Things I must change about myself

If I didnt know this already...

- Be more meticulous
- Be more outspoken
- Be alert
- TRUST IN GOD!!!

Its sooo easy to say that I believe in God when I cant even put my worries to Him...Im dissappointed at myself...

Father, let me work with you in my heart...only then will I be able to do things to my utmost capabilities..

God Bless

a new day has come...work is on the way

wat a shitty title....do i look like i care?....emm dunno...

Aching all over from yesterday's gym. weights and treadmill...simply coz cant bear to run on the track and risk beng laughed at hahahah.look at all those trimmed and washboard bodies and look at mine? sigh...deep DEEP SIGH!

Hearing indian music now...I guess have to thank God for helping me to escape the stronghold that music has one me. I dont think ive ever not listened to my mp3 player for as long a time as now.

k m speakng rubbish now. take care you all!

God Bless!

GMAIL!!!

I HEREBY PROMOTE GMAIL! Any student who is above secondary school, should get a gmail account! It has a HUGE amnt of inbox space! The attachment space is also ALOT bigger than hotmail so when people send you big files, it wont get bounced back so easily. Every email you send to gets automatically saved into your address book. All you have to do is type in the first few letters of the person you wanna send to and Voila! It appears!

So please please go get a gmail accnt and spare all ur frens the confuscion of sending files to you and getting error replies.

Was sick on fri and now Im better. Got my blind girl's role for the poster shot (ie: doesnt mean Id be the one on stage singing) Im excited but worried about my costumes. I never seem to have the right clothes for any roles I play! :( an excuse to buy new clothes but...i wonder if Id ever wear them again in real life...

Anyway..back to work. Needed to take a break. My MP3 is now in the hospital....for those who want a new mp3 player. Creative Muvo TX FM 1GB is at

The big and disgusting Chicken Essence Experience!

Blleccchhhh!

Wanted to drink chicken essence today. Opened the box and saw powdery substance on the bottle lid. Took the seal off and saw powdery substance around the rim of the bottle. Looked intot he bottle and didint see any powdery stuff floating on the liquid surface. My mum said it should be ok coz chicken essence lasts very long...

I drank it and it tasted like metal or wood! I looked into the bowl and I saw what I HOPE is a piece of cordycep or ginseng...I HOPE. I threw the rest into the sink and droned myself with water!

I hope I dont get sick today coz of this. :/ I feel like Im gonna get sick! Waaahhh Chicken Essence nightmare!

Anyway..long day today...gotta start thinking of what to do for tuition today...

One thing do know...I will pray for my healthy in Jesus's name!

God Bless!

Casting

Yesterday was casting night....by the time I got home, I was dead tired...Cant say I have all the confidence to do my part and i feel really bad that didnt do as well as I wanted...sigh...God will let me see what He wants me to do...

God Bless

Lets take a few mins to talk abt Mr Da Vinci

went w my bros to watch Da Vinci Code and we came out discussing abt it...

Few things I disagree with....
- Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene
- Jesus has a child ( a daughter even )
- Jesus is all human
- Holy grail

I cant place my arguement in now coz im in the office but I will do so soon.

God Bless!

ohh work!

So once again Im chased by enraged students who have not gotten their ezlink cards and quite honestly...it seems my losing my cool. oh well...

Got my mp3 player repaired...not entirely new but i can live with it for now :P My PC is still very much down..sigh...I feel sad thinking of the lost songs, lost pics....everything is lost...including the Ba Gua Girls album! Waahhhhh

God has been good to me...although im frustrated at the fact that I cant keep Him in my heart when there is most trouble in my heart...I need a quiet place to rest my mind for a day.

Soo...what else to say? I want to go home and pack my stuff tonight..I want to throw away alot of stuff that I cant bear to throw....

Given my lack of internet connection...if you are free andhave nothing to do...please call me. Im bored stiff....

Love and God Bless

:(

PC is broken..mp3 is broken...Something tells me that God is trying to stop me from getting addicted to them. Anyway..my entries will be suspended if not very short for these few days.
Sorry dudes.

Next time my PC is okay, remind me to tell you guys abt Da Vinci Code.

Ciaos!

God Bless!

what a day!

Went for a National Youth Leaders Day Seminar today and I hate to admit it but I did buy into allt he leadership stuff. I miss having camps and all and having to lead people...not too sure if Im a good leader but I want to be a gd leader...But Jocelyn Yeo is right...If I can even gao dim my own stuff, how do I lead others? Sorta makes me wanna clear up teh stink hole I have...as a room...

Makes me wanna straighten my self...sometimes I feel as if I dont know myself..nor do I know what I want...or how far I feel I can go. And hoenstly..I envy those that do understand themselves! Need alot of time to think thigns through....

Was having lunch today and my juniors and I sat outside the foodcourt eating..we saw this whole flock of birds swoop down from the roof..onto a fresh untouched plate of rice. The word to describe..."savagely" alike to vultures...the owner fot he rice came back and quite pitifully chaesd the brids away...he didnt mope over spilt and scattered rice..but drank some soup and left...this owner was a pri sch kid....SHIT!...

went to Man Of Letters Musical at night...It was fantastic...the sets were magically made that made changin sets so fluent and discreet! I loved the stiry line and it sorta reminds me of one of my fren's love stories..set in 1960's etc.. the songs were damn cool (written by Dick Lee) but I guess allt he actors and actresses were nervous or soemthing...they were quite out of tune....

Im worried that I would be like that too...I can imagine someoen as judgemental as Simon Cowell or Dick Lee sitting in the crowd, serious look, shaking head and thinking, "she sucks! Atrocious! So Karaoke! Utter rubbish!" Or flinching when I go out of tune...like how I did when one of the chracters started singing....What Will I do?!?!?!?

My aches and pains are over....musical training and aikido...maybe I'll start getting packs! Maybe I shud start running!...on the track i mean..mon?hmm...

K seriously...I need to thank God for today and every other day... He knows what I love and has helped me to better understand myself today...some things I know abt myself....I love to lead coz of the dependency of pple on me...I love to go on stage...I love to learn new stuff that I feel is useful for me...but my ego is my downfall...My ego is the size of Mt Everest and bigger.....my temper is shorter than the diameter of a strain of hair. Ego plays no part in success.. My pride, emotions and temper have made me a mean old witch! And the more i work in SAA,t he moer I fear that I wud end up as rigid as a bamboo stick and not be able to think out of the box....I will try my best and change the system...or parts of the service.

K time to go. yc!

Wat a day...

Wanted to write something this morning but everything started ticking and my work started to flow in...sigh..guess this is the only time that I can do a decent entry...

2 days ago, one of my sista's new husband's best men called me and started asking funny questions...abt what kind of guy i like and how I find one of the guys....Haiyoh! ....I did strike up a conversation with some of them and they seem like the crappy sort. One thing I do know though... that my sista is a buddhist...and her husband's family is a buddhist too...I'm assuming here...but I think his frens would be the same. Not to mention...smokers.... God help us all.... They are not bad people...in fact they would be the kind I would like to be bros & sistas with...but...not anything else. In fact, my sista's bro and I have become like siblings hahaha and her mom and I are pals too. Now funny thoughts guys..the bro is in sec sch.

Work has been better now that the expressway jam is cleared. :) Unfortunatly, I have not been spared of my "Maria!" maid calling incidents..what to do....

My mood and behaviour has become almost cryptic to everyone else and I cant explain it but its me. I get defensive at times..for different funny reasons. Some of these reasons are clear to me and some are not but I do know that even if I knew the reasons..sometimes its hard to control so Im not gonna try...Dont fret over my behaviours coz it wont help...accept and let it go.
Speaking of accepting..I should apologize to my bros and sistas..for being the nuisance i am that instills her thoughts of good and bed into others...getting angry at people who dont think like me....I am cruel..very cruel and being my sistas and bros, they have forgiven me time and again and Im ever grateful... Sorry guys! I guess me being over emotional..I get dissappointed easily when one of them do something that I feel is very wrong..like tattoos and drinking and smoking...but tell me honestly! How can these things be good for you ? Tell me! ....and here I go again....

Its also beyond me how certain bros are able to bring out the kid in me...while others make me take a more mature and serious approach. I dont think its age...coz I have frens whom are alot older and yet they are able to make me act like a kid in front of them. Even younger ones make me do that too! Something like me getting excited over seeing them everytime I see them..or acting silly and lame.
But for others...I always seem to be like the ever serious sister..who gives them a "what the" lookw hen they do silly things..Like I cant relax myself in front of them....no matter how I try....I give the solemn or heck care attitude...

Im startng to think that Ive been giving one of my bros...funny ideas and that worries me..coz his siblinghood is very impt to him...he's a nice guy and all and our frequency is on par...thats why I know that this bro is an important asset ( no ulterior meaning to it) He's blessed and charismatic and I hope he stays the way he used to be coz aside from all this..he is highly easily influenced...in a way...and this is the area i worry about. But him being blessed....I nkow God is by his side and keeps him to the right track. Who God chooses as His sheep, can never escape from the pen and go back into a sinful life. Another bro of mine (the 3 of us being gd pals) is a nice guy too and much as he's quiet and shy and reserved at times..Im sooo happy to have seen his happy and funny and kiddish side..its alarming but endearing and rare..hence very precious. I only wish I could keep all my bros as they are and our siblinghood close.
But because of this closeness between my bros and I, any misunderstandings can accumulate to big disasters. I know my bros feel the change in moods...and are affected by it...All I know is that if I could help not being defensive...I would..but until I feel that everything is back to normal...will I be back to normal....
Whatever it is...(I know Im assuming) I tink I know why my bro is also having a switch in chracter......I hope Im wrong hahahhaha

God I follow your lead and let my troubles be placed in your hands and let you take care of it. Dont let me worry and fret Father..dont let me be angry and sad father......Dont let me be plagued by funny thoughts....

God Bless

Miss World!!! The ambassador of Afghanistan.

Her picture is one of the 100 Best Pics by National Geographic...
http://www.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/100best/multi1_interview.html
http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/afghangirl/

Her picture alone, motivated people to help Afghanistan financially.

ohhh aikido!

Just got back from Aikido class. Very rusty these days coz I havnt attended class for the longest time. :P Yet I guess Sensei still likes to crap with me Hehehehe He is as crappy as me!
I really see him as a father hahahha one of those father figures...Mr Miyagi

Work was heavy...owe quite abit man...but thanks to my fren helping me out...I feel alot better. I know how it feels like to be bogged by work but stressful as it is..it gives me a sense of achievement when i get things done.

Anyway..to lighten up the sterssful moments...I have these videos to entertain me! Check em out man! Courtesy of my bro, Ryan! Thanks ah!

05121802324416.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rexUdNhPFVI

http://www.tuu.com.tw/qstyle.com.tw/upload/flash/demo.swf

Damn funny!

Anyway...while going home, i was singing to myself...a guy behind me who eventually overtook me, heard my singing and said that I should sing louder...was my voice was beautiful....

I dont know what to say about that..I just think my voice is ordinary...its God-sent thats for sure and I orayt hat God continues to perserve his blessing for me. :) Thank you Father!

Sooo...the blog ends here..wish i cud tell you abt my funny colleagues but some other day then.

Itching for a sentosa trip or malaysia trip...anyone?

God Bless!

In a better state of mind, I attempt to write again!

Sooo...this may sound funny...but I had a hangover from yesterday hahahah And honestly, I didnt drink a drop!

I was soooo tired today that I really needed to dig a hole and stick my head in...hoping that people wouldnt find me...the ostrich concept.

Whats also funny, is that I have withdrawal syndrome from last night. As my sista walked downt the aisle...it finally hit me that she was gonna become a Mrs and was going to be able to live happily with her husband! I felt so happy for her that I couldnt stop smiling! Given my headache, I tried as well as I could to do the dinner with my co-host. wasnt very successful....so sorry Riyu...:/ I dont know why I miss yesterday...but I do. And seeing my sista and her family...:) I pray for her happiness.

BTW..abit of heart pain..i tried to iron my golden dress and ended up making a hole in it...I could kick myself a thousand times for that coz this dress was gievn to me by an SP officer cum fren...I feel sooo sad and angry with myself! :( That dress has memories....

Got work to do now. A dreaded monday is over and a dreaded tuesday is coming. Im not sick of my job. Im just abit scared to face the students hahaha esp at this point of time. God grant me wisdom and grace. :) He sure helped me pull myself together today!

k well this ends it. Other things will be written in my diary..which btw hasnt been touched and updated for months! DRAT!

God keep you safe and happy!

YAWN......YAAWWWNNNNN!

I had a very very actve weekend!....fri I went to watch Art of War at the library and it was excellent! Hard to tell you why but i have soo much respect for the actors! They dont hold their emotions back...everything was done with hand gestres and sound effects and they had precision! Best part ab this all....they were deaf! How do you get to that point?

The play was meaningful, talks about violence and how it is influenced....from childhood, to teens etc..

I went out of the room speechless....i wanted soooo much to talk to the performers (who are deaf) but all i managed to say in sign language is "thank you", "good" I elt sooo helpless!

Then the next day, I had a fren's weddng...went to her place at 4am n the morning, had a half hour nap int he afternoon and didnt sleep again till12am last night. Had a migraine before hosting their dinner and almost screwed up their dinner...sigh

So now...9.25am int he morning...my head is blank and my eyes are tired....God carry me through this day in your stength.

God Bless

Ostrich...

K how bad is it when you come to a point where you feel like hiding in some closet so that people cant find you? hahahaha

Im so glad tomorrow is a public holiday coz its one less day of work1 :) Funny thing is...I like work and i dont like work. is that how working should be?

been thinking alot about parents and their kids these days. How these kids get brought up and become very simple minded people. Those that still tyr to squeezzeeee into an mrt train even when it feels and looks like a sardine can already! What you mean" Boleh!" Tak Boleh lah! Boh doh! Im not bothering about the spelling coz I know its wrong..but at least you get the point.

I hope i become less like them..as it is..i cant escape from the comment of being a hypocrite. Well...news flash! everybody is a hypocrite! I havnt seen one who isnt and I wont.

K shall go watch a vcd now. take care! God bless!

N (henceforth...)

My image

Soo it seems that Im now deemed as the nastiest officer in SAA, to the students Im like the VP of MIT. Hahahahah no probs man! Im fine with that!

I hate to say this but sometimes Im so amazed at the intellectual level of the students that I feel pressured to be fierce and instill better ways in them.

Very tired now..need alot of rest coz I know all my energy uis spent before i can replenish it now.

k gonna go. take care and God Bless

public enemy No.1!

Yep thats me! I hate it but I am now the SP freshie's No.1 enemy. Im the new grumpy and sarcastic officer in the SAA dept.

I cant help it man! Im just so overcome by the fact that kids nowadays are sooo dumb! I cant even find the right word to use! I mean...there is no logic left in them! They dont read signs..dont think before they talk...they are so pampered! Ive had soo many student's parents calling em up and asking me about their kid's ezlink cards and etc that it makes me wonder who's more nervous..the kid or the parents? or is the kid soo shy to even ask? There is no more need for a parent to step up to the plate to get things done faster...or better. Its time the kid took care of his own life. Besides..isnt that what a poly student has to be? Someone who knows what he/she wants...thus has to start to do things no his/her own..take charge of their own lives? or have they become so pampered that logic is replaced by parents.

I sat through my ex lecturer's 3dmax class and saw how the students nowadays tried to finish their projects..truth is..Iw as horrified when I stepped out of the class..cos they lacked even the basic knowledge of physics and mechanics...somethign they should have been well equipped with given their course. And btw..my physics and my add maths were not my strongest topics in sec sch.

See your palm! See your forehead! Put the 2 together real hard man! Put em together REAL HARD!

Ive learnt a few lessons...for the future! My son/daughter will have a simple name w a christian name BEHIND the full name. He/she will have a watch that has second and min hands and has a date column! If not, I'll train him to remember the date or each day. I'll train him/her to solver her own probs..at teh same time..never take away the closeness of the family. ie: snuggling on the bed or on the sofa, talking and crapping etc..hahaha all this i learnt from rens and students in SP. For the benefit of his/her ezlink card application..my child will not have a name exceeding 32 chracters!

k lah enough crap. gotta go! take care!

God Bless!

....

just finished watching a touching love story..blech...i loved it! and thats the prob...haiz..blech!

Learned a new lingo! STAT! a medical term i guess hahaha it sorta means, "straight away!"
ie: Class is starting in 5mins! Get here STAT!

Cool huh?!?!?! hahahaha yah yah yah cheap thrill!

Anyway..this is oen of those movies that makes you think too much hahahaha one of those...10 eyasr downt eh road and you bump into ur first love and throught he short time together..you have sparks flying again..the whole "if you ask me to stay, I will" all that shibang!

Sorta got me thinking but God has other plans for me anyway so Ive shoved that to the past. :) Like I said, I was never a fan for comedic love stories :) They make the world look peachy!

K gotta pack for tom's work! interview soon and im worried :P But I'll opray that I get it1 And if I believe, I will get it! God's grace is a power not to be underestimated!

God bless!

new songs...

Pay attention! Heres my new list of recommended songs :)
- smile - Tupac
- when you cry - tok
- incomplete - backstreet boys
- Oh na na na - Beanie Man

They seem strange to you but try them. "When you cry" is meaningful because it talks about people who are in difficult situations and they cry to God...I guess when I listen and sing tt hat, my heart opens. try it. :)

Stuff to do...time to kill....God to pray to...God Bless!

God...grant me your wisdom God.

God Bless

all the confusion on God's day?

All the goodness int eh day probabaly ended in a less happier way...

Today's sermon was on wisdom. something I learnt to understand and appreciate and want...of all the things King David could ask of God, he asked for wisdom. I lack that and I pray for God to give me all the wisdom I need. Thanks Father! :)

The sad thing occurs after church. Is it me who gives people the wrong imperssion? I think so....Im once again stuck in a position where being too nice just doesnt help me...it just makes things worse...A friendship could be at stack...that is soemthign I dont want. As it is, Ive lost my bestest best bro....I have the urge to be a loner for awhile...so to re-establish a line of "Im sorry...its not gonna work...or it wont work bro" But I know that this plan doesnt work...coz as a bro, I value his company...as a bro...

Fort eh one who will eventually come into my life (yah rite) that person hasnt appeared...abit hard to say it out for now...but its true..something in me has trusted in God to give things up...coz who else knows wats good for me but Him. I believe that God would tell me who it is when He comes. All i know is...that He would be a christian. I hate to sound racist...but I'm not praying for an indian guy or something like my ex..or a malay...Im praying for a chinese guy hahahaha why? Coz Ive seen and felt the pain and that once is enough. Whether it be from my side fo the family...or the guy's side...its enough. I know I used to say I could fight the battle and show people around that inter-racial isnt a sin...but what do you know! My partner gave up on me! hahahaha so its fighting a losing battle..esp when I fight it on my own. My mistake...shouldnt have forsaken God. I know God follows me and takes care of me even when I sin and walk the wrong way...but what if I keep walking deeper and deeper? what if God sees me walking to a dead end? How far will He let me go before He turns me back to Him? as far as it takes me to learn my lesson?...sigh..God dont let em stray too far...
So tha battle I had is lost. I only dwell in the happiness of having brothers & sisters from different races. One more thing...I pray that whoever this guy is...he would accept my family, frens, my enronment and I as they are. I guess Im a person who would never wanna leave my family and my country...Im not patriotic.
Come to think of it...thats whats wrong w my ex...God knew it...He saw it coming....If anythign else did happen....I would have to leave my family...and frens...God steady my heart...I love the guy to death...but...God forsees the trouble behind it..and Has brought me to safer ground..so even though it hurts to be at the end....I will draw courage and strength from God's approval and favour and look tot he road that is lit up and yellow...(yellow brick road)..nah..its yellow coz its golden...the city of gold and honey and happiness. Steady my heart Father...steady my heart.

K so the weekend is over....tom is monday..im getting fatter..sigh...missing my frens...missing time...interview tom afternoon. So little time to meet up with frens that Iw ished I cud meet all of them att he same time! Was hoping for this blog to be a way to tell everyone how Im doing...I do know that not all read my blog anyway but that should be a good thing for me...alot of things written here..are often not to be said...something I cud never tell people in their faces...I hope I dont offend my frens and they dont get angry w me for bringing up sensitive topics.....but I feelt hat I wanna say something and so I do...prying that no one takes it as an anti-them thingy....MOst of the times..I say int he moment and at the end of the day...I still love all of them. God be my witness that I do...

K end of this...gonna post an entry on frenster.

Love you all!

God Bless!

more pics

The Prize-Winning Picture! (Truly God sent)

Se-Same Strut!
The A&W Experience!

The A&W Bear! Better than Root Beer!2

PEACE! Love the Root Bear more than the Root Beer! You got the beer! I got the BEAR! Kaarade! Eat ur heart out BOY!

Pandee Kutti

The A&W Bear! Better than Root Beer!

Im not gonna talk too much on the Seremban trip coz theres just too much to talk about and if I start, I wont stop, It also tends to take away the magic of the trip. what I am excited in talking about..is the A&W bear!

Its been years since I went to A&W. I was aiming fr the ice-cream waffle but hen I got there, od didnt have that in plan for me hahahah But what He did ahve in mind...was better than root beer and ice cream waffles and curly fries..it was the Bear himself! The Root Bear! We took photos with him! It was sooo fun! we saw the bear do his bear dance!

I dont kno what to say aboutt he trip that would make everyone understand how much fun I had...but what I can say is that the trip was fantastic! Im having wthdrawal syndromes coz of it. I felt like I was on a trip with old friends and we were acting like kids! We were singing on the highway and doing ridiculous acts like wearing the motorbike helmet in the car!

above it all, I feel like Ive found a new family and brothers! My bros family esp the siblings, are very very nice people and m actually missing them! Hope they come down soon and I'll try to show them around. I just hope they dont get the wrong idea..coz I do know where I stand. One of my bro's bros has actualy opened up to all of us throught he trip and Im very happy about that.

last but not least...I guess Im starting to get very frustrated or pissed with my bro's smoking. Im close to giving up. Not that I dont care..but coz I care too much..sounds like nagging... Ive become a very sarcastic person..esp when see my bros smoking. not all my bros are dear to me. only a handfull. And this guy is one of them...haiz...I dont know why but they always bring out the sarcastic bitch in me and much as I dont like to do that...I cant help it...watever lah...Ive said enough that my bros can recite all the comments Ive said. Hahahahah oh well..let my heart sink everytme they smoke and let me thnk about how breathing in somke wll hurt my own health..haiz...

Anyway, being back in spore is a bore...I miss Seremban alot and I think that feeling will last for the whole of this week. At least it gets my mind off certain things.

Thank you God for a safe trip. Thank yu God for the strength and excellent company.

God Bless!

Recovery stage...

at work now..my heart is slightly mourning for a loss but I guess thats okay. God's will has to be obeyed. If He can sacrifice Himself for us, what is me sacrificing soemthing I believe is right (but is actually wrong)

Jesus...I know you know me best. You look after me keep me from home. even when I do something wrong and go the wrong way, you still follow me in, knowing that I will get hurt knowing Im wrong, yet...instead of giving up on me, you stay there to help me through. You never leave me and I know that at this sad moment...you are still by me....that all i have to do is think of you and remember how much you love me, that I will have strength and motivation to move further. Thank you Jesus...

God Bless

wohooo! what a weekend!

Just got back from seremban and the trip has been such a blast! I dont know what to say about the trip but its given me the same satisfaction and happiness as the trip to China 2 years ago. Not that I did anythign charitable... I wont dwell into the details oft he trip today because there is just soooooo uch to talk about that one entry would not be enough! Hahahahah

Anyway...today i herby fulfill my promise to God. The end of April is gone and God has given me his answer to my question. The answer is....."no" and that being so....I will fulfill my end of the bargain and cease to dream of a reconcilliation with my ex. I know many of my best frens would be astonsihed and calling me silly at the fact that I could still harbour such hopes...well...I really mean it when I say that unless you've gone through the exact same thing..you would never know how difficult it is...it is not burning all the pictures and cards and gifts and moving on with life...the love doesnt dissappear with a month..half a year..its been there for 2-3 years...Ive always wanted to dig into myself and pull it out but i cant. Ive done all from cold turkey to believing he's dead...but things just dont go away that easily.
God has given me the answer that no matter how i still lveo him, he doesnt tink its good for me..so I'll leave it as that...I know God has better ways for me.

Will tell you more next time. ciaos!

God Bless!