Who's Ning?: February 2008

Friday, February 29, 2008

My thoughts

Had fun having dinner with my ISC year1s. Something abt students inviting me..makes me feel happy. That they regard you of enough a friend to invite you to something they wanna do..to be part of their hangingouts...Maybe its me wanting to be included...maybe its me wanting to stay young...is it? Hmmm

Tomorrow..gonna hang out with my SPARC...bowling and karaoking...but first..I know I have to apologize to my one student whom I feel is more like a sister to me...of which..all of them are my bros & sisters...thats how I feel...

Hung with Adam last last night...had dinner with him and watched Juno. Its weird really hahaha its soo funny how when I first saw him, I thought he was abit *dao" hahahah then we both warmed up to each other fast and since then....became good friends.
Ning: Aye we're supposed to do an event together leh. Can we meet up to write the script first?
Adam: Sure lets meet.
Ning: Aye honestly..Im abit scared of hosting with you leh...Coz I dont know you very well...so I think we should ge to know each other better so that we can at least have the chemistry. Coz I feel you like very serious like that.
Adam: Haha you really dont know me. Im not serious at all lor.
This brotherhood is something I sooo cherish...he's one of my closest bros in SP and I remember how I sorta felt upset abt him starting to smoke...as I did with some of my bros. :) He and Pravin were the 1st 2 peeps I compered with and I will never forget that...dont think I would ever forget the feelings we shared on that event! Wooohooo! as well as in the camp!
So anyway...while having dinner this bro of mine was advising me to go out and make more friends hahaah
Adam: get to know more guys etc....
Adam: You're not young anymore leh!

Hahahaha You know Hope said the same thing! Hahahahah and I say....Que Sara...
Ive casted my worries and troubles of this complex issue to God and confidently wait for God's answer. Dont mistake me and think that Ive stopped looking around...hahaha but I wouldnt bet my money on what I feel alone. :) Did that and it sucked hahahaha
The other point made...was that I treated everyone as bro or sis that everyone thinks Im only interested in siblinghood. :) that I would quickly term everybody into a bro or sis.
Truth? ....
I almost gave up on love at one point...but now that Ive realized that love in siblinghood can be as endearing and as previous as a relationship, I cherish every single one. My priority now isnt finding someone....it is spending time to love those around me as much as I can....the right one will come because My God is behind it..and he will come surely. But while he comes...I dont want to waste my time waiting. I wanna spend my time where my heart should also be...with friends, with family and everything in life worth experiencing...
Listening to Coldplay, Clock. Somehow this song has a liberating feeling..the feeling you get coming out of a cold room..into the warm sunshine..the warmth on your face..as you blaze through the wind..on blades. Almost the same as the feeling I got on the monday after my 1st compereing event...as if I could fly. :) My God my God, my heart beats to many a things....so many of which cant be lilsted down even if I had the world's vocab at my fingertips....of these few things...some of them not only make my heart beat faster...but my lungs expand beyond normal...taking in more fresh air than I can normally inhale...making me lighter. :)
I would say what I just wrote..is something that would describe a person in love....no Im not in love....and if I can feel this without being in love. then it would prove one thing....that the lack of a relationship doesnt make a person miserable....just less lonely at times. :)

Now I recall! As I rode the escalator up just now (Im in Braddell mac now btw) I thought of my sista....Ching. And why? Because tomorrow is sat and the urge to call her up to ask her out is there...yet knowing that she has lessons...I surpress this urge. Maybe Ive been too cruel to refuse to meet on sunday (int he previous times)...leaving her out of the picture. Wel..would it be too late to repent? I know she's stressed with her exam and I would have wanted to tell her that I understand how it feels to have to do something you absolutely hate at this time...forcing yourself to digest notes and etc...for an exam you dont wanna take. something so depressing that you could quite easily cry with exasperation. I understand...
I would also have told her to take a break to meet up with friends..because only then will you not be driven to insanity. And I fear for her mental health..fearing that she would drive herself to depression and sadness and seclusion and (fearing the worst) suicide.... something not entirely impossible. Depression is a terrifying thing that plays with your already complexed mind.
I dont want her to close herself from her friends to the point of now return...coz if not for my friends..I would have ended like that in JC & poly.
So Im determined to stay true to the sisterhood we have..even if she needs time now. I accept that..and I wait by the side for her to get over her exams and look up again. :)
Sister, dont worry...none of us have forgotten this sisterhood we have. it is always there because it was strongly forged during our sec school years...I dont know how but I know its strong and cast in stone. :) Dont forget the collaboration to open a bakery and our plans of a spinster house hahahah
I may not sya this often but sister, we love you loads and we care for you. So no matter how things are...remember that you can always tunr to us. And we may not be the most understanding people but we always have you in our hearts.

God Bless

Blasted lack of chinese

Was reasoning (because I cant call it a quarrel or a debate) with a china student....damn it..she made me tear. I wasnt sad for her or sad for myself...I was just pissed and exasperated...damn it...

Had a migraine...symptoms of things to come sadly...then my bowling sucked BIG TIME! Avg: 80+ when my 1st game was a wonderful 124! My highest all time! Now that the rest of my games pulled the avg down...124 doesnt matter anymore..pity. Yes I can hear my colleague laughing from the other side of school!

After work, went down to SPSE clubhouse to see how the instructor looks like. Mr Yang. His 1st comment, after giving me "The Scan" from head to toe, twice...."Hen Nian Qing" ie: Very young ah. I replied with a "not really lah" after a 2 sec lag. My students all saw this hahaha and thanks to them being there...made it more..em....less....akward. Spent time with the students, had a chance to see the instructor do his thing..instruct I mean. As he played the violin.....I could tell the evident difference in standards...Damn..we have lots to do...

Went to DXO with Hope for some latin dance.its cool and we got inspiration from it..for our lunch concerts...and did i meniton that the emcee was BLOODY GOOD LAH! Shit! And the thing abt watching pple dance latin dance ans salsa...its damn hot! But I know I could never bring myself to learn not because I dont like the music or I dnt like to dance..but because I cant dance and Im definitely not comfortable with dancing with guys...maybe without contact it would be better...but with contact, Id rather be a lesbian... So if I should ever hope to learn dancing like that...Id learn it when I get a relationship hahahaha Hope gave me the weird look but thats how I am man. I am THAT paranoid. *shrugs* But another thing I thought as I walked out of DXO...was how much I wanted my comperes to try dancing...in fact from what I see..dancing and acting and singing really do help bring out a compere.... :) So maybe I'll take that into consideration at the next audition.

Anyway Im currently in need of entertainment or stuff to do so my heart is almost set on learning swimming, sign language...and doing some comm service. Please join me if you can coz company is always welcome.

God Bless

Thursday, February 28, 2008

My time...

Started to think up many ways to kill time after work. Want to learn stuff eg: swimming, sign language etc...Damn! all needs money...Trying not to be depressed abt money issues because I know it will go away sooner or later.

alot of paper on my table that I feel the need to sweep them all away...gotta get out my planner to jot down everything I need to do today....wah lao aye (WLA from henceforth)
Need music but no new songs seem to wiggle into my busy radioless lifestyle...lose track of music...i mean latest music... Anyone wanna contribute music to my ears? new ones? :)

Finally found the singer of the song I always wanted...singer: Lin Zhi Xuan...from You Ke Li Lin...
Yes call me old. They're now defunked but very much a part of my musical lifestory. :) Mona Lisa's Tears & Dan Shen Qing Ge.

God help me get over this day.

God Bless

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Condemnation...

I have to write because if I dont write, I cant work....

I'm overcome by my lack of promptness to my students request for appraisal that I missed it and she's probably seething somewhere and cursing abt my lack of appraisal...affecting the application to NUS and here I am discovering that Im too late..overcome by worry and condemnation and sadness and dissappointment in myself for myself and more for my student...Oh my God how I wished I cud turn time...

And I blog now...trying hard to overcome it and work on, instead of being paralysed with self inflicted stress and dissappointment...Im soo sorry....

Church teaches the idea of not letting stress and condemnation get to you...coz stress and condemnation is the root of evil..the evil dude around our shoulder blaming us for every single thing we did wrong...big or small...And right now, he's saying, " You fool! What have you done! You've singlehandedly ruined a bright future! How could you! They trusted you!"
And I feel like I deserve the scolding...I feel like Im nodding to every single thing this little devil is saying by my ear...

But if it is true of not letting condemnation take 1st place and accepting scoldings and feeling bad but not letting it affect yourself....how do they do it? How do they admit and move on? How do they? My God....what have I done? How am I a good christian if I cant look after my students? How am I a good christian..if I cant....watch my thoughts?

How am I a good person/officer if I cant look after those around me?

Why is it now when I try to tell myself that God still loves me and I am righteous by his blood...it doesnt seem to ring true...I feel like everything I learnt in church is now thrown through the window...

My Daddy God...Satan seems so powerful in paralysing me with guilt...I keep feeling like I cant shrug him off my shoulder or out of my head... I could have this issue spinning in my head for the whole day...How do I convince myself that Im worthy of all your blessings if I cant even manage my own life? Then Wouldnt I be looking at my own works...

Despite all this...I know...My God is great...And I praise him even in the storm...

God Bless

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

pics

My monster walk...

At the foot of Bukit Larangan (Forbidden Hill)

Chinatown

Charlie & his nuclear bombs

Ballerinas

More pics in my hard disk...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

money

Haiz...been abit stressed by money. Im sooo sure its Satan who always devises plans..ways for me to lose money...not that I gamble...

Anyway..once again he has done it and I hate that... Im trying soo hard to get back at him and tell him straight in the face that He can take away my money...but God always rewards me with more.

Like the time I lost my laptop..had to pay for the loss. Of course my family doesnt know abt it because if htey did, my mum would freak out and my dad would give the all fatherly warnings and both will go, "why you so careless? Told you to watch your stuff, See! Everytime leave your stuff lying around!"

I had the intention of saving up for my further studies...haizzzz.. its gonna take alot of effort

Anyway...My trust is in God. I know He will not let me die in hunger from lack of money..He will provide me with shelter and a future...In Christ alone!

Thinking abit..it led me to remember that God paid for my laptop..my colleagues raised funds for me to pay off part of it..then my performance bonus and the allowance I got for my work..and also tution fee..helped to pay it off...although Id much rather have that money to save up...He nonetheless gave me enough money so that I didnt have to take it off my savings. Im sure this time He will do the same. :) Why? Coz my God is my Holy Father and He loves me..and as much as the riches in His kingdon in Hevaen, He will bless me likewise! :)

So I thank God for this deliverance! :)

Dont believe me? Get to know Him yourself!

Anyway Im super tired now.....had a forum int eh morning..then gave training for the whole day.

God Bless

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

poem from Wendy

Living Your Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning ...... to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years. (1920-1998)
For that dash represented all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars... the house... the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard:
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's action to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Monday, February 18, 2008

Helluva walk!

Sat & sun zoomed off sooo quickly...

Sat
Had meeting with ISC peeps...maybe one day I'll not go for hteir meeting and see what happens... Will they be able to get their work done?
We had lunch after that and joked abt stuff etc...went tot he library after that to destress and borrow books...Forogt how wonderfult he library could be.

Sun
Slept late and woke up early (bad combi) prepared for my walk by lining up the maps and drawing the route. Maps are fun!
Went to Cityhall before that to get mosquito repellent...if they breed, we bleed...
So turns out alot of them stood me up and hence I was left with (including myself) 4 peeps...quite comfortable with that actually..nonetheless. I feelt bad for Benny..the smallest and the quietest... Evidently...Saad & I speak on a totally different level that Poor benny might not have understood most of the time.
By 4pm..Saad & friend were tired and they left early. I would say that I could be dissappointed...but I tried not to. After all not eveyrone is as mad as me to walk arnd Spore for 6hours & be happy abt it. Did I mention that Im aching now?
Arbd 4 something, Charlie joins in and Yun Liang joins in too....we head to Fort Canning Hill to explore...by the time we got to Tanjong Pagar Railway Station..it was 7 something close to 8.
We headed to Harbourfront for dinner.
Benny & I highfived for our persistence in completeing the walk...despite the current lack of strength. :P

Dinner, my colleague joined us, we all had dinner,then went upstairs to relax under the stars. :) Cool sight of the river & stars... Its been a long time since Ive gotten a chance to relax and have the wind blowing in my face..and sing out in public. :)

All in all Id say it was still a good walk...did my tourist guiding bit and enjoyed the company etc Hope the guys enjoyed my efforts. Next next week is round 2 with Saad (to complete his walk)

I went home tired and sleepy and emotionless hahahahah. Lets sayt eh walk was a good way to take my mind off certain things. :)

Pictures coming soon!

God Bless

Friday, February 15, 2008

videos

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The walk... :D

The walk I was talking abt is this sunday, 17 Feb, 11am meet at Lavender MRT.

Objective:
- To explore Singapore & see the different parts of Singapore that we dont normally go to (different cultures, different historical sites, different architectural sites)
- To go out of the normal bus route or MRT routes and walk into the corners of singapore that vehicles cant go to
- To forgo the bus and MRT and explore SIngapore on our own 2 feet
- To spend time with friends, take pictures etc
- To take many many pictures of anything interesting or colourful that we normally miss out in our normal daily routine
- Find out how similar or different Spore is like from your own country
- Hopefully..to lose weight from all the walking
- Lastly...if everything else doesnt convince you...To do something weird that you dont normally do

Places we will be going to:
- Golden Mile Food centre (lunch) They got very good Bah Ku Teh etc, it is the army market that every Sporean guy gets his stuff for his Army
- Old shophouses (shows how Spore was like)
- Istana Kampung Glam (old palace for the Malay King who ruled Spore before Stamford came)
- Arab St ( a wide range of arab, malay culture, mixed with old toys, old things our...my parents used to play or use)
- Sultan Mosque (National Mosque of Spore) we will go inside to have a look at the interior design and the grave of one fo the last few kings in Spore
- Sungei Road aka Thieves Market (many pple come to lay their old wares along the street, hoping for passbys to buy. it ranges from old coins, to old textbooks, shirts, phones, binoculars and radios etc)
- Albert Mall (where the Guanyin temple and the Krisnan Temple stand side by side and buddhists not only pray to Guanyin, but also Krisnan. The 2 temples each have their beautiful structures )

- Photographic Society of Singapore (the gallery of photos taken by experienced photographers at the Selegie Arts Centre, near Dhoby Ghaut)
- Fort Canning Hill (the Forbidden Hill) A place of old fort gates, old cannons, underground boxes, keramats (muslim burial huts) and cupolas
- Chinatown,Pagoda Street (busiest pedestrian mall in Chinatown, decked up from the Chinese New Year, full of chinese stuff, stalls selling bohemian, chinese, indian inspired clothes)
- Sri Mariamman Temple (national Hindu temple in Singapore)
- Buddha Tooth Relic Temple (newest temple built for the tooth of Buddha)
- Red Dot Design Museum
- Tanjong Pagar Railway Station (The initial link between Spore & Malaysia, before the causeway) We will have dinner here where Malaysian Muslim food is still sold. Satay etc
Attire & necessities:
- Travel light with no hand luggage please
- water bottle, tissue/towel, change of clothes if you need
- If you plan to wear sleeveless, please prepare a shawl or coat/jacket/shirt to wear over when we go to explore the temples, mosques etc
- No shorts or short skirts allowed, preferably, knee length skirts or shorts
- no low cut, bareback attire (please refer to pic attached)
- bring cap if you need to shield yourself from the sun
- cash (emm $10) for food and museum cost? Hehehe

Okay...taken alot of effort to draft out this detailed email hahahahha for those of you who are willing to go. please let me know asap. I will start harassing you via hp soon!
Lets take this walk together!

PS: Benny can forward this to the year1s? it would be great to get them to come too! :P

Lastly..(pls refer to the last 2 pictures)...Gong Xi Fa Cai! Happy Chinese New Year!

Lotsa love,
Ning Jie!

Comperes...

Am I being too harsh. Am I being unreasonable in making them aim for something they might not even be interested in? Is it too mean?

Should I then be asking them what they want to get out of these 3 years in Comperes? Maybe I shud huh...Maybe I should include that in the camp...I never approved Comperes as just being a club where you are given duties to do...more like a clubt hat loves to crap and hangout and laugh till our tummies hurt..that sorta thing...

But why can't it be like that. Maybe i didnt make myself clear of that...that comperes is mroe than talking...its a lifestyle..hahahah..no..really...it takes alot to be a compere...and unless you really want to be one...ur motivation will be lost in the end....

I want to say all this to comperes.....the urge to say what I feel abt comperes is akin to the same urge I had when I wanted to tell someone abt my love for my ex..last time I mean. The feeling that runs so deep that no matter how deep a well, you cant dig deep enough to get the words for it. Words like exhilirating, exciting, beyond words, insatiable, addictive...is not...enough. :(

My love for these comperes..runs from the love for the profession....

The next round of auditions for comperes...I will not make the same mistake... I will pick the best from the best....I will drill intot hem that committement is as impt as the skills...

God Bless

Happy V Day to all love birds!

Love is in the air on valentines day! :) Its sweet yet excessively commercial that its making me diabetic hahahaha Nonetheless let all couples be happy together today..even if all other days have been less romantic :)

So I was sick and bored last night. Nothing to do watsoever..had to resort to pleading my sis for some...any..form of entertainment. We ended up watching Dexter on her PC. If some of you see a cartooned kid scientist with a dumbass blond sister, trying to take over the world...at the mention of Dexter...Nope! Its not Dexters Laboratory and like me, you've sorely mistaken. My sis wont stoop so low. On the contrary, Dexter is abt a psychopathic cop who kills other psychopaths! A morbid storyline with a humourous tinge provided by the main character's thoughts. Yes I admit it was interesting....but at the beginning...the thought of not knowing how violent it cud get, I remarked, " Do i have to watch this part?!?!? Eee! Nooooo!"
And that was my encounter. By the 1st episode, my sis said, "k you have a choice..to continue on to the next episode..or to stop here" ...
Ning: k stop here..time to sleep
Amazingly enough...my nose stopped dripping while I watched but the moment i went back to my room...the faucet turned on again....

Im now all better. Took wendy's advice to squeeze 1/2 lemon, add water and down...k I didnt down it...wud have been a grueling experience.

Aside from watching Dexter, I ended up continuing with my long forgotten diary. Havnt written for ages but had an itch to write something..to say things that I cant even put on this blog. No matter how idealistic some young bloggers are, I still think its not a good idea to put your heart & soul into a blog. Some things are just to current to put on.
So I wrote & wrote & wrote..think its lasted 4-5 pages long..and still going... Think I emptied abt abit of inner ramblings that I couldnt empty for a long while. :)

Didnt touch my songwriting book...had the inspiration but lacked the ability to put it to words. Plus Im not a musician...so my tunes get very lame at times...hahahahaha

Today...Im just normal. Okay happy....very hungry...and cant wait for this sunday's walk and next wed's video shoot! Cant wait!

K lots to do! Lotsa love to everyone I know, regardless of your marital status!

God Bless!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

messy again

blogging to destress.....

Feel like having a BIG meeting with all my clubs and telling them all announcements at 1 shot. Im actually very happy that they're able to work together. Im very proud of them.

My goal this time..is to build all my clubs up to be self sustainable. What Ive learnt from working here..is that money is available but not always touchable...

Gearing up for the big walk! Cant wait! Wohooo! Got my gear ready! Camera, wallet, hp, ...thats all!

K lunch time! bye!

Monday, February 11, 2008

My New Year!

Its 5 glorious days of holidays! Wohooo! Back at work today and trying to be positive... :) Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Its off to work I go! (music...) Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Hi Ho! (no pun intended on my surname) Imagine the 7 dwarfs singing as they march off to the mines.

So in Chronological order...

New Year Eve - 6 Feb

Bowling w colleagues...5 rounds of bowling! Play until middle ringer and wedding finger (if thats watcha call it) is painful. Average score? Emm 80+

Dinner at aunties place (dad's side)

New Year Day - 7 Feb

Breakfast at auntie's place...watched Singing In The Rain and Howl's Moving Castle DVDs till 4pm, went to granny's place (mum's side) for dinner.
Explored Terminal 3 with sis, uncles and cousin Alan till dinner

New Year 2nd Day - 8 Feb

Lunch at auntie's place till 4pm, met Ian, Stephen, Franceen & Emily for Steamboat Dinner at Novena

Sat - 9 Feb

Visited Director with Angel & Helmi, went for recee for my walk...lasted 6hours...went to Granny's place for BBQ

Sun - 10 Feb

Stayed home till afternoon, went Novena to walk around, dinner at home etc

Was happy to see my cousins happily attached hahaha :) Im the only one who hasnt found a classmate to be with hahahha (insider joke..dont take it for real) But its cool! Their "other halfs" seem comfortable and I tried to be as friendly as possible..at the expense of my cousins at times hahahah alot of childhood stories retold hahahah When we walked around with them, it felt good!

Took a pic of Baby Ally and her mum, Jillian (my cousin) and I still cant believe that they look sooo alike! I cant believe it! Its like looking at my cousin when she was a kid again! :) Hahahah

My sis's bf also came and seeing how he treats her and how he makes her laugh... :) Amen!

Took some pics here and there with family and during recee. some of which I posted on facebook and frenster etc... shall put some here too. :)

Ally Baby (my first shot of her facing the camera)

Sis, Keith & Grandma Boss (call her that coz of her crossed arms..macham "Lao Da")

Mum's side grandma & grandpa. My granny still thinks my grandpa is handsome hahahaha. My grandpa was just modest. Love em!

I thank My Heavenly Father for the love and strength and health and all well being that He has given to my family. Both sides. My God is an AWESOME God! And for all of you who read this...I spread my blessings to you too. God Bless!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

a whole load of love....

went w my ISC president & vice P to NP yesterday evening for NP ISC's 14 anniversary.
Emmm...I see that both sides still have places to learn from and they have to learn from each other....

Received an invite from ex..to facebook and I added him in. You know what??!?!? i was just thinking abt us in the morning! And I thought to myself that Im glad the feelings are over. Im glad that Im finally able to bury the feelings....I came to a conclusion long ago that we never stop loving someone...its finding others to love too that stops us from thinking back ont he love we miss. And the opposite of extreme love...is extreme hate....not saying that the end of a strong relationship wud result in extreme hate...but if something is not done delicately..then hate appears...Im so glad I'm passed it... :)
Now facing him and seeing his new love, is something I can truly wish him well for. I also now know that...I cant treat him like the bestest best bro he used to be. Because with that buried relationship...is buried alot of other moments which require replacing..so If given a chance..Id like to take another chance to be friends with him and be best buds with him...but all that has to be from step one again. And this time..I know my limits....
So...its not uncomplishable...just...time consuming and both sides have to have the same goal. :)
Even now that he's taken a step to say hi, I no longer feel the memories seeping in. :)
You can say Ive gotten over him and moved on. If so then congrats to me cause it took me abt 4 years hahahahhaha

Hey bro, Im sooo glad its finally over! Im sooo glad I can face you and your gf! Hahahha Im sooo happy for you. To find someone whom you can love and be loved. Someone whom your mum loves too! :) Good for you! May you guys stay happy and loving and endearing to each other till the end of time! Thats would be the best relationship to have! :)

I look at myself now and I cna still believe Im blessed. I prayed to God and said, " I know you are able to see the entire length of my life in one glance and I know that it is all good. I know you've prepared the best for me and all I have to do is wait for the times to come. I rest in your arms that allt he things I worry abt..my problems and all..have been solved and provided for. That I will get a job of my dreams, I will get someone to love and be loved...and etc...I rest in your providence."

He used to say that knowing someone is not coincidence but providence...I agree. God has his ways.

God Bless

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