stressing out!

Got a little being in me screaming: what teh hell are you doing? Why are you even wasting your time?
Another part of me was playing reverse psychology with the little being. Hmmm

Anyway been going back to diary writing..like how I used to... and just yesterday, finished up my diary that I started when I graduated from SP...say..7 years ago? Obviously it isnt a very concise diary. dribs and drabs of stuff... But as the last entry of the book, I was abit more reflective about whats happened in the past 7 years...

People that have come and gone, incidents that have affected me... grandparents passing away, niece and nephews born, people whom I've come to love...and incorporated into my family.

So glad that Ive had chances to meet special and talented people who have helped me in so many ways in my life. Im truly blessed!

God Bless

Can not let time slip away..

I need to get my discipline back!

Within the next 4 weeks, everything will converge into a mass and or mess of deadlines and Im afraid! Very very very afraid! I know I need ot get stuff done really quickly but why doesnt my brain wanna help!?!?!?

Aarrgghhh!

I cant let the little invisible being (who contantly mutters," relax!") to convince me to do otherwise. I also cant let my guard down and do meaningless stuff while the deadlines loom!!! OMG! I will cry!!

- Melbourne Tour
- Multimedia
- Soundtrack
- H/LX assignment
- Perf History Assignment
- etc

AARRGGHH

I need to find peace again!

God Bless

Wish my voice was a higher register indeed

Im supposed to be concentrating on calling and other stuff...but I had to destress...

Aside from allt eh school work, Im also trying to get my voice around Bintang Di Surga and Tiada Lagi...
Both requiring me to sing the higher register. I know I can reach them..I just cant reach them with my real voice...I also cant wait for my singing class to start because I want to make my voice better...

I know alot of people would say, "just keep singing lah! in due time it will get sronger" but I cant because I find it odd to sing in public as opposed to in a karaoke room or stage or studio..I feel like Im disturbing people. esp when I try to hit the highnotes and go out of tune.

I guess I still have to thank Wandi and his band for this...it is my reason to pushing myself...

its about time...I know Jimmy would be happy to see me hit the register...

God Bless

Quack quack, cluck cluck, mooo, neigh, oink

Communication is a very important thing. Something I feel takes a lifetime to master yet along hte way of learning, I find myself getting irritated. Iam the culprit too and can kick myself in the ass....oink oink oink...

But Im wondering if its me or its the asian culture that makes me realize that its a bigger problem in Aussie. And the main reason is because people in Australia are more vocal. So listening is made to take the backseat at times.

And in Asia, everyone is politely taking turns to voice out or never voices out because they are too reserved. I guess there are pros and cons to this..

What this all means is that if I do feel like I have to make a point, I have to go out and make my point, with the risk of feeling like Im too opinionated...which really isnt true. Its just me trying to speak over the roaring winds...

God Bless

Getting back to speed!

So Ive been hanging around for abit...hanging around hte house..instead of being productive..very bad me!

Updates are that recently, ive decided to go full out on learning about audio. And I am gonna finally take singing classes! And keep at dance class!

Its alot to do actually...

To add on, I msged Wandi one day and went,"how cool would it be if we did a cover of Bintang Di Surga?" And before you know it, Im doing a cover of it and another song, Tiada Lagi. It will be recorded during my april holidays in NIDA recording studio...*cross fingers*

And Wandi will mix it in to the rest of hte recordings and hopefully, hey presto! We got a good mix! Thent hat would be major awesomeness! I am very very excited! I know its not an english song hence some might ask "whats the point!" But the plus point is that it is not an english song! :) That makes it more interesting! I wanna do this and I do wanna do other songs that are non-english because music isnt just about the language!

I also signed up as a vounteer for Shir Madness Festival and one of the geuest perofrmers is Mosh Ben Ari! One of the Israeli music big names!

Im gonna have to up my boosters then...Aarrghhh! This year will be hectic!

God Bless!

Australia...

Spoke to 2 of my housemates last night adn we had such an interesting long chat about Australia and its perception of chinese or Asians...

Apparently Asians are viewed as
- rude
- intruding on personal space/ disrespecting personal space
- sometimes dirty (blowing nose or spitting in public)

Sad to say alot fo the older generation chinese do that. Then again..saying Chinese is a general statement because chinese from different backgrounds behave differently. The younger generation does not do that.

Yet I suspect that the locals dont know what to do with asians, especially by the impression that their elders have given them about asians...

My housemates and I had such a wonderful and honest chat! Even though they are australian, they are truly honest about  how australia is and it made me clear my impressions on Australians. Im not saying Im correct, in fact, it cleared alot of my questions on why they behave in a certain way to people like me and people of hteir own kind.

It only forces me to conclude that as foreigner, I HAVE to show THEM what the world out of Australia is like. :)
I had a friend who asked me, "does mandarin have dictionaries?" a simple and seemingly "Duh" question but I am honestly pleased to hear such a question! Or that Singapore has soo many languages etc...

It means that no matter how tired I am, that I should still try to make myself known and be approachable. Because they wont always be the ones to say "hi" first.

God Bless

Valentines Day...

So its Valentines Day. Nothing different I guess hahaha Its just another day. :)
Pity that I dnt have Sonal or Sam to spend V day with because it would be an awesome nights out.
V-Day doesnt have to be only for lovers. friends hangout as well. :) it is afterall about love. Love in all forms. And hte one love that is forgotten or disregarded..is God's love for us and our love for Him. Something I intend to spend some time to think about today. :)

Speaking of love,

We are all made to show our fav song on our next sound class I really have no idea which is my favourite...Hmmm

Loved alot of them but dnt know why...

Might be a non-english song hahahaha Maybe Idan Raichel, Maybe Reshmonu, maybe Peter Pan, maybe a real good indian song....ore piya? DONT KNOW!!! SHOOT!

Anyway Ive been delving into sound or audio stuff thie term and its getting me excited :) Also spoke to Felix and Ron and it would be sooo awesome to get a chance to do work experience in the audio aspect :) It seems like everything is working out...and all I needed was the heart? Hmmm

I thank God for all this by the way. every one can say that I probabaly worked really hard tog et all this..or I got lucky...but lucky doesnt come as often and as plentiful as what I get. And I definitely dnt work as hard as it may seem. I am blessed. :)

Im gonna work hard but depend on God for everythingelse :) Thats my renewed promise with God :)

K well gonna end here. :) Im gonna be productive this week! Im not gonna be complacent... :) Im gonna push on ans not be lazy! The process of being disciplined!!! I need to get my shit together!!!

And most of all, need to keep my head straight and focus on studies and bettering myself! As opposed to wasting time and regretting it when my time in Sydney runs out.

God Bless

Getting through the weekends...

Im patting myself on the back for being so "disciplined" Been staying at home and doing homework...but to honest...maybe its because I have no other place to go..or dont feel like going anywhere. With Sonal back in India, Ive sorta lost company to do "hang out" Not that I dnt have local friends..just that..I dont know...hmmm

Anyway in the midst of doing Lighting assignment and blasting soundtrack for The Last Samurai, Im blogging.

Part of me really wants to put everything down and take a breather and try to write a song...but I cant bring myself to...maybe coz Im not in a glorious mood to write happy songs?

Its also raining! Dang! Laundry isnt drying quickly!

So Ive decided to do something about my singing while Im here. Im gonna go for some singing classes. Just to see how things go. And get my voice analysed... Im gonna stick to dance as well. And in the middle of all that madness, keep reading up on audio engineering.

I consulted Felix during lunch last week and had a good chat with him. Yes I want to get involved and volunteer for audio related stuff...knowing fairwell that it could hurt my knees...or back. I want to because its the only way into the world of audio..in my opinion...not that I had the luxury of learning audio engineering unlike those around me whom I know. So many of them...Felix, Wandi, Rush, Stephen, Ian, Peiyan, Vera, Wendy etc etc etc....

And part of me is wondering how a mere female can succeed in this industry... But maybe just maybe it will work out! Maybe...

I really hope so...

God Bless

Bad dream again...

Dreamt of something was impossible. Yet it was so good and despite it being a dream, if it was possible in real life, Id be very happy. While dreaming, my heart was hopeful while I dreamt.
But waking up and knowing its not possible... made me abit dissappointed...

Oh Well...

Some things just cant work, no matter how I might want it to. Its always a case of the heart vs the mind. Ive let my heart take the wheel tooo many times that my mind sometimes automatically takes the back seat.

Anyway this wont get me down. Im more determined to make things work for myself.

Many goals to achieve and Im worried I might lose sight of them slowly but Im gonna keep trying not to let myself get distracted! :) My deadline is 2 years....

God Bless

2nd week in Sydney as a Yr2...

This year is seemingly very scary but Im gonna hold on to God. He will give me strength and encouragement, peace and favour.

Got my Mac Book Pro today. :) Not sure how I will take to it but I know that for me to get used to programs, I have to adapt.

Been putting a hold on dance classes so far. will continue next week. :) But another part of me feels like doing singign classes too...very expensive man! But after much thinking...this is the best time to do so because I dont have family and friends to answer to or meet. This is the only MY time that I can play with.

That said, I miss communicating with people that I love....

I know that by the time I get back to SG, I will need to have become trained in alot of things... So that I can hop straight into things with skill and experience.

Also...Im gonna need to learn how to cycle in SG...

Hence I now realize how much I need to learn..or want to learn! :/ But God will bring me true. :)

God Bless!

dreams and goals...

Ive been catching up w one of my brothers and chatting to him about dreams and goals etc. After speaking to him about his, Ive sorta started thinking about mine too. In fact, being in SG and getting a chance to do things that I love..ie: singing, hosting, etc...I felt like it was possible for me to get closer to my goal..although time always choses to remind me that its catching up w me...

Being back in SYD, while I know my orientation is different, I do know that some way or another I can still achieve certain dreams..just havnt gotten my head around it...

I know what I love to do or want to know how to do..
- dance
- sing
- songwrite
- host

Dont know whether being in Sydney will help me with any of these... maybe a new env for me to write songs? Maybe a place to sing? maybe an event to host? All i know is I can go learn dance...thats one thing..

Need to give this mroe thought..hmmm

God Bless

Only because I know you wont know who Im refering to...

Sucks to be missing you. Because I know it will never be possible. I dont even know its just me liking you or whether there is anything mutual going on. And while part of me hopes that there is mutual attraction....it would hurt even more knowing I cant and I wont let it go any further.
Whatever happens, you have a place in my heart. I dont know why and I cant understand it either...but you do. Maybe u just mananged to break down the walls that I put up since long ago...
Whatever it is, Im grateful for this friendship or bond that we have. I call you a brother and u call me a sister and that is good by me. :) Coz that is as much I would ever let happen. Trust me on this.
No matter what happens, whether u end up finding the girl of your dreams and you reach your dreams, I will be there to be happy for you. :)

I guess I can say all this now...but no one really knows what they will feel in months and years to come. Maybe these feelings will wear off in months to come and I will more peace of mind... Maybe I will find someone in due time who will end all the feelings of every other person Ive loved and liked.
I hope so...

Till then, I will write my songs...I will write my songs of emotions, depressions and hopefully after emptying out those emotions, I can finally move on to happier tunes...

God Bless