Its going down...

So I'm sensing that a conversation that I've been having with a close friend is finally coming to a slow random rate. Unlike the daily exchange we used to have.
I know its not the end of a friendship but I guess maybe I have no confidence that this friendship might last as long or as strong as I want it to. Nor would it be healthy to have daily conversations with a friend. Not this friend at least.
Of course, I say this emotionally. The rationale me knows that my normal friends and I dnt even chat that much so for this conversation to taper down to a slow speed, would be akin to just slowing down to a walking pace. Walking is what I normally do.
Maybe its that the conversation has brought about a subconscious developing of a habit. And now that it is tapering down, it means this habit that I've unknowingly developed will now have to be unlearnt. *shrugs*
That sucks..hmmm

God Bless

pretty clear now...

Recently, reestablished contact with my ex. I guess i never really lost contact with him...I just never really "spoke" to him. Speaking and talking is slightly different to me. Like hearing vs listening...
Anyway, I sent the first email and we started a conversation. By the end of it, I came to a realisation that maybe both of us may never be more than "just a friend"
I probably got it wrong..but after my conversation with him, it brought to mind the same topic that my friend and I were talking about recently.."Alone protects me"
I feel like the person I knew no longer exists in its entirety...only a shell left...
Of course I probably say this because I would be the last person he confides in...maybe...and vice versa.
times have changed...
But i felt sad..not because of the person I lost...but because (if it is true) of whats left of the person.

Maybe I am wrong and I hope so..because..it would be a pity to lose such a wonderful person.
Not the outer sociable shell... but the one inside...

Whilst clearing my room, I came across the old postcards he wrote to me...the loving words he used to write. I think I miss having those words written/said to me... or maybe even the heart of the person who wrote it...but not him.

The past gatherings seeing him interact with others and his emails, really made my heart settle... as the final confirmation...that this person is no longer the person i loved... RIP B.

of course to me, that is a good thing. :)

As for him, he will be to me as a friend from long ago. :)

God Bless

Protection...

Had a very close friend who spoke about being alone as a protection...
Protection from what?

Protection from breaking hearts? from falling? from insecurity? from the lose of control? from lose of clear thought? from uncontrollable feelings? from incessive thoughts? from happiness without a cause? from incessive smilling? from laughs? from really long deep conversations? from having someone aside from yourself understanding and caring for you? from silent hours of conversations? of throwing your cares to the wind.

or all of the above?

why are we so scared?