Shout out to Josh! Wow! You finally stumbled onto my blog! Hahahah good for you! Wahahahah yah just kidding
Today, rushed down to auntie's office to return her stuff. cost me a half day leave but I can finally sigh a big sigh of relief. :) Its fun to walk from Bugis to arab Street :P
Went down to WorldVision and did abit fo donating. bought a shirt, a towel and a bear (for my colleague) Why? Been wanting to do it for awhile..just never got down to doing it. In fact, finally getting down to something feels good! Saw Terrence Chao in the office (World Vision) Apparently...abit of shooting going on. :) Cool? Emm okay lah..He's an old fart. I wont go ga ga over him! maybe Sean Connery hahahahahah
Work was tight..been getting a fwe mistakes..as usual, feel bad abt em but I keep telling myself that Im ok. God is with me! :)
Somehow, I seem to have gotten myself into abit of shit..the same old shit but dont worry, God has given me willpower. :) Felt good to go to church yesterday. sorta feels like Im back on the right track...not going to church, is like egtting lost? Going yesterday made me steer myself int he right way for the rest of the week. Abit weak huh..Im still learning yah. :P Im gonna get myself baptised soon....end Aug (yah its been postponed) Cant wait....
BTW, those of you who are on abt WOMAD, let me know..planning to get tixs soon. :P
Cant remeebr what else wanted to say..one of those silly thought in my head again..why this? why that? If this. If that.... Haiz....think some more lah Ning! Think till ur head swells! Hahahaha
K shall end here peeps!
GOD BLESS!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Old Newsflash!
Im officially not the main lead..ie Im not the main actress for my lead role, Ive become the understudy. and a boo hoo boo hoo.
Dont worry about it man, Im okay. In fact, I think in the past year, God has made me so resilient and brave that I would brave a dissappointment in Spore Idol and even this. What I value most in this whole event..is the ability to work with Jimmy and with Babes. :P That is my source of inspiration and comfort. What more, God knows that certain points of my life, Ive been doubtful and worried about certain things and as I cast my worries to the wind and tell Him that I will leave it in His hands, He has always brought me through it or away from it.
Had a really good fren call me yesterday and ask me if Im okay. He told me that I was a very quiet person. In fact..I could call myself a contradiction hahahahaha Im noisy but everythingelse but my own feelings... I tried to explain to my fren that Im really okay and that even though Im quiet about my feelings, it doesnt necessarily mean Im beating myself inside of crying my heart into pieces or steaming my liver to a well cooked state hahahah Im honestly fine not saying anything... Its amazing really...I dont see how people can tell someone everything they feel....I mean EVERYTHING! Every single thing! How do you finish talking?!?!?! Hahahaha As it turns out, my fren has the same tendency hahah to not talk abt his feelings...I admit..its hard to let yourself out...coz sometimes when you do that, the door stays open..you canty close it and last I wanna do is open the bloody door and not be able to close it and poor my feelings out like a tsunami and end up being dependant on a person for an outlet of sort to say what I feel allt he time. scary? Yep! Once bitten twice shy yah hahahahhaha. BUT, if people ask, I would tell. All it takes is a question! Like they say; Ask and Ye shall receive!
I guess Im an entertainer by heart..like a clown...only prettier and smartier and less self destructive inside. As the saying goes; the saddest person is a clown.. note the irony. I speak what i feel will entertain and humour others..not what I feel.
So Im really fine.
As God has it in his plans, or is it Satan, for the past few days, Ive had thoughts about my ex....wonder why....I cant even remember what sparked it! Is it allt he multi-racial couples walking around? hahaha or....I really dont know hahahaha its not event he couples mind you hahahah I just dont get it hahahaha but amazingly..my ex chooses to sms today hahaha Seems he's leaving early Sept. Hmm Im not happy but Im not devastated hahaha But dont worry peeps, as Ive said, Jesus has given me some of his strength and bravery hahaha (i only say "some" coz He has an infinite amnt of it" Yes my ex cum best bro is leaving...sigh..pity
Been thinking alot abt trivial things hahaha like....if the buddhist people in Spore all burnt their joss paper and sticks and throw hell money everywhere, will a buddhist cleaner get angry when she realizes how much she has to clean? Hahahaha
Been stressed lately coz of work...I think I know what its like to reaching the peak period of my work load...I mean REACHING...the peak would be in Sept..I wont break down..but I will be very tired and down hahahah But Ive got God so what will defeat me? hahahahah He has countlessly cleared my path of problems and I can only uncontrollably smile inside and say, "Thank you Father"
K shall stop here....peace out to my bros and sistas over seas and right here, I love you all, no matter where you are dearies but I would be more than happy if you were in Spore :P
God Bless!!!
Dont worry about it man, Im okay. In fact, I think in the past year, God has made me so resilient and brave that I would brave a dissappointment in Spore Idol and even this. What I value most in this whole event..is the ability to work with Jimmy and with Babes. :P That is my source of inspiration and comfort. What more, God knows that certain points of my life, Ive been doubtful and worried about certain things and as I cast my worries to the wind and tell Him that I will leave it in His hands, He has always brought me through it or away from it.
Had a really good fren call me yesterday and ask me if Im okay. He told me that I was a very quiet person. In fact..I could call myself a contradiction hahahahaha Im noisy but everythingelse but my own feelings... I tried to explain to my fren that Im really okay and that even though Im quiet about my feelings, it doesnt necessarily mean Im beating myself inside of crying my heart into pieces or steaming my liver to a well cooked state hahahah Im honestly fine not saying anything... Its amazing really...I dont see how people can tell someone everything they feel....I mean EVERYTHING! Every single thing! How do you finish talking?!?!?! Hahahaha As it turns out, my fren has the same tendency hahah to not talk abt his feelings...I admit..its hard to let yourself out...coz sometimes when you do that, the door stays open..you canty close it and last I wanna do is open the bloody door and not be able to close it and poor my feelings out like a tsunami and end up being dependant on a person for an outlet of sort to say what I feel allt he time. scary? Yep! Once bitten twice shy yah hahahahhaha. BUT, if people ask, I would tell. All it takes is a question! Like they say; Ask and Ye shall receive!
I guess Im an entertainer by heart..like a clown...only prettier and smartier and less self destructive inside. As the saying goes; the saddest person is a clown.. note the irony. I speak what i feel will entertain and humour others..not what I feel.
So Im really fine.
As God has it in his plans, or is it Satan, for the past few days, Ive had thoughts about my ex....wonder why....I cant even remember what sparked it! Is it allt he multi-racial couples walking around? hahaha or....I really dont know hahahaha its not event he couples mind you hahahah I just dont get it hahahaha but amazingly..my ex chooses to sms today hahaha Seems he's leaving early Sept. Hmm Im not happy but Im not devastated hahaha But dont worry peeps, as Ive said, Jesus has given me some of his strength and bravery hahaha (i only say "some" coz He has an infinite amnt of it" Yes my ex cum best bro is leaving...sigh..pity
Been thinking alot abt trivial things hahaha like....if the buddhist people in Spore all burnt their joss paper and sticks and throw hell money everywhere, will a buddhist cleaner get angry when she realizes how much she has to clean? Hahahaha
Been stressed lately coz of work...I think I know what its like to reaching the peak period of my work load...I mean REACHING...the peak would be in Sept..I wont break down..but I will be very tired and down hahahah But Ive got God so what will defeat me? hahahahah He has countlessly cleared my path of problems and I can only uncontrollably smile inside and say, "Thank you Father"
K shall stop here....peace out to my bros and sistas over seas and right here, I love you all, no matter where you are dearies but I would be more than happy if you were in Spore :P
God Bless!!!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Im dying lah...
Said Id be back and here I am. soo much for last minute cramping. Had to ask my fren for the NYAA Essay qn (go figure) and now Im dying coz its tomorow and myf ren who happily said he'd sms me the qn..is taking his sweet time. Cant get angry coz I was the one who asked for it...haiz...Quick Ning! Kick Yourself! So how? pass up hand written work? Shit...
And auntie's house now...got 2 things to do. Kindermusik and Essay. Since Im stupidly waiting at the PC for my fren to call, I might as well start blogging and pray to God to send a bigger sms to this fren...go figure again what kind of BIG sms...There I go again...me and my temper...sigh...
Stressed? Me? Hmmm...yeah...ala Mt Everest
Work has been eventful...fun to talk to students..work is piling and im slowly making my way through it...given tha I shud have help and I should work a few more mins after work to finish it..I still like the job! So many people ask me why why why I gotta take up a job like this...but come on...Im lovin it! minus mac donalds. So am I good? I'm good!
Thinking of sponsoring a child...might be to much for my minute salary..but God always provides us more than what we give out...As a start I wanna donate to the reecnt disaster victims..but seems to be soo many...Whats happening? Devil on a high? Hmm...Dunno..all considering actually...dont know what to do for now...If any of you guys wanna join me in doanting or sponsring, we could share a kid hahahah (not to be taken in wrong way) in fact..bros are allowed hahaha Geez!
Got a few peeps on my mind now...God has a way of making me suddenly think of them...I guess this could mean something..some sort of a middle sized sms..Im praying for everybody's safety and peace...Thank you Father!
K gotta go...I'll grab a shower and then come back and look at my hp...
K ciao folks! Cant believe you've been reading this wahahahha who paid you? Hehehe k ..........bad joke......................Im so sorry...............................dont leave me.........................pretty please????
God Bless!
And auntie's house now...got 2 things to do. Kindermusik and Essay. Since Im stupidly waiting at the PC for my fren to call, I might as well start blogging and pray to God to send a bigger sms to this fren...go figure again what kind of BIG sms...There I go again...me and my temper...sigh...
Stressed? Me? Hmmm...yeah...ala Mt Everest
Work has been eventful...fun to talk to students..work is piling and im slowly making my way through it...given tha I shud have help and I should work a few more mins after work to finish it..I still like the job! So many people ask me why why why I gotta take up a job like this...but come on...Im lovin it! minus mac donalds. So am I good? I'm good!
Thinking of sponsoring a child...might be to much for my minute salary..but God always provides us more than what we give out...As a start I wanna donate to the reecnt disaster victims..but seems to be soo many...Whats happening? Devil on a high? Hmm...Dunno..all considering actually...dont know what to do for now...If any of you guys wanna join me in doanting or sponsring, we could share a kid hahahah (not to be taken in wrong way) in fact..bros are allowed hahaha Geez!
Got a few peeps on my mind now...God has a way of making me suddenly think of them...I guess this could mean something..some sort of a middle sized sms..Im praying for everybody's safety and peace...Thank you Father!
K gotta go...I'll grab a shower and then come back and look at my hp...
K ciao folks! Cant believe you've been reading this wahahahha who paid you? Hehehe k ..........bad joke......................Im so sorry...............................dont leave me.........................pretty please????
God Bless!
Im dying lah...
Said Id be back and here I am. soo much for last minute cramping. Had to ask my fren for the NYAA Essay qn (go figure) and now Im dying coz its tomorow and myf ren who happily said he'd sms me the qn..is taking his sweet time. Cant get angry coz I was the one who asked for it...haiz...Quick Ning! Kick Yourself! So how? pass up hand written work? Shit...
And auntie's house now...got 2 things to do. Kindermusik and Essay. Since Im stupidly waiting at the PC for my fren to call, I might as well start blogging and pray to God to send a bigger sms to this fren...go figure again what kind of BIG sms...There I go again...me and my temper...sigh...
Stressed? Me? Hmmm...yeah...ala Mt Everest
Work has been eventful...fun to talk to students..work is piling and im slowly making my way through it...given tha I shud have help and I should work a few more mins after work to finish it..I still like the job! So many people ask me why why why I gotta take up a job like this...but come on...Im lovin it! minus mac donalds. So am I good? I'm good!
Thinking of sponsoring a child...might be to much for my minute salary..but God always provides us more than what we give out...As a start I wanna donate to the reecnt disaster victims..but seems to be soo many...Whats happening? Devil on a high? Hmm...Dunno..all considering actually...dont know what to do for now...If any of you guys wanna join me in doanting or sponsring, we could share a kid hahahah (not to be taken in wrong way) in fact..bros are allowed hahaha Geez!
Got a few peeps on my mind now...God has a way of making me suddenly think of them...I guess this could mean something..some sort of a middle sized sms..Im praying for everybody's safety and peace...Thank you Father!
K gotta go...I'll grab a shower and then come back and look at my hp...
K ciao folks! Cant believe you've been reading this wahahahha who paid you? Hehehe k ..........bad joke......................Im so sorry...............................dont leave me.........................pretty please????
God Bless!
And auntie's house now...got 2 things to do. Kindermusik and Essay. Since Im stupidly waiting at the PC for my fren to call, I might as well start blogging and pray to God to send a bigger sms to this fren...go figure again what kind of BIG sms...There I go again...me and my temper...sigh...
Stressed? Me? Hmmm...yeah...ala Mt Everest
Work has been eventful...fun to talk to students..work is piling and im slowly making my way through it...given tha I shud have help and I should work a few more mins after work to finish it..I still like the job! So many people ask me why why why I gotta take up a job like this...but come on...Im lovin it! minus mac donalds. So am I good? I'm good!
Thinking of sponsoring a child...might be to much for my minute salary..but God always provides us more than what we give out...As a start I wanna donate to the reecnt disaster victims..but seems to be soo many...Whats happening? Devil on a high? Hmm...Dunno..all considering actually...dont know what to do for now...If any of you guys wanna join me in doanting or sponsring, we could share a kid hahahah (not to be taken in wrong way) in fact..bros are allowed hahaha Geez!
Got a few peeps on my mind now...God has a way of making me suddenly think of them...I guess this could mean something..some sort of a middle sized sms..Im praying for everybody's safety and peace...Thank you Father!
K gotta go...I'll grab a shower and then come back and look at my hp...
K ciao folks! Cant believe you've been reading this wahahahha who paid you? Hehehe k ..........bad joke......................Im so sorry...............................dont leave me.........................pretty please????
God Bless!
Im dying lah...
Said Id be back and here I am. soo much for last minute cramping. Had to ask my fren for the NYAA Essay qn (go figure) and now Im dying coz its tomorow and myf ren who happily said he'd sms me the qn..is taking his sweet time. Cant get angry coz I was the one who asked for it...haiz...Quick Ning! Kick Yourself! So how? pass up hand written work? Shit...
And auntie's house now...got 2 things to do. Kindermusik and Essay. Since Im stupidly waiting at the PC for my fren to call, I might as well start blogging and pray to God to send a bigger sms to this fren...go figure again what kind of BIG sms...There I go again...me and my temper...sigh...
Stressed? Me? Hmmm...yeah...ala Mt Everest
Work has been eventful...fun to talk to students..work is piling and im slowly making my way through it...given tha I shud have help and I should work a few more mins after work to finish it..I still like the job! So many people ask me why why why I gotta take up a job like this...but come on...Im lovin it! minus mac donalds. So am I good? I'm good!
Thinking of sponsoring a child...might be to much for my minute salary..but God always provides us more than what we give out...As a start I wanna donate to the reecnt disaster victims..but seems to be soo many...Whats happening? Devil on a high? Hmm...Dunno..all considering actually...dont know what to do for now...If any of you guys wanna join me in doanting or sponsring, we could share a kid hahahah (not to be taken in wrong way) in fact..bros are allowed hahaha Geez!
Got a few peeps on my mind now...God has a way of making me suddenly think of them...I guess this could mean something..some sort of a middle sized sms..Im praying for everybody's safety and peace...Thank you Father!
K gotta go...I'll grab a shower and then come back and look at my hp...
K ciao folks! Cant believe you've been reading this wahahahha who paid you? Hehehe k ..........bad joke......................Im so sorry...............................dont leave me.........................pretty please????
God Bless!
And auntie's house now...got 2 things to do. Kindermusik and Essay. Since Im stupidly waiting at the PC for my fren to call, I might as well start blogging and pray to God to send a bigger sms to this fren...go figure again what kind of BIG sms...There I go again...me and my temper...sigh...
Stressed? Me? Hmmm...yeah...ala Mt Everest
Work has been eventful...fun to talk to students..work is piling and im slowly making my way through it...given tha I shud have help and I should work a few more mins after work to finish it..I still like the job! So many people ask me why why why I gotta take up a job like this...but come on...Im lovin it! minus mac donalds. So am I good? I'm good!
Thinking of sponsoring a child...might be to much for my minute salary..but God always provides us more than what we give out...As a start I wanna donate to the reecnt disaster victims..but seems to be soo many...Whats happening? Devil on a high? Hmm...Dunno..all considering actually...dont know what to do for now...If any of you guys wanna join me in doanting or sponsring, we could share a kid hahahah (not to be taken in wrong way) in fact..bros are allowed hahaha Geez!
Got a few peeps on my mind now...God has a way of making me suddenly think of them...I guess this could mean something..some sort of a middle sized sms..Im praying for everybody's safety and peace...Thank you Father!
K gotta go...I'll grab a shower and then come back and look at my hp...
K ciao folks! Cant believe you've been reading this wahahahha who paid you? Hehehe k ..........bad joke......................Im so sorry...............................dont leave me.........................pretty please????
God Bless!
Sooo...
Counter duty now...drop in for 2 mins
Had a terrible time in rehearsal last sat...it was the 1st time I was so terrified of opening my mouth to sing...truth of the matter is..I cant sing...Not how I should be...honestly speaking..I strained and stretched and croaked...I hated it.
Dont get me wrong..I love to sing...but...I cant..not with my real voice...
Had a wonderful opp from a sound guy fren who wants me to help him do back vocals...I dont know if I can do it...
My colleague has a new born girl. he's now a dad! Cool! The kid is a cool girl too! Like the father...out=spoken and big eyed! heheheheh Thanks to god for little packages of blessings!
Didint get a chance to go to church yesterday and that sucked. Makes me feel uneasy...Not that Id be worried of slipping back to sin...Im not! But I feel like Im missing out on something that will keep me motivated. :) To God. Had to sms my fren to help me get the water baptism form coz Im planning to go for it. A small step...small steps for me. Am staying at my aunt;s place now coz auntie is out of town. No harm done, had to carry loads of stuff over because Id be having an interview tomorrow for an award...National Youth Achievement Awards and not to mention my (countless)th time of wanting to run. workwear, sportswear..etc. and work...
So in an entry..my life has been overwhelmingly active...rehearsals, work, church, tuition. Shud I get another tuition job? hmmm...do I really have the time? that would make me..SUPERWOMAN!
anyway...my cousin has gone into the army..my bruddas have gone into the army....wat I wanna say is time goes by ala Speedy Gonzales ..my 2nd smallest cuz! and my smallest cuz is studying for Olevels! Woaahhh!
Had a dialogue session yesterday with some students and MPs and there was a topic discussed...about engagement of MPs with the people. A comment that came out and struck me..was that there were too many such forums that took the novelty or rather importance of such forums...it now comes across not as a forum to gather
back later
Had a terrible time in rehearsal last sat...it was the 1st time I was so terrified of opening my mouth to sing...truth of the matter is..I cant sing...Not how I should be...honestly speaking..I strained and stretched and croaked...I hated it.
Dont get me wrong..I love to sing...but...I cant..not with my real voice...
Had a wonderful opp from a sound guy fren who wants me to help him do back vocals...I dont know if I can do it...
My colleague has a new born girl. he's now a dad! Cool! The kid is a cool girl too! Like the father...out=spoken and big eyed! heheheheh Thanks to god for little packages of blessings!
Didint get a chance to go to church yesterday and that sucked. Makes me feel uneasy...Not that Id be worried of slipping back to sin...Im not! But I feel like Im missing out on something that will keep me motivated. :) To God. Had to sms my fren to help me get the water baptism form coz Im planning to go for it. A small step...small steps for me. Am staying at my aunt;s place now coz auntie is out of town. No harm done, had to carry loads of stuff over because Id be having an interview tomorrow for an award...National Youth Achievement Awards and not to mention my (countless)th time of wanting to run. workwear, sportswear..etc. and work...
So in an entry..my life has been overwhelmingly active...rehearsals, work, church, tuition. Shud I get another tuition job? hmmm...do I really have the time? that would make me..SUPERWOMAN!
anyway...my cousin has gone into the army..my bruddas have gone into the army....wat I wanna say is time goes by ala Speedy Gonzales ..my 2nd smallest cuz! and my smallest cuz is studying for Olevels! Woaahhh!
Had a dialogue session yesterday with some students and MPs and there was a topic discussed...about engagement of MPs with the people. A comment that came out and struck me..was that there were too many such forums that took the novelty or rather importance of such forums...it now comes across not as a forum to gather
back later
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Jesus...let me know you
Things have been stressful...bit tougher...God has been great to give me to helpers to help me with my work...I seriously dread the times that I would be left to handle eveyrthing myself. Dont get me wrong..I love my job! Alot! Been thinking abt how to improve the system...how do I keep tabs of all my work? How do I grow 4 pairs of eyes to keep an eye on all my things?
But then something always reminds me that I neednt be so worried...coz Jesus is there to give me strength to do what I need to do. Especially if He's given me this road to go.
Last weekend, I got to spend time with my long lost bro, Saad and it felt like my childhood was back. I felt happy hahhah being with bros and frens..if only I could do this more often.
Sadly..my time is tight...
just today, a sound engineer who I worked with, is asking me to help him with his recording :P How cool is that?!?!?! Sure its FOC but hell I would love to!
k gonna go sleep. Rehearsal tomorrow.
God Bless
But then something always reminds me that I neednt be so worried...coz Jesus is there to give me strength to do what I need to do. Especially if He's given me this road to go.
Last weekend, I got to spend time with my long lost bro, Saad and it felt like my childhood was back. I felt happy hahhah being with bros and frens..if only I could do this more often.
Sadly..my time is tight...
just today, a sound engineer who I worked with, is asking me to help him with his recording :P How cool is that?!?!?! Sure its FOC but hell I would love to!
k gonna go sleep. Rehearsal tomorrow.
God Bless
Sunday, July 16, 2006
sigh...
today didnt go as well as I hoped. a normal sunday but I wasnt int he mood for church...why? I feel guilty for not worshipping God like how He should be worshipped...I feel guilty for not concentrating...
Hardly spoke to my bro today for the reason that ive lost the words to say. All i have to say or need to say is spoken, not only abt smoking...that there isnt much to say. I figure that at this point, everything I have to say would be brought across as me scolding him or nagging him and so i'll just keep quiet. Nor do I feel like I have anything to tell him...And for that, I dont know why myself. you know what this feel like? the relationship w my dad...sigh
Anyway..ive got other things to think about...work, musical, tuition..etc...
All I know is that God is with me :) Thats all I need.
God Bless
Hardly spoke to my bro today for the reason that ive lost the words to say. All i have to say or need to say is spoken, not only abt smoking...that there isnt much to say. I figure that at this point, everything I have to say would be brought across as me scolding him or nagging him and so i'll just keep quiet. Nor do I feel like I have anything to tell him...And for that, I dont know why myself. you know what this feel like? the relationship w my dad...sigh
Anyway..ive got other things to think about...work, musical, tuition..etc...
All I know is that God is with me :) Thats all I need.
God Bless
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I am blessed!
Father, thank you for your blessings on me...
I had a chat with my bro and Ive decided to stop nagging. Sad thing is..everytime I talk to him now, I show a lesser sense of care...Forgive me bro...U asking me not to care that you smoke..is asking me not to care at all...
For the 1st time in my life...Ive gotten advice on my singing that has caused me to cry with tears...I know that my singing isnt fantastic...and I was proved right. Not that Im happy with that, but I now know that I can improve my singing...I now know how to use my real voice! You know what, this would probably be one of the greatest achievements I will have in this musical!
I thank God for this opportunity to work with Jimmy... I thank God for letting me not get in Idol hahahaha
K enough for today.
God Bless
I had a chat with my bro and Ive decided to stop nagging. Sad thing is..everytime I talk to him now, I show a lesser sense of care...Forgive me bro...U asking me not to care that you smoke..is asking me not to care at all...
For the 1st time in my life...Ive gotten advice on my singing that has caused me to cry with tears...I know that my singing isnt fantastic...and I was proved right. Not that Im happy with that, but I now know that I can improve my singing...I now know how to use my real voice! You know what, this would probably be one of the greatest achievements I will have in this musical!
I thank God for this opportunity to work with Jimmy... I thank God for letting me not get in Idol hahahaha
K enough for today.
God Bless
Friday, July 14, 2006
...........hypocrite
Miao Miao has a kid! wohooo! A very very cure non-black kitty! Sooo cute! Not meant to be racist ah!
K well...was upset last night. Both sad and angry....
Its true! I am a hypocrite..who isnt...but I am even more and I deserve a scolding. Was trying to convince by fren, to make him see the light that quitting smoking isnt as hard...its will power. And he said that I dont know how it feels....true I dont know how it feels...and much as I said that Christians will can overcome everything because we have God, I knew I was biting on my own foot...
Everything I do, I naturally think abot whether I can do this with my own strength... n my part I always feel bad when I realize that at my troubled moments, I never first thought of God as my source of strength and capability. I never thugth about whether God could do it first...because if I did, I would never have to worry....He can do everything!
What made me angry and sad...was how it made it seem like I never used my own advice ont he one problem that troubled me the most....getting over my relationship.
Ive never told anyone on who the relationship really was...even when I was attached, I could never explain to anyone how strong the relationship was because it was beyond words! Now that its over, I cant explain it even more! Why doesnt someone just stick electrodes into my brain and analyse it themselves. like total recall by Arnold Shwarzenegar
Id just like to clear something...
When I first broke up, everything I saw reminded me of him. I was ready to give up singing and I would have banned many songs from my mp3 player if needed. I would have given up on my own dreams thinking that the biggest dream I had is broken anyway. I couldnt speak about him without sinking into sadness....I would be immobilised by the thoughts and desperately need someone to talk to yet I never could find the people I needed most. at the same time, other things happening around me, made it worse..I had depression and low low low self esteem, and fear of losing my closest sisters due to my constantly distant and distraught behaviour...Anything that could happen, happened. its akind to having your fav loved one dying and you moarning. Mine was also mixed with anger
That was me when it first started...over the years what pulled me up was the thought that God would let this happen only to strengthen me and if so, He would provide me with enough power and strength to overcome this hurdle that I thought would never end. I had frens telling me, "It will blow over." I would reply, "I know it will! But when? When will God bring me out from my suffering?" I KNOW He WILL but when? Today, I can say, my depression is gone, my low esteem is gone, God preserved the relationship between my sisters and I, I realize how much frens mean soo much to me and how much I mean to them. Ive clinched so many of my dreams and continue to hold on to other dreams...but Ive learnt to let go of things I know I cant change...dreams I was never meant to accomplish like Idol....It took so long but I know God is with me...and Im meant for other dreams like the musical.
What is holding me bac now from totally moving away from..the biggest prob, (the love for my ex) is my heart and my mind. My heart remembers everything that happened and wonders why somethign so strong has to be ended while my mind clearly knows the reasons to this break up and clearly accepts God's path for me. But for the longest time, I've debated with myself on what God's intention is for me...to let go completely...or to hold on to a reltationship God made between us and believe that He will bring us together again in due time...
If God were to tell me that He wants me to move away, I will move away...like a cigarette that clearly has no benefits for me..that God clearly had not meant for me to touch. What about love? How can something so sweet, be poison? that is what my heart thinks. Like I said, if God told me right now in His awesome deep and fatherly voice, I will drop my ex because I know that there will never be a tomorrow for us.
Why am I having such a big conflict n God's intentions..because of how God never fails to put him in front of me at times when I least expect it! Or is it Satan? So who formed that relationship? God or Satan? Who broke it up? God or Satan?
So its not that I dont believe that God is my strength to get over my ex....
As for my bro smoking..its not the first time he's stop and started...something beyond me. Dont tell me its stress because I could ahve easily taken a smoke when I first broke up with my ex (the lowest of my lows in all my life) dont tell me its a habit because with God's strength you can overcome that, dont tell me its influence because it will go to show that you've never really stopped smoking in the first place and all it takes is a whiff of it to get you itching... And if God ahs brought you to the clear twice...dont you think He's trying to tell you to stop it? If so, dont you think he would provide you with the strength and will power to do so? he will never leave us to fend for ourselves, especially not when we are doing His work!
Anway...Im tired..Im tired of explaining...Im tired of being a hypocrite...I'll stop my nagging if I can help it. I will leave my bro to smoke his health away if He thinks this is what God wants him to do...or Satan...I will stop my nagging coz I dont wanna be like my dad or my mum and make things worse by nagging...God will have His way eventually but how He will do it this time...is somethingelse. The past 3 ways He's done it to make my bro change his way...have been drastic as it is...I dont want to know how he will do it this time...
As for my own problems, I thank God for giving me a job I enjoy. I dont mind the lesser pay or long hours because at the end of the day, I do wat I love and work with those I love. I thank God for my other bro who's back in Spore and my sisters who have come back for a visit and all other blessings he showers me with. So whats wrong? My ex is virtually not bothering me unless he appears hahaha but even then, God never fails to wipe him off my mind by the end of the day. Besides my ex is going to UK soon. Everytime I think about how God will always be there for me and that Im sacrificing my ex for someone thousand times greater and who knows me the most, my heart is comforted...besides...all this loss of love will only hurt at most my love life hahaha not my lungs and my kidney. or even my loved ones. I know that God has in store..something better...always.
Father, thank you for your countless blessings and help me to remember what you've done because when the going gets tough, I will be able to remember you and look to you for guidance.
My entry ends here. I will try not to nag anymore..not even to those I care for. I will pray to God for patience and for His works to happen.
God Bless
K well...was upset last night. Both sad and angry....
Its true! I am a hypocrite..who isnt...but I am even more and I deserve a scolding. Was trying to convince by fren, to make him see the light that quitting smoking isnt as hard...its will power. And he said that I dont know how it feels....true I dont know how it feels...and much as I said that Christians will can overcome everything because we have God, I knew I was biting on my own foot...
Everything I do, I naturally think abot whether I can do this with my own strength... n my part I always feel bad when I realize that at my troubled moments, I never first thought of God as my source of strength and capability. I never thugth about whether God could do it first...because if I did, I would never have to worry....He can do everything!
What made me angry and sad...was how it made it seem like I never used my own advice ont he one problem that troubled me the most....getting over my relationship.
Ive never told anyone on who the relationship really was...even when I was attached, I could never explain to anyone how strong the relationship was because it was beyond words! Now that its over, I cant explain it even more! Why doesnt someone just stick electrodes into my brain and analyse it themselves. like total recall by Arnold Shwarzenegar
Id just like to clear something...
When I first broke up, everything I saw reminded me of him. I was ready to give up singing and I would have banned many songs from my mp3 player if needed. I would have given up on my own dreams thinking that the biggest dream I had is broken anyway. I couldnt speak about him without sinking into sadness....I would be immobilised by the thoughts and desperately need someone to talk to yet I never could find the people I needed most. at the same time, other things happening around me, made it worse..I had depression and low low low self esteem, and fear of losing my closest sisters due to my constantly distant and distraught behaviour...Anything that could happen, happened. its akind to having your fav loved one dying and you moarning. Mine was also mixed with anger
That was me when it first started...over the years what pulled me up was the thought that God would let this happen only to strengthen me and if so, He would provide me with enough power and strength to overcome this hurdle that I thought would never end. I had frens telling me, "It will blow over." I would reply, "I know it will! But when? When will God bring me out from my suffering?" I KNOW He WILL but when? Today, I can say, my depression is gone, my low esteem is gone, God preserved the relationship between my sisters and I, I realize how much frens mean soo much to me and how much I mean to them. Ive clinched so many of my dreams and continue to hold on to other dreams...but Ive learnt to let go of things I know I cant change...dreams I was never meant to accomplish like Idol....It took so long but I know God is with me...and Im meant for other dreams like the musical.
What is holding me bac now from totally moving away from..the biggest prob, (the love for my ex) is my heart and my mind. My heart remembers everything that happened and wonders why somethign so strong has to be ended while my mind clearly knows the reasons to this break up and clearly accepts God's path for me. But for the longest time, I've debated with myself on what God's intention is for me...to let go completely...or to hold on to a reltationship God made between us and believe that He will bring us together again in due time...
If God were to tell me that He wants me to move away, I will move away...like a cigarette that clearly has no benefits for me..that God clearly had not meant for me to touch. What about love? How can something so sweet, be poison? that is what my heart thinks. Like I said, if God told me right now in His awesome deep and fatherly voice, I will drop my ex because I know that there will never be a tomorrow for us.
Why am I having such a big conflict n God's intentions..because of how God never fails to put him in front of me at times when I least expect it! Or is it Satan? So who formed that relationship? God or Satan? Who broke it up? God or Satan?
So its not that I dont believe that God is my strength to get over my ex....
As for my bro smoking..its not the first time he's stop and started...something beyond me. Dont tell me its stress because I could ahve easily taken a smoke when I first broke up with my ex (the lowest of my lows in all my life) dont tell me its a habit because with God's strength you can overcome that, dont tell me its influence because it will go to show that you've never really stopped smoking in the first place and all it takes is a whiff of it to get you itching... And if God ahs brought you to the clear twice...dont you think He's trying to tell you to stop it? If so, dont you think he would provide you with the strength and will power to do so? he will never leave us to fend for ourselves, especially not when we are doing His work!
Anway...Im tired..Im tired of explaining...Im tired of being a hypocrite...I'll stop my nagging if I can help it. I will leave my bro to smoke his health away if He thinks this is what God wants him to do...or Satan...I will stop my nagging coz I dont wanna be like my dad or my mum and make things worse by nagging...God will have His way eventually but how He will do it this time...is somethingelse. The past 3 ways He's done it to make my bro change his way...have been drastic as it is...I dont want to know how he will do it this time...
As for my own problems, I thank God for giving me a job I enjoy. I dont mind the lesser pay or long hours because at the end of the day, I do wat I love and work with those I love. I thank God for my other bro who's back in Spore and my sisters who have come back for a visit and all other blessings he showers me with. So whats wrong? My ex is virtually not bothering me unless he appears hahaha but even then, God never fails to wipe him off my mind by the end of the day. Besides my ex is going to UK soon. Everytime I think about how God will always be there for me and that Im sacrificing my ex for someone thousand times greater and who knows me the most, my heart is comforted...besides...all this loss of love will only hurt at most my love life hahaha not my lungs and my kidney. or even my loved ones. I know that God has in store..something better...always.
Father, thank you for your countless blessings and help me to remember what you've done because when the going gets tough, I will be able to remember you and look to you for guidance.
My entry ends here. I will try not to nag anymore..not even to those I care for. I will pray to God for patience and for His works to happen.
God Bless
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Good News!
God is all knowng and all powerful! :P My worries have become straight! One good brother is back, had the chance to catch the Coldplay concert, My work problems are slowly solving themselves.
k my eyes are heavy. tok next time!
ning
k my eyes are heavy. tok next time!
ning
Thank you God!
Im soooo happy! :)
For weeks Ive been worried about a fren of mine. He went back to India in Feb ad said he was coming back in April but even in June he was away without a trace. I dont know why but Im always reminded of him and everytime this happened, Id get concerned. I dont know what happened in India and why his Sporean contact was suspended or cut off. I feared that i wouldnt see this fren in Spore anymore or that he was going trough a bad time...
But thankfully, yesterday he called me from his spore line and said he just got back during the weekend. Im sooooo glad! Im so glad he's back and fine! I kicked myself for not being able to answer his call when he called but as soon as I could, I called back. Sooo good!
Dont ask me why m so concerned or excited coz I dont know hahahah I guess I am just too concerned for some of my bros...sometimes I may not act like I am, but I am. This bro is one of them. Call me posessive, call me sisterly, protective, thats how I am. Even for my sisters! If I see any of their ex boyfrens who hurt them, I'll give them a cold response.
I'll stare them down! even the girls who hurt my bros! I'll Kai Fan them!
But yes I am happy today! :) For a long lost fren cminig back safe and sound. Thank you Father!
God bless!
For weeks Ive been worried about a fren of mine. He went back to India in Feb ad said he was coming back in April but even in June he was away without a trace. I dont know why but Im always reminded of him and everytime this happened, Id get concerned. I dont know what happened in India and why his Sporean contact was suspended or cut off. I feared that i wouldnt see this fren in Spore anymore or that he was going trough a bad time...
But thankfully, yesterday he called me from his spore line and said he just got back during the weekend. Im sooooo glad! Im so glad he's back and fine! I kicked myself for not being able to answer his call when he called but as soon as I could, I called back. Sooo good!
Dont ask me why m so concerned or excited coz I dont know hahahah I guess I am just too concerned for some of my bros...sometimes I may not act like I am, but I am. This bro is one of them. Call me posessive, call me sisterly, protective, thats how I am. Even for my sisters! If I see any of their ex boyfrens who hurt them, I'll give them a cold response.
I'll stare them down! even the girls who hurt my bros! I'll Kai Fan them!
But yes I am happy today! :) For a long lost fren cminig back safe and sound. Thank you Father!
God bless!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Yeah? iyyae? why?
Im starting to act like my dad. my dad is a persistent practitioner of his perceived good manners or beneficial actions. he would try in all his power to persuade all of us in his household to do the same. I never really saw that as good. Sorta makes him the master fo the house and the dictator. I enver let go of the fact that he didnt listen to us tell him to stop smoking and to top it off, he drank too. So if I had known better, I would have just termed him as a regular indian. Yes generalization. Well..we all better change the image of our race and kind right. dont thinkt he aliens think highly of us.
The reason why Im going into this...as one of my bros would of course be nodding his head and saying ,"I knew this would come" is that one of my bros started on his smoking escapade again. Which I suddenly realize is why he's been defending all my other smoking frens too. And I have a sneaking supiscion that the escapade started awhile back. Dunno lah...Im just very very very dissappointed. So the moment I saw it...and was left alone w my bro, I stopped talking and stopped caring...instantly my sarcasm rose to its peak. So if you do want to see how sarcastic I can be, feel free to smoke in my face.
Why? Why are they so weak as to surcumb to a simple stick of tobacco rollde up in paper? Habit huh?
I dont wanna be like my dad and persistently argue with my smoker bros to giev up smoking. I dont want to be stupid enough to persistently talk to stubborn asses. id rather talk to a wall. but I cant help it! Good thing it wasnt my ex or my bf (if I had one) coz if it was, Id slap him. So do not ask me on whether this person or that person is a prospect coz if he smokes, he's out. I dont want to be like my dad.
2 crazy thoughts come to my head..should I just join in the fun and smoke too? Why not? Makes you wonder how fun it is right? Why not just join in all that gaseous dreamy and cloudy nicotine! Oh lets top it with alcohol then! OR! How about I start promoting cigarettes! I could get it as a present for all my smoker frens! Build my social circle! Encourage them to do what they feel is right! be supportive! I shouyld big a box and a nice lighter with their names engraved on it and wrap it up in the golden paper they use in the box! And put a ribbon on it. And have a card that says, " From one idiot to another!"
have you seen a bitch?!?! You're reading about one!
Yes my motive of this entry is to vomit out all my sarcasm before it gets the better of me. I withheld my tongue in front of my bro and my frens.
The last thought I have is somethign that i suddenly thought and got upset over. Its for the christians. Isnt your body a temple of God? for some of my frens, they know that if not for God, they would have continued smoking. God made sure that they would stop, but time and time again, my bros just go back to smoking! Time and time again, God has brought them back! How many times does God ahve to get you out of smoking, for you to get smarter?!?!?!
How many times does He have to save your ass, for you to learn how to keep your ass clear of the fire?!?!
Sigh..enough...Im done.
God Bless
The reason why Im going into this...as one of my bros would of course be nodding his head and saying ,"I knew this would come" is that one of my bros started on his smoking escapade again. Which I suddenly realize is why he's been defending all my other smoking frens too. And I have a sneaking supiscion that the escapade started awhile back. Dunno lah...Im just very very very dissappointed. So the moment I saw it...and was left alone w my bro, I stopped talking and stopped caring...instantly my sarcasm rose to its peak. So if you do want to see how sarcastic I can be, feel free to smoke in my face.
Why? Why are they so weak as to surcumb to a simple stick of tobacco rollde up in paper? Habit huh?
I dont wanna be like my dad and persistently argue with my smoker bros to giev up smoking. I dont want to be stupid enough to persistently talk to stubborn asses. id rather talk to a wall. but I cant help it! Good thing it wasnt my ex or my bf (if I had one) coz if it was, Id slap him. So do not ask me on whether this person or that person is a prospect coz if he smokes, he's out. I dont want to be like my dad.
2 crazy thoughts come to my head..should I just join in the fun and smoke too? Why not? Makes you wonder how fun it is right? Why not just join in all that gaseous dreamy and cloudy nicotine! Oh lets top it with alcohol then! OR! How about I start promoting cigarettes! I could get it as a present for all my smoker frens! Build my social circle! Encourage them to do what they feel is right! be supportive! I shouyld big a box and a nice lighter with their names engraved on it and wrap it up in the golden paper they use in the box! And put a ribbon on it. And have a card that says, " From one idiot to another!"
have you seen a bitch?!?! You're reading about one!
Yes my motive of this entry is to vomit out all my sarcasm before it gets the better of me. I withheld my tongue in front of my bro and my frens.
The last thought I have is somethign that i suddenly thought and got upset over. Its for the christians. Isnt your body a temple of God? for some of my frens, they know that if not for God, they would have continued smoking. God made sure that they would stop, but time and time again, my bros just go back to smoking! Time and time again, God has brought them back! How many times does God ahve to get you out of smoking, for you to get smarter?!?!?!
How many times does He have to save your ass, for you to learn how to keep your ass clear of the fire?!?!
Sigh..enough...Im done.
God Bless
Saturday, July 08, 2006
stuff and nonsense
Bit sad lah...Ive got so many frens who have left for other things....
Pravin - UK
Eka - Australia
Eng Kee - Army
Saad - India
Anthony - Further Studies
Cliff - Further Studies
Adam - Brunei
Ling - Australia
Val - Australia
Steph - UK
What is it with me and goodbyes? I know that I will be able to see these guys again or even talk online..but...I feel like they're going forever! Even engkee who isnt even leaving the country! Hahaha I feel like Im losing frens! Knowing human behaviour chances are we wouldnt get to contact each other as much. I even have trouble catching up with my frens who aer in Spore!
Father, please take care of them whereever they may be. Dont let us lose touch with each other.
The ugly bite I got from an unknown bugger hasnt healed. I've even tried the old salt method and Im waiting to see what happens.
Work has been exciting and busy...I dont know what to say but its been such a long time since I was happy being stressed hahaha stressed and crazy hahaha The musical has got me in wraps and almost all my days are packed but Im glad. Im glad Im given this chance to do what I love. What could be better to be able to do all this and know God supports you in it?
What can I say but that God has been good to me? He has taken all my winding roads and straightened them. As the chinese say, "When the boat comes to foot of the bridge, it will naturally be straightened. (i think) What it means is that when the time comes, it will be settled.
I agree! When God is there..everything wrong shall be made right!
I had a fren who called me up crying saying that she doesnt want to be like her auntie who is a grouchy picky old spinster...she was worried that she'd ever have someone to love her and lead a normal life. I told her that she will find someone because eventually..the only relationships that last is if the partners loved each other for their characters..personalities..not money, not looks, not status. I was soo sure of this and I still am. I know sometimes I have these thoughts too but what puts me away from my fren..is that the confidence and reassurance that God is there to guide me through my life. Its an arranged mariage prepared by my own Heavenly Father. What cuold be better than to have Him look at your whole lifetime and know exactly who it is. My fren has the same fate. I know. What Im driving at is...at times when I feel down or unsure or worried or angry...my Father is always there and its when I think of Him and how He provides..that Im sooo put at peace and assurance that whatever could be causing my emotions..will go away by His works! Thank you Father! thank you Jesus Christ.
It doesnt matter that my faith is not solid and paded down because He still loves me!
Just passed up my NYAA report and gotta go through an interview before I could qualify for the award. I want to do this because it is the last thing I left SP without finishing. I want to finish it as a goal for myself. Its something my ex and I took up and much as He couldnt finish it and has given up doing so. I will not follow suit because this is a testimony to the things I did in SP...everything I did that I view as importnant to me. An idealistic view considering how other people might only glance at this paper and say it is mere paper hahahah but I just feel like I have to finish it! Hehehehe oh well
las tbut not least..Im proud to announce another wedding ont he way! Hahahah got a cousin who's getting married soon and boy am I excited! Wohooo! Im very happy that she is inally able to be with the one she loves for life. Not like I didnt see ti coming hahaha! Wonder about my sis though. Would she ever get married? HAHAHAHAHAH Hey sister! Chepat leh! HAHAHA I would be the happiest on that day!
K shall stop here. My mind is full of thoughts but only some can be said..others are best left unopened hahahahaha
Pravin - UK
Eka - Australia
Eng Kee - Army
Saad - India
Anthony - Further Studies
Cliff - Further Studies
Adam - Brunei
Ling - Australia
Val - Australia
Steph - UK
What is it with me and goodbyes? I know that I will be able to see these guys again or even talk online..but...I feel like they're going forever! Even engkee who isnt even leaving the country! Hahaha I feel like Im losing frens! Knowing human behaviour chances are we wouldnt get to contact each other as much. I even have trouble catching up with my frens who aer in Spore!
Father, please take care of them whereever they may be. Dont let us lose touch with each other.
The ugly bite I got from an unknown bugger hasnt healed. I've even tried the old salt method and Im waiting to see what happens.
Work has been exciting and busy...I dont know what to say but its been such a long time since I was happy being stressed hahaha stressed and crazy hahaha The musical has got me in wraps and almost all my days are packed but Im glad. Im glad Im given this chance to do what I love. What could be better to be able to do all this and know God supports you in it?
What can I say but that God has been good to me? He has taken all my winding roads and straightened them. As the chinese say, "When the boat comes to foot of the bridge, it will naturally be straightened. (i think) What it means is that when the time comes, it will be settled.
I agree! When God is there..everything wrong shall be made right!
I had a fren who called me up crying saying that she doesnt want to be like her auntie who is a grouchy picky old spinster...she was worried that she'd ever have someone to love her and lead a normal life. I told her that she will find someone because eventually..the only relationships that last is if the partners loved each other for their characters..personalities..not money, not looks, not status. I was soo sure of this and I still am. I know sometimes I have these thoughts too but what puts me away from my fren..is that the confidence and reassurance that God is there to guide me through my life. Its an arranged mariage prepared by my own Heavenly Father. What cuold be better than to have Him look at your whole lifetime and know exactly who it is. My fren has the same fate. I know. What Im driving at is...at times when I feel down or unsure or worried or angry...my Father is always there and its when I think of Him and how He provides..that Im sooo put at peace and assurance that whatever could be causing my emotions..will go away by His works! Thank you Father! thank you Jesus Christ.
It doesnt matter that my faith is not solid and paded down because He still loves me!
Just passed up my NYAA report and gotta go through an interview before I could qualify for the award. I want to do this because it is the last thing I left SP without finishing. I want to finish it as a goal for myself. Its something my ex and I took up and much as He couldnt finish it and has given up doing so. I will not follow suit because this is a testimony to the things I did in SP...everything I did that I view as importnant to me. An idealistic view considering how other people might only glance at this paper and say it is mere paper hahahah but I just feel like I have to finish it! Hehehehe oh well
las tbut not least..Im proud to announce another wedding ont he way! Hahahah got a cousin who's getting married soon and boy am I excited! Wohooo! Im very happy that she is inally able to be with the one she loves for life. Not like I didnt see ti coming hahaha! Wonder about my sis though. Would she ever get married? HAHAHAHAHAH Hey sister! Chepat leh! HAHAHA I would be the happiest on that day!
K shall stop here. My mind is full of thoughts but only some can be said..others are best left unopened hahahahaha
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
New Pics...
My Bros...Edwin (bottom left) Eka (top right) and Eng kee (bottom right)It just hit me that their names all start with "E"..macham Sesame Street Sia!
Eka going to Adelaide and Eng kee going Army....SOBS
This would be my officer cum colleague cum sister Hehehehehe Long story short, I never knew Id work with her and now that I am, Im really happy about that :P
Last but not least..wanted to include my bestest best bro's face...coz he's my favourite bro. I do sayang him to the core and if needs be, id wish him all the best and kill the girl who hurts him. Yep..He's going to UK soon and it breaks my heart but I'll let God take lead. :)
Father, look after all those whom I love and care for...
God Bless!
tough night
Well sorry if I was abit ..philosophical or what yesterday....something happened yesterday and I couldnt help but feel bad...
Was up last night explaining to my bro abt this...I rememebr saying that certain thngs cant be explained because its just beyond words....All I can hope for is that people go through all that i go through...to understand...what can I say? Shall I dig my heart out to show you?
If I could explain everything that happened from top to bottom, I could start my own "Days of our lives"
I am foolish...succumbing to a temptation and addiction that still lies dormant in me....If you thought a smoking addiction was bad....I think this is as bad....it can last for years....
Feeling abit unsure abt God's wish now.... I guess I should let God's will be done.... I should cast all worries to God...and keep my mouth shut? Father..guide my steps and thoughs..give me wisdom...your wisdom is what will get me through.
God Bless
Was up last night explaining to my bro abt this...I rememebr saying that certain thngs cant be explained because its just beyond words....All I can hope for is that people go through all that i go through...to understand...what can I say? Shall I dig my heart out to show you?
If I could explain everything that happened from top to bottom, I could start my own "Days of our lives"
I am foolish...succumbing to a temptation and addiction that still lies dormant in me....If you thought a smoking addiction was bad....I think this is as bad....it can last for years....
Feeling abit unsure abt God's wish now.... I guess I should let God's will be done.... I should cast all worries to God...and keep my mouth shut? Father..guide my steps and thoughs..give me wisdom...your wisdom is what will get me through.
God Bless
Monday, July 03, 2006
Im ashamed...
I dont even know what to say..or whether I shud say this....
I can only pray for guidance....
God has been my providence...He has been my guide and my support...how is it I can still be sooo unsure about His will? How do I know His will? I read His Word every day yet sometimes they still confuse me...I yearn to hear His voice...in my most upsetting moments, I yearn to hear His voice...Father....
But you know out of all this...I still believe that my God is for me...He cares for me...that he is there looking after me...How can I be sure? Because of everything that happens to me..because I never feel like I have to deal things myself...it cant be a false sense of confidence...because they always happen at the tmies that I never expect it but really want it.
Father....I believe you are there..I believe you love me...but what do you want me to do Father?
God Bless
Ning
I can only pray for guidance....
God has been my providence...He has been my guide and my support...how is it I can still be sooo unsure about His will? How do I know His will? I read His Word every day yet sometimes they still confuse me...I yearn to hear His voice...in my most upsetting moments, I yearn to hear His voice...Father....
But you know out of all this...I still believe that my God is for me...He cares for me...that he is there looking after me...How can I be sure? Because of everything that happens to me..because I never feel like I have to deal things myself...it cant be a false sense of confidence...because they always happen at the tmies that I never expect it but really want it.
Father....I believe you are there..I believe you love me...but what do you want me to do Father?
God Bless
Ning
weeekkkkeennnddddssss
Ive become incerasingly tired...abit scary....its affecting my church going and my work mood...Not that I hate work...more like I have less enthusiasm...Father please give me strength...
My leg isnt healing...guess I better go see a doc soon...
weekend was spent shopping for pants and skirts to wear. Tops too I guess....need office wear. Saw this fabulous jacket on sat and went back yesterday to see it again....really miss it now....got some stuff so quite happy...but very tired. Not because I shopped alot yah....
Need to take a fwe mins to see what I need to do in the office..do a little praying and get to work. I believe that God will provide me with all the energy I need to carry myself through the day.
BTW...new tamil words:
Iyae (yeah): Why
Yeppadi: How
Ippidi: Like This
Ennai: What
Mannithu Vidunggal : Sorry
Why lah Dai: Iyae lah dai
new malay word
minta maaf: Sorry
K gotta go man. Minta maaf, rumba mannithu viddunggal!
God Bless
My leg isnt healing...guess I better go see a doc soon...
weekend was spent shopping for pants and skirts to wear. Tops too I guess....need office wear. Saw this fabulous jacket on sat and went back yesterday to see it again....really miss it now....got some stuff so quite happy...but very tired. Not because I shopped alot yah....
Need to take a fwe mins to see what I need to do in the office..do a little praying and get to work. I believe that God will provide me with all the energy I need to carry myself through the day.
BTW...new tamil words:
Iyae (yeah): Why
Yeppadi: How
Ippidi: Like This
Ennai: What
Mannithu Vidunggal : Sorry
Why lah Dai: Iyae lah dai
new malay word
minta maaf: Sorry
K gotta go man. Minta maaf, rumba mannithu viddunggal!
God Bless
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