Feel abit feverish today...my head or body feels hot but my feet and fingers feel cold...hope this doesnt escalate to something big...
Had the enrolment stuff coming on and the 1st comperes training last sat.
Since comperes, sparc and ISC are now under my charge, I aspire to bring them all up to standard. Yeah man!
Anyway, last sat's compere AGM and training was the best Ive seen... :) Made me proud! There was sooo much advice given and I hope the juniors got it all down coz I think it all came flowing like a fountain or burst water pipe. :) When we were done w the training, the juniors believed that it was worth missing work for and that it was really fun and fruitful. AMEN! Wohooo!
ISC did me proud yesterday when they give it their best and contributed to the enrolment...so much that SPSU was told to follow us...seems they were so motivated by ISC that they didnt slack too. AMEN! All the way! With us they will never be alone!
The SPI boss came to ISC booth yesterday, saw our slides and videos and said he wanted a copy to let students see how intl students can adapt to Spore life..or SP Life They want us to help organise events I think. :P WOHOOO! AMEN AMEN AMEN!
Finally got some stuff ironed out so I happy for that too!
Got an event tomorrow...its funny how I was allowed to do it but Im doing it...:P
April is coming...its funny how I seem to be very "fren" w people of this month hahahah except for my dad...
K well the summary thoughts of this entry...is that Im sooo proud of the students Im in charge of, sometimes its not so much of what I do...but what they do...They are very smart and all thats needed at times...is a little ray of light to shine the room...in this case..all I ever needed was to show them a concept and they know and understand the meaning of it.
Slowly okay? We try and build this slowly? Im not superwoman.
Thinking of all this..I wonder if I cud keep this club for a few years...I will try my best to bring them higher. Even so...I know the longer I am with them, the more I'll miss them...That is the prob with reshuffling...
Okay I end here. To all my students: Im SOOOOO PROUD of you guys! LOOK! We're clapping! And we're making rhthmyn (cant remember how to spell)
God Bless!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
cont...
Ended up sleeping on the sofa...
slept for only...4 hours...I was and still am damn tired...how ah...like that I will die lor...
Wrote down everything I thought of yesterday in a note book that Ive opened for each club...as I opened..I thought to myself...hmm will I ever finish using this book? Chances are I would have a hard time carrying all of them around...got a bible, notebook, lap top, mp3 player, wallet, keys, pens, hp, documents....I think Im in for a backbreaking time...
Okay..time is ticking..got meeting later...Im trying to cheer up and get more energy but the lack fo sleep is still getting to me.
God Bless
slept for only...4 hours...I was and still am damn tired...how ah...like that I will die lor...
Wrote down everything I thought of yesterday in a note book that Ive opened for each club...as I opened..I thought to myself...hmm will I ever finish using this book? Chances are I would have a hard time carrying all of them around...got a bible, notebook, lap top, mp3 player, wallet, keys, pens, hp, documents....I think Im in for a backbreaking time...
Okay..time is ticking..got meeting later...Im trying to cheer up and get more energy but the lack fo sleep is still getting to me.
God Bless
Im sorry guys..I try my best okay..
Time check: 2.00am
I was turning in my bed for the past 3 hours..simply cant sleep…Im worried…very worried about my clubs…
The new acad year is starting, new things to do, new goals to set, new difficulties to overcome and Im now shaking in fear or worry…
I hate to say this but yes I was affected by comments from my ISC alumni…the standard of the ISFO is dropping….I wanna keep it up but money seems to be the biggest issue…If we only had more money…this is in fact something the club has never been able to overcome…finding sponsors…
Tonight…I had so many things going around in my head..that I cant sleep…I simply cant sleep…I would say that soo far..its the worst night in a long time…
I wonder…if Ive been too soft to the clubs I have…I wonder if I shud be mean at times instead of go to them with open arms….Daddy…I need your wisdom…
Wrote down all the things that need to be done in the club and it fills up the whole A4 size paper…do I have too many dreams and expectations of this club?
How do I feel now….terrible..guilty...worried…scared…sad…
I must however say….that…all this has nothing to do with me not wanting to work for the club…I want to…but I sometimes…most of the times..feel that I have no time and energy and no money…
I asked myself today and a few days before…on whether I can handle all 3 clubs now..all of whom are connected to me in some way or another…
I was scared that given the tight schedule that ive got..whether I would be too exhausted to handle all 3 clubs…
But while I think of that…I think of how these clubs are connected to me…and I regain strength….sad to say…comperes is my former club, sparc is my former sister club, also the club of my sistas and bruddas…and last but not least…ISC was my ex bf’s club…and believe it or not…I still believe that God has plans that I bring ISC to greater heights…how? I dunno leh and judging from the passion I have for each club and the connection they have to me…I don’t see how I can give up any of them….
*tear* I need help…
Satan is casting all possible worries into my head and behind all that…images of Moberly are swiftly passing by like some fastforwarding movie clip…
I need a really big big big meeting…I need it so bad I wished I cud have that now…in my house..2.00am…
Jesus….I feel like Im gonna paralyse up soon….I feel like Im stepping into the rushing waves…I wanna walk on water Lord…please help…
Given my current condition…I doubt I can sleep…so I might as well…do some thinking…
God Bless
I was turning in my bed for the past 3 hours..simply cant sleep…Im worried…very worried about my clubs…
The new acad year is starting, new things to do, new goals to set, new difficulties to overcome and Im now shaking in fear or worry…
I hate to say this but yes I was affected by comments from my ISC alumni…the standard of the ISFO is dropping….I wanna keep it up but money seems to be the biggest issue…If we only had more money…this is in fact something the club has never been able to overcome…finding sponsors…
Tonight…I had so many things going around in my head..that I cant sleep…I simply cant sleep…I would say that soo far..its the worst night in a long time…
I wonder…if Ive been too soft to the clubs I have…I wonder if I shud be mean at times instead of go to them with open arms….Daddy…I need your wisdom…
Wrote down all the things that need to be done in the club and it fills up the whole A4 size paper…do I have too many dreams and expectations of this club?
How do I feel now….terrible..guilty...worried…scared…sad…
I must however say….that…all this has nothing to do with me not wanting to work for the club…I want to…but I sometimes…most of the times..feel that I have no time and energy and no money…
I asked myself today and a few days before…on whether I can handle all 3 clubs now..all of whom are connected to me in some way or another…
I was scared that given the tight schedule that ive got..whether I would be too exhausted to handle all 3 clubs…
But while I think of that…I think of how these clubs are connected to me…and I regain strength….sad to say…comperes is my former club, sparc is my former sister club, also the club of my sistas and bruddas…and last but not least…ISC was my ex bf’s club…and believe it or not…I still believe that God has plans that I bring ISC to greater heights…how? I dunno leh and judging from the passion I have for each club and the connection they have to me…I don’t see how I can give up any of them….
*tear* I need help…
Satan is casting all possible worries into my head and behind all that…images of Moberly are swiftly passing by like some fastforwarding movie clip…
I need a really big big big meeting…I need it so bad I wished I cud have that now…in my house..2.00am…
Jesus….I feel like Im gonna paralyse up soon….I feel like Im stepping into the rushing waves…I wanna walk on water Lord…please help…
Given my current condition…I doubt I can sleep…so I might as well…do some thinking…
God Bless
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I AM BLESSED!
Let me proclaim to the world that I am blessed! No matter how bad I may be at work and sometimes my temper sucks and Im mean and unreasonable..I AM BLESSED!
I dont know what to say although my heart is widened and my eyes are bright from seeing God's blessings in my life. My church says and I believe that we who are blessed wil have overflowing blessings that even the people around us will be blessed. I pray my blessings will spread to those around me, especially in the office...coz I know we need it.
I only realized today that my corner of the office is the part that has the fittest people..except me and they are all very happening... :) My section is the noisiest and has the heartiest laughters and Im happy for that. :) I think our section wudnt be as happening if Matt and I hadnt come in and turned it upside down a little..our high frequencyness has spread to unknown boundaries :P
Yesterday I realized that my indian songs knowledge has expanded when Iw as speaking to a student and was trying to find out from him, who one fo the students was...they just had their concert last year end and I went for it so we were quoting songs to each other to get me to rememebr how the student who sang it looked like hahahahaha Goodness! Naama Katile! Hahahahahahaha
Okay end here..got students looking for me
GOD BLESS!
I dont know what to say although my heart is widened and my eyes are bright from seeing God's blessings in my life. My church says and I believe that we who are blessed wil have overflowing blessings that even the people around us will be blessed. I pray my blessings will spread to those around me, especially in the office...coz I know we need it.
I only realized today that my corner of the office is the part that has the fittest people..except me and they are all very happening... :) My section is the noisiest and has the heartiest laughters and Im happy for that. :) I think our section wudnt be as happening if Matt and I hadnt come in and turned it upside down a little..our high frequencyness has spread to unknown boundaries :P
Yesterday I realized that my indian songs knowledge has expanded when Iw as speaking to a student and was trying to find out from him, who one fo the students was...they just had their concert last year end and I went for it so we were quoting songs to each other to get me to rememebr how the student who sang it looked like hahahahaha Goodness! Naama Katile! Hahahahahahaha
Okay end here..got students looking for me
GOD BLESS!
Monday, March 19, 2007
I hate my phone...I think its dying down on me...
My hp is useless...Im stressed by a mere event and its driving me nuts...
Daddy God, dont let me stop thinking of you because the moment I dont, Satan slips in through the window and drops a whole load of bombs in my room! Daddy..I know Im righteous and saved by Jesus blood so I refuse all this Murphy's law business! MUrphy's law is God's law and Jesus has saved me from being prosecuted byt he old law! So I REFUSE this condemnation business!!!!
I am blessed and the blessed never have a lack of blessings... :).... wiht determination!
Satan you can kiss my pink little ass for all I care~! BAH!
I am blessed and I believe I am! I see hordes of blessings moving toward by truck loads! Unloading their goodness, fulfilling all i need! AMEN!
Call me super positive but how can i not be when my Daddy is the God who created this world, he says that we reign this world....How would me being down and rejected and depressed...show that I reign?!?!?! I will step on sin with a firm footing and heals! pick it up, fold it and throw it intot he bin and satan wouldnt have anything he can do about it.
AMEN!
I order Satan to buy me a new phone!
God Bless!
Daddy God, dont let me stop thinking of you because the moment I dont, Satan slips in through the window and drops a whole load of bombs in my room! Daddy..I know Im righteous and saved by Jesus blood so I refuse all this Murphy's law business! MUrphy's law is God's law and Jesus has saved me from being prosecuted byt he old law! So I REFUSE this condemnation business!!!!
I am blessed and the blessed never have a lack of blessings... :).... wiht determination!
Satan you can kiss my pink little ass for all I care~! BAH!
I am blessed and I believe I am! I see hordes of blessings moving toward by truck loads! Unloading their goodness, fulfilling all i need! AMEN!
Call me super positive but how can i not be when my Daddy is the God who created this world, he says that we reign this world....How would me being down and rejected and depressed...show that I reign?!?!?! I will step on sin with a firm footing and heals! pick it up, fold it and throw it intot he bin and satan wouldnt have anything he can do about it.
AMEN!
I order Satan to buy me a new phone!
God Bless!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
ohhh nooo
today I foolishly thought back on some stuff...wats wrong w me ah..haiz....
I cleared my yahoo email inbox, seeing that all of it is notices and no new msgs coming in to say hi. I thought to myself despite being a cold friendsteruser too...that none of us interact..wats the use? Why build a bridge when u dont cross it. I recall how long its been since my best friend and I chat..bit of sourness between us and thats what made it sad for me....Sorry bro...
This few days are hell...too many things...I try my best...I tahan w God's strength and pray for eveyrone for their probs...
Got cookie monstor staring at me...from across the table, awaiting his consultation and angel "Lilo n stitch" spinning tunes for me wahahahah
A&W Bear looking from behind me and etc..my office is my zoo wahahahah
K tummy ready to eat me liao...gotta feed it toblerone dark chocs! Yum!
Rush rush to suntec!
God Bless!
I cleared my yahoo email inbox, seeing that all of it is notices and no new msgs coming in to say hi. I thought to myself despite being a cold friendsteruser too...that none of us interact..wats the use? Why build a bridge when u dont cross it. I recall how long its been since my best friend and I chat..bit of sourness between us and thats what made it sad for me....Sorry bro...
This few days are hell...too many things...I try my best...I tahan w God's strength and pray for eveyrone for their probs...
Got cookie monstor staring at me...from across the table, awaiting his consultation and angel "Lilo n stitch" spinning tunes for me wahahahah
A&W Bear looking from behind me and etc..my office is my zoo wahahahah
K tummy ready to eat me liao...gotta feed it toblerone dark chocs! Yum!
Rush rush to suntec!
God Bless!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Seratonin, HIT ME!
Went up to the bunch of kids playing the guitar and singing camp songs and told them to tune their guitar....
Got n monster headache..Godzilla is leaning on my left eye and I feel like plucking my eye out, placing it on the table...or simply..sleeping...
My colleague and not so recently found bro, Matt is in his problems...both physically and mentally. Bro, I know reality is hitting u very hard but bare in there..as God's kids we know that God is always there for us. We have to keep believeing that God doesnt sit around and do nothing. Believe that you will be fine...believe that you will be happy with your family and see your kid grow up and and slap every guy that comes up your doorstep...
Reality is different from God's reality and because we are God's kids, washed clean by Jesus Blood...sickness and disease is also caused by Satan...Adam and Eve were intially formed perfect, no sin, no disease, no imperfections, etc..but since that stupid forbidden fruit...sin was let in and Man had to endure sickness, diseases, plagues, hostile plants and animals..every sort of suffering you know is caused by God...
If so, Jesus having died and taken our sins and made us righteous...should clear us of our inflictions. Then what happened to Job?
Did you notice that Job never died? That he got back everything he had at the end? That God allowed Satan to inflict things on him, BUT ordered Satan NOT to touch his life.
SATAN HAS TO LISTEN TO GOD!
I go through my own stuff and at my worst times, I fight the emotions and w gritted teeth, I praise Him...I praise him because He is always there and it is at those times that I feel the most confident that he's there...holding on to the promise...the father's hand...His right hand! Amen!
K need to go off...
God Bless!
Got n monster headache..Godzilla is leaning on my left eye and I feel like plucking my eye out, placing it on the table...or simply..sleeping...
My colleague and not so recently found bro, Matt is in his problems...both physically and mentally. Bro, I know reality is hitting u very hard but bare in there..as God's kids we know that God is always there for us. We have to keep believeing that God doesnt sit around and do nothing. Believe that you will be fine...believe that you will be happy with your family and see your kid grow up and and slap every guy that comes up your doorstep...
Reality is different from God's reality and because we are God's kids, washed clean by Jesus Blood...sickness and disease is also caused by Satan...Adam and Eve were intially formed perfect, no sin, no disease, no imperfections, etc..but since that stupid forbidden fruit...sin was let in and Man had to endure sickness, diseases, plagues, hostile plants and animals..every sort of suffering you know is caused by God...
If so, Jesus having died and taken our sins and made us righteous...should clear us of our inflictions. Then what happened to Job?
Did you notice that Job never died? That he got back everything he had at the end? That God allowed Satan to inflict things on him, BUT ordered Satan NOT to touch his life.
SATAN HAS TO LISTEN TO GOD!
I go through my own stuff and at my worst times, I fight the emotions and w gritted teeth, I praise Him...I praise him because He is always there and it is at those times that I feel the most confident that he's there...holding on to the promise...the father's hand...His right hand! Amen!
K need to go off...
God Bless!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I need to blog the &^%$ing anger and frustration
I know its hard coordinating people to do stuff but wats frustrating is when they have a change of plans before telling you....Im stuck with 2 HUGE places to fill and Im drained...mentally....
I cud step up and scold some "ones" but I'll freaking feel bad doing it...but I have to or Im just causing myself more trouble...yes reshuffle reshuffle reshuffle..come on people! Musical chairs please!
we cant make a sound if we dont clap together...
Sorta makes me wish the right people read this blog and got the msg...
*Im really really sorry...hope you understand*
...I understand..thats why I'm not saying anything...if I had more nerves of steel and a metal heart...Id be irritated...and say, " I understand! But do you understand?!?! You promised me a LONG time ago before this! And just coz I didnt remind you, does this mean Im held responsible for it? That its all my fault?!?! No! Its you business too! Because you made a promise to me! And now you're going back on your promise! You should have taken the initiative to record the things you need to do..hence not leaving anything out!
* Im abit scared to do this...I dont think I can do it..Im sorry...can I quit?*
...God help me...How abt me? Can I quit?.....Fine! I give you new duty...you help me coordinate this...then I let you quit....
*background: campfire songs being sung out of tune and raining cats n dogs*
...Thanks Satan...
Maybe because of the singing....
This whole day is soaking with spiritual warfare and while I try to perp myself up, and hold back the frustration and knot in the throat....Im finding it very hard...
Was planning to get my hp fixed tonight...looks like I would have to fly to Plaza Sing instead...but I cant fly..so guess its cancelled..Im just plain giving up..lah lah lah lah lah
Anyway... Im thinking of leaving all my work in the office and going home...seems like a good plan to me.
Despite all this I say with all conviction and singlemindedly.....My God is an AWESOME GOD! Praise His name! No matter how things may turn...I see Him and know that He never lets me out from His sight! AMEN!
God Bless
I cud step up and scold some "ones" but I'll freaking feel bad doing it...but I have to or Im just causing myself more trouble...yes reshuffle reshuffle reshuffle..come on people! Musical chairs please!
we cant make a sound if we dont clap together...
Sorta makes me wish the right people read this blog and got the msg...
*Im really really sorry...hope you understand*
...I understand..thats why I'm not saying anything...if I had more nerves of steel and a metal heart...Id be irritated...and say, " I understand! But do you understand?!?! You promised me a LONG time ago before this! And just coz I didnt remind you, does this mean Im held responsible for it? That its all my fault?!?! No! Its you business too! Because you made a promise to me! And now you're going back on your promise! You should have taken the initiative to record the things you need to do..hence not leaving anything out!
* Im abit scared to do this...I dont think I can do it..Im sorry...can I quit?*
...God help me...How abt me? Can I quit?.....Fine! I give you new duty...you help me coordinate this...then I let you quit....
*background: campfire songs being sung out of tune and raining cats n dogs*
...Thanks Satan...
Maybe because of the singing....
This whole day is soaking with spiritual warfare and while I try to perp myself up, and hold back the frustration and knot in the throat....Im finding it very hard...
Was planning to get my hp fixed tonight...looks like I would have to fly to Plaza Sing instead...but I cant fly..so guess its cancelled..Im just plain giving up..lah lah lah lah lah
Anyway... Im thinking of leaving all my work in the office and going home...seems like a good plan to me.
Despite all this I say with all conviction and singlemindedly.....My God is an AWESOME GOD! Praise His name! No matter how things may turn...I see Him and know that He never lets me out from His sight! AMEN!
God Bless
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Spiritual Warfare...Im telling God about you Satan!
Spiritual warfare is whats been bugging me these few weeks...I guess alot of things are going wrong and anything that goes wrong is without a doubt....satan's fault. Nvr a christians fault even if it was negligence on your part etc...
Matt (my colleague who doesnt mind being named) has been having his tough times and I feel for him...thats pretty much all I know how to do...I hate to say this but Im scared to help him with his work at times because Im sometimes drowning in mine....my work drowniness is often due to my lack of work capabilities. But I will try k bro....I try to help you out....sorry if I have little words to say..
However, I had a good chat w him on saturday and I realize even chatting helps...of course talking to him baout God sometimes...Im abit worried if Im saying the right thing about my beliefs in God..Daddy help..
After the chat...i hope I made his day better and I know I felt better too... :)
My spiritual warfare is the doubts I have about christianity and my aptitude as a christian...do I ahve what it takes to be a christian? why is it most of them are evidently blessed by God with the wisdom and holy spirit etc and I have zilch...or rather...it seems that way...
Alot of people say Im talented (something I count as blessings from God) in alot of stuff which I cant quite see myself...yet what I know I need is God's wisdom...the same wisdom everybody needs and only a certain percentage of people have alot...
I went to church today...abit less enthusiastic..wondering whether I'll learn anything today....I came out...happy. Happy that Im reminded that Im God's child...that He gives me everything I need and want....
By "want" I dont mean...what "I" want.....eg: A kid could run to his dad asking for the Turbo Jet Super Soaker 1500Xtra Maximus (seems cheem ah) The dad looks at him says yes and gets him an inflatable swimming pool and a slide...do we really know what we want? Its like advertising...every company positions their product to fulfill a certain need of their target audience....supersoaker = Need to get wet and have fun = water pool w slide...eveyrone gets wet and has fun....evidently more than what the kid asks for..at times...
I guess God does things that way at times...depending on how he seeks fits...ie:whichever way satisfies us the most.
Lets relate this to real present "year old" times....I cud ask God for my ex now....but only He knows what kind of a guy fits me. Which is why I dont ask for my ex. I just ask God for the right guy.
Psalm 23 (michael jordan's jersey number hahah makes it easy to remember)
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...
God evidently fills our wants as well as needs but he fills them realistically...not w a supersoaker that fills our wants temporarily.
I prayed for the baptism of Holy Spirit today...how do you know if you've got it? I know most of my frens are non-christians...so let me explain. Baptism fot he Holy Spirit is not baptism of water or sprinkle of water etc...baptism of water is the public declaration that we are god's children...it is our own want to show publicly that we are god's kids...as my pastor would say it...not baptising in water is fine..because we are already saved if we believe that Jesus is our saviour. Simple..
From my understanding and the pastor's preaching...
Baptism of the Holy Spirit results on speaking in tongues. Speaking in tongues is NOT jibberish (something I otherwise believed long ago) and it is given to any christian who believes in God and asks God for it. Tongues is an unknown language, an uncomprehensible language because it is spiritual language..the language I believe is used in the heavenly places...by speaking in tongues...we speak directly to God through the Holy Spirit. Praying with our own lingo is fine too so long as we pray through Jesus Christ...Jesus will do our intercepting and perfect our prayer before it goes to God our Father. and FOR SURE God grants em.
Praying in tongues...the wonderful thing about it is that the "words" we use are inspired by the Holy Spirit...means the prayer cant go wrong...we dont know what we're praying but rest assured the Holy Spirit has got every word correct.
Take the supersoaker for eg:
jesus and the holy spirit work in the same way...they both know what you really want and need and know just how to say it...like ...ur sister. You want the silly supersoaker..your sister knows you want it but also knows that wont fulfill you..so she gives the best solution..the inflatable pool! She goes to ur dad and tells him for you..with out you having to sheepishly tell him yourself...
In the present times...you may have a classmate or colleague or boss that pisses you off or irritates you or intentionally makes life difficult for you...chances are you'd really wanna pray for him to leave...more often than not you dont...do that coz being a christian you know better....
You may pray in to God for Him to help you with your troubles and help you to control yourself and to help make the reltionship between you and the irritant better...etc
Maybe praying in tongues would sound more like... "Daddy, bless my colleague/boss/classmate/ shower him with blessings, teach him to see your love for him and grace...etc....
As the bible says, "love even your enemies....
I am but a new christian..not as well versed in the bible as my pastors or even my colleagues...and I guess Im worried that what I say here isnt 100% correct....but what I do know is....my God listens to me when I am in need of help and am troubled...He hears my prayers and ALREADY has a solution to it...He doesnt hear your plan and say, "hmmis that so...okay let me see..what can I do to solve this..." He goes," Sit still...Ive known your probs even before you said a word...I saw it coming 2000 years ago and Ive solved it. Sit still, wait and see!"
Amen! Praise my Daddy God!
The pastor prayed for me to be baptised with the Holy Spirit and get tongues and all I ahve to do is believe that I have it already...
Moving on...my dad just made the announcement that we all have to thro away our old stuff because they're gonna be doing a renovation...I cud very well get my own room... :D the trouble now...is figuring what stuff to throw...feel a migraine coming on...Im excited but starting to feel tired too hahahahah
Got the urge to write songs again...havnt had that urge for a long time but this time...God is urging me to write christian ones...I cant play the keyboard or play the guitar well etc...but I do believe that so long as God wants me to do something...he will give me the means to do so well. Amen!
My God is an awesome God!
God Bless!
Matt (my colleague who doesnt mind being named) has been having his tough times and I feel for him...thats pretty much all I know how to do...I hate to say this but Im scared to help him with his work at times because Im sometimes drowning in mine....my work drowniness is often due to my lack of work capabilities. But I will try k bro....I try to help you out....sorry if I have little words to say..
However, I had a good chat w him on saturday and I realize even chatting helps...of course talking to him baout God sometimes...Im abit worried if Im saying the right thing about my beliefs in God..Daddy help..
After the chat...i hope I made his day better and I know I felt better too... :)
My spiritual warfare is the doubts I have about christianity and my aptitude as a christian...do I ahve what it takes to be a christian? why is it most of them are evidently blessed by God with the wisdom and holy spirit etc and I have zilch...or rather...it seems that way...
Alot of people say Im talented (something I count as blessings from God) in alot of stuff which I cant quite see myself...yet what I know I need is God's wisdom...the same wisdom everybody needs and only a certain percentage of people have alot...
I went to church today...abit less enthusiastic..wondering whether I'll learn anything today....I came out...happy. Happy that Im reminded that Im God's child...that He gives me everything I need and want....
By "want" I dont mean...what "I" want.....eg: A kid could run to his dad asking for the Turbo Jet Super Soaker 1500Xtra Maximus (seems cheem ah) The dad looks at him says yes and gets him an inflatable swimming pool and a slide...do we really know what we want? Its like advertising...every company positions their product to fulfill a certain need of their target audience....supersoaker = Need to get wet and have fun = water pool w slide...eveyrone gets wet and has fun....evidently more than what the kid asks for..at times...
I guess God does things that way at times...depending on how he seeks fits...ie:whichever way satisfies us the most.
Lets relate this to real present "year old" times....I cud ask God for my ex now....but only He knows what kind of a guy fits me. Which is why I dont ask for my ex. I just ask God for the right guy.
Psalm 23 (michael jordan's jersey number hahah makes it easy to remember)
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...
God evidently fills our wants as well as needs but he fills them realistically...not w a supersoaker that fills our wants temporarily.
I prayed for the baptism of Holy Spirit today...how do you know if you've got it? I know most of my frens are non-christians...so let me explain. Baptism fot he Holy Spirit is not baptism of water or sprinkle of water etc...baptism of water is the public declaration that we are god's children...it is our own want to show publicly that we are god's kids...as my pastor would say it...not baptising in water is fine..because we are already saved if we believe that Jesus is our saviour. Simple..
From my understanding and the pastor's preaching...
Baptism of the Holy Spirit results on speaking in tongues. Speaking in tongues is NOT jibberish (something I otherwise believed long ago) and it is given to any christian who believes in God and asks God for it. Tongues is an unknown language, an uncomprehensible language because it is spiritual language..the language I believe is used in the heavenly places...by speaking in tongues...we speak directly to God through the Holy Spirit. Praying with our own lingo is fine too so long as we pray through Jesus Christ...Jesus will do our intercepting and perfect our prayer before it goes to God our Father. and FOR SURE God grants em.
Praying in tongues...the wonderful thing about it is that the "words" we use are inspired by the Holy Spirit...means the prayer cant go wrong...we dont know what we're praying but rest assured the Holy Spirit has got every word correct.
Take the supersoaker for eg:
jesus and the holy spirit work in the same way...they both know what you really want and need and know just how to say it...like ...ur sister. You want the silly supersoaker..your sister knows you want it but also knows that wont fulfill you..so she gives the best solution..the inflatable pool! She goes to ur dad and tells him for you..with out you having to sheepishly tell him yourself...
In the present times...you may have a classmate or colleague or boss that pisses you off or irritates you or intentionally makes life difficult for you...chances are you'd really wanna pray for him to leave...more often than not you dont...do that coz being a christian you know better....
You may pray in to God for Him to help you with your troubles and help you to control yourself and to help make the reltionship between you and the irritant better...etc
Maybe praying in tongues would sound more like... "Daddy, bless my colleague/boss/classmate/ shower him with blessings, teach him to see your love for him and grace...etc....
As the bible says, "love even your enemies....
I am but a new christian..not as well versed in the bible as my pastors or even my colleagues...and I guess Im worried that what I say here isnt 100% correct....but what I do know is....my God listens to me when I am in need of help and am troubled...He hears my prayers and ALREADY has a solution to it...He doesnt hear your plan and say, "hmmis that so...okay let me see..what can I do to solve this..." He goes," Sit still...Ive known your probs even before you said a word...I saw it coming 2000 years ago and Ive solved it. Sit still, wait and see!"
Amen! Praise my Daddy God!
The pastor prayed for me to be baptised with the Holy Spirit and get tongues and all I ahve to do is believe that I have it already...
Moving on...my dad just made the announcement that we all have to thro away our old stuff because they're gonna be doing a renovation...I cud very well get my own room... :D the trouble now...is figuring what stuff to throw...feel a migraine coming on...Im excited but starting to feel tired too hahahahah
Got the urge to write songs again...havnt had that urge for a long time but this time...God is urging me to write christian ones...I cant play the keyboard or play the guitar well etc...but I do believe that so long as God wants me to do something...he will give me the means to do so well. Amen!
My God is an awesome God!
God Bless!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Where is my inspiration? Where is my tolerance and ability to let go?
I honestly think I shud lay off indian movies esp those with Vijay in it.
Btw...was watching an indian movie yesterday on my PC, Sachein...damn funny, damn earnest...bloody nice...and Im ashamed to say it..yes love story...my sister walks by and asks why Im watching indian movies again....*no reply*..she walks nearer and immediately exclaims, "hey i recognise this guy!"
Why would people not know...the ever wonderful, already married, ever boyish looking, possibly andy lau of kollywood(they nvr grow old)....Vijay
http://www.ilayathalapathyvijay.com/filmography.htm
He doesnt look really good looking in this website...coz the pics are too small...
His other damn good movie is Sivakasi...
Wonder why I like him...go figure it out....got to do with the camera shot....
Anyway much as the movie was really good...I felt abit bad after that...went straight to sleep...
Things have been rough for some people around me...much as I know...I dont say anything...I seriously dont know what to say....and because their mood is changed and all, I guess it affects me too....
seriously..not that I got nothing to say...its more that i dont know what to say...
Sorta makes me wish cud make everyone feel better orhappy...
Got a fren who asked me if he was a good friend yesterday and I replied..of course! whyelse would I be here having dinner with you? I wouldnt be talking to you if you werent...well not that drastic..but you get the drift...
Is it bad to have high expectations of your friends? I know I had at one point of time...I used to call up some of my frens wliving near me to ask if they wanna hangout for awhile...as in...meet up there n then... and when the call gets cut or no one picks up.....Id be super dissappointed....
Abit silly of me...it isnt like everybody is suppposed to be at my beck and call....I think I got over all that and decided that if things go like that, its natural! Maybe its the way to learn to be socially independent? is there a name for someone who can go out and do stuff on their own? thats not strange..rite? hahahaha
My colleague and my student both said to me once on seperate occassions, "dont keep spending your time on work leh! You'll never get a bf and get married like that!"
I replied, "Somehow I believe that God has someone arranged for me already and he will drop down from the sky or come up from the ground! Hehehe"
Student: Would you be shocked?
Ning: Nah..coz I'll know its god sent hehehhe
Hope: Yah well...God only helps those that helps themselves...
Ning: Well (thought of disagreement) ...ok
I still believe it though hahhaah I believe God has someone in mind...dont know who...but doesnt matter..when time come, time comes.
Btw..had some weird dreams last night and the night before...
Night before
Dreamt Moses came back..int eh second coming...happy occassion....
dreamt of my ex.....lets not go there
last night
Dreamt that a fren of mind was confessing...ehm....yah....scaared the shit out of me...seemed much like stalking.....haiz....I hope none of this comes true...dreamt i had a bunch of other frens whom I used as the shelter from my pestering fren.
dreamt it was jimmy's birthday and we had things all prepared for him..the best choc cake..best food, on top of an openair double decker bus!
I seriously hope this doesnt persist...
Anyway..I also hope the whole sudden, "pravin this pravin that..how are you guys..." thing is wearing off hahahaha
K back to work!
Love you guys!
Btw...was watching an indian movie yesterday on my PC, Sachein...damn funny, damn earnest...bloody nice...and Im ashamed to say it..yes love story...my sister walks by and asks why Im watching indian movies again....*no reply*..she walks nearer and immediately exclaims, "hey i recognise this guy!"
Why would people not know...the ever wonderful, already married, ever boyish looking, possibly andy lau of kollywood(they nvr grow old)....Vijay
http://www.ilayathalapathyvijay.com/filmography.htm
He doesnt look really good looking in this website...coz the pics are too small...
His other damn good movie is Sivakasi...
Wonder why I like him...go figure it out....got to do with the camera shot....
Anyway much as the movie was really good...I felt abit bad after that...went straight to sleep...
Things have been rough for some people around me...much as I know...I dont say anything...I seriously dont know what to say....and because their mood is changed and all, I guess it affects me too....
seriously..not that I got nothing to say...its more that i dont know what to say...
Sorta makes me wish cud make everyone feel better orhappy...
Got a fren who asked me if he was a good friend yesterday and I replied..of course! whyelse would I be here having dinner with you? I wouldnt be talking to you if you werent...well not that drastic..but you get the drift...
Is it bad to have high expectations of your friends? I know I had at one point of time...I used to call up some of my frens wliving near me to ask if they wanna hangout for awhile...as in...meet up there n then... and when the call gets cut or no one picks up.....Id be super dissappointed....
Abit silly of me...it isnt like everybody is suppposed to be at my beck and call....I think I got over all that and decided that if things go like that, its natural! Maybe its the way to learn to be socially independent? is there a name for someone who can go out and do stuff on their own? thats not strange..rite? hahahaha
My colleague and my student both said to me once on seperate occassions, "dont keep spending your time on work leh! You'll never get a bf and get married like that!"
I replied, "Somehow I believe that God has someone arranged for me already and he will drop down from the sky or come up from the ground! Hehehe"
Student: Would you be shocked?
Ning: Nah..coz I'll know its god sent hehehhe
Hope: Yah well...God only helps those that helps themselves...
Ning: Well (thought of disagreement) ...ok
I still believe it though hahhaah I believe God has someone in mind...dont know who...but doesnt matter..when time come, time comes.
Btw..had some weird dreams last night and the night before...
Night before
Dreamt Moses came back..int eh second coming...happy occassion....
dreamt of my ex.....lets not go there
last night
Dreamt that a fren of mind was confessing...ehm....yah....scaared the shit out of me...seemed much like stalking.....haiz....I hope none of this comes true...dreamt i had a bunch of other frens whom I used as the shelter from my pestering fren.
dreamt it was jimmy's birthday and we had things all prepared for him..the best choc cake..best food, on top of an openair double decker bus!
I seriously hope this doesnt persist...
Anyway..I also hope the whole sudden, "pravin this pravin that..how are you guys..." thing is wearing off hahahaha
K back to work!
Love you guys!
Monday, March 05, 2007
Im stil sorry...and for the last time!
"Do you still keep in touch with him?" Wendy..in the back ground, "you're my honey bunch sugarplum....you're my sweetie pie" Fuck... Hahahah okay not that serious...swearing is a form of exaggeration to me.
BUt lets count it again..seems Ive gotten the same question 3 times in the past week hahahha not to mention the long unheard (I wud say for abt months and years), the sweetiepie song that ...means something..whatever lah
Had a good chat w my colleague and Im just so impressed by him and my other colleagues, Matt, Tiong Hui, Angel, Anna..sooo many... I can look at them and be soooo amazed at how well they manage their family relations :) I think God has something to do with this....:) I always used to wonder how they do it. what makes them so different from other families that fall apart like a pack of cards.... Maybe coz of God...
Seems funny and laughable to say that if I ever get to the stage of starting a family...thats how I will handle mine...with God in the center. Gotta start w a christian guy as well hahaha
Morning blues pumping in full speed but God's here too, so who cares!
God Bless
BUt lets count it again..seems Ive gotten the same question 3 times in the past week hahahha not to mention the long unheard (I wud say for abt months and years), the sweetiepie song that ...means something..whatever lah
Had a good chat w my colleague and Im just so impressed by him and my other colleagues, Matt, Tiong Hui, Angel, Anna..sooo many... I can look at them and be soooo amazed at how well they manage their family relations :) I think God has something to do with this....:) I always used to wonder how they do it. what makes them so different from other families that fall apart like a pack of cards.... Maybe coz of God...
Seems funny and laughable to say that if I ever get to the stage of starting a family...thats how I will handle mine...with God in the center. Gotta start w a christian guy as well hahaha
Morning blues pumping in full speed but God's here too, so who cares!
God Bless
Saturday, March 03, 2007
The spark that died down...
Before I go on..I dont knwo how many of my frens bother to read my blog but for those of them and all others who dont...(if you'd kindly let them know)...
Im sorry....
Been awhile back since Ive kept in touch with many of them, some fo whom I thought would update me...see...im soo dependant and self-centered....I happily do my part of blogging and hope that people read once in awhile....truth is..like I do...or rather I dont....read
Checked my fren's blog today and the usual eccentric writing of hers..was unusually dark and solemn..like an overcasting of clouds..dark, pre-rain ones....it hit me that...somethign could very well have gone wrong....
As I later read and found out...she as in the hospital....FUCK....my heart sank.... also started to wonder if she was still attached...I fear the truth....wish she was in spore for me to call her...
Sorry sis....really....im soo sorry...
Got another fren who's mum passed away..Im gonna go find her these few days....God...keep her heart to you...
God Bless
Im sorry....
Been awhile back since Ive kept in touch with many of them, some fo whom I thought would update me...see...im soo dependant and self-centered....I happily do my part of blogging and hope that people read once in awhile....truth is..like I do...or rather I dont....read
Checked my fren's blog today and the usual eccentric writing of hers..was unusually dark and solemn..like an overcasting of clouds..dark, pre-rain ones....it hit me that...somethign could very well have gone wrong....
As I later read and found out...she as in the hospital....FUCK....my heart sank.... also started to wonder if she was still attached...I fear the truth....wish she was in spore for me to call her...
Sorry sis....really....im soo sorry...
Got another fren who's mum passed away..Im gonna go find her these few days....God...keep her heart to you...
God Bless
Emmm what do I want to do?
Yesterday I went for a course, "Effective Master Of Ceremonies"
I got there and realized that it was a late 50's or early 60's man who was teaching us how to speak. I tried to be positive and I guess I learnt some stuff..mostly..I just confirmed what I already knew... Yet..this course actually gave me a renewed want to go back to compereing..the same adrenaline runs when I think of the mic and the stage...
My fren also told me that there was a vacancy in power 98 again...and once again I wonder if I can be a dj... I like my job in SP but what hinders me from really really loving it to death...is the procedures and lack fo funds etc
I know Im staying put where I am for now coz theres still sooo much to learn..but I dont know whether even here, I wud be able to succeed..and if I do go out within the next 5 years...wud I still be able to do what I want..like working in the radio indus? or my songwriting? I guess for the past 1 years..ive stopped searching...but now that these old things are coming back to haunt me...
I wish I had the time and money to go for lessons on songwriting and production etc..I wish I could be such a fast learner....
Father..you have made me to be someone who cant stay put in her chair and needs to explore...Father..how to I satisfy this longing I have?
The gathering yesterday sorta put me down abit..as some gatherings wud start to do..you start comparing urself to others who are more succeessful... Haiz
Anyway..I do know that God put me here for a reason..I know Im being trained and Im trying to shapen myself up...
God Bless
I got there and realized that it was a late 50's or early 60's man who was teaching us how to speak. I tried to be positive and I guess I learnt some stuff..mostly..I just confirmed what I already knew... Yet..this course actually gave me a renewed want to go back to compereing..the same adrenaline runs when I think of the mic and the stage...
My fren also told me that there was a vacancy in power 98 again...and once again I wonder if I can be a dj... I like my job in SP but what hinders me from really really loving it to death...is the procedures and lack fo funds etc
I know Im staying put where I am for now coz theres still sooo much to learn..but I dont know whether even here, I wud be able to succeed..and if I do go out within the next 5 years...wud I still be able to do what I want..like working in the radio indus? or my songwriting? I guess for the past 1 years..ive stopped searching...but now that these old things are coming back to haunt me...
I wish I had the time and money to go for lessons on songwriting and production etc..I wish I could be such a fast learner....
Father..you have made me to be someone who cant stay put in her chair and needs to explore...Father..how to I satisfy this longing I have?
The gathering yesterday sorta put me down abit..as some gatherings wud start to do..you start comparing urself to others who are more succeessful... Haiz
Anyway..I do know that God put me here for a reason..I know Im being trained and Im trying to shapen myself up...
God Bless
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Blog my way to heaven..stop mentioning him...
"what happened to both of you ah?", Hope
"I was at Newcastle and I wanted to contact him...", Roland
"Do you still keep in contact with him?", Roland & Hope
Haiz...no I seldom keep in contact with him..once in a blue moon...seriously...
I want to keep in contact but..its really not advisable so there!
Had a colleague talking about his friend who is younger than him, rich and indian..looking for a wife. Upon this another of my colleague shouts my name repeatedly...like Im supposed to jump for joy, get changed and walk down the aisle hahahahahha ...Is he christian?
This New Year has been a horde of well wishes...or otherwise..eveyrone knowing Im born int he year of the pig..has been wishing me, "Nian Nian You Zhu" directly translated...Year Year Got Pig....Dosnt go too well with my renewed motivation to go gym :/ Hahahah and other wishes include getting married or getting a bf..yahdahyahdah..I in turn wished my boss to get a grandchild soon hahahaha
My bf will drop down from the sky and knock on my door with a bunch of 70% dark dark chocolates, fake flowers that look real and last a lifetime and say, "wassup!" Hahahahha
Seriously..I dont see a rush in it man. But sudden recent reminders of my ex didnt make things better hahahah. Its amazing how Im still closely related to him...aside from the fact that we were attached for awhile and that the whole SAA Dept and other lecturers dotting SP, know about it..and likewise when we broke up. :/
Since the last email with him, Ive more or less cleared the dust and opened the door out of the whole reluctance and longing shingdings ...much as I still believe in us somewhere and somehow (silly of me at times) last thing I wanna do is step into that damned place again Hahahaha
Indian Smindian! So long as its someone who things as crazily as I am and doesnt talk more than me hahahha oh and has to be christian...I'll leave this to God. Even while I "sometimes" think about it... I just tell myself that God knows who Im meant to be with. Why look for something so fervently while the person is already coming to you? Its he's standing on those airport horizontal escalators and you are waiting on the end of it. He is in your clear view and you're still screaming, "Where are you man! I can't freaking see you! Come out come out wherever you are!"
Geez! So I would pray that God prepares me for that moment when I reach there. Till then, I'll go about my own things coz everything I do is preparing me for more things ahead. :) Even the past relationship.
I dont know if anyone knows the movie, If The SHoe Fits...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099826/
Its a love story I first watched in the 90's (note the tone of age) I think I was..oh....10-12 then? When sweet love stories used to fit my taste buds...
Aside from Liu Xing Hua Yuen (meteor garden), the anime one ah! This was my next fav...
But even now..these movies are in the back of my system..
Being the silly idealistic romantic, I guess despite my outer expressions, I am still excited about what God would bring to my doorstep and how it would happen hahahha
Would it be someone from school function? old classmate? someone I bump into in the streets and ruins my pants or top, someone that pisses me off at 1st encounter and causes me to fume for days, someone off the net, someone my fren intros seemingly unintentionaly but obviously on purpose, or would it be someone from church etc...Hahahah all the possibilities hahahah Father, you have your way and you have your humour. No doubt the origin of humour and emotions is from you so why shouldnt you be someone who is lamer than all of us combined? Hahahahhaha Ive laughed at your jokes before! Esp those you put on others or me hahahahha
So Father, amuse me! Hahahahhaha
So Yah...I'll wait for the show to start :) Knowing that when it comes, what God wills, will not and can not be defied :)
Whatever it is God, dont give me someone who forces me to eat mushrooms and listen to techno and trance hahaha maybe work within my criteria? Wahahahahahahah
Okay lah damn lame lah.
Anyway tomorrow Im on course.."Effective Master of Ceremony" I will squeeze the course dry and learn the most I can and if I can absorb everything, I'll pass it on to my juniors. One day, the Comperes will have a business, harnessing the best comperes and we will have event organisors eating off our fingers for comperes :P
K gotta get my butt of the office chair.
God Bless
"I was at Newcastle and I wanted to contact him...", Roland
"Do you still keep in contact with him?", Roland & Hope
Haiz...no I seldom keep in contact with him..once in a blue moon...seriously...
I want to keep in contact but..its really not advisable so there!
Had a colleague talking about his friend who is younger than him, rich and indian..looking for a wife. Upon this another of my colleague shouts my name repeatedly...like Im supposed to jump for joy, get changed and walk down the aisle hahahahahha ...Is he christian?
This New Year has been a horde of well wishes...or otherwise..eveyrone knowing Im born int he year of the pig..has been wishing me, "Nian Nian You Zhu" directly translated...Year Year Got Pig....Dosnt go too well with my renewed motivation to go gym :/ Hahahah and other wishes include getting married or getting a bf..yahdahyahdah..I in turn wished my boss to get a grandchild soon hahahaha
My bf will drop down from the sky and knock on my door with a bunch of 70% dark dark chocolates, fake flowers that look real and last a lifetime and say, "wassup!" Hahahahha
Seriously..I dont see a rush in it man. But sudden recent reminders of my ex didnt make things better hahahah. Its amazing how Im still closely related to him...aside from the fact that we were attached for awhile and that the whole SAA Dept and other lecturers dotting SP, know about it..and likewise when we broke up. :/
Since the last email with him, Ive more or less cleared the dust and opened the door out of the whole reluctance and longing shingdings ...much as I still believe in us somewhere and somehow (silly of me at times) last thing I wanna do is step into that damned place again Hahahaha
Indian Smindian! So long as its someone who things as crazily as I am and doesnt talk more than me hahahha oh and has to be christian...I'll leave this to God. Even while I "sometimes" think about it... I just tell myself that God knows who Im meant to be with. Why look for something so fervently while the person is already coming to you? Its he's standing on those airport horizontal escalators and you are waiting on the end of it. He is in your clear view and you're still screaming, "Where are you man! I can't freaking see you! Come out come out wherever you are!"
Geez! So I would pray that God prepares me for that moment when I reach there. Till then, I'll go about my own things coz everything I do is preparing me for more things ahead. :) Even the past relationship.
I dont know if anyone knows the movie, If The SHoe Fits...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099826/
Its a love story I first watched in the 90's (note the tone of age) I think I was..oh....10-12 then? When sweet love stories used to fit my taste buds...
Aside from Liu Xing Hua Yuen (meteor garden), the anime one ah! This was my next fav...
But even now..these movies are in the back of my system..
Being the silly idealistic romantic, I guess despite my outer expressions, I am still excited about what God would bring to my doorstep and how it would happen hahahha
Would it be someone from school function? old classmate? someone I bump into in the streets and ruins my pants or top, someone that pisses me off at 1st encounter and causes me to fume for days, someone off the net, someone my fren intros seemingly unintentionaly but obviously on purpose, or would it be someone from church etc...Hahahah all the possibilities hahahah Father, you have your way and you have your humour. No doubt the origin of humour and emotions is from you so why shouldnt you be someone who is lamer than all of us combined? Hahahahhaha Ive laughed at your jokes before! Esp those you put on others or me hahahahha
So Father, amuse me! Hahahahhaha
So Yah...I'll wait for the show to start :) Knowing that when it comes, what God wills, will not and can not be defied :)
Whatever it is God, dont give me someone who forces me to eat mushrooms and listen to techno and trance hahaha maybe work within my criteria? Wahahahahahahah
Okay lah damn lame lah.
Anyway tomorrow Im on course.."Effective Master of Ceremony" I will squeeze the course dry and learn the most I can and if I can absorb everything, I'll pass it on to my juniors. One day, the Comperes will have a business, harnessing the best comperes and we will have event organisors eating off our fingers for comperes :P
K gotta get my butt of the office chair.
God Bless
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