New year is almost here

Before the big clock strikes 12 unto the first second of 2015, there are many things that I feel I will need to give thanks to...

This year was tough because i was back in Singapore. it took a while to get used to it after 3 years in Sydney.
Needless to say, Im thankful for the office and the people in it for welcoming me back. Especially my colleagues who are close to me. Who make me laugh, who celebrated my birthday etc. I cant be more thankful for them. Without them, my office wouldnt be what it is..motivational, inspiring, fun

Im thankful for my "siblings" for staying as my siblings. :)

For my family whom I have missed alot. Especially my sister, cousins and the young ones.

Im thankful to be able to graduate :D, to be able to go to Sydney to graduate. And at the same time catch up with many friends.

Also thankful for the India trip. To have made new friends and to see my soul sister get married.

To have been able to learn how to swim, to swim with family.

To be able to host a few events and to be offered to host more.

Time is precious and I feel that whilst more could have been done...this year wasnt too shabby. :P

Thank you God for all the blessings you have given me this year. Keep it coming!!! LOL

God Bless

....

so had a really long chat with a friend recently. from 10pm to 5am...whilst im feeling bloody tired now, not really regretting it because its been such a looonnngggg time since I actually met someone who thinks and acts exactly like me!! Packed with humour that got me in stitches. It was such an honest conversation which I havnt had in a long time.... the sort of conversation, Ive been in need of for a long time..something that made me feel like I was willing to just brave the fear and speak my mind. a conversation that didnt consist of mediocre replies but real life experiences, real thoughts and feelings that I have always been afraid of saying, for fear that the listener would read into it and read me. Of things that Ive always believed but never mentioend because nobody really asked or didnt seem to want to sit down to listen.

We spoke of fear, breakups, being an introvert, the real self, the dreams, conflict in the world, autism, abuse, women and children, movies, religion.

got to know this new friend at a friend's wedding and because of his character, I found myself instantly throwing comebacks at his comments. something that I felt very bad afterwhich and as such, tried not to say anything else to offend but somehow we still ended up throwing comments at each other. abit of friendly smart comments flying around. Good thing this person has enough skin to not be offended. 

this and my friend's wedding, got me thinking about my own life...

what i want of it, whether Im living my life the way it's meant to be lived, whether Ive just allowed myself to close up so much that what I could have enjoyed, Ive just pushed away...Ive had too many people asking me when my turn will be...... ppfft

it truly is time to make new resolutions and action on it... to re-evaluate my goals and deadlines...

God Bless

2 weddings in a day...

So one of my ISCians got married to another ISCian. Another ISC baby!!!!
I'm so happy for them finally tying the knot! Also got a chance to catch up with many ISCians because of this gathering. Good to see familiar faces :D Good to catch up with them and find out how they're doing.

Of course the rest of us kept asking each other when it will be our turn... dont know man..

Then after lunch, i went to my cousin's wedding reception at Fullerton. Was most excited to see the children. To give them hugs and kisses, to carry them. Missed them for 1.5months! Miss my cousins for 1.5months!

Distance did make the heart fonder. my 3 years in Aus definitely showed me how precious my cousins were to me. They are my distant siblings :) I love them and their children are like my children..onyl that I dont need to bring them home.

Today I carried Emily for the 2nd time. the little duckling of the family. :) When is aw my cousin (the father) carry her, I found that soooo endearing. My cousin whom is my age, whom I grew up with, carrying his little daughter. protecting her, rocking her, showing her around. :)

My nieces and nephews grow up so fast! too fast! I want to be able to communicate with them!

After the lunch, some of my cousins and I went to Orchard to shop. buying presents for the little ones is such  tough task! I dont want them to play with useless toys or toys that they don't fancy. I want it to be educational, fun and harmless to them. a lot of those toys dont meet all the criteria and if they do, the kids probably already have it

I treasure the time I have with my cousins... we all grew up too quickly too. Now that everyone has their own lives, its abit harder to get us together.... our younger generation needs to have that amazing bond that we have with our cousins and aunties. Thats what we can give them...

GOd Bless

The words unsaid...

So recently Ive felt that I just dont say much to anyone.
Most likely true actually...
"good!" is the auto-reply I give to anyone who's asked me how I am.
The thing is..I know I'm not always good and is my life can only be described with "good"..then what am I doing with my life?
Sometimes I give the auto-reply because tell you the full story might be a drag. especially when we're not the only ones meeting up. Or because I think that question was just a version of "hi"

Maybe its unfair to expect anyone to really want to listen to your life story...and as such " Im good" helps both parties. Does it? Are we really all so superficial to each other? Are we all so selfish?

I guess now, I dont need anything but someone to really connect with. And till I find it, I feel like I'm forcing my thoughts and stories on people who dont want to hear it. And maybe thats why some people feel that they can talk to me. Because I don't disrupt them much...or I try not to...

I feel like Ive heard so much and spoken so little...

Maybe what I really need..is for someone to speak to...who actually listens...the person doesnt need to agree to everything I say..just let me say it...

Maybe it's me being selfish..maybe its me being an introvert and realizing that if I dont speak up, I'd never make new long lasting friends.
 I dont need "hi bye" friends..I need close ones..but of course if I dont speak up, I will never have that...

But maybe I dont want to seem like Im relying on people with my emotions..maybe I dont want them to know how weak I am..maybe I dont want to waste their time..maybe I feel like my stories arent worth their time... maybe its just the extreme introvert speaking..

maybe its the me who hasnt found someone..speaking...proclaiming the kind of person I need and proclaiming the requirements..and maybe..just maybe..hoping that someone would ride by this blogspot and find this and break through the thorns and climb the wall...

sounds like a nice topic for a song...

Had a chat with a friend recently..somehow we (in our own points in life) felt the immense pain of a failed relationship..and hence have barred ourselves from others... an underlying fear of opening up that door... the inexplainable pain... we both felt that despite having been out of the scene for more than 3 years, we still feel that our past loves are still causing us pain. In my case, it's not pain, but a sore reminder that I let my heart out in the open and got it hurt and still havnt had the courage to let someone else in.

I dont regret loving the one I loved. because he showed me what love was. But the pain after that was like a stab and a tear of an inner muscles that is now scarred and might never dissappear..

God Bless

To India & Back #3

Dharamshala was an amazing place...the weather wasnt as cold as I thought and our room was pretty huge with our own bathroom.
Alot of the locals reminded me of my burmese students.
The scenery was meditation inspiring and I found myself wanted to stare at the sky and think about life. Didnt get a chance to climb up the mountains but I got a chance to catch the HImalayan Festival. Saw the mongolian throat singing, the tibetan yak song. All that cultural performances hit the right spot for me. India wouldnt be India if I didnt get a chance of music and dance onstage.

I got to know many of Orevia's tibetan friends and got to see hte local schools. The children are so cute! Rosy cheeked. They were playing soccer with tennis balls.

I left Dharamshala nervous and sad. I would be travelling alone from here on and it would be the last time in a long while that I see Orevia.

Unfortunately on my trip, I lost my aussie phone... :/

I got to know this French lady, Eliese? She looked after me during the bus trip. If not for her, I would have ended up at kashmir gate instead of Manju Ka Tilla. She also let me rest in her room and use her bathroom before I went off. Im totally appreciative of her care. if not for her, i would have been a ton of nerves being in delhi alone in the early morning.

I managed to survive in Delhi on my own for the day. Although, I did however get hit by an auto rickshaw. No biggie. No scars, just a big bruise on my arm. Did shake my nerves though. was abit more concerned about crossing the roads.

Bought stuff for myself and for others.

By 3pm, I was at the airport, waiting for my flight to Delhi. Delhi was starting to drizzle when i left.
I flew to Mumbai and then to Singapore. Reached on 14 Dec morning.

It's tough to write about this trip when alot of my emotions cant be described in words.

Its almost a week since I left but I still miss India. I miss the new friends I made and I miss Sonal again. :) She is after all my soul sister :) Her family is now my family. I love her mum and her grandmother. Something about them makes me want to give them big hugs! Even Sonal's dad.

I dont know when would be the next time that I go to India but at least now, I know that I have friends and "family" there to meet up with and hangout with them.

I sorta also regret not learning my hindi. It hindered alot my understanding to the conversations. although alot of the friends were considerate enough to translate :) yet whatever hindi I could use, I did :P

All in all, this India was a partial tick off my bucket list and yet a full tick. because I experienced alot of other stuff aside from what I had planned to see. :)

Since coming back from India, I'm once again reminded of just how fortunate i am to be a Singaporean. I am in a country that is safe for women, the air pollution here is alot alot alot lesser, people here had adopted a cleaner way of living. Our sanitation is alot cleaner then in India and there are no touts. The trees and grass here are cleaner than in India. My family and I are truly fortunate to be from Singapore when it is a developed country.

God Bless

You...

I'm sorry that I miss you. Its just one of those times that makes me wish I had someone. You apparently became that someone in my mind.

What can I say, you were funny enough to make me break a smile.

And then you made me laugh.

And then you made me think that I could probably lean forward and start a deep conversation with you without worrying about whether I am wasting your time.

:)

Just saying.. yes I do miss you. 

To India and back #2

The last night at the Pahwa Residence was too quiet. Everyone left except me. Such a big house became soooo lonely...

Next morning, after having my last taste of Poha, Sonal's parents sent me to the airport. I tried my best to hold back my tears for them, knowing that I would see them in Delhi soon again.

Having Sonal's auntie and cousin take the same flight as me, was a relief considering that I had know idea how Delhi would be like. Sonal and Nikhil were there to fetch me front heir own flight and Nikhil's family came to fetch all of us. The car was decked with ribbons and flowers and so we got a lot of stares on the way home.

Upon reaching nikhil's house, the couple got a big welcome from relatives. of course, the drummers would be there. Being the only outsider there, it was akward to step out of the same grand car as the new couple.. Nikhil's grandma started dancing too.
The family was friendly and we chatted after lunch. Nikhil even sang! He sang the song he wrote for Sonal after the first meeting. :) The family is really talented and I can't wait for the day that I can see the Malhotra family do a performance together.

The couple drove me to Pahar Ganj where my hotel was booked. It was a narrow stretch of shops with touts on both sides. Sonal in her punjabi dress, me in my chinese looks and Nikhil with a big backpack, definitely drew attention. Sonal was worried about me and wouldn't relax till orevia arrived and we finally assured her that we could survive.

I must say that despite having seen sonal for the past few days, we didn't really have a chance to sit and talk and I miss that terribly. I value our chats. :)

The days in Delhi were lazy mornings and unplanned shopping. Also heck load of walking. We walked more than 1 hour to get to Khan Market from Pahar Ganj and it was fun! Nothing like walking around in an unknown place. Only problem with being unplanned, is that I didn't end up seeing all I was hoping to see. Ended up going to places I hadn't planned. Yet all in all, I did enjoy being in Delhi. We learnt (out of trial and error) that Delhi Metro was loads cheaper and faster than the auto rickshaws. And at peak periods, it was still packed to the brim, even in the women's cabins.
And people like to "cut" queues. Playing trust fall with everyone into cabin is pretty embarrassing. Everybody playing trust fall with everyone else is funny.

Various instances of bargaining with the auto rickshaws, walking by people who asked if we were from China or Taiwan etc. Also getting brought to wrong places by the rickshaws. Yet because orevia and I had each other, all was good. It was all a learning experience.

I ended up seeing some of what I wanted. The rest would have to be left for the next India trip then.

Sonal and Nikhil's Delhi reception was even more lavished than the Indore reception. it was good to see some familiar faces like the relatives and Sonal's family. As expected, I would cry again and this time, was to say goodbye to Sonal's family. the next day is our ride to Dharamshala. 11hours ride

Part 3 coming soon...

God Bless

To India and back

I haven't blogged in awhile but this is worth blogging. Of course...words can't describe India fully..

I started on 30th November morning. The plans as to get to Mumbai, transit to Indore then make a Beeline to Sonal's place for her wedding. On the way, I met Constanza and Puneet and that calmed me down about how i was gonna manage India. I love this country but it still scared me. Whilst int eh car to Sonal's place, the thought of seeing her when we reach there, kept a smile on my face. After 3 years of not seeing each other, I finally get to meet her face to face and witness her get married.

Even now, thinking about her makes me tear and honest to God, I dont know why. I guess I love her to bits and having spent a year int eh same house as her, chatting with her about our lives and our loves and our loses...to see her again and talk with her again..was emotional. Not to mention to see her finally happy and content.

We went to get our attires on the first day. Apparently the 5-6 days of wedding ceremonies required us to be in a variety of casual to heavy attire. The first day was getting to know the family. I guess Sonal must have spoken to them about me because her dad welcomed me by name. I also hit it off well with her mother and sister. People whom Ive seen in pictures and heard about but never got to meet face to face. Yet Ive come to regard as family.

I can't have a more indian family than this one. Infact, when the dohl started playing, people danced. We had dance games whereby a host would say a rhyme that ended with the name of a group of people. This group of people would then have to step forward to dance. The elders waved money over our heads as blessing and handed it to the performers.

2nd day we got our mehendi done. mehendi aka henna. 5 girls hired to come to the house to do mehendi for everyone! Depending on the family relations, the mehendi got more complicated and longer. Sonal's mehendi took 5-6hours for all 4 limbs. It incorporated various wedding scenes and nikhil's name. Sonal also brought me to see her secret dance rehearsal which I teared just watching.

To be honest, I never felt so emotional in awhile and this was the first that it was for a happy reason.

Made me feel silly but hey it's my Indian soul sister's wedding!!!!

Also got the chance to try Paan. its an after food thing they eat to improve the breathe and help digestion. Wrapped in betal leaves..it did taste like mouthwash and toothpaste.

3rd day we moved to the hotel. before that, we helped Sonal get ready. This included heating her mehendi patterned hands over a hot plate and helping her scrap off the dried mehendi from her legs and heating them over the hot plates. it seems that the heat does darken the colour of the mehendi which is an auspicious thing. The darker the patterns not eh under side, the better your relationship is with your spouse. the darker it is on the upside, the better your relations are with your in-laws. It was a small and simple thing to help her with this mehendi..but to me, it was also an honour. An honour to be of help in her wedding. To be the special person to help her with this. I know I overthinking this but Id like to think so. Considering how most of what was spoken was in Hindi, it leaves little space for us non-hindi folks to help out..so this task was a privilege.

At the hotel, Ive learnt that the dohl was like our alarm clock. when  it sounded, we came together and danced. Apparently the family booked the entire hotel.. pretty crazy but the number of guests warranted the extravagance I guess.

Did I also mention how we were constantly reminded to have food and drinks since day one? Basanti, the servant girl never failed to come around to ask if we wanted water, tea or coffee with a smile on her face. I love her to bits despite her persistent offers.

In these few days, I got to know many new people. Constanza, Hanna, Puneet, Orevia, Swati, Yukti, Rashi, Noamaan, soo many whom I've tried to remember names of. Sharan, Karan etc

Hanna and I clicked almost instantly. Sydney folk. For the rest, it took awhile but everyone was very friendly. The one who cracked me put he most was Puneet. Not only did he remind me of my student, Abid, he was also pretty hilariously funny and at times, annoying. Makes me want to throw comments at him or smack him on the shoulder. He's one of those guys I know I would get along with well.

That night, we had an extravagant dinner at the hall that really looked like a fashion show/Academy Awards ceremony... And the bride and groom were gorgeously dressed. Im talking bling and makeup.

This was also the night that Sonal would show her dance. I was excited and nervous for her! Aside from her, all the other family members chipped in with their own dances. The mothers in the family danced a song that apparently spoke of how a mother can't bear to let her daughter go. Its a good thing I didn't know hindi because upon having that explained to me, I teared. Thinking about how her mum might feel that way..

As warned, I teared from her mum's dance, at her dance and at other various occasions.

Next day, we had her bangle ceremony and Nikhil's torture ceremony. Her wedding bangles and to be washed in milk and worn on her wrist by family members. Also she would be smeared with turmeric by her family members and friends who would receive it from her too. For me, she decided to smear it all over my face and chin...

Seeing her family play the drum and sing folk songs during the ceremony was fun. despite not know what they meant, seeing how everyone just loved the music and sang along.

Nikhil on the other hand, was smeared all over with turmeric but also had his shirt torn up! didn't witness all that but he looked wonderfully terrible after that. Seeing them meet at the stairway with nobody around was very sweet. In fact, hearing her tone change when he's not he other end of the phone, makes me feel very happy for her. :) Hope he treats her well.

The night event included a big banquet where the couple had to stand onstage to welcome and take photos with everyone for hours. Sonal was stressing out before that and whatever orders she gave me, I did. Not knowing what else to do, I tried to make her smile. One does not want to be on the receiving end of a stressed boss-like bride. But honestly, helping her with anything during this wedding, was my pleasure. All that I can do for such a dear sister.

She cried during the end of this day. After the ceremony in front of the fire, walking around the fire etc, she went around the room, saying bye to her family members. it when she came face to face with her big uncle, that tears flowed... Then they got worse as she went around the room. Basanti went around passing out tissues. The last bit where she walked out of the room, throwing a mix of rice and stuff behind her every few steps that she took. Apparently, it means her throwing her memories back to her family because she is now moving on to a new life with a new family.

The groom brings her to the car/horse and they ride off into the night whilst she still had teardrops in her lashes. When her father came forth to her, she instantly clung to him and cried hard. Thats where i teared too...

The next day, we went back to the house... was a quiet day because most of the guests had gone home, the rest of us, knew that some of us would be leaving India soon. Amidst the jokes, we subconsciously knew that time was running out. Its amazing how with the little time we had, the friendship was strong. This was the one time a lot of us finally got a chance to sit and talk with the family. We also laughed about Basanti and her persistence. Wasabi, tea, coffee, tissue, saree etc

Right. stopping here for now. Continue another day. Bollywood movies dont last for only an hour.. :D

God Bless

Deepavali

Happy Deepavali to all my indian friends in whichever country you are. :)
Had a nice time last night, walking around with Calista and Surresh. This year's Deepavali was quite uneventful till then. Really wanted to check out the markets this year because it would sort of get me ready for this december's India trip. Sort of.. We all now nothing is remotely like the Real India. :)

Speaking of India, Ive got my visa done, gonna get my vaccination done this weekend. Got a list made up on what to bring etc and of course flight tickets booked. :) excited and scared

Since the last I wrote, Ive sort of been buried in abit of stress at work. Thankfully the rock climbing, kayaking and swimming has helped with that. :) Yes I have been more active. I think a part of me is conscious of my lack of activity and that I should keep trying new things.

Also whilst doing an audio recording, I overheard one of my colleagues talk about songwriting and how its now mostly about sex etc. Songwriting involves digging into the real you inside. The you that is physically and at times subconsciously covered up by the external all pleasing you. That made me think about the songs I used to write..Whether they have been the real me or whether I haven't dug deep enough to write a song that resonates int he hearts of people...

hmm anyway thats pretty much it so far. Im sure things could sound more exciting hahaha this coming month is gonna be crazy...so crazy I might burst but we shall see..

God Bless

Almost 1 year ago

Just booked my tickets to India. 3years after Sonal went back to India and I'm now going to see her get married :) Im actually excited if I think about it. :D
Its also almost 1 year after I came back from NIDA. Its quite surreal and as the months go by, my 3 years in NIDA seemed like a dream..
This year has been quite a trip. From graduating officially, to getting back on the bandwagon of working in a tertiary institute, to defining my own life whilst defining my work life.
Ive been blessed with friends who are my life support, and also my family.
Truly being away from family in the last 3 years has made me feel a stronger need to get my family life back on track.
Ive also officially learnt how to swim. And have been doing zumba and pilates.
Im looking forward to learning how to cycle and sing/sign.
As I said on Facebook, "Step up...Step out...Step In...whatever you do, just keep taking the next step"
Today I did that. 
I agreed to do something that Id never done before. Knowing that I might be able to handle it but not knowing how. With only 30mins to spare to find out how things are meant to be handled, I took deep breathes and told myself that this is a "step out" or "step in" that I needed.
And thinking back, while I know that I could have handled things slightly differently, I know I did my best at that time. I did my best given the nerves and lack of experience.
So while I am still shaking and kicking myself for not being as good, Im still telling myself that I had to do it.
Im not stopping here. I want to keep doing new things this year. That is my aim!

God Bless

Much to thank for...

Just finished attending an acapella competition. While a part of me really wanted to sing onstage, Im not in this one. my students are....
They did good today. Their passion and their ingenuity and their new coach made it happen and from the 4th place last year, they made it to 2nd place.
Im happy for them and proud of them although I know none of this would be possible if they didn't have such a good coach. :) And honestly, I was close to missing today's competition....

And then yesterday, the sp band did their mid year concert and it was a success! :) Higher ticket sales than last year, by 200 pax.  While they weren't perfect, they did well and everyone enjoyed themselves :)

Im proud of being related to both these groups :)

Also my nephew got 4th place for his tap dance competition today! :D The little Happy Feet!

And lastly, my niece's birthday tomorrow :)

That is a lot to be thankful for, :))

Thank You God!

God Bless

Ruth Hoh...

Had my auntie's death anniversary memorial service today. She's not a war hero but she was very special to the church and so many of us didn't get a chance to say goodbye...

I was in SYD when she passed away. said my goodbyes to her through the phone without even knowing if she heard me.. a month later, after completing my production, sitting in an empty performance space, having restored everything back to standard, I cried with renewed tears...

Half a year later, meeting my club's piano instructor who was her student and having to tell her the news...I cried again....

And today, stepping into the hall, seeing all her friends, all of them telling me how much I look like her and sound like her and act like her...I struggled to hold back my tears...

Sitting behind and listening to what everybody had said, I held back as much as I could but tears streamed down my cheeks...yet at the back of my head, I hear her voice going "cry for what?" which is what she would have said if she was there and what she always said when I cried after getting scolded by her. Her scoldings made me stronger and because of those words, I never break down into a sobbing mess....the tears just flow down as I continue with my work just as I continued doing my homework under her tutelage.

She was always more to me than an auntie because everyone said I was soo much like her that she was my godma....

Listening to what everyone else had to say int he service, I knew that there was always more about her that I didn't know about and as the stories all unravelled, I became more and more proud of her as a person. She walked the unconventional, independent and free willed life.

Her friends in the church also spanned more than 80% of her lifetime. She had many primary school and secondary school friends who missed her and came and cried all over again...

Miss you Gugu....You have been such a role model to me...

One of those days

So in short, today was about endings...

As I picked out old photos of my auntie (who passed away last may) I cried. I wasnt there for her wake or cremation..And maybe..maybe because of that, I never got over it. There was not closure...

And hence, 1 year down the road.....Thinking of what she's done for the family in her own way...I know part of who i am is because of her..

Im supposed to be be speaking at her memorial service. I figure I might speak in tears and snot etc. And when Iw as asked to sing instead, my instant reaction was "how could I ever bring myself to sing if the thought of speaking about her would make me sob?"

Miss you Gugu...

On the flip side...

I ended something that Ive held on for toooooo long. Maybe its time I admitted that Ive held on to an almost dead friendship/relationship for the longest time. So today, I "unfriend"ed my ex and bestest best bro.... Makes me feel useless just doing it or waiting for so long to do it. but I did....

Without this last line...maybe I would finally not be affected....maybe I can finally put to rest that the person that I loved is dead...in a naive way..its like I've buried another loved one and maybe some day, i can face this person in a new light..as a stranger...and if we still had chemistry, to eventually be friends... Naive, idealistic...but with whatever hurt I had.....

It really isn't because I dont care about the person..but because I still do care too much... too much... And if I let myself do it, then it would be like digging out a grave and crying over someone again. I can't afford to do that...

So...(to the one I love) I dont know what I meant to you...but you meant the world to me and hostly speaking..you still do. If I can't see you in another light, I will never be able to treat you as purely a friend....Because I would always want us to be close...But I do know that that is no longer possible. And it still hurts. Rather than feeling all that every time I find out you're back, I have to step back. something I should have learnt to do when we first broke up.... 

Im sorry I caused you all that frustration and maybe even now..the awkwardness. I understand why I have to stay away from you and so I am enforcing this on myself too.

Take care and I hope you continue to have an amazing life because you are soo talented and smart and your heart shines like gold. Find a good girl to marry and have kids. Because you would make an amazing dad. You deserve all the happiness.

God Bless

Been too long...

So as one can tell, my blog entries have dwindled down to 1 or 2 a month. Sorryy...
Warning this might be a long one then. Much ground to cover?

Since my last post, which is...goodness knows when..
1) Ive taken up a more sporty lifestyle. Monday's Pilates Lunch, Tuesday's Swimming lesson Dinner, Wednesday's Zumba Dinner and occassional running and swimming..
2) Went for a leadership training in Ipoh. Much fun and much to learn about myself and students. Its a learning in progress and admittedly me going overseas to study has made me less patient about certain things
3) Ive had more time to spend with family and the younger generation of my family. And a big part of me wants to keep the cousins on my dad's side alive..its harder than it seems.
4) Ive (by God's will) taken on more classical music related clubs now. In a way this is fine with me. My classical music side needs abit more cajoling to build up more interest anyway
5) Im still slowly clearing my room :/ getting very tiring honestly....
6) Been watching more shows. part of me really hopes that all this watching and listening would help me develop some form/level of knowldege as to how the professional standard is meant to be like
7) Ive met up with a few of my old friends and its been great but theres sooo many more that I want to catch up with. Yet. ive also become more practical about handling people. There are some whom Ive decided that I wont take the extra step to keep in touch with while there are some whom I still consider worth taking the first step to make appointments with.
8) Been doing abit of exploring around Singapore and taking pictures
9) Had Adro, Crystal and Saleesha (From sydney) come by and Aaron and I brought them around Singapore. Even brought Aakash (from India) around when he came down. And it's amazing how little I know about my own country.....even it's food!

Much to learn..much to experience and Im gonna keep pushing myself to learn new things., pick old things up again..like my guitar etc

Time for change!!!

Full Circle...

So since my last post which was on saturday morning, I'd gone to Esplanade for a school concert and inte h midst of preparing my students, the piano instructor who teaches them, comes up to me and asks if I was related to my auntie...

somehow, that mere question was enough to get me red eyed....

She was my auntie's student and she never knew that my auntie had passed away... she couldnt figure out why my auntie had not even mentioned her sickness to her.

we stood hugging and crying for a few minutes...

truly I am sad that my auntie had passed away so early in her life. She was an amazing auntie and now I also know that she was an amazing piano teacher. I am filled with pride and sadness. she could have been one of our audience members.

I walked back into my dressing room and cried....

As I said, these 2 concerts are for her...

to think that these students are my own auntie's student's students.

Also turns out that the piano instructor's student is my SSO fellow intern, Pei Yee. Too small a world really....

I also got the chance to say hi to the SSO gang since they were within the same premises. it was their 35th anniversary concert.

The sunday concert was also a chance to see familiar faces. The band alumni which I worked with were there. Adrian the conductor was an SSO friend too...

Lord, I know how everything I have gone through does come full circle...And looking at everything now, all of it was a learning experience. and no matter how bad things were, everything is now a blessing.

God Bless

Pride

Had dinner with some of my ex-students.

When i say students, it doesn't really mean that I taught them. If anything at all, I just assisted them or guided them in their club stuff.

But just seeing them talk excitedly about their poly days and how they wanna work together again to do something big, made me swell with pride.

I guess this is one of my work satisfactions.

I remember how some of these "kids" wrote me amazing letters/good bye messages when i left for Australia. These same messages that made me cry on the plane.

I never knew how or why I gained that much love/appreciation from them though but whatever it is, I will owe it to God's favour on me, through me.

Anyway seeing their faces again, sharing hugs, seeing them grown up has reminded me of whammy job should be. guiding the juniors. Not just be a grumpy fart in the office…

Anyway in the next few hours, I will be into my first 2 concerts since back in SP. student club concerts.

They are both classical music concerts and to me these concerts have things that have come full circle to me in the last 3 years. For starters, i used to love listening to my sister play the piano. My auntie taught piano and when I stayed at her place, Id hear the piano playing every day. One of the pieces that will be played today is a piece that I will always associate with my life in Aus. Rachmaninov's Piano concerto 2 which was used in my 2nd year production, Red Mountain.

I guess what Im trying to say is, nothing that we do/experience will ever disappear totally, they will always come back full circle and appear in something important in your life.

The 2nd concert was one that I had performed in, hosted in before. The pieces in there are quite familiar to me as well.

These 2 concerts I dedicate to my auntie. The same piano loving auntie who's livelihood was the piano music and who passed away last year. I wasn't there to say goodbye face to face. Love you Gugu...

God Bless

Keep on ploughing

Firstly, I bought me-self a trolley!!! :DD 

This excitement I feel can only mean a few things (very few things)

1) I am by-heart a Production person. i.e.: loves the technical stuff, tools, handy dandy stuff

2) No social life at all that the greatest excitement Ive had this week WAS to get this trolley

3) I can finally start moving shit around that was previously a lot harder and inconvenient to move

Work is taking my weekends away and I expected this so all home improvement has come to a racing snail's pace. There is still zoo much stuff in my room and admittedly 3/4 of it is mine. But while Im sorting out my life, I do need to clear out everyone else's stuff so that I have room for mine.

Amazingly enough Mum and I haven't gotten into a heated argument about Hoarding and who has more shit in this house.

Once this weekend is done with, I would need to spend a weekend, packing and clearing my stuff so that I do have space to move furniture around etc 

All this home improvement seems to make me feel like I have some control over my life…..*nods* Maybe its just me being delusional.

Amongst other things, Im looking at all my insurance and sifting out the ones I should probably cancel…

This year has just begun and Ive already resolved that this year I will keep trying to make full use of my time. No more aimless internet exploring, aimless wandering of the streets, useless catching up with people who might not even be worth my time…Thats the least I can do for myself.

Less spending on senseless/useless things

Less waiting for things to happen and people to come…..I refuse to be someone who just lives out their lives…

This year is a year of change!!!!

God Bless

New Year

The new year is not even a day old and much things have happened...

I broke my promise to myself.... Now what I really need to do is evaluate the way I use my time and sadly..whether I should be spending so much time with them. the truth is that Im spending too much time or attention on people whom probably don't deserve it. I'm not being selfish but pragmatic...

Maybe this is me building my walls up to prevent from dissappointment...or potential dissappointment...

Yes it makes me an impossible person to befriend and that kind of defence has now become automatic. I raise that gate the moment I feel the lack of security...

Anyway recent events have led me to wonder what my relation to some of my friends are. Friend? Sibling? Acquaintance? Im not too sure anymore...sometimes I've just gotten dissappointed...

Lastly, I heard about my sista, from India and how she was used by her boyfriend to get over his own aching heart.... Her heart was shattered and bleeding with tears...and I wished that I was there to accompany her...I also wished I was there to give the guy a piece of my mind. 

I did. wrote a message for him on facebook...a mild one.

Anyway there is much dissappointment in men these few days....men..meh

I know what i need to focus on now..is my own life..and not let others cause me to deflect from my path..

God bless