I starting to learn 1 lesson...."if only"s dont help.
We go through like doing things too late, to soon, we make choices on what to do or not to do and how to do it etc..and when something goes wrong...the 2 words apprear.."if only....."
If only the sky was blue, the grass would be green too
If only I told you what to do, we'd have less problems to go through
If only Id expected teh unexpecting expectations..Id expect more from you
If only Id not not done what I did or didnt do.
Sian.....pissed...sian sian sian..not gonna like tomorrow...
God Bless
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
faith battle again...
Im stuck in a situation where I feel like I cant do single thing but wait and its frustrating....
I could really kick myself for the lack of meticulousness which has caused so much problem. Im struggling so hard not to really strangle my students or even scream at them or scold them. Im trying sooo hard!
At the same time..I also feel like Peter who is looking at the waves as he tries to walk on water...or like Noah who is tumbling around in the ark and seeing the thunder and rain and possibly wondering if the rain might seep through or break the ark...maybe?
The faith battle now revolves around me trying to have faith in the Nargis issue being solved by friday but why do I keep feeling like Im fighting a losing battle and Im fighting alone?
Im not ready to admit defeat but Im trying hard to stay calm and focus on Jesus....yet in my head..a thosand voices keep telling me "what if", "you should have" and "why dont you" and "its all your fault" or "you need to push them"
Im tired....
Got a debriefing this sat...hope my frustration ends by then...if not I might say things that might hurt....if i do...I'll regret...
Jesus, give me strength to believe that my battles are won and the devil is only trying to hide the truth from my eyes...and distract me from what is already done
God Bless
I could really kick myself for the lack of meticulousness which has caused so much problem. Im struggling so hard not to really strangle my students or even scream at them or scold them. Im trying sooo hard!
At the same time..I also feel like Peter who is looking at the waves as he tries to walk on water...or like Noah who is tumbling around in the ark and seeing the thunder and rain and possibly wondering if the rain might seep through or break the ark...maybe?
The faith battle now revolves around me trying to have faith in the Nargis issue being solved by friday but why do I keep feeling like Im fighting a losing battle and Im fighting alone?
Im not ready to admit defeat but Im trying hard to stay calm and focus on Jesus....yet in my head..a thosand voices keep telling me "what if", "you should have" and "why dont you" and "its all your fault" or "you need to push them"
Im tired....
Got a debriefing this sat...hope my frustration ends by then...if not I might say things that might hurt....if i do...I'll regret...
Jesus, give me strength to believe that my battles are won and the devil is only trying to hide the truth from my eyes...and distract me from what is already done
God Bless
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Fight your fears! Swim!
Had my 1st swim class last thur! Normally Id be abit kancheong and hesitant when it comes down to trying new stuff but so far I havnt backed out.
Was sooo nervous on thur! Like how are allt he other waterbabies gonna see me (20+ tall broad shouldered woman trying to learn how to swim from a small pint-size pixie) Hows my instructor gonna see me? Alas the 1st class was cool!
Yes Im still ont he shallow end but Im trying! can float abit...cant kick to get anywhere though...
Cant wait for my next class! This thur! Everyone Ive told (abt my fear of water int he past) has asked me if i shower...OF COURSE LAH DAMMIT! That was last time! Everyone Ive told abt me taking swimming lessons...hae replied with a common reply," u cant swim!?!"
My aim of swimming still seems abit far because I still dont think i can survive in the deep end...as my sis said...no buoyancy..Im inclined to think teh same of myself at times but I'll persist! I'll persist so that I can enjoy the plays of the sea and and seemingly clean body of water at least.
1 more step for Ning!
Did I also mention swimming is also a full body workout?
My colleagues have also gone into a frenzy of doing sports..not to mention the new member into the family..Jacob....We're gonna do rock climbing, rollerblading, swimming, abseiling..etc! Wohoo!
I feel sportier! Look out Tao Li! Look out Phelps! Muahahah
God Bless
Was sooo nervous on thur! Like how are allt he other waterbabies gonna see me (20+ tall broad shouldered woman trying to learn how to swim from a small pint-size pixie) Hows my instructor gonna see me? Alas the 1st class was cool!
Yes Im still ont he shallow end but Im trying! can float abit...cant kick to get anywhere though...
Cant wait for my next class! This thur! Everyone Ive told (abt my fear of water int he past) has asked me if i shower...OF COURSE LAH DAMMIT! That was last time! Everyone Ive told abt me taking swimming lessons...hae replied with a common reply," u cant swim!?!"
My aim of swimming still seems abit far because I still dont think i can survive in the deep end...as my sis said...no buoyancy..Im inclined to think teh same of myself at times but I'll persist! I'll persist so that I can enjoy the plays of the sea and and seemingly clean body of water at least.
1 more step for Ning!
Did I also mention swimming is also a full body workout?
My colleagues have also gone into a frenzy of doing sports..not to mention the new member into the family..Jacob....We're gonna do rock climbing, rollerblading, swimming, abseiling..etc! Wohoo!
I feel sportier! Look out Tao Li! Look out Phelps! Muahahah
God Bless
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Stentorian is 1 of my current favs
Well if you read my recent blog entry..you'd know that Ive got this thing about Stentorian. I was a critic during the performance but they're good, better than the rest..Them and SPONge are good. the best are the lead vocals. They are good looking, stage presence and all. :) drool...
K well that was abit of me that seldom appears..hehe the same bit that i downright deny but as men look at women..I look at men sometimes...not in an overzealous way yah..God taught me control and censorship hahaha
Yep...sooooo...emmm...right back to the regular me :P
I think for the last week, I had a bout of reminiscing..not good in this case because I was thinking abt my past relationship..esp when you're stuck in a trainload of people and you've stuck in a certain direction..little space to lift up a book to read and forced to face a nice looking couple. Hahha They were..sweet..challenging each other with staring matches of which the guy happily gazed at the girl to eternity...Haha those eyes meant something. They were super happy in each others company lah! hahaha
See! its more or less what makes me think back on how that kind of sweetness feels like. but no worries dudes! I havnt suffered a recurrance since christmas hahaha doesnt mean I dont hope for someone...just means i dont hope for the same guy.. :P He's still my best bro.. :)
As for who will be the future..I have no freaking idea but when it comes, it comes..that one thing Im willing to wait and see. I believe my God provides!
Itching to write songs again..thanks to Stentorian and SPONGE hahah
Had abit of abseiling today. Damn fun! Wohooo! So gonna love travelling!
God Bless!
K well that was abit of me that seldom appears..hehe the same bit that i downright deny but as men look at women..I look at men sometimes...not in an overzealous way yah..God taught me control and censorship hahaha
Yep...sooooo...emmm...right back to the regular me :P
I think for the last week, I had a bout of reminiscing..not good in this case because I was thinking abt my past relationship..esp when you're stuck in a trainload of people and you've stuck in a certain direction..little space to lift up a book to read and forced to face a nice looking couple. Hahha They were..sweet..challenging each other with staring matches of which the guy happily gazed at the girl to eternity...Haha those eyes meant something. They were super happy in each others company lah! hahaha
See! its more or less what makes me think back on how that kind of sweetness feels like. but no worries dudes! I havnt suffered a recurrance since christmas hahaha doesnt mean I dont hope for someone...just means i dont hope for the same guy.. :P He's still my best bro.. :)
As for who will be the future..I have no freaking idea but when it comes, it comes..that one thing Im willing to wait and see. I believe my God provides!
Itching to write songs again..thanks to Stentorian and SPONGE hahah
Had abit of abseiling today. Damn fun! Wohooo! So gonna love travelling!
God Bless!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Tabletennis
I dont think there's a sport that the whole of Spore really likes to watch but yesterday 7.30pm, everybody was glued to their TVs for what would be the biggest competition in Spore's history. Guaranteed that it will be written down in Spore's history.
The Spore Females Tabletennis team finally got an olympic medal. The highest accolade any sportsman or woman could ever dream of getting, regardless of its colour.
Well the final score is 3-0 and Singapore did its best to get fight face to face with the Ping Pong giants themselves..CHINA.
They went, they fought, they lost but we're proud of them. Spore got silver. Not bronze! Silver this time!
Maybe int he next olympics we can get the gold! or maybe we'll need to wait 48 more years. By then our 1st olympic recipient would most likely not be around...I hope not. I hope this is a start of Singapore dream to be stronger. Now its cast in silver, next year the gold is ours!
Still alot of disputes on Spore's foreign talent issue...its true..at the finals of this match...it more or less seemed like China was fighting against China...only difference...the jersey colour. Event he coaches.
A joke I heard yesterday...if this year it dont work, we could always buy more next year...emm not very funny...
Speaking of dreams...Ive been reinspired by a NOISE Singapore performance yesterday afternoon at Suntec. Excellent bands with tricks up their sleeves that just made the performance so satisfying! Original songs, lovely rythmns and excellent shomanship. Im not an expert on this but I loved it so much...made me really wish I could be in a band so anyone looking for a singer? ME ME ME! I want!
Theres a really good band called Monochrome. Doesnt sound fantastic at 1st, looked impressive with e rocker chick as the lead. She's got the attitude and all really but she had to strain her voice a few times htat by the time she was done..she couldnt reach her high notes and her voice broke. Not to good for a band that wants to do well in the long term. HOWEVER, another impressive or unique character to this band is it boasts of its bilingual abilities. YES! Mandarin!
Mandarin singing band?!?!? The lead singer steps off and lets her eletric violinist take over. A chubby, at angles mainland looking chinese guy takes the stage and speaks with a small boy type of style but belts out the highnotes with skill. Not missing one note! Close your eyes and you see SHIN! Im an sooo daaammmnnnn impressed!!!
Pity though..it woud lead me to pay attention to only their chinese songs.
Another band that was interesting was Blind meets Mute. An almost all malay band except for their english songs. The singer is a small pint-size malay girl with a bright strong voice, dressed with a tudong. Dont see tudong rock singing girls often yah.
Their songs were....okay...okay because the lyrics werent fantastic and the band wassnt skilled enough and they more or less sounded like their sounds we're all crashing together to become one gigantic big sound (note i didnt say noise)..so I can only say I like the girl's voice
The 2 bands I loved the most...SPONGE and Stentorian (is that how its spelt?) Damn they're good! Did I also mention that the Stentorian's lead singer is uber cool?!?! AND HIS VOICE!
Im am truly impressed! k more like bowled over! Damn! K u know how high I was over people like Reshmonu and Idan Raichel? Yep I think we've got a sporean representative. :)
Next to this dude would be SPONGE's lead and then King Kong Jane's lead? Anyway if you wanna listen to what I mean...go to myspace.com and look for SPONGE & Stentorian
Lastly..Bless is a local rapper who's got good works. Nothing to religious or racist or politically sensitive for now..all true to life experience pieces and I like his work. catch him on myspace too.
Thats what Ive heard so far and you can bet that Id be around to watch their other gigs.
Speaking of dreams...
After the performance I left feeling satisfied but feeling empty...
I think since the last time Ive gone for such local gigs, my eyes had once again been veiled by harsh reality...or reality as I make of it...I wanna sing..I wanna be in a band and I want to perform. Am I the only one who has this urge to do soemthing so bizzare? Apparently not because all those on the stage now have the same urge..Yet why am I still offstage?
Yet the more I think of this..the more a voice deep inside says, "Ur too old for this kind of thing..its pass your time..dont spend needless money..what can this do for you?"
And the weird thing is I never realy heard these things from my parents...aside from when I joined Spore Idol and my parents both asked me "why you wanna do this for?" or how they didnt really thought my performances were worth going...its really more of "dont waste money"
I think I got the idea when I put this all thogether plus body laguage and their beliefs and their lifestyle....
In fact I dont think the "waste money" idea was meant for me to not go into all this music stuff....but that the music stuff could potentially cause me to spend money take time which could affect my studies....So all those "waste money", "go and study"....transcended into me telling myself that I wouldnt wanna sing...to risk all these thigns from happening. Sad eh.
So as I took the escalator down to the new underpass from suntec..I pondered upon th eidea of stepping out of this mindset...should I? Is it really too late? could someone in the mid 20's still dream? or has work, money, time, family, invisible load of responsibilities or imaginary need to be the "good girl" really pulled me down to be like the usual old fogs who go through life like normal working class adults?
Do I really wanna grow up get a job,
help out in the family physically and financially,
get a family,
sustain that family,
have a baby,
till death do me part?
Looking at my life..I think the one thing I did wrong...was realize how impt dreams are too late. Growing up in a family with strong ideas of grades, no late nights, no concerts, no friends parties etc.. Parents scared that id hurt/injure/get kidnapped/get etc etc and parents scared to contradict each other...
Maybe I should have fought back...should have put more importance on my dreams instead of putting money and time as more impt and stuffling it.
I think the only one who ever really lived in my family...is my cousin..who got to work amongst horse (her interest and maybe her dream) and got married to a jockey etc etc..now with a beautiful little girl..at the right times of her life. I must admit that Im envious. :)
So if I ever ever ever get a kid...I will teach the kid to be independent, then to follow his dreams and then by the time he/she hits 23, he/she can start settling down and having a family...
Okay enough on my side..Im still in reflection...Even if I wanted to do this....how the hell do I get myself a band?!?! And what about my interest in sign language? $...singing lessons? $
okay well thats my entry...something in me wishes my parents read this but its abit too late by now. As my elders would say...you're older now..should be wiser. Well im starting to believe that wisdom is a relative term..its also subjective and its up to me to decide on how my being wise is...
till then...
God Bless
The Spore Females Tabletennis team finally got an olympic medal. The highest accolade any sportsman or woman could ever dream of getting, regardless of its colour.
Well the final score is 3-0 and Singapore did its best to get fight face to face with the Ping Pong giants themselves..CHINA.
They went, they fought, they lost but we're proud of them. Spore got silver. Not bronze! Silver this time!
Maybe int he next olympics we can get the gold! or maybe we'll need to wait 48 more years. By then our 1st olympic recipient would most likely not be around...I hope not. I hope this is a start of Singapore dream to be stronger. Now its cast in silver, next year the gold is ours!
Still alot of disputes on Spore's foreign talent issue...its true..at the finals of this match...it more or less seemed like China was fighting against China...only difference...the jersey colour. Event he coaches.
A joke I heard yesterday...if this year it dont work, we could always buy more next year...emm not very funny...
Speaking of dreams...Ive been reinspired by a NOISE Singapore performance yesterday afternoon at Suntec. Excellent bands with tricks up their sleeves that just made the performance so satisfying! Original songs, lovely rythmns and excellent shomanship. Im not an expert on this but I loved it so much...made me really wish I could be in a band so anyone looking for a singer? ME ME ME! I want!
Theres a really good band called Monochrome. Doesnt sound fantastic at 1st, looked impressive with e rocker chick as the lead. She's got the attitude and all really but she had to strain her voice a few times htat by the time she was done..she couldnt reach her high notes and her voice broke. Not to good for a band that wants to do well in the long term. HOWEVER, another impressive or unique character to this band is it boasts of its bilingual abilities. YES! Mandarin!
Mandarin singing band?!?!? The lead singer steps off and lets her eletric violinist take over. A chubby, at angles mainland looking chinese guy takes the stage and speaks with a small boy type of style but belts out the highnotes with skill. Not missing one note! Close your eyes and you see SHIN! Im an sooo daaammmnnnn impressed!!!
Pity though..it woud lead me to pay attention to only their chinese songs.
Another band that was interesting was Blind meets Mute. An almost all malay band except for their english songs. The singer is a small pint-size malay girl with a bright strong voice, dressed with a tudong. Dont see tudong rock singing girls often yah.
Their songs were....okay...okay because the lyrics werent fantastic and the band wassnt skilled enough and they more or less sounded like their sounds we're all crashing together to become one gigantic big sound (note i didnt say noise)..so I can only say I like the girl's voice
The 2 bands I loved the most...SPONGE and Stentorian (is that how its spelt?) Damn they're good! Did I also mention that the Stentorian's lead singer is uber cool?!?! AND HIS VOICE!
Im am truly impressed! k more like bowled over! Damn! K u know how high I was over people like Reshmonu and Idan Raichel? Yep I think we've got a sporean representative. :)
Next to this dude would be SPONGE's lead and then King Kong Jane's lead? Anyway if you wanna listen to what I mean...go to myspace.com and look for SPONGE & Stentorian
Lastly..Bless is a local rapper who's got good works. Nothing to religious or racist or politically sensitive for now..all true to life experience pieces and I like his work. catch him on myspace too.
Thats what Ive heard so far and you can bet that Id be around to watch their other gigs.
Speaking of dreams...
After the performance I left feeling satisfied but feeling empty...
I think since the last time Ive gone for such local gigs, my eyes had once again been veiled by harsh reality...or reality as I make of it...I wanna sing..I wanna be in a band and I want to perform. Am I the only one who has this urge to do soemthing so bizzare? Apparently not because all those on the stage now have the same urge..Yet why am I still offstage?
Yet the more I think of this..the more a voice deep inside says, "Ur too old for this kind of thing..its pass your time..dont spend needless money..what can this do for you?"
And the weird thing is I never realy heard these things from my parents...aside from when I joined Spore Idol and my parents both asked me "why you wanna do this for?" or how they didnt really thought my performances were worth going...its really more of "dont waste money"
I think I got the idea when I put this all thogether plus body laguage and their beliefs and their lifestyle....
In fact I dont think the "waste money" idea was meant for me to not go into all this music stuff....but that the music stuff could potentially cause me to spend money take time which could affect my studies....So all those "waste money", "go and study"....transcended into me telling myself that I wouldnt wanna sing...to risk all these thigns from happening. Sad eh.
So as I took the escalator down to the new underpass from suntec..I pondered upon th eidea of stepping out of this mindset...should I? Is it really too late? could someone in the mid 20's still dream? or has work, money, time, family, invisible load of responsibilities or imaginary need to be the "good girl" really pulled me down to be like the usual old fogs who go through life like normal working class adults?
Do I really wanna grow up get a job,
help out in the family physically and financially,
get a family,
sustain that family,
have a baby,
till death do me part?
Looking at my life..I think the one thing I did wrong...was realize how impt dreams are too late. Growing up in a family with strong ideas of grades, no late nights, no concerts, no friends parties etc.. Parents scared that id hurt/injure/get kidnapped/get etc etc and parents scared to contradict each other...
Maybe I should have fought back...should have put more importance on my dreams instead of putting money and time as more impt and stuffling it.
I think the only one who ever really lived in my family...is my cousin..who got to work amongst horse (her interest and maybe her dream) and got married to a jockey etc etc..now with a beautiful little girl..at the right times of her life. I must admit that Im envious. :)
So if I ever ever ever get a kid...I will teach the kid to be independent, then to follow his dreams and then by the time he/she hits 23, he/she can start settling down and having a family...
Okay enough on my side..Im still in reflection...Even if I wanted to do this....how the hell do I get myself a band?!?! And what about my interest in sign language? $...singing lessons? $
okay well thats my entry...something in me wishes my parents read this but its abit too late by now. As my elders would say...you're older now..should be wiser. Well im starting to believe that wisdom is a relative term..its also subjective and its up to me to decide on how my being wise is...
till then...
God Bless
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Georgia, Ossetia, Russia
Okay I dont want to get into politics...I just feel that there might be more to this than just taking South Ossetis back from Georgia.
Have been listening to BBC for the past few days and its AMAZING how the BBC reporters or interviewers can hurl touchy questions at the ministers or representative of the various countries. I believe the interviewers made the ministers sweat. Not that there was visual but the way the ministers started stuttering and hesitating in their replies.Hahhaah SUPER MAJOR kick ass interview that in my opinion...is equated to the interogation by a prosecutor.
Hahahaha well I think BBC has the right (on behalf of the world) to ask these people what is really happening. But they have to protect themselves..hence their questions can only be questions that might suggest or even better..paying extra attention to the answers given and finding loop holes in the answers to see if they can get a more accurate answer.
As for whether its Georgia or Russia's fault...I dont know...no one can justify who pulled the 1st bomb. I will only side with the citizens. After listening to the whole coverage...Im also aware at how easily an incident like this could be covered unbalanced...and cause a skewed view.
Oh well...Im glad the war is over and hope the healing begins soon. My heart felt condolences to all who lost their relatives etc
As fort he other parts of the World..As of now the countries that are under danger...China, Israel, South Ossetia, Georgia, Congo, Pakistan, Myanmar...
God Bless
Have been listening to BBC for the past few days and its AMAZING how the BBC reporters or interviewers can hurl touchy questions at the ministers or representative of the various countries. I believe the interviewers made the ministers sweat. Not that there was visual but the way the ministers started stuttering and hesitating in their replies.Hahhaah SUPER MAJOR kick ass interview that in my opinion...is equated to the interogation by a prosecutor.
Hahahaha well I think BBC has the right (on behalf of the world) to ask these people what is really happening. But they have to protect themselves..hence their questions can only be questions that might suggest or even better..paying extra attention to the answers given and finding loop holes in the answers to see if they can get a more accurate answer.
BBC Rules!!
As for whether its Georgia or Russia's fault...I dont know...no one can justify who pulled the 1st bomb. I will only side with the citizens. After listening to the whole coverage...Im also aware at how easily an incident like this could be covered unbalanced...and cause a skewed view.
Oh well...Im glad the war is over and hope the healing begins soon. My heart felt condolences to all who lost their relatives etc
As fort he other parts of the World..As of now the countries that are under danger...China, Israel, South Ossetia, Georgia, Congo, Pakistan, Myanmar...
God Bless
Monday, August 11, 2008
:)
Im happy :) Got an sms that made my day!
Cant say much but Im overjoyed and for a super long time...I had exchanged numerour amounts of smses of happiness, misses, apologies, explanations and apologies and misses and all. :)
Maybe be feeling stressed or mentally tired at work...but her sms literally brightened up my day.
:) :) :) :)
Thanks God for an sms that Ive waited for a long time!
For the past few days, Ive tried to digest genesis chap 1-3 and 3 chapters itself is enough to make me feel full.
Anyway Im just happy right now! I hope it maintains.
God Bless
Cant say much but Im overjoyed and for a super long time...I had exchanged numerour amounts of smses of happiness, misses, apologies, explanations and apologies and misses and all. :)
Maybe be feeling stressed or mentally tired at work...but her sms literally brightened up my day.
:) :) :) :)
Thanks God for an sms that Ive waited for a long time!
For the past few days, Ive tried to digest genesis chap 1-3 and 3 chapters itself is enough to make me feel full.
Anyway Im just happy right now! I hope it maintains.
God Bless
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