New year is almost here

Before the big clock strikes 12 unto the first second of 2015, there are many things that I feel I will need to give thanks to...

This year was tough because i was back in Singapore. it took a while to get used to it after 3 years in Sydney.
Needless to say, Im thankful for the office and the people in it for welcoming me back. Especially my colleagues who are close to me. Who make me laugh, who celebrated my birthday etc. I cant be more thankful for them. Without them, my office wouldnt be what it is..motivational, inspiring, fun

Im thankful for my "siblings" for staying as my siblings. :)

For my family whom I have missed alot. Especially my sister, cousins and the young ones.

Im thankful to be able to graduate :D, to be able to go to Sydney to graduate. And at the same time catch up with many friends.

Also thankful for the India trip. To have made new friends and to see my soul sister get married.

To have been able to learn how to swim, to swim with family.

To be able to host a few events and to be offered to host more.

Time is precious and I feel that whilst more could have been done...this year wasnt too shabby. :P

Thank you God for all the blessings you have given me this year. Keep it coming!!! LOL

God Bless

....

so had a really long chat with a friend recently. from 10pm to 5am...whilst im feeling bloody tired now, not really regretting it because its been such a looonnngggg time since I actually met someone who thinks and acts exactly like me!! Packed with humour that got me in stitches. It was such an honest conversation which I havnt had in a long time.... the sort of conversation, Ive been in need of for a long time..something that made me feel like I was willing to just brave the fear and speak my mind. a conversation that didnt consist of mediocre replies but real life experiences, real thoughts and feelings that I have always been afraid of saying, for fear that the listener would read into it and read me. Of things that Ive always believed but never mentioend because nobody really asked or didnt seem to want to sit down to listen.

We spoke of fear, breakups, being an introvert, the real self, the dreams, conflict in the world, autism, abuse, women and children, movies, religion.

got to know this new friend at a friend's wedding and because of his character, I found myself instantly throwing comebacks at his comments. something that I felt very bad afterwhich and as such, tried not to say anything else to offend but somehow we still ended up throwing comments at each other. abit of friendly smart comments flying around. Good thing this person has enough skin to not be offended. 

this and my friend's wedding, got me thinking about my own life...

what i want of it, whether Im living my life the way it's meant to be lived, whether Ive just allowed myself to close up so much that what I could have enjoyed, Ive just pushed away...Ive had too many people asking me when my turn will be...... ppfft

it truly is time to make new resolutions and action on it... to re-evaluate my goals and deadlines...

God Bless

2 weddings in a day...

So one of my ISCians got married to another ISCian. Another ISC baby!!!!
I'm so happy for them finally tying the knot! Also got a chance to catch up with many ISCians because of this gathering. Good to see familiar faces :D Good to catch up with them and find out how they're doing.

Of course the rest of us kept asking each other when it will be our turn... dont know man..

Then after lunch, i went to my cousin's wedding reception at Fullerton. Was most excited to see the children. To give them hugs and kisses, to carry them. Missed them for 1.5months! Miss my cousins for 1.5months!

Distance did make the heart fonder. my 3 years in Aus definitely showed me how precious my cousins were to me. They are my distant siblings :) I love them and their children are like my children..onyl that I dont need to bring them home.

Today I carried Emily for the 2nd time. the little duckling of the family. :) When is aw my cousin (the father) carry her, I found that soooo endearing. My cousin whom is my age, whom I grew up with, carrying his little daughter. protecting her, rocking her, showing her around. :)

My nieces and nephews grow up so fast! too fast! I want to be able to communicate with them!

After the lunch, some of my cousins and I went to Orchard to shop. buying presents for the little ones is such  tough task! I dont want them to play with useless toys or toys that they don't fancy. I want it to be educational, fun and harmless to them. a lot of those toys dont meet all the criteria and if they do, the kids probably already have it

I treasure the time I have with my cousins... we all grew up too quickly too. Now that everyone has their own lives, its abit harder to get us together.... our younger generation needs to have that amazing bond that we have with our cousins and aunties. Thats what we can give them...

GOd Bless

The words unsaid...

So recently Ive felt that I just dont say much to anyone.
Most likely true actually...
"good!" is the auto-reply I give to anyone who's asked me how I am.
The thing is..I know I'm not always good and is my life can only be described with "good"..then what am I doing with my life?
Sometimes I give the auto-reply because tell you the full story might be a drag. especially when we're not the only ones meeting up. Or because I think that question was just a version of "hi"

Maybe its unfair to expect anyone to really want to listen to your life story...and as such " Im good" helps both parties. Does it? Are we really all so superficial to each other? Are we all so selfish?

I guess now, I dont need anything but someone to really connect with. And till I find it, I feel like I'm forcing my thoughts and stories on people who dont want to hear it. And maybe thats why some people feel that they can talk to me. Because I don't disrupt them much...or I try not to...

I feel like Ive heard so much and spoken so little...

Maybe what I really need..is for someone to speak to...who actually listens...the person doesnt need to agree to everything I say..just let me say it...

Maybe it's me being selfish..maybe its me being an introvert and realizing that if I dont speak up, I'd never make new long lasting friends.
 I dont need "hi bye" friends..I need close ones..but of course if I dont speak up, I will never have that...

But maybe I dont want to seem like Im relying on people with my emotions..maybe I dont want them to know how weak I am..maybe I dont want to waste their time..maybe I feel like my stories arent worth their time... maybe its just the extreme introvert speaking..

maybe its the me who hasnt found someone..speaking...proclaiming the kind of person I need and proclaiming the requirements..and maybe..just maybe..hoping that someone would ride by this blogspot and find this and break through the thorns and climb the wall...

sounds like a nice topic for a song...

Had a chat with a friend recently..somehow we (in our own points in life) felt the immense pain of a failed relationship..and hence have barred ourselves from others... an underlying fear of opening up that door... the inexplainable pain... we both felt that despite having been out of the scene for more than 3 years, we still feel that our past loves are still causing us pain. In my case, it's not pain, but a sore reminder that I let my heart out in the open and got it hurt and still havnt had the courage to let someone else in.

I dont regret loving the one I loved. because he showed me what love was. But the pain after that was like a stab and a tear of an inner muscles that is now scarred and might never dissappear..

God Bless

To India & Back #3

Dharamshala was an amazing place...the weather wasnt as cold as I thought and our room was pretty huge with our own bathroom.
Alot of the locals reminded me of my burmese students.
The scenery was meditation inspiring and I found myself wanted to stare at the sky and think about life. Didnt get a chance to climb up the mountains but I got a chance to catch the HImalayan Festival. Saw the mongolian throat singing, the tibetan yak song. All that cultural performances hit the right spot for me. India wouldnt be India if I didnt get a chance of music and dance onstage.

I got to know many of Orevia's tibetan friends and got to see hte local schools. The children are so cute! Rosy cheeked. They were playing soccer with tennis balls.

I left Dharamshala nervous and sad. I would be travelling alone from here on and it would be the last time in a long while that I see Orevia.

Unfortunately on my trip, I lost my aussie phone... :/

I got to know this French lady, Eliese? She looked after me during the bus trip. If not for her, I would have ended up at kashmir gate instead of Manju Ka Tilla. She also let me rest in her room and use her bathroom before I went off. Im totally appreciative of her care. if not for her, i would have been a ton of nerves being in delhi alone in the early morning.

I managed to survive in Delhi on my own for the day. Although, I did however get hit by an auto rickshaw. No biggie. No scars, just a big bruise on my arm. Did shake my nerves though. was abit more concerned about crossing the roads.

Bought stuff for myself and for others.

By 3pm, I was at the airport, waiting for my flight to Delhi. Delhi was starting to drizzle when i left.
I flew to Mumbai and then to Singapore. Reached on 14 Dec morning.

It's tough to write about this trip when alot of my emotions cant be described in words.

Its almost a week since I left but I still miss India. I miss the new friends I made and I miss Sonal again. :) She is after all my soul sister :) Her family is now my family. I love her mum and her grandmother. Something about them makes me want to give them big hugs! Even Sonal's dad.

I dont know when would be the next time that I go to India but at least now, I know that I have friends and "family" there to meet up with and hangout with them.

I sorta also regret not learning my hindi. It hindered alot my understanding to the conversations. although alot of the friends were considerate enough to translate :) yet whatever hindi I could use, I did :P

All in all, this India was a partial tick off my bucket list and yet a full tick. because I experienced alot of other stuff aside from what I had planned to see. :)

Since coming back from India, I'm once again reminded of just how fortunate i am to be a Singaporean. I am in a country that is safe for women, the air pollution here is alot alot alot lesser, people here had adopted a cleaner way of living. Our sanitation is alot cleaner then in India and there are no touts. The trees and grass here are cleaner than in India. My family and I are truly fortunate to be from Singapore when it is a developed country.

God Bless

You...

I'm sorry that I miss you. Its just one of those times that makes me wish I had someone. You apparently became that someone in my mind.

What can I say, you were funny enough to make me break a smile.

And then you made me laugh.

And then you made me think that I could probably lean forward and start a deep conversation with you without worrying about whether I am wasting your time.

:)

Just saying.. yes I do miss you. 

To India and back #2

The last night at the Pahwa Residence was too quiet. Everyone left except me. Such a big house became soooo lonely...

Next morning, after having my last taste of Poha, Sonal's parents sent me to the airport. I tried my best to hold back my tears for them, knowing that I would see them in Delhi soon again.

Having Sonal's auntie and cousin take the same flight as me, was a relief considering that I had know idea how Delhi would be like. Sonal and Nikhil were there to fetch me front heir own flight and Nikhil's family came to fetch all of us. The car was decked with ribbons and flowers and so we got a lot of stares on the way home.

Upon reaching nikhil's house, the couple got a big welcome from relatives. of course, the drummers would be there. Being the only outsider there, it was akward to step out of the same grand car as the new couple.. Nikhil's grandma started dancing too.
The family was friendly and we chatted after lunch. Nikhil even sang! He sang the song he wrote for Sonal after the first meeting. :) The family is really talented and I can't wait for the day that I can see the Malhotra family do a performance together.

The couple drove me to Pahar Ganj where my hotel was booked. It was a narrow stretch of shops with touts on both sides. Sonal in her punjabi dress, me in my chinese looks and Nikhil with a big backpack, definitely drew attention. Sonal was worried about me and wouldn't relax till orevia arrived and we finally assured her that we could survive.

I must say that despite having seen sonal for the past few days, we didn't really have a chance to sit and talk and I miss that terribly. I value our chats. :)

The days in Delhi were lazy mornings and unplanned shopping. Also heck load of walking. We walked more than 1 hour to get to Khan Market from Pahar Ganj and it was fun! Nothing like walking around in an unknown place. Only problem with being unplanned, is that I didn't end up seeing all I was hoping to see. Ended up going to places I hadn't planned. Yet all in all, I did enjoy being in Delhi. We learnt (out of trial and error) that Delhi Metro was loads cheaper and faster than the auto rickshaws. And at peak periods, it was still packed to the brim, even in the women's cabins.
And people like to "cut" queues. Playing trust fall with everyone into cabin is pretty embarrassing. Everybody playing trust fall with everyone else is funny.

Various instances of bargaining with the auto rickshaws, walking by people who asked if we were from China or Taiwan etc. Also getting brought to wrong places by the rickshaws. Yet because orevia and I had each other, all was good. It was all a learning experience.

I ended up seeing some of what I wanted. The rest would have to be left for the next India trip then.

Sonal and Nikhil's Delhi reception was even more lavished than the Indore reception. it was good to see some familiar faces like the relatives and Sonal's family. As expected, I would cry again and this time, was to say goodbye to Sonal's family. the next day is our ride to Dharamshala. 11hours ride

Part 3 coming soon...

God Bless

To India and back

I haven't blogged in awhile but this is worth blogging. Of course...words can't describe India fully..

I started on 30th November morning. The plans as to get to Mumbai, transit to Indore then make a Beeline to Sonal's place for her wedding. On the way, I met Constanza and Puneet and that calmed me down about how i was gonna manage India. I love this country but it still scared me. Whilst int eh car to Sonal's place, the thought of seeing her when we reach there, kept a smile on my face. After 3 years of not seeing each other, I finally get to meet her face to face and witness her get married.

Even now, thinking about her makes me tear and honest to God, I dont know why. I guess I love her to bits and having spent a year int eh same house as her, chatting with her about our lives and our loves and our loses...to see her again and talk with her again..was emotional. Not to mention to see her finally happy and content.

We went to get our attires on the first day. Apparently the 5-6 days of wedding ceremonies required us to be in a variety of casual to heavy attire. The first day was getting to know the family. I guess Sonal must have spoken to them about me because her dad welcomed me by name. I also hit it off well with her mother and sister. People whom Ive seen in pictures and heard about but never got to meet face to face. Yet Ive come to regard as family.

I can't have a more indian family than this one. Infact, when the dohl started playing, people danced. We had dance games whereby a host would say a rhyme that ended with the name of a group of people. This group of people would then have to step forward to dance. The elders waved money over our heads as blessing and handed it to the performers.

2nd day we got our mehendi done. mehendi aka henna. 5 girls hired to come to the house to do mehendi for everyone! Depending on the family relations, the mehendi got more complicated and longer. Sonal's mehendi took 5-6hours for all 4 limbs. It incorporated various wedding scenes and nikhil's name. Sonal also brought me to see her secret dance rehearsal which I teared just watching.

To be honest, I never felt so emotional in awhile and this was the first that it was for a happy reason.

Made me feel silly but hey it's my Indian soul sister's wedding!!!!

Also got the chance to try Paan. its an after food thing they eat to improve the breathe and help digestion. Wrapped in betal leaves..it did taste like mouthwash and toothpaste.

3rd day we moved to the hotel. before that, we helped Sonal get ready. This included heating her mehendi patterned hands over a hot plate and helping her scrap off the dried mehendi from her legs and heating them over the hot plates. it seems that the heat does darken the colour of the mehendi which is an auspicious thing. The darker the patterns not eh under side, the better your relationship is with your spouse. the darker it is on the upside, the better your relations are with your in-laws. It was a small and simple thing to help her with this mehendi..but to me, it was also an honour. An honour to be of help in her wedding. To be the special person to help her with this. I know I overthinking this but Id like to think so. Considering how most of what was spoken was in Hindi, it leaves little space for us non-hindi folks to help out..so this task was a privilege.

At the hotel, Ive learnt that the dohl was like our alarm clock. when  it sounded, we came together and danced. Apparently the family booked the entire hotel.. pretty crazy but the number of guests warranted the extravagance I guess.

Did I also mention how we were constantly reminded to have food and drinks since day one? Basanti, the servant girl never failed to come around to ask if we wanted water, tea or coffee with a smile on her face. I love her to bits despite her persistent offers.

In these few days, I got to know many new people. Constanza, Hanna, Puneet, Orevia, Swati, Yukti, Rashi, Noamaan, soo many whom I've tried to remember names of. Sharan, Karan etc

Hanna and I clicked almost instantly. Sydney folk. For the rest, it took awhile but everyone was very friendly. The one who cracked me put he most was Puneet. Not only did he remind me of my student, Abid, he was also pretty hilariously funny and at times, annoying. Makes me want to throw comments at him or smack him on the shoulder. He's one of those guys I know I would get along with well.

That night, we had an extravagant dinner at the hall that really looked like a fashion show/Academy Awards ceremony... And the bride and groom were gorgeously dressed. Im talking bling and makeup.

This was also the night that Sonal would show her dance. I was excited and nervous for her! Aside from her, all the other family members chipped in with their own dances. The mothers in the family danced a song that apparently spoke of how a mother can't bear to let her daughter go. Its a good thing I didn't know hindi because upon having that explained to me, I teared. Thinking about how her mum might feel that way..

As warned, I teared from her mum's dance, at her dance and at other various occasions.

Next day, we had her bangle ceremony and Nikhil's torture ceremony. Her wedding bangles and to be washed in milk and worn on her wrist by family members. Also she would be smeared with turmeric by her family members and friends who would receive it from her too. For me, she decided to smear it all over my face and chin...

Seeing her family play the drum and sing folk songs during the ceremony was fun. despite not know what they meant, seeing how everyone just loved the music and sang along.

Nikhil on the other hand, was smeared all over with turmeric but also had his shirt torn up! didn't witness all that but he looked wonderfully terrible after that. Seeing them meet at the stairway with nobody around was very sweet. In fact, hearing her tone change when he's not he other end of the phone, makes me feel very happy for her. :) Hope he treats her well.

The night event included a big banquet where the couple had to stand onstage to welcome and take photos with everyone for hours. Sonal was stressing out before that and whatever orders she gave me, I did. Not knowing what else to do, I tried to make her smile. One does not want to be on the receiving end of a stressed boss-like bride. But honestly, helping her with anything during this wedding, was my pleasure. All that I can do for such a dear sister.

She cried during the end of this day. After the ceremony in front of the fire, walking around the fire etc, she went around the room, saying bye to her family members. it when she came face to face with her big uncle, that tears flowed... Then they got worse as she went around the room. Basanti went around passing out tissues. The last bit where she walked out of the room, throwing a mix of rice and stuff behind her every few steps that she took. Apparently, it means her throwing her memories back to her family because she is now moving on to a new life with a new family.

The groom brings her to the car/horse and they ride off into the night whilst she still had teardrops in her lashes. When her father came forth to her, she instantly clung to him and cried hard. Thats where i teared too...

The next day, we went back to the house... was a quiet day because most of the guests had gone home, the rest of us, knew that some of us would be leaving India soon. Amidst the jokes, we subconsciously knew that time was running out. Its amazing how with the little time we had, the friendship was strong. This was the one time a lot of us finally got a chance to sit and talk with the family. We also laughed about Basanti and her persistence. Wasabi, tea, coffee, tissue, saree etc

Right. stopping here for now. Continue another day. Bollywood movies dont last for only an hour.. :D

God Bless