the little weakness...

Last night was one of the best nights I had.

And its amazing how simple a night it could be. 

It basically involved being able to hold a really meaningful conversation with a close friend. A conversation that didnt really stop still the night ended.

Conversation after conversation..topic after topic.we went on and on. 

Maybe i was the only one who felt like everything was just right though. If so..then..

It's was dream conversation that I would have loved to have with someone from dusk till dawn. Exhausting all topics of life yet never really finishing it. And not fearing that at our next conversation, we'd have nothing to say... Ive had such times with Sonal, Puneet and maybe..even Pravin.
That the conversations aren't about the superficial stuff. About what food one likes or music that one likes..but also viewpoints on deeper stuff.

I would have loved to have this conversation with the guy I loved. For us to sit down some place with a view and talk...in each other's arms... to talk and laugh and even in quietness, it feels like we had a conversation.

I had a dream yesterday night...that I and a really close friend got together. And the sweetness of that dream lingered on after I woke up.. It wasn't anything sexual..it just felt like there was a connection..a warmth..that friendships can't really bring... being able to be the real, not so strong me..without caring about being a "burden" to anyone.
And thats a terrible thing to imply..that I feel "unreal" in front of all ym other good friends etc...but its not because of them. But because of me..I feel the need to be strong all the time... to be the supporting arm of friends...

Anyway by this morning,I had the aftermath of these 2 experiences in me..and admittedly...it made me just that bit lonelier...
I can be strong and independent and watch shows on my own and make plans with friends, swim or run and have a good time..but somewhere in my heart, the little room that I had locked up long time ago...the sadness within it has transformed into a sadness from something-else...its no longer about losing Pravin..its about not having someone....

Wonder who it will be....always felt that Iw as someone who needed the guy to be my best friend before things get any further... someone i can trust entirely...

I guess at times I wonder if its too much to ask... maybe it is...

God bless

Okay maybe abit too much to chew...

So here's the lowdown on whats been happening... all within aug & sept
1) Georgetown Festival
2) Mt Rinjani
3) Netball competition....
4) zumba, bollywood dance and hosting in an event
5) band competition entry

and in that mix, got a bunch of poeple that ive promised to meet and hang with...
1) my batch of comperes
2) trip to JB with farmily

Atop of other things that I wanna do..

These half of the year is gonna be crazzzzyyyyyyy... but hopefully I can look back at it and say that alot of good stuff was done. :D Woosh!!! ganbatte!

God BLess

Best gathering in a loonnggg while

Had dinner w Julian, my comperes clubmate from long time ago.

We talked about so many things. comperes, the things we went through in the past few years and laughed at so many things.

Aside from hanging with Cal and the rest, its been such a long time since I had so many laughs and tears at one go!

It reminded me of the camaraderie that we had in comperes..

This particular friend of mine sank into his own world whilst in poly and amazingly enough, whilst came to realise that we never hung out with him much, I still had the fondest memories of the friendship with him. And we didn't stop talking till he dropped me off at my place. :) 

The similarity of our experiences in the past 10 odd years, have also been pretty similar. I guess thats how it is with people who went overseas to study. Especially since we both went to different parts of Australia. we both realise just how frail/fragile relationships can be...

Also we both learnt how to cycle and swim at the later parts of our lives. haha And it is true..those who learn it later, value and appreciate have mastered it differently. The determination to learn it, is different.

Just all these little nuggets of similarities that made our conversation a lot more hilarious.

I even filled him in on the recent comperes history and the silly things thats happened.

In the past 10+ years, we have changed. All of us. no longer the happy go lucky, giggly youth that we were. We are more emotionally contained...and cautious at showing out silly sides.

Im just glad that we had such a good string of conversations. Thankfully it didn't turn out awkward...

Some people in our life, somehow leave such a big impression on our lives that we can meet them after such a long while and still talk like nothing has changed and time had not washed off some of that glimmer in the friendship.

Thank God for those... :)

God Bless