how sad is that! All the training for the past year! Im lost for words about what we just did! Will write more but right now...Im lving in my wonderland!
God Bless!
Monday, October 02, 2006
back at work...dazed
Today's plan is to rearrange my workspace...if I dont, Im gonna hate work today....
Had a long chat w one of my bros and.....in a way, i came out of it wondering if what Ive been doing was right...much as he assures me otherwise...
Last night I had a dream again...a dream I havnt had in awhile but due to last night's chat, i shud have know that it wud come out. The dream was hopeful but Ive come to a point that not every coincidence is meaningful....especially not this dream.
Im not gonna brood over it anyway...it is amazing though...how vivd he deram was hahahah and how even after time..the details still seem intact hahahah
Today will be a bloody long day...bloody bloody BLOODY long day!
BTW....Im finally baptised! Hehehehe did the ceremony yesterday and Im sooo glad I did! I now Im not te same anymore...:P Im Super Ning now! My strength flowth from Godly rivers! Hehehehahahahaah
Gonna hang up here.
God Bless all of you!
Had a long chat w one of my bros and.....in a way, i came out of it wondering if what Ive been doing was right...much as he assures me otherwise...
Last night I had a dream again...a dream I havnt had in awhile but due to last night's chat, i shud have know that it wud come out. The dream was hopeful but Ive come to a point that not every coincidence is meaningful....especially not this dream.
Im not gonna brood over it anyway...it is amazing though...how vivd he deram was hahahah and how even after time..the details still seem intact hahahah
Today will be a bloody long day...bloody bloody BLOODY long day!
BTW....Im finally baptised! Hehehehe did the ceremony yesterday and Im sooo glad I did! I now Im not te same anymore...:P Im Super Ning now! My strength flowth from Godly rivers! Hehehehahahahaah
Gonna hang up here.
God Bless all of you!
Saturday, September 30, 2006
saturday!
Nvr been sooo happy that its the weekend! Im getting better so dont worry. Next friday is the show and its very surreal. Cant believe that a year has gone by sooo fast adn the show is finally here! So many things I know I wanna pursue after the musical....
So many frens Ive made and so many whom have previously been my frens but our frenship has gone stronger....
Even through this whole experience.... Ive seen alot more people and learnt how different people can be...Ive seent eh irritating and people whom make me amazed at how they tick...and Ive found people whom impress the socks out of me....etc
Jimmy...He's a genius, a talent....I love him to bits for his character...so charismatic and so....I cant even find words for it!
Cast A....Im not saying all...a handful....drive me to my grave because of their lack of discipline and love for chitter chatter...it amazes me how they can just forget that silence is needed and continue on with their jabber! yet...they can be evry nice people! Its a love and hate situation for me....
Cast B...the truly nice and sweet! Ive found many good and caring frens whom I never hesitate to go for when in need of hugs! They are people whom I can talk to and whom I truly care for and sayang....
Crew....the stressed but loving bunch...I love them to bits too because of how they care for us and look after us!
Band...the music rocks!dont nkow them much except for ian but they are the music makers
Staff...Anna especially hahahah a girl in an adults shoes....She is a rarity to find because she can relate to us and I havnt found a formula to that...
Aside from all this...
For the past weeks, Ive made a fren whom never seizes to amaze me....He has an amzing ability to be caring and considerate to all the girls that he meets...He is a born protector and even born leader and quite honestly...the way he treats all the girls...including me...makes me wish I was in a reltationship. Dont get the wrong idea....He's too young for me and I know my boundaries...once bitten twice shy remember? The scars of the 1st bite is still there.
In fact...its making me rememer my 1st bite even more. Im trying my best not to get into a similar situation as before...which is why I keep reminding myself of the 1st bite...
I see the signs of trouble ahead...similar signs to the 1st time and Im praying that I wont fall again...because if I do....it will be harder...
As for my ex and I....ever since the last conversation we had. we havnt spoken since and much as I hope that we can talk again...even online....I know somehow that he isnt gonna contact me...which hurts..because of the frenship I still wanna have that will waiver even more now...Im never regretting what I said the last time...but...I wish I didnt have to say all that...
I still get small things happening that remind me of him, aside from this new found fren...which Ive managed to persuade myself that they are all meaningless....
Hate to say this...but I even wish someone else wud come and get me out of this predicament! That maybe I wudnt have to go through all this...But so far, God hasnt given me anyone. Maybe there are some out there who used to like me or who knows...even now! But I know they arent the ones...cause I havnt heard anything from God. The chemistry isnt there.... I know the feelings I had when I got to know my ex and if it came to me again...I would never mistake them...because they are one in a million. Hopefully as many as the population in Spore goes, I cud actually find another one in a million? Somehow I know how my Father works...He will geiv me the right one at the right time and right place. By then, time, age, race, religion, nationality might not even be able to stop things...or maybe God will provide a person whom doesnt even require me to worry about all that...coz the person could be a well brought up chinese christian guy is born in spore and abt my age!
Haiz...I know I have to snap out of all this longing shit. You know what....despite all this im sooo glad i have God. I dont know why but when I call his name...I know He's heard it. :) So no matter how many times I tear or get upset or sulk or get angry. I know He's there! Voila!
Hope tog et baptised tomorrow!
God Bless!
So many frens Ive made and so many whom have previously been my frens but our frenship has gone stronger....
Even through this whole experience.... Ive seen alot more people and learnt how different people can be...Ive seent eh irritating and people whom make me amazed at how they tick...and Ive found people whom impress the socks out of me....etc
Jimmy...He's a genius, a talent....I love him to bits for his character...so charismatic and so....I cant even find words for it!
Cast A....Im not saying all...a handful....drive me to my grave because of their lack of discipline and love for chitter chatter...it amazes me how they can just forget that silence is needed and continue on with their jabber! yet...they can be evry nice people! Its a love and hate situation for me....
Cast B...the truly nice and sweet! Ive found many good and caring frens whom I never hesitate to go for when in need of hugs! They are people whom I can talk to and whom I truly care for and sayang....
Crew....the stressed but loving bunch...I love them to bits too because of how they care for us and look after us!
Band...the music rocks!dont nkow them much except for ian but they are the music makers
Staff...Anna especially hahahah a girl in an adults shoes....She is a rarity to find because she can relate to us and I havnt found a formula to that...
Aside from all this...
For the past weeks, Ive made a fren whom never seizes to amaze me....He has an amzing ability to be caring and considerate to all the girls that he meets...He is a born protector and even born leader and quite honestly...the way he treats all the girls...including me...makes me wish I was in a reltationship. Dont get the wrong idea....He's too young for me and I know my boundaries...once bitten twice shy remember? The scars of the 1st bite is still there.
In fact...its making me rememer my 1st bite even more. Im trying my best not to get into a similar situation as before...which is why I keep reminding myself of the 1st bite...
I see the signs of trouble ahead...similar signs to the 1st time and Im praying that I wont fall again...because if I do....it will be harder...
As for my ex and I....ever since the last conversation we had. we havnt spoken since and much as I hope that we can talk again...even online....I know somehow that he isnt gonna contact me...which hurts..because of the frenship I still wanna have that will waiver even more now...Im never regretting what I said the last time...but...I wish I didnt have to say all that...
I still get small things happening that remind me of him, aside from this new found fren...which Ive managed to persuade myself that they are all meaningless....
Hate to say this...but I even wish someone else wud come and get me out of this predicament! That maybe I wudnt have to go through all this...But so far, God hasnt given me anyone. Maybe there are some out there who used to like me or who knows...even now! But I know they arent the ones...cause I havnt heard anything from God. The chemistry isnt there.... I know the feelings I had when I got to know my ex and if it came to me again...I would never mistake them...because they are one in a million. Hopefully as many as the population in Spore goes, I cud actually find another one in a million? Somehow I know how my Father works...He will geiv me the right one at the right time and right place. By then, time, age, race, religion, nationality might not even be able to stop things...or maybe God will provide a person whom doesnt even require me to worry about all that...coz the person could be a well brought up chinese christian guy is born in spore and abt my age!
Haiz...I know I have to snap out of all this longing shit. You know what....despite all this im sooo glad i have God. I dont know why but when I call his name...I know He's heard it. :) So no matter how many times I tear or get upset or sulk or get angry. I know He's there! Voila!
Hope tog et baptised tomorrow!
God Bless!
Friday, September 29, 2006
cough! phlegm! cough!
cough cough cough...close to vomit...cough cough cough...phlegm...relief...cough cough cough...close to vomit... cough cough cough
Stayed overnight at school....hoping o get more sleep but my frens were so energetic that they only slept at 4...irritating shit! Im pissed that I couldnt sleep earlier....shud have slept in a seperate room....
somethngs happen that made me miss the good old times...i shudnt exactly be missing these days....just that when it happens it happens and i dont wanna feel that way again...at least not in this context...fight fight fight hAHA
BTW....please go for the musical I'll be in. Im not the lead (disclaimer) but I do hope more people come and watch coz its very funny... 6 or 7 oct, NUS UCC. PLEASE get tickets from me or sistic...
I now know how it feels like to be rejected for a part...for months Ive been psyching myself from not getting upset with not being able to be a lead....Im almost there...but recently some of the cast has been mumbling abt this as well...much as I tell them that they should look on the bright side...I do think about the dissappointment one time or other and I guess I shud really be glad God even put me in this...
At this point of time...Im just trying to hack out as much phlegm as I can and thankfully...the colour has always been yellow or slighgt greenish. I havnt seen brown yet...
Is it bad to say this....that I miss God? Hahahahaha He should be around me all the time and He is...so I shudnt be missing Him. Guess its coz I havnt really been talking to Him. Havnt gone to bible study classes for a long time! When I went to church last sunday...I felt like Id gone home hahahah "Father, Im home"
Cant wait for tomorrow to come...that way I can get my rest....very tired man....gotta start planning my day tomorrow and sunday...
Father....please let me fulfill my baptism this sunday...please give my cast and crwe and band all the rest they need, let us not be sick at all next week Father. I believe that calling on you is the most affective way to get rid of phlegm and every form of disease. Thank you Father!
I promise to catch up with all of you soon! I promise to have a gathering at SPGG soon..
God Bless
Stayed overnight at school....hoping o get more sleep but my frens were so energetic that they only slept at 4...irritating shit! Im pissed that I couldnt sleep earlier....shud have slept in a seperate room....
somethngs happen that made me miss the good old times...i shudnt exactly be missing these days....just that when it happens it happens and i dont wanna feel that way again...at least not in this context...fight fight fight hAHA
BTW....please go for the musical I'll be in. Im not the lead (disclaimer) but I do hope more people come and watch coz its very funny... 6 or 7 oct, NUS UCC. PLEASE get tickets from me or sistic...
I now know how it feels like to be rejected for a part...for months Ive been psyching myself from not getting upset with not being able to be a lead....Im almost there...but recently some of the cast has been mumbling abt this as well...much as I tell them that they should look on the bright side...I do think about the dissappointment one time or other and I guess I shud really be glad God even put me in this...
At this point of time...Im just trying to hack out as much phlegm as I can and thankfully...the colour has always been yellow or slighgt greenish. I havnt seen brown yet...
Is it bad to say this....that I miss God? Hahahahaha He should be around me all the time and He is...so I shudnt be missing Him. Guess its coz I havnt really been talking to Him. Havnt gone to bible study classes for a long time! When I went to church last sunday...I felt like Id gone home hahahah "Father, Im home"
Cant wait for tomorrow to come...that way I can get my rest....very tired man....gotta start planning my day tomorrow and sunday...
Father....please let me fulfill my baptism this sunday...please give my cast and crwe and band all the rest they need, let us not be sick at all next week Father. I believe that calling on you is the most affective way to get rid of phlegm and every form of disease. Thank you Father!
I promise to catch up with all of you soon! I promise to have a gathering at SPGG soon..
God Bless
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Ba Hump Bug!
Was coughing and sneezing all the way on the taxi that I think the taxi driver decided to drive faster. Lets just also say that while I was coughing, my stomach was also threatening to spew vomit...I could feel my tummy tighen so hard that I could get a severe cramp....or vomit my heart out n the process...
Im in an uncomfortable state..
Now that the new term is in...my new headache is in too... God is my stength so Im assured..even my cough seems to lessen from his name.
anyway....Im still alive....
Thanks for all frens who remember my name and pray for me in their own way....thanks for remembering me and calling on me even when im such a bad and forgetful fren.
God Bless
Im in an uncomfortable state..
Now that the new term is in...my new headache is in too... God is my stength so Im assured..even my cough seems to lessen from his name.
anyway....Im still alive....
Thanks for all frens who remember my name and pray for me in their own way....thanks for remembering me and calling on me even when im such a bad and forgetful fren.
God Bless
Thursday, September 21, 2006
weird dreams
firstly, my thigh muscles are aching from the "hop step steps" hahhaa thanks to jimmy...
Had a weird dream that Babes was a super hero.......
What weird dreams!
Got sore throat...or rather loads of phlegm....
I cant wait for sat and sunday to come coz then I can relax for 2 days! plans? emmm sleep? or go out and eat...or go watch a show...etc...ohhh heaven!
Quite honestly..dont know whether to say that I cant wait for the musical to end coz then I can focus on mobely.....that would be great and I can once again show people that i can do better....
I know I have to focus on God, today and the past few days, Ive felt that God hasnt been on my side....far from the truth...Ive been doing everything with my own strength for the past few days instead of looking to God.
Anyway..here goes another day! God bless me!
Ning
Had a weird dream that Babes was a super hero.......
What weird dreams!
Got sore throat...or rather loads of phlegm....
I cant wait for sat and sunday to come coz then I can relax for 2 days! plans? emmm sleep? or go out and eat...or go watch a show...etc...ohhh heaven!
Quite honestly..dont know whether to say that I cant wait for the musical to end coz then I can focus on mobely.....that would be great and I can once again show people that i can do better....
I know I have to focus on God, today and the past few days, Ive felt that God hasnt been on my side....far from the truth...Ive been doing everything with my own strength for the past few days instead of looking to God.
Anyway..here goes another day! God bless me!
Ning
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
zzzzzzzzzz
went to 7-11 today and the counter auntie said I slept late last night and woke up so early today...asked whether i got enough sleep.....
Couldtn rememeber seeing ehr last night at 7-11 but then I was sleep walking....I was soooo dead byt he time I got back that I couldnt walk straight....sigh
my legs are sore and Im half alive...
Yet somehow out of all of this...whatever Im given...at least I know God is there to keep me going....I know I havnt been a really good and effective worker...if I did, maybe I wouldnt b as frustrated...But I'll try my very best next time...I will make it..by God's grace
God Bless
Couldtn rememeber seeing ehr last night at 7-11 but then I was sleep walking....I was soooo dead byt he time I got back that I couldnt walk straight....sigh
my legs are sore and Im half alive...
Yet somehow out of all of this...whatever Im given...at least I know God is there to keep me going....I know I havnt been a really good and effective worker...if I did, maybe I wouldnt b as frustrated...But I'll try my very best next time...I will make it..by God's grace
God Bless
Monday, September 18, 2006
im in shit...up to my neck
ive been misunderstood and overused...and my being a slight procrastinator...does not help the issue. Thanks to my musical and work...squeezing the breathe out of me...Ive been alot slower and inefficient.
I know im startnig to regret taking on anything other than work...yet i know that eventually i wont regret it coz even the musical is a once in a lifetime thing....
my 2nd boss spoke to me today and gave me advice. from what i gather...i know some people have been talking about me...not in a good way.. ..so i think my name is tarnished....sigh
None fo them know that Im back int he office on sunday and saturday....
I guess the prb w me is that Im not detailed...enough...
Its a bad thing to feel useless or condemned...emmm I have to keep knowing that God is my father and that by his strength, Im able to go to work every day and not fall sick..and do my work...Thank you Father...you are all I need.
God Bless
I know im startnig to regret taking on anything other than work...yet i know that eventually i wont regret it coz even the musical is a once in a lifetime thing....
my 2nd boss spoke to me today and gave me advice. from what i gather...i know some people have been talking about me...not in a good way.. ..so i think my name is tarnished....sigh
None fo them know that Im back int he office on sunday and saturday....
I guess the prb w me is that Im not detailed...enough...
Its a bad thing to feel useless or condemned...emmm I have to keep knowing that God is my father and that by his strength, Im able to go to work every day and not fall sick..and do my work...Thank you Father...you are all I need.
God Bless
Friday, September 15, 2006
emmm okay..im tired and bored
Just took a break from rehearsal..am blogging from the pc downstairs....
Been damn stressed by everything...working and all. I get the idea that my colleagues now know what Im heavily burdened...work and rehearsal..its draining me dry but Im glad God is giving me enough energy to carry on. My legs have become soft and my knees are getting bigger and harder to bend hahahah Im old.
Anyone wanna go for the musical? hehehehhe
I feel mean to sya that I hope this musical thing ends fast...but i know that by the time it does end, I wouldnt be as relieved. Im just glad that I get to do this..regardless of its heavy time consumption.
K i better go. before I get a scolding or shelling from Babes (trainer of Spore Idols) teheheheh
God Bless
Been damn stressed by everything...working and all. I get the idea that my colleagues now know what Im heavily burdened...work and rehearsal..its draining me dry but Im glad God is giving me enough energy to carry on. My legs have become soft and my knees are getting bigger and harder to bend hahahah Im old.
Anyone wanna go for the musical? hehehehhe
I feel mean to sya that I hope this musical thing ends fast...but i know that by the time it does end, I wouldnt be as relieved. Im just glad that I get to do this..regardless of its heavy time consumption.
K i better go. before I get a scolding or shelling from Babes (trainer of Spore Idols) teheheheh
God Bless
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
night life
at the office..staying over in school for the camp...
Im sooo happy Ive made so many new bros in this camp....tim, yq, jasper, ian..etc..and sisters, esther, charis....
Thank you father for giving me frens whom i acn depend on and vent my frustration to....
I once again feel like I have loads to say but I cant think of anything now...maybe I just feel like blogging... :P Just to satisfy frens whom are scolding me for being inactive....sigh
K gotta go. Love yah all. God Bless!
Im sooo happy Ive made so many new bros in this camp....tim, yq, jasper, ian..etc..and sisters, esther, charis....
Thank you father for giving me frens whom i acn depend on and vent my frustration to....
I once again feel like I have loads to say but I cant think of anything now...maybe I just feel like blogging... :P Just to satisfy frens whom are scolding me for being inactive....sigh
K gotta go. Love yah all. God Bless!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Seems like Im back to my JC days
I know ie always been very positive on my trials..complain complain but eventually...I keep saying to everyone that I dont need help and that I can do it....
Maybe its time to stop that..truth is I do need help but nobody can help me...because its smething only I must handle...ts something...only I know what to do....ust that I dont have the energy to do so....
The consolation once again...this time Im trying very hard to convince myself....is thT God is there to carry me. And if He does carry...this s the time Im already in his arms....
Father...I hold you in all esteem...I look to you during all my trials and during all my happiness...Father I will not let this be an exception. Even though Im zombified and slghtly misunderstood...I will prevail....coz you are there....
God Bless
Maybe its time to stop that..truth is I do need help but nobody can help me...because its smething only I must handle...ts something...only I know what to do....ust that I dont have the energy to do so....
The consolation once again...this time Im trying very hard to convince myself....is thT God is there to carry me. And if He does carry...this s the time Im already in his arms....
Father...I hold you in all esteem...I look to you during all my trials and during all my happiness...Father I will not let this be an exception. Even though Im zombified and slghtly misunderstood...I will prevail....coz you are there....
God Bless
Sunday, September 10, 2006
part 2
so Im at cityhall now, blogging at MIX. Cool Shit! Im loving this place!
Went to church this morning, went to jalan, went to St Andrews Cathedral to pick red seeds (whatchama call em) Bumped into my ex neighbours and my bro bumped into his "old fren"
Fact while I blog, they're chatting Hahahah I know my limits to stay away whiule they talk. Give them quality time man!
God, you are soooooo good! Master of Time Management!
Want to talk about part 2 of my recent weeks....fear that I wont be able to finish leh...how?!?!?!
Anyway..yah I just finished another performance last night for my school's staff DnD. Our performance was good! I can feel it when we did good. :P
Dressed up as an indian for the DnD..the theme of our table and with my little subtle indian stuff, I became Afghan girl. Had I had eyeliner, I would have done a better job.
Jimmy, our musical director was especially suave that day and I was in awe of him. In fact I am constantly in awe of him! If he was alot younger, I wud have a huge crush on him hahahahha but as when I was in pri sch, He was already working. Thats how old he is. I salute Jimmy!!! You Go Man!!
The other huge events in my life...finally spoke to my ex. We havnt spoken since the last confrontation. By speaking..I mean..really speaking...heart to heart...
Im very amazed at myself that I didnt cry....
He's lefdt for UK and Im happy for him...Im happy that we couldnt be in different countries to not get entangled with each other..no more bumping into him in parties...but I also miss his company. How do I even explain this?!?!?! have you had this kind of feeling?
The amazing thing abt the 2 of us is that regardless of the time gap and the difficulties between each other, we could still talk if we wanted to. The prob with us was that we had things we wanted to say but couldnt tell each other. And that blocked us from saying anythingelse...or rather..maybe thats only me. But Im glad I got to chat with him for a record time of 1hr...serious, no mincing words talk..talk fromt he bottom of the heart up, talk that includes all sensitive material that I shouldnt have told him...I poured out everything without pouring out any tears...I cant tell you much as I wanted to ..on what I said. You'd have to dig into my brain. Not that I dont want to tell you...I just dont know how to. Maybe if I made a movie....
At the end of it all, I told him something that I have kept in me for the longest time...something I really wanted him to know......that no matter what happened and what will happen, I still loved him. Not that Ive never tried to forget him and call me weak if you want to coz I dont care...Everytime I try to forget him, God has plans otherwise.
For the past few days, Ive had very funny incidents around me......My bro meeting his old fren, right here waiting playing everywhere, even on my boss's hp (its a guy who normally has James Bond theme as his ringtone, so why would he have right here waiting?!?!) My ex's tamil show playing on Vasantham, The Guru theme song playing at DnD (the song we danced to in our Dimsum Masala play), The sermon today.....
I know that Im an idiot thinking that all these things are signs...even my ex doesnt believe it....although....He used to.....maybe both of us have just decided to disregard God's signs and think of em as coincidences or accidents....then why do they all happen at the same time? Why?
Im not torturing myself by thinking like this again...thats why Im glad that He's gone and that Ive told him all I wanted to say...
I did tell him clearly...that I believe that God has plans for us....and some day...we will get back together...our existing strong bond is proof. Whoelse do I know can I talk to like that? Someone whom I never sensor my feelings...never keep things in me? Ive always had discussions with him and not arguements....Thats why I believe that we still have hope and I wanted him to know that I believe that. And Im waiting not coz I want to...but God wants me to...It may sound stupid to even the strongest believers....but I know and I believe...If God be with me, who can be against me?
For the split second that I subconsciously called him, "B", he still answered......
I cried coz I felt like a fool believeing in something that I cant show to any1...I feel silly thinking that it will work and feel embarassed that my sheer belief is not trusted by others...I know I come across as a silly girl again....and thats why I keep all this to myself... the only one I can speak to abt this...is him and God.
"I dont know why Im not giving up on us...I just dont know...all I know is that God has never given up on reminding me that we had something and seems to show me that We will have something. He is making me wait. If eventually nothing happens then Im int he wrong for misinterpretating His signs...but till then....I will still wait. Not coz I want to...but coz He wants me to. And its not up to you to tell me whether to wait or give up...coz its His."
Father....I can wait coz you let me...coz you make me wait and you provide me witht he energy and courage to wait. if it isnt for ur support, id be waiting in tears but Im not. Father...thank you sooo much for letting me pluck up courage to say everything...Ive held it in me tooo long...Thank you for letting me let go of all my thoughts inside.....thanks also for letting my bro meet his old fren again.
B, Im happy you're gone...it gives us both time to think of our own lives....but I still believe that we have something...I still do...the confidence in us that I never had....is now ironically stronger than ever. I believe for us, in us. no matter how..even if things dont work...you are my best best best bro...I still sayang u as a bro.....but till the time you find someoneelse and get married...I will still have hope if God makes me. Yet....REGARDLESS of all, I still love you B.
God Bless....
Went to church this morning, went to jalan, went to St Andrews Cathedral to pick red seeds (whatchama call em) Bumped into my ex neighbours and my bro bumped into his "old fren"
Fact while I blog, they're chatting Hahahah I know my limits to stay away whiule they talk. Give them quality time man!
God, you are soooooo good! Master of Time Management!
Want to talk about part 2 of my recent weeks....fear that I wont be able to finish leh...how?!?!?!
Anyway..yah I just finished another performance last night for my school's staff DnD. Our performance was good! I can feel it when we did good. :P
Dressed up as an indian for the DnD..the theme of our table and with my little subtle indian stuff, I became Afghan girl. Had I had eyeliner, I would have done a better job.
Jimmy, our musical director was especially suave that day and I was in awe of him. In fact I am constantly in awe of him! If he was alot younger, I wud have a huge crush on him hahahahha but as when I was in pri sch, He was already working. Thats how old he is. I salute Jimmy!!! You Go Man!!
The other huge events in my life...finally spoke to my ex. We havnt spoken since the last confrontation. By speaking..I mean..really speaking...heart to heart...
Im very amazed at myself that I didnt cry....
He's lefdt for UK and Im happy for him...Im happy that we couldnt be in different countries to not get entangled with each other..no more bumping into him in parties...but I also miss his company. How do I even explain this?!?!?! have you had this kind of feeling?
The amazing thing abt the 2 of us is that regardless of the time gap and the difficulties between each other, we could still talk if we wanted to. The prob with us was that we had things we wanted to say but couldnt tell each other. And that blocked us from saying anythingelse...or rather..maybe thats only me. But Im glad I got to chat with him for a record time of 1hr...serious, no mincing words talk..talk fromt he bottom of the heart up, talk that includes all sensitive material that I shouldnt have told him...I poured out everything without pouring out any tears...I cant tell you much as I wanted to ..on what I said. You'd have to dig into my brain. Not that I dont want to tell you...I just dont know how to. Maybe if I made a movie....
At the end of it all, I told him something that I have kept in me for the longest time...something I really wanted him to know......that no matter what happened and what will happen, I still loved him. Not that Ive never tried to forget him and call me weak if you want to coz I dont care...Everytime I try to forget him, God has plans otherwise.
For the past few days, Ive had very funny incidents around me......My bro meeting his old fren, right here waiting playing everywhere, even on my boss's hp (its a guy who normally has James Bond theme as his ringtone, so why would he have right here waiting?!?!) My ex's tamil show playing on Vasantham, The Guru theme song playing at DnD (the song we danced to in our Dimsum Masala play), The sermon today.....
I know that Im an idiot thinking that all these things are signs...even my ex doesnt believe it....although....He used to.....maybe both of us have just decided to disregard God's signs and think of em as coincidences or accidents....then why do they all happen at the same time? Why?
Im not torturing myself by thinking like this again...thats why Im glad that He's gone and that Ive told him all I wanted to say...
I did tell him clearly...that I believe that God has plans for us....and some day...we will get back together...our existing strong bond is proof. Whoelse do I know can I talk to like that? Someone whom I never sensor my feelings...never keep things in me? Ive always had discussions with him and not arguements....Thats why I believe that we still have hope and I wanted him to know that I believe that. And Im waiting not coz I want to...but God wants me to...It may sound stupid to even the strongest believers....but I know and I believe...If God be with me, who can be against me?
For the split second that I subconsciously called him, "B", he still answered......
I cried coz I felt like a fool believeing in something that I cant show to any1...I feel silly thinking that it will work and feel embarassed that my sheer belief is not trusted by others...I know I come across as a silly girl again....and thats why I keep all this to myself... the only one I can speak to abt this...is him and God.
"I dont know why Im not giving up on us...I just dont know...all I know is that God has never given up on reminding me that we had something and seems to show me that We will have something. He is making me wait. If eventually nothing happens then Im int he wrong for misinterpretating His signs...but till then....I will still wait. Not coz I want to...but coz He wants me to. And its not up to you to tell me whether to wait or give up...coz its His."
Father....I can wait coz you let me...coz you make me wait and you provide me witht he energy and courage to wait. if it isnt for ur support, id be waiting in tears but Im not. Father...thank you sooo much for letting me pluck up courage to say everything...Ive held it in me tooo long...Thank you for letting me let go of all my thoughts inside.....thanks also for letting my bro meet his old fren again.
B, Im happy you're gone...it gives us both time to think of our own lives....but I still believe that we have something...I still do...the confidence in us that I never had....is now ironically stronger than ever. I believe for us, in us. no matter how..even if things dont work...you are my best best best bro...I still sayang u as a bro.....but till the time you find someoneelse and get married...I will still have hope if God makes me. Yet....REGARDLESS of all, I still love you B.
God Bless....
Saturday, September 09, 2006
woooohhhhh
last update: 2 sept
today: 9 sept
.....1 WEEK!!!!
WOOOOOHHHHHHH
Kk I have sooo much to talk about I fear Id burst if I dont say it all at one shot! #^&*)FR@HJCF%ESAOUFVSHJCVS(^SGLSV..there you go. (Its not vulgar)
Verbal diahorea..
Nah! I'll say it slow.
Life has been very eventful but stressful and often dissappointing and strength draining and yet...out of all that God still provides me wth strength to do everything I have to do. How wonderful is that! Why have I not fainted with exhaution yet? Simple! God!
3 weeks ago, I sprained my ankle and despite all that, I trained for my mediacorp show. My foot swelled and the other leg had a swollen knee coz of all the additional weight I apply to it. Check teh SP Website for the broadcast or watcht he repeat telecast of presidents star charity. Anyway..my foot is still abit swollen but ive gone to see the chinese doc. She did acupuncture on me and passed electrif current around my foot. Im electrified Wohooo! Im fine now. Foot can be painful if I dance too long.
Fr the past 2 week, Ive been in school from 8am to 11am, Ive had not had a day with 3 straight proper meals...I get stomaches often and my fart stinks hahahah Haiz Im ont he verge of getting sick but you know what...I dont think I can get sick! Im protected.
Ive been sooo blessed by God for the past weeks. he has made all our musical hurdles smooth sailing. We've prayed for his help and trength and guidance every time we need to give a performance..and He has never failed us! We've always topped the performance...Thank you Father!
Today is another one of those performances. We're not prepared..but I know what to doa nd he will still bring us together to top it off again.
Gotta go now! 75% of my story isnt over. Will egt back to you tomorrow of somethign. Love you all!
For those I love to death...I still love you to death. I pray God keeps you safe and For those of you whom Ive missed their birthdays...Im sorry...
God Bless
today: 9 sept
.....1 WEEK!!!!
WOOOOOHHHHHHH
Kk I have sooo much to talk about I fear Id burst if I dont say it all at one shot! #^&*)FR@HJCF%ESAOUFVSHJCVS(^SGLSV..there you go. (Its not vulgar)
Verbal diahorea..
Nah! I'll say it slow.
Life has been very eventful but stressful and often dissappointing and strength draining and yet...out of all that God still provides me wth strength to do everything I have to do. How wonderful is that! Why have I not fainted with exhaution yet? Simple! God!
3 weeks ago, I sprained my ankle and despite all that, I trained for my mediacorp show. My foot swelled and the other leg had a swollen knee coz of all the additional weight I apply to it. Check teh SP Website for the broadcast or watcht he repeat telecast of presidents star charity. Anyway..my foot is still abit swollen but ive gone to see the chinese doc. She did acupuncture on me and passed electrif current around my foot. Im electrified Wohooo! Im fine now. Foot can be painful if I dance too long.
Fr the past 2 week, Ive been in school from 8am to 11am, Ive had not had a day with 3 straight proper meals...I get stomaches often and my fart stinks hahahah Haiz Im ont he verge of getting sick but you know what...I dont think I can get sick! Im protected.
Ive been sooo blessed by God for the past weeks. he has made all our musical hurdles smooth sailing. We've prayed for his help and trength and guidance every time we need to give a performance..and He has never failed us! We've always topped the performance...Thank you Father!
Today is another one of those performances. We're not prepared..but I know what to doa nd he will still bring us together to top it off again.
Gotta go now! 75% of my story isnt over. Will egt back to you tomorrow of somethign. Love you all!
For those I love to death...I still love you to death. I pray God keeps you safe and For those of you whom Ive missed their birthdays...Im sorry...
God Bless
Thursday, August 24, 2006
yawn
leg is better, getting fever and have a sore throat...
BTW, the musical tixs are out. please support this production and get tixs. SP students and alumni have discount if you buy from SAA Dept (Student n Alumni Affairs Dept)
Been riddled with litle threats to make me sick but Im still up. Dead busy and stressed...I figure that when my musical thing comes again....Id be...virtually brain dead hahaha
Hang in there girl! You can do it! God's on ur side! You're strong and gutsy and fierce hahaha like how ur CJ PE teacher used to say...ur a fighter...Ding ding Ding!!! FIGHT!
zzzzzzzzzzz during break.......
k back to work!
God Bless!
BTW, the musical tixs are out. please support this production and get tixs. SP students and alumni have discount if you buy from SAA Dept (Student n Alumni Affairs Dept)
Been riddled with litle threats to make me sick but Im still up. Dead busy and stressed...I figure that when my musical thing comes again....Id be...virtually brain dead hahaha
Hang in there girl! You can do it! God's on ur side! You're strong and gutsy and fierce hahaha like how ur CJ PE teacher used to say...ur a fighter...Ding ding Ding!!! FIGHT!
zzzzzzzzzzz during break.......
k back to work!
God Bless!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Inner strength
Sounds zen or watcha-ma-call-it but Ive been fighting with my inner self hhahaha been pushing myself to do things Ive not been fond of doing..like...doing exercise hahahah
While I felt good accomplishing certain things, I sprained my ankle when I was going down a flight of stairs on Saturday...thanks to God that it didnt swell and by today, its been reduced to a minor pain. I still limp but its alot better. Thanks to God's speedy healing. :P
Im glad I was ok enough to hobble to church on sunday coz that was the last thing I would have wanted to miss...
be back later
While I felt good accomplishing certain things, I sprained my ankle when I was going down a flight of stairs on Saturday...thanks to God that it didnt swell and by today, its been reduced to a minor pain. I still limp but its alot better. Thanks to God's speedy healing. :P
Im glad I was ok enough to hobble to church on sunday coz that was the last thing I would have wanted to miss...
be back later
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Thank you God!
My God is good.
Ive been offered a good deal. Now I need to think about whether I want to accept it. It will affect my whole life. What will it be? What are my pros and cons?
Ive had probs at work...It gets very scary when we work till we dont know where everything is anymore...and I worry? How am I gonna get through?
Worry is a vicious enemy....Bible says not to worry. If He is with me, who can be against me? But I still worry....How , why, and what am I gonna do Father? Do I let go of the cons and go with my instinct? I did that bvefore Father and I dont know why I failed.
Sit still....God will help us solve all problems..in normal and not so normal ways....
Father I cast my worries onto you. I state my concerns and show them to you....and I bring them to you...Father I know you are with me and that everything I go through is under your watchful eye. For that, I am assured...
I cast my worries unto you...
God Bless
Ive been offered a good deal. Now I need to think about whether I want to accept it. It will affect my whole life. What will it be? What are my pros and cons?
Ive had probs at work...It gets very scary when we work till we dont know where everything is anymore...and I worry? How am I gonna get through?
Worry is a vicious enemy....Bible says not to worry. If He is with me, who can be against me? But I still worry....How , why, and what am I gonna do Father? Do I let go of the cons and go with my instinct? I did that bvefore Father and I dont know why I failed.
Sit still....God will help us solve all problems..in normal and not so normal ways....
Father I cast my worries onto you. I state my concerns and show them to you....and I bring them to you...Father I know you are with me and that everything I go through is under your watchful eye. For that, I am assured...
I cast my worries unto you...
God Bless
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Maybe this is why Im me...
Went home late last night...b4 12 and I got a nagging from my mum and my sis. I know Im guilty so I didnt say anything... But it got me wondering...
Im so quiet about the things I do that my parents shud be worried. But nvr have I done something that was bad or harmful..no smoking, no drinking, no taking drugs, no tattoos, no piercings, no hanging with gangs, no unknown clubbing or pubbing sprees..etc..Im a good kid.
But since Im reasonably tame, why is it im not fond of the idea of telling my family all the things Im doing? Like the Musical, the MTV, the performances, the emcee events, the Idol contests?
Was thinking about that....
I remember the reason why Im still fighting to be close to my sis is because Ive always held close the memory of my sis asking me if Im okay when I was crying under my covers in Primary sch. Did badly in my test and was hiding from my mum hahahaha
That would probably be the 1st time my immediate family asked me if I was okay. Amazingly..my family members never ask each other how they are. No doubt they somtimes want to...but they withhold it. how withdrawn are we? I used to think that my family memebers ddnt care about me. Like I was an alien. Like Mathilda by Roald Dahl. Like I was different...My sis was the brainy one and I was just plain...Ning.
I also remember how my mum would always scold me for being untidy and all and that my hair was messy. And what infuriated me...was when she did it on the streets...As we walked, she nagged. That is why I walk faster..or am trained to walk faster...to get away from her nagging to give her no time to nag after me. I didnt need all passerbys know. But with all that nagging, after awhile, it became water that rolls off a ducks back. All the nagging backfired. Not only did not respond to any of it, I walked faster, drowned out the nagging and as and when it did get into my ears...it had reverse psychological effects on me.
So I guess thats why I look very calm and composed when things happen..why I look cool as a cucumber...or cold. Coz Im trained in not showing my expressions or feelings..since day 1. And so if anyone asks if Im doing okay, Ive learnt to say, "Im fine" Not that I dont want to say more...but that I've learnt to deal with things on my own...Im comfortable with not telling people how I feel..it doesnt bother me. Its just..how I am.
If I have a prob, I try all means to solve it myself and I dont talk abt these probs with my family. If I have exciting new stuff Im doing, I dont tell them until the last min. Why? Is it coz Im ashamed? Im af
So Ive become alot like my father...hypocritical, stubborn, secluded, introverted, perpetually looking calm or angry, opinion imposing... Most of these are what I never wanted from him but I got it anyway... what I inherited from my mum, is my capabilties to talk crap and nag.
Soo...I thought about all this and realized that I shouldnt be sad about it...coz God is with me.
Had a fren who was financially troubled but minutes after he told me about this problem, his fren called and offered him a very much legal opp to earn more than enough to settle his financial troubles. Just a snippet of how troubled he is...His mum cant work anymore coz she has a back problem soo bad that she has to go for an opp...costing a few Ks. We both thanked God for this....I just couldnt believe that God had answered his prayer and problems sooo swiftly and surely...I know I promised not to say this but I cant help but feel that I need to show people what God does....
The past 2 weeks have been horrible for me. work was climbing all over be..instead of the other way round. I was up to my neck...yet..whatever I had to do, he made it fast and sweet and smooth. I cant help but to say, "Thank you Father" Everytime I realize how smooth he's made my work.
Btw, Ive been helping my fren do backup vocals for malay songs and Im thankful for such a chance...esp when I now know that my voice isnt good... God has blessed me with a group of colleagues that make my day and I in turn try to make their day too...
Thank you God for all your blessings, thank you for making me a better person and wanting to be a better person. I love you!
God Bless
But back to the basic qn, Whhy is it my family is so quiet?
My school musical is showng on Oct 6 & 7. anyway who wants to buy tx for that show can go to sistic.
Im so quiet about the things I do that my parents shud be worried. But nvr have I done something that was bad or harmful..no smoking, no drinking, no taking drugs, no tattoos, no piercings, no hanging with gangs, no unknown clubbing or pubbing sprees..etc..Im a good kid.
But since Im reasonably tame, why is it im not fond of the idea of telling my family all the things Im doing? Like the Musical, the MTV, the performances, the emcee events, the Idol contests?
Was thinking about that....
I remember the reason why Im still fighting to be close to my sis is because Ive always held close the memory of my sis asking me if Im okay when I was crying under my covers in Primary sch. Did badly in my test and was hiding from my mum hahahaha
That would probably be the 1st time my immediate family asked me if I was okay. Amazingly..my family members never ask each other how they are. No doubt they somtimes want to...but they withhold it. how withdrawn are we? I used to think that my family memebers ddnt care about me. Like I was an alien. Like Mathilda by Roald Dahl. Like I was different...My sis was the brainy one and I was just plain...Ning.
I also remember how my mum would always scold me for being untidy and all and that my hair was messy. And what infuriated me...was when she did it on the streets...As we walked, she nagged. That is why I walk faster..or am trained to walk faster...to get away from her nagging to give her no time to nag after me. I didnt need all passerbys know. But with all that nagging, after awhile, it became water that rolls off a ducks back. All the nagging backfired. Not only did not respond to any of it, I walked faster, drowned out the nagging and as and when it did get into my ears...it had reverse psychological effects on me.
So I guess thats why I look very calm and composed when things happen..why I look cool as a cucumber...or cold. Coz Im trained in not showing my expressions or feelings..since day 1. And so if anyone asks if Im doing okay, Ive learnt to say, "Im fine" Not that I dont want to say more...but that I've learnt to deal with things on my own...Im comfortable with not telling people how I feel..it doesnt bother me. Its just..how I am.
If I have a prob, I try all means to solve it myself and I dont talk abt these probs with my family. If I have exciting new stuff Im doing, I dont tell them until the last min. Why? Is it coz Im ashamed? Im af
So Ive become alot like my father...hypocritical, stubborn, secluded, introverted, perpetually looking calm or angry, opinion imposing... Most of these are what I never wanted from him but I got it anyway... what I inherited from my mum, is my capabilties to talk crap and nag.
Soo...I thought about all this and realized that I shouldnt be sad about it...coz God is with me.
Had a fren who was financially troubled but minutes after he told me about this problem, his fren called and offered him a very much legal opp to earn more than enough to settle his financial troubles. Just a snippet of how troubled he is...His mum cant work anymore coz she has a back problem soo bad that she has to go for an opp...costing a few Ks. We both thanked God for this....I just couldnt believe that God had answered his prayer and problems sooo swiftly and surely...I know I promised not to say this but I cant help but feel that I need to show people what God does....
The past 2 weeks have been horrible for me. work was climbing all over be..instead of the other way round. I was up to my neck...yet..whatever I had to do, he made it fast and sweet and smooth. I cant help but to say, "Thank you Father" Everytime I realize how smooth he's made my work.
Btw, Ive been helping my fren do backup vocals for malay songs and Im thankful for such a chance...esp when I now know that my voice isnt good... God has blessed me with a group of colleagues that make my day and I in turn try to make their day too...
Thank you God for all your blessings, thank you for making me a better person and wanting to be a better person. I love you!
God Bless
But back to the basic qn, Whhy is it my family is so quiet?
My school musical is showng on Oct 6 & 7. anyway who wants to buy tx for that show can go to sistic.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
...
Had a dream yesterday...dont think I shud talk abt it
Had a birthday celebraton on a yacht..the weather was great and my cousin who jus got into the army, was present. I dont know why but i love this cousin alot. Dont get me wrong, I love all of em but somehow I feel that this cousin and I just seem to be able to click with this one hahaha and the smallest one :) Was reminiscing abt the jokes my cousin and I were making ont he boat, with my church fren hahahaha
Was really tired yesterday and i dont know why...
Btw, have been helping a fren of mine sing his back vox for his malay songs hahaha Sooo ive been walking around with my mp3 player and a file of malay lyrics. Not to mention I look malay...I really fit the bill! Hahahhaha was singing his songs everywhere! Hahahahah and believe me, Im actually liking some of them! Hahahhaha
Also to let you know my musical is gonna be sold on SISTIC, please get a ticket and come and watch. im not the lead but I still hope you'll be there...
God Bless
Had a birthday celebraton on a yacht..the weather was great and my cousin who jus got into the army, was present. I dont know why but i love this cousin alot. Dont get me wrong, I love all of em but somehow I feel that this cousin and I just seem to be able to click with this one hahaha and the smallest one :) Was reminiscing abt the jokes my cousin and I were making ont he boat, with my church fren hahahaha
Was really tired yesterday and i dont know why...
Btw, have been helping a fren of mine sing his back vox for his malay songs hahaha Sooo ive been walking around with my mp3 player and a file of malay lyrics. Not to mention I look malay...I really fit the bill! Hahahhaha was singing his songs everywhere! Hahahahah and believe me, Im actually liking some of them! Hahahhaha
Also to let you know my musical is gonna be sold on SISTIC, please get a ticket and come and watch. im not the lead but I still hope you'll be there...
God Bless
Monday, August 07, 2006
Father..Im feeling lousy..
had a good sermon yesterday..wish all of you were there...It was awakening...a revelation...
It made me think about what God wants me to do.... The age old queston Ive been avoiding now has to be answered...I haveto take action...thinking of this task...my hands shake...Im lost for words... I figure that before I start wth this task...I have to pray... Because God has to work in me to make it work.....It made my mood change yesterday...I became very solemn... was planning what to say...but words dont wrk...Im too scared to do it...My fren was asking if was writing my will coz I was very serious and quiet...Well technically....its my will...
Im too scared to say what I wanna stay coz it will affect someone again and I will feel very bad....I mean very very bad...dont ask me why this hasnt been solved already...Ive been trying to solve it...but God keeps reminding me. Do I have to get rid of this person from my life before I can get this prob solved?
Father, is it you? Do you mean to have this prob contantly resurfacing? Why father? does this mean that you dont want me to run? Why not Father? why cant I run away from this? Its gnna hurt both of us if I just stood and fought...and Ive fought so many times..Im full of battle wounds...
God seemed to be saying yesterday, that all I have to do is believe that it will be done...All I have to do is look to God. How abt that Father?
Father wsh I cud hear your voice. Maybe I am..but I cant recognise you...
Cried in church for no apparent reason hahahaha a few tears thats all..but they are happy ones. as they did the communion...my fren looked at me bright eyed and said, "one more month to go!" he's right! One more month to go!
Father...I have decided to face the light..Ive decided to say what I was too scared to say..I dont know how Father, but I will coz I feel that is what you want me to do, you seem to stir my heart and compel me to do it....I will rest in your arms while you lead me to what you want me to see. I will say and let you work your will... Father, deep inside I know things but I dont know if your intentions are so after all it is by my human eyes and heart that I interpret your intentions...if so Father I thank you...if not, I thank you as well because whichever way..it s the best way.
All that there is now...is to wait...it s to wait for the battle to start.
Thanks Father...
God Bless
It made me think about what God wants me to do.... The age old queston Ive been avoiding now has to be answered...I haveto take action...thinking of this task...my hands shake...Im lost for words... I figure that before I start wth this task...I have to pray... Because God has to work in me to make it work.....It made my mood change yesterday...I became very solemn... was planning what to say...but words dont wrk...Im too scared to do it...My fren was asking if was writing my will coz I was very serious and quiet...Well technically....its my will...
Im too scared to say what I wanna stay coz it will affect someone again and I will feel very bad....I mean very very bad...dont ask me why this hasnt been solved already...Ive been trying to solve it...but God keeps reminding me. Do I have to get rid of this person from my life before I can get this prob solved?
Father, is it you? Do you mean to have this prob contantly resurfacing? Why father? does this mean that you dont want me to run? Why not Father? why cant I run away from this? Its gnna hurt both of us if I just stood and fought...and Ive fought so many times..Im full of battle wounds...
God seemed to be saying yesterday, that all I have to do is believe that it will be done...All I have to do is look to God. How abt that Father?
Father wsh I cud hear your voice. Maybe I am..but I cant recognise you...
Cried in church for no apparent reason hahahaha a few tears thats all..but they are happy ones. as they did the communion...my fren looked at me bright eyed and said, "one more month to go!" he's right! One more month to go!
Father...I have decided to face the light..Ive decided to say what I was too scared to say..I dont know how Father, but I will coz I feel that is what you want me to do, you seem to stir my heart and compel me to do it....I will rest in your arms while you lead me to what you want me to see. I will say and let you work your will... Father, deep inside I know things but I dont know if your intentions are so after all it is by my human eyes and heart that I interpret your intentions...if so Father I thank you...if not, I thank you as well because whichever way..it s the best way.
All that there is now...is to wait...it s to wait for the battle to start.
Thanks Father...
God Bless
Saturday, August 05, 2006
emmmmm
granny's birthday today..what should I do?
saw miao miao (my stray cat) with her kids int he middle of the soccer field yesterday...seems like a session of home schooling. They were all miaoing at each other I figure she was trying to teach em..how to miao? But it was really cute...a big cat sitting down and facing 2 small cats hahahah
Hmm had some funny thoughts..been wanting to say them for a long time but they always slip my mind when I come down to it...
Been doing some stats for a leadership camp...the qn: Food Preferance..... its quite standard to see the chinese put chinese food and malays put muslim food..but what if (assuming I was going) I put indian food or thai food or malay food instead of the usual chinese. Is that trying to be funny? hahahahaha Well, I love indian food! At times, I prefer it! How cool would it be to be at a camp and not have the same old oily gravy chinese food, but oily curry indian food with prata and thosai and stuff. And the tea being mamsala tea?
Consequently, I did have a China Native student op for chinese and muslim. Cool!
Had a bad day yesterday....the work really brought me down...but I wasnt giving up. I was thinking to myself that God is with me. He is giving me strength and help. I had christian songs playing on my PC and it helped just hearing a verse of it while did my work because it was a reminder.
Tuition was good, thenk God as well....For the 1st in a long, I gave thanks for my food....I now know what it means to give thanks for my food and I now WANT to give thanks for my food! may forget...but I want to...My tution kid's grandma saw me and askd if I was baptised. She's a new believeer..my tution kid isnt coz his dad isnt....I pray for them... My tuition kid was good yesterday...he wasnt fidgety or naughty, We shared a book on astronomy , the universe etc and we talked alot abt many things. So my tuition was good :)
K gotta run. got musical rehearsal now,
God Bless
saw miao miao (my stray cat) with her kids int he middle of the soccer field yesterday...seems like a session of home schooling. They were all miaoing at each other I figure she was trying to teach em..how to miao? But it was really cute...a big cat sitting down and facing 2 small cats hahahah
Hmm had some funny thoughts..been wanting to say them for a long time but they always slip my mind when I come down to it...
Been doing some stats for a leadership camp...the qn: Food Preferance..... its quite standard to see the chinese put chinese food and malays put muslim food..but what if (assuming I was going) I put indian food or thai food or malay food instead of the usual chinese. Is that trying to be funny? hahahahaha Well, I love indian food! At times, I prefer it! How cool would it be to be at a camp and not have the same old oily gravy chinese food, but oily curry indian food with prata and thosai and stuff. And the tea being mamsala tea?
Consequently, I did have a China Native student op for chinese and muslim. Cool!
Had a bad day yesterday....the work really brought me down...but I wasnt giving up. I was thinking to myself that God is with me. He is giving me strength and help. I had christian songs playing on my PC and it helped just hearing a verse of it while did my work because it was a reminder.
Tuition was good, thenk God as well....For the 1st in a long, I gave thanks for my food....I now know what it means to give thanks for my food and I now WANT to give thanks for my food! may forget...but I want to...My tution kid's grandma saw me and askd if I was baptised. She's a new believeer..my tution kid isnt coz his dad isnt....I pray for them... My tuition kid was good yesterday...he wasnt fidgety or naughty, We shared a book on astronomy , the universe etc and we talked alot abt many things. So my tuition was good :)
K gotta run. got musical rehearsal now,
God Bless
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Is it a sin?
I wonder what will happen if I blog in work...will I get fired? Freedom of speech? Not like Im commiting defamation... how?
Read my bro's blog and He commented on how happy He is of me wanting to get baptised. Surprise surprise! Obviously He doesnt read my blog entries. Not that I resent it but I guess its been something Ive been thinking of for years...yet..somehow Ive always had a hesitance. i wanna do it willingly and not that I shud..theres a dff doing in because you want to and because you need to. I want to. I finally want to!
as for all other things..I dont know why Im built in a way where I learn things the hard way...I do things my way and do what I like...(irony for eveyrone who thinks that Im trying to control them) Is it cause since young, I wasnt allowed to do things I wanted to? Raised a rebel? Is this gonna hurt my future? I think so...I dont think much about it but when I do and when people try to convince me and advse me...I go back into the contemplative mood...should i or should I not? Or should I follow the convensional way? did my having an ex indian bf result of this?
Am i so idealistic that I cant tell when someone is trying to make use of me? eerytime I tnk of this, I know what calms me dwn..is that God has brought me here...if so, He has is reasons..and He has his own way of making me come out victorious! I praise God for that...I praise Him for my tough situations because its at these times that I take refuge in His care over me. Its not foolish escape coz everytime Im in trouble, He always takse me out from it.
Anyway..my mood is abit low now...I dont exactly know what to do now...but I believe in God. And thats all I need...
God Bless
Read my bro's blog and He commented on how happy He is of me wanting to get baptised. Surprise surprise! Obviously He doesnt read my blog entries. Not that I resent it but I guess its been something Ive been thinking of for years...yet..somehow Ive always had a hesitance. i wanna do it willingly and not that I shud..theres a dff doing in because you want to and because you need to. I want to. I finally want to!
as for all other things..I dont know why Im built in a way where I learn things the hard way...I do things my way and do what I like...(irony for eveyrone who thinks that Im trying to control them) Is it cause since young, I wasnt allowed to do things I wanted to? Raised a rebel? Is this gonna hurt my future? I think so...I dont think much about it but when I do and when people try to convince me and advse me...I go back into the contemplative mood...should i or should I not? Or should I follow the convensional way? did my having an ex indian bf result of this?
Am i so idealistic that I cant tell when someone is trying to make use of me? eerytime I tnk of this, I know what calms me dwn..is that God has brought me here...if so, He has is reasons..and He has his own way of making me come out victorious! I praise God for that...I praise Him for my tough situations because its at these times that I take refuge in His care over me. Its not foolish escape coz everytime Im in trouble, He always takse me out from it.
Anyway..my mood is abit low now...I dont exactly know what to do now...but I believe in God. And thats all I need...
God Bless
SIGH...
so finally, stress catches up with me...
yesterday was an interesting day, NDOC (Natnl Day Observence Ceremony) and I went down to support my junior and watch their performances...it was really fun..really makes me wsh i cud be the one hosting..anyway...that was really fun...
What sucked yesterday...was my musical rehearsal....Im stetched quite far and the rehearsal was very tiring for me...I know I deserved to be scolded for not being able to follow my steps but whats upsetting me...is that Im busy with work and tuition and church that Im really tired by the end of the day. Church is fin for me..i love church...going today for bible study too... I need church more than anything now coz right now all Im thinking is how I can do it..and not how to pray to God and ask him for help. After all, if he created the world, this sint too hard for Him. At these times I know that I am blessed. Thank you Father that even as I feel an overload, I know you look after me.
God Bless
yesterday was an interesting day, NDOC (Natnl Day Observence Ceremony) and I went down to support my junior and watch their performances...it was really fun..really makes me wsh i cud be the one hosting..anyway...that was really fun...
What sucked yesterday...was my musical rehearsal....Im stetched quite far and the rehearsal was very tiring for me...I know I deserved to be scolded for not being able to follow my steps but whats upsetting me...is that Im busy with work and tuition and church that Im really tired by the end of the day. Church is fin for me..i love church...going today for bible study too... I need church more than anything now coz right now all Im thinking is how I can do it..and not how to pray to God and ask him for help. After all, if he created the world, this sint too hard for Him. At these times I know that I am blessed. Thank you Father that even as I feel an overload, I know you look after me.
God Bless
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