Newly joined member of the "Health Freak" Club!!

Yeah! Been reading this book abt low fat diet (stop laughing)
i admit that this book is highly interesting man! No kidding! K just to prove it to u, heres wat i learnt...

- Coffee n any caffinated drinks cause you to lose more water in your body by urination n etc
- Cold drinks (ie: any drink that is cold. Except soft drinks or caffinated drinks) causes your body to burn more fats just to heat up the drink. Thus..drinking cold drinks can help you burn more fat than hot or warm drinks.
- Calories are burnt to digest your meal thus ur metabolic rate increases while and after you eat. However, if you exercise within 30mins after ur meal, that metabolic rate increases even higher, thus burning more
- Never skip a meal coz when you do, the next meal you take, your body will go into fat storing mode instead of fat burning mode. Plus, you will be soo hungryt hat you'll tend to eat more than u should
- Alot of times when we feel like snacking, it isnt that we're hungry..but that we're thirsty. So try drinking a cup of water 1st...
- Eating complex carbos like vegs n fruits n wholemeal etc..causes the bosy to burn more fats to digest them. They also take longer time to digest thus you stay full longer..thus you eat less n burn more

Cool huh?!?!

Hahaha just a minor update...sneezed out a yellow reddish blob today..i think its phlegm :) So im okay w it..but breathing is abit less smooth..dun worry everything will get better...

Will tell you tom about this really scary dream I had 2 nights back... (consequently..the night that led to my sickly day)

LOVE

almost fainted man...

Me being the stubborn mule I am...went for aikido class yesterday...even with a 37.9'C fever.

For the 1st 1/2 hour I was fine...In fact, before class, id helped to lay the mats. I even did all the warmups. But when it got to the throwing n stuff, my whole head went haywire. I really appreciate the girl who did it w me coz she was very very patient. :)

Heres watt he world looked like:
Imagine that whatever you see now is pixelated...now..imagine all these small pixels dancing around. yeah. Imagine ur full colour tv become black n white. Thats not normal...
My sensei said I shud rest and waved his fingers inf ront of me, asking me how many fingers he was holding up. 5! No!I show u again... 5 wat! No! 4& 3/4! Hahaha one of his fingers was shorter because of an accident. Emm tricky! wat a nice sensei hahaha

Anyway...I spend the whoe aikido lesson watching my peers practice the moves (wazas). While they did, I did..sitting down but hands moving hahaha Felt bad just sitting there but I have to get rest before thigns get worse...

K well...Im much better now..abit of aches plus my back injury n abit of sore throat...but im back at work :)

LOVE

death int he family...

Was sick today...had a terrible sore throat that eventually evolved into a fever...my whole body is weak n aching man.

anyway..my sis came into my rom and poked me on my shoulder. to wake up. I got soo irritated that I scolded her...partly coz I was in pain. My sister found that one of her turtles had died. Ah Boy... My sis being the scardy cat, wudnt touch the died turtle and throw him away. Thats why she needed to wake me up to do it..sigh... The poor turtle had probabaly suffocated in its tank because the conditon of the water int he tank was alike a thick greenish soup..algae etc... I really pity the poor fellow man...As i picked it up, the limbs and head were limp...out stretched n limp...

As for the oter turtle..it is happily living in the bathroom..constantly taken care off by my sis.

K im gonna stop here coz im feeling abit dizzy...and my body is still aching..not to mention my brain not working...thats why i cant even phrase my sentences properly...

love

wats this?!?!

Just checked my email n theres a tuition assignment...I got a shock when I read it coz the parent is looking for 2hrs,twice a week for eng, chinese, maths n science! All 4! Its crazy!
Not only is the tuition teacher gonna be sooo stressed out, but the kid is gonna be sooo tortured that he'll prob hate sch! How can u get tuition for all subjects!!! n not to menton for such a short time per week?!?!?! I truly pity the poor child...

Sorta leads me to wonder what the parents are doing. I believe that they wud be snart enuff to teacht hem themselves....at least for eng or chinese..unless they are uneducated. But...what i fear is that the parents are highly educated and yet....are too busy w their work to contriute time to teach their own kids. I know my mum taught me english n science when i was in pri sch. my aunt n tuition teacher taught me chinese n my other aunt taught my cousins n I maths.
Soo I guess you can sayt hat i did get tuition for every subject ..sigh...but it wasnt cramped into twice a week for 2hrs each. ABSURD!

love

SPGG

Tried out the gym at SPGG n its not too bad. given my lack of knowledge for equipment. I like it thatt ey provide towels n lockers but then..maybe thats a pre-requisite for a clubhouse? Anyway...also went to explore the shower room n stuff. Geez! They have a jacuzzi n a steam room!

I know this sounds all too honest but I freaked out when I saw that the shower doors were quite transparent..emmm abit hard to shwoer ah but I guess the logic is..you shower w somethign on? hahahahahah So I gave up showering heheheheh

They've got a lower room linked tot he jacuzzi n steam room n shower area n toilet..yep...very convenient to walk back n forth without risking a guy seeing you hahahahaha

Also realized that every shower cubicle has its own shampoo n shower gel dispenser! highly convenient for me but Im soo used to carrying my own shampoo n stuff for basketball.

Last but not least...the bowling alley is quite cheap! Can be crowded lah but its airconed, the balls are probabaly lighter coz there are kids on weekends who come to play..etc..

K overall verdict: The place is nice n the facilities make being there a very pleasant experience...but its too bloody far from the mrt! I have to walk fromt eh mrt, through the sch...out byt eh sidegate n walk some mroe to SPGG. Not to mention that it takes n hour to reach from my place. :/...Yet...I wudnt mind travelling there during the weekends. if Id know how to swim..it wud be more useful to me huh hahahahaha

As for the clubhouse at my place...Emmm will go there during the weekdays Hehehehe gym obviously..or if not..just to lepak abit Hahaha ps: lepak means to relax or chill

Yep...today was a nice day...went to see my aunt again n she seems more pale today. Everybody started to follow my "wear bright coloured clothes to cheer up" theory so my aunt n my mum wore red hahahaha

OhHHH btw! Fr those of you who really know me, ud know I can be quite blur..but Ud never realize that Id be blur enough to go to gleneagles hospital instead of NUH rite. I happily got off at orchard..walked towards wisma. only to realize that Im so blur n Im walking the wrong direction..so I turn around n walk towards Borders....walk walk walk..until I reach Tanglin Mall...ONLY to realize that Im walking towards Gleneagles Hospital instead of NUH..Which is (for thsoe who dont know) at Buona Vista!!! Wat only!!! I cant even believe myself man! Hahahahaha

K end here. You all take care...love you to bits! Yes! Everyone of you!

LOVE

cont from pervious entry...sorrie

K so heres the explanation to my injure..forgive me for being carried away w my godmas n pas...

I went to see my godma and as we were walking back to the mrt, I fell..slippery slippers (irony)..I fell on my right side n thus my right butt cheek is sore. (stop laughing)

Then we continued walking...but as I went downt he steps, I fell AGAIN! This time, My tail bone was almost injured n I cud have ended up paralysed...but I didnt...I lended okay but coz it was on the steps, when I leaned back as I fell, my spine hit the higher step..so I literally had the edge of the step...jammed into my spine...pretty cool huh (k bad joke) Soo yeah..thats why my back is painful now...theres no blue black but its just painful..I can feel a small swollen bit but its too small to feel like an obstruction if I sleep on my back tonight. As Sensei instructed and prewarned w a living example of his own( his toe) Ive got an ice pack on my back as I speak..emm i mean..type... The only reason why i feel it hurting now..is coz its blistered..the step had scrapped a small piece of my surface skin off... if not...it was my aikido pants n my rolling that did the trick... :) Other than which..I am fine n dandy... CHEERS! ..Aside fromt he small raw allergies I have between my fingers. *peace sign*

So heres a dandy day right here. rain or no rain...slippery slippers n all! Love you guys! Stay strong n I promise to meet up w u!

LOVE

A truly eventful day!...ouch!

K start w the latest stuff. Went to see my aunt n she's still alive..looks better n still doing her chemo but just thinking abt she..I get abit sad... She's gone quiet n depressed and I tried to crack some jokes n wear a bright yellow shirt to brighten things up. Hope I did....God please help her...

Went for aikido a an injured back n a sore right butt...(explanations later n pls..stop laughing) Cudnt doo alot of rolls coz of that. But I was in tears in class coz my fav sensei did a demo on me that was sooo bloody painful that I cudnt help but cry man! Not cry as in shout out...cry as in tears n a numb arm..btw..my hands cudnt stop shakking after that. It was soo numb that Iw udnt imagine what wud happen if he did it to a real asshole... emmm can break k. The sensei was so caring abt us that he asked if I liked high cholestrol food..coz I had the ole eye bags n it cud have resulted from high colestrol. It was sound advice n in a very fatherly way that I cant help but be touched n appreciative abt it actually. :) And..for the past few lessons, he's been saying to us that its a pity his son isnt here hahah His son is 28 if Im not wrong..westernized n stuff. And he keeps telling us abt him n saying that its a pity he wasnt here hahaha In fact, during my training yesterday, he and I were talking abt the little kid I was training w and decided to do abit of matchmaking for this 11yr old hahaha TThat is my mission..he reminded me abt it today hahah A very very nice man! His wife is a lucky woman :)

Talking abt fatherly stuff, got to catch up w a fwe frens n my godma today. :P had breakfast w some old frens I know during my sec sch years..and went to my godma's place for lunch (I guess) hahaha very very nice lady who took care of me n my clubmates in my poly years :P This very very nice lady..was soo nice thats he bought me a dress! A simple black dress! I cant help but be super astonished! Ive been soo touched byt eh pple around me!

From my godma, I got contact w an ex lecturer of mine :0 Mr Chin..absolutely nice man! Super father figure like sensei. I only know a handful of men whom I hold w soo much esteem! Im truly blessed!!!

In fact thinking abt it..I have alot of godmas n godpas n I know its time to show them my absoulte respect... Hmmmm I owe them tooo much!

Aikido!

When times is short..u have to do what u have to do..like going to aikido alone.

I was the only white belt who was doing grading. So Iw as seperated from allt he other white belts (who happened to all be kids)..to train w a more experienced person...another kid. Who has a yellow belt (in kids terms...the level above white? Anyway..its better than white)
So yah...trained w an 11 year old kid who was l;ethal in his moves! I almost did a full back roll just by his throwing me back. Hahahha motivated.

My sensei is a freally funny guy man! He was watching us train n I commented to him abt how good this kid was. My sensei agreed totally and asked me if I have a younger sis to intro to him! Sadly, I have no younger sis but I have younger neighbours hahaha So my sensei n I were teasing him abt it hahha The sensei pat my shoulder n said its a pity that his son wasnt here hahah the son is 28? Hahahah he even commented that SDU is single, depserate n ugly! hahah Wat a clown!

I told him my dad wudnt allow haha coz he's loads older n I suggested my boss instead hahahaha Told him abt my dad n how he thinks and commented, "shud get you to meet my dad!" Hahahahah

So yah..the lesson was fun! Chatty n cheerful sensei!
Stayed w some of the other people..for a drink n we chatted. :)

Anyway..tom is another hectic day. Thinking of my aunt...I start to see her fear that tom might not be a day she has the privilge she can enjoy... how lightly..do we take the days we have...
Im gonne visit her tom... Was smsing my ex the other day n one of the things i said was..."I can imagine my grandpa's usually jolly face...cringe into total sadness...if he knew...

love

Aikido....ala peanut butter sandwiches! Im home!

I wish i cud transport myself w magic..to home in a sec...then I wudnt have to walk.
DEAD tired man! No kidding!!! Sooo tired that i cant even straighten my back n I cant even walk straight...

Anyway..thanks guys for the concern abt my aunt..I wish I cud pray till she recovers...I will pray. My ex smsed be abt her as well and asked if she was my auntie who lives at tiong bahru..No she's not..If she was..id be flipping out now...Id be in major tears..coz that auntie is so dear to me that she's like my own mum... There are certina pple n my family whom I adore...just imagining them sick...can put me in a fit of tears (I am not over emotional) pple like my grandpa, grandmas, tiong bharu auntie, mum, dad, SISTER, maid(auntie fely), relatives in america..etc...
My ex said..that it brings him to wonder again..why pple that we love have to die n leave us...Quite honestly..I dont wanna know...him saying this...I just didnt wanna ask God why.

My boss was w me..I told her who smsed n she asked whether he read it on my blog. I told her that...knowing him too well..he doesnt read blogs..even if he did, he wudnt read mine. Which is why I can be soo absolutely candid abt stuff...Coz I know he wont read it. watever the case..we ended w a take care of urself n will do, thanks for the concern.

I value him as a fren...I do...but soemtimes I still wonder abt why God made things like this. What are God's promptings?

love

Emmm...MEN

Time n time again I hear stories of men who dont know how to keep themselves down...(put metaphorically or literally)

Heard of guys asking girls for one-night stands...heard of guys asking for sex partner...heard of guys two-timing intentoinally...etc etc...really man. I speak on behalf of the (sensible n smart) girls when I say this...we are not in a rush to see what u have...in fact..if you do show...you'd only succeed in getting a tight slap and (if I were there) a broken arm and no father's day. never felt so sure in my whole life. If you really need to, do it to urself. However you choose to do that is not of the women's concern.

As for my guy frens...trust me to be paranoid yah. Im worried that any of them wud be like that. By that i mean...flesh hungry, brainless creatures. Id prefer my frens as normal sensible men who know when to n when not to. Who respect women as they are...no violence involved until marriage. Call me narrow-minded yah but if ur not a woman, u wudnt know what how much that means. But then of course..if you were..you wudnt have to hear or read all this.
My bros are guys who know how to be gentlemen...who never force a girl to do what she doesnt want to do. Who not only have talents, but also a mass amnt of brains. My bros are funny n nice n fun to be with (call me biased). Only one thing to say...I love my bros like they were my own thumbis, abang cehchils n didis! or...a nehs, abangs and gorgors!
Any girls looking for partners? hahahahahaha nah my bros are capable of finding their own partners hahaha

Sooo in a nutshell..Men! Please try to change ur act. Women are not stupid. Women are alot smarter than you think... :)

LOVE

Audition!

Went for audition int eh evening. Rushed to school n having butterflies in my tummy coz I wasnt sure what Id be made to do and I knew I wasnt going to be able to act n dance like some others.

Thank heavens I knew some fo the SAA memebrs who gave me their support hahaha They cheered me on! I know they're biased hahaha so I had to think abt my own condition..instead of listening to them hahah But they were crazy hahaha Even one of them said w confidence, "why are you here? Why do you even need to audition? Pass!!!"

I had a great time just being able to catch up w the officers and some of my juniors! :) I know I miss sch!

I went in to sing and I was sooo nervous that my voice trembled....It was a major disaster!!!! Then Jimmy Yeh told me to sing another song...I told himt hat Iw asnt sure of the words and he said that I could hum it. So I sang..summertime....I sang it as convincing as I could and I think it worked! I might not be the lead I guess...not sure...But Jimmy said, "good! Very good! Very Good!" and another lady said, "thanks for coming to audition!!" while I myself was thanking them! It was soo fun to sing to his piano coz he suited me and I suited him! I was literally having fun! The piano took getting used to coz he was playing it there n then w chords n when he made a mistake, you'd get distracted as well. But.. :) I had fun! :P

Soooo I do hope this isnt the last...also hope I dun get a silly role. Yes my pride is ont eh line I guess....

Went to makan dinner w James (a lecturer) He's a really nice guy and did many of my compere recordings n performances. I feel like I cud tok to him abt my family n frens n work life..and I did. He, Ms Pearly, Ms Angel..and some more... I guess I can be very transparent at times...I never left much out when I speak to them coz I regard them as frens. In fact, James invited me to his church. Think I'll go n try ...not permanent but maybe just to join them. I wud never have been able to do alot of things if not for him :) I had to consult him in sooo many ways when it came to projs...Really blessed to have these group of frens (regardless of age) :P I owe james alot man! no kidding! Sooo yeah...Will try to do him proud. :)

Sooo here is the day..aside from work...Today was a great experience :P

LOVE

My auntie is dying...

...my aunt was diagnosed w bone cancer since i was in pri sch. For years she's fought it, time after time it came back...but now..its back w a vengence...she's got stomach cancer as well...

This morning..my mum told me that she could die any day...when she said that, her eyes were red...

The 1st thought was..okay...(amazingly enuff...i felt so desensitized? or distant) like it was nothing to tear or cry abt. but now...my legs are weak n my shoulders are slumped and my smile is gone...Im gonnabe losing an auntie...

I remember last last year...during a new year celebration at my auntie's place...my dad's side auntie (the one im most close w) was sooo drunk that she started to cry..all her built up inner frustration n thought of suicide were made known n she was cryingn crying n crying...everyone was comforting her but...it just wasnt working. My auntie kept on crying...I sat by her bed...and I started to cry...I cried coz Id never seen my auntie like that (she's normally the strongest n most level headed) To se her talk abt wanting to die.....broke my heart. I had to do something...so I left the room....I went tot he other room and called the one person whom I could cry to...my ex... sadly..I dont have that privilage anymore...

But this is how I feel...no energy watsoever...

Those of you who are reading this...please pray for my auntie...let her recover from the cancer. seems impossible..but nothing is impossible for God...Please pray for her...

love

Okay back to the weekend.

This is gonna be a bloody long entry coz my weekend was very long and action packed..so if ur gonna rush for class in 5mins..you might wanna wait till later to read k. If ur working...maybe ud wanna stop ehre for now.

Anyway, here goes. took a half day to do an event. Its a Deeparaya event and me knowing nothing abt Hari Raya n Deepavali, did abit of research before doing he event. God had it in his mind to make it rain n so there were lesser pple who attended. Maybe coz of this, my energy level n mood went down as well... he event wasnt as good as expected. I felt soo bad that I cudnt give my all to this event coz I wasnt as bilingual as other hosts. I cud manage a english, a fwe words of malay n a few words of tamil..i just felt soo bad. i walked home thinking to myself that I really had to do something abt my chinese. And also...to increase my knowledge of other languages like malay n tamil. mus learn if i wanna be a host...

The next day, I had round 2 of the event. But this time, i came even more prepared...I had prepared for each small break, a piece of something to say or do. If anything happened, id use those kill-timers. My fren (who was running the prog) was working sooo closely w me that things were quite smooth! No major cock up that made dead silence..so yeah

Anyway..byt he end of that day, I was happy n dancing like crazy, while trying to pull audience to dance as well. some were sporting enuff to try n I salute them man! The dancers, on my cue, tried to pull pple out as well. :) All was in good fun! hahaha

All in all, I enjoyed my saturday event better than fri. I had more energy. I even rapped for the audience after seeing the previous group rap. I wrote it...seconds before their performance ended n literally rapped a request for the audience to clap for them once again. We also had another performance by an african, mediteranian band and they were fantastic! The drums n all were fantastic! I once againt ried to pull pple in hahaha. when we were welcoming them back from the break, I got everyone to cheer w me, "vibe tribe! vibe tribe!" It worked and the performers were impressed! One of them, B, told me that this was the 1st time that people have ever chanted for them.

I know my performance today was alot better than fri..but like my fren said, the 1st one was stillt he best! hahahah

Now, I know alot of pple will recognize me...:/ a good n bad thing hahaha coz I might be rememebred for the wrong things hahah for dancing crazily? Hahaha for being the one who preaches abt racial harmony etc..the one who was bad in chinese and dropped in a few broken words of tamil n malay hahahaha

Byt he time I was over w these 2 days, I was super tired! Hands all sakit from the clapping and aching all over from the dancing. Thankfully, God preserved my voice. :)

Sunday came fast n I missed church. Went to my frens church for a cahnge and heard a msgt hat made me think abt the past..so I teared. Not cry or sob...mind you. Just teared. The pastor was talking abt how God lives in our hearts...not outside of our hearts...we dont need to look at signs from heaven to decide which stall to eat from etc. Veerything is from within. He said...follow the holy spirit's prompting. He described how someone consulted him abt whether to marry this guy who loves her but she doesnt love him. He said, "if you dont have the same feeling ,then dont do it!" If the person says, "God told me that you are the one for me" tell the person, "But God tell me...No leh!" it was soo funny that I was tearing hahah but when he said...follow God's promptings...I suddenly rememebred how I used to wonder what God'spromptings were....for my ex n I. Was hetelling us that we cant be together? or that we were supposed to be together but maybe not now..or not forever...Thats when I felt that long hidden n long suppressed pain.

Countless times, I rememebred thinking to myself abt how wrong my ex n I were together. we were of diff religions...our parents were anti-chinese n anti-indian..respectively (if you know wat i mean) and God has this verse int eh bible that stuck to me like glue ..that we shudnt marry pple who are non-christians (somewhere along those lines) Sooo..was thatt he sign that God wanted me to hear so depserately that It haunted me? Or was it the fact that my ex and I eflt soo right w each otehr that our parents disagreements were earth shattering? Emmm yeah..which was it that was God's sign? Hmmm Then it struck me...how do we know wat is God's sign nw ats Satan's sign? alot of things can be really vague. Thats the whole reason why we have debates! Coz alot fo things are int eh grey area zone. Jesus Christ never distanced himself from the ungodly..infact, he loved them! He died for them!...When the priests asid that it was wrong for Jesus Christ to be with ungodly, Jesus Christ disagreed! In fact, Jesus was there to change the ungodly...to godly. So wat was my role w my ex (i used to wonder) Was I the one who would change him to be someone who wud eventually turn to God n die n be allowed in heaven? Or was my being w him, going to cost me an everlasting life w God?

In these rare times..as everyone was tearing fromt he pastor's jokes, I was tearing from my own memories...my own frustration that I didnt know..n dont know what God has in mind for me. Why my ex n I had a relationship that was stronger than superman...yet...ended int he worst of ways. for those few seconds...i felt like my heart had opened a door...the small door that Id been struggling to lean against to stop watever was inside..from coming out. Thought Id succeeded really...I felt like..inside..I was opening my heart..that dark room to welcome God in to sit with me..and explain to me why. Why he made thigns like that and hear his comforting words that I wud soon end this sadness with a new stage of my life..etc...

The last time I felt like that, Iw as in my toilet...no I was not doing my big business...and yes everything came out smooth...in fact.. I was there purely coz I was feeling very down n I wanted to cry to God. I cried n slowly calmed down...as I stepped out of the toilet...I received an sms that my clubmate was unable to host the next day's event. She was asking if I cud do it. I told her to ask her co-host if I cud host w her. Not that her co-host was a big shot...just that the co-host was my ex. Int he toilet, I pleaded for a sign...a sign..any sign..of whether God wud ever let me get back w my ex...and there it was...my clubmate miraculously called me..at midnite....or even later. So tell me God..which was the sign? Or had you put me tot eh test all along...like how u let Satan test Job. Or how you brought the Jews into concentration camps and let them suffer...testing their faith or building their faiths. God's people will always be tested...

Soo while I promised myself that I wudnt tear for that service..I did...

LOVE

God...if I cud hear you speak now...If I cud sit you down with me to talk.

Inspired by Orange Street and by Creed, I decided to check the lyrics of my fav Creed song...My Sacrifice. Here it is...

Hello my friend we meet again
It’s been a while where should we begin…feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
I remember

When you are with meI’m free…I’m careless…I believe
Above all the others we’ll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

We’ve seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around in an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let’s find peace there

When you are with me
I’m free…I’m careless…I believe
Above all the others we’ll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

I just want to say hello again

...If there is one thing i cud ask the band...it wud be...what is the inspiration of that song...
I heard a story today that left me clinching my fist and gritting my teeth. if I were here, Id be sooo utterly sarcastic to the guy man!

As for another news...theres a happening int he family that saddens me...Sometimes it slips my mind because it just seems sooo unreal! But..it is real and...I can only pray...Maybe this wud be God's way of bringing me back to his side...in submission...that nothing can be controlled by men...only by God.

Will talk more abt the church service that got me tearing...past memories.

love

wwoohoooo!

Im so bowled over that Im not gonna write now. Gonna log it into my diary 1st..till next time

Sakit!!! Habis! Im gonna just flop on my bed n dudu

immm soooooo tireddddd...I....could....zzzzzz
*continued tomorrow*

I have to sing to the mountain top!!!

Im highly irritated...my dad just came in w half an orange n offered it to me. I said that I didnt want but instead of taking it away, he conveniently put it ON my hand! Not in it k. He just placed it on my closed hand and walked off! WTF! (excuse my french) Ive had this done to me toooo many times by him that it really ticks me off. A simple word, "no" is something I can never find in his dictionary. Or maybe its one of those forbidden words. Taboo! Pretend you didnt hear it!!...kind of thing. Since young boy!!! He can offer to cook a bowl of noodles or fry egg for me but when I say no...It's like its a "Yeah man! I want!" Id be forced to stomach a bowl of noodles that cud smell soo good but it soured by the blatant disregard for my opinion. Its not so much as asking me anymore isnnt it?
Its more of saying," im gonna cook you noodles. whether you like it or not"
BLLeecchhhh

I know im bweing a petty kid here but to me..its a way of establishing my power. If i dont do that...I will never be given the chance to stand up for wat I believe in and actually have him believe that I mean it! If I dont wanna eat, it literally means I dont want to eat. It doesnt mean I dont want to eat but if you make it, you'll have your way, I'll give in and I'll eat.

And there I realize that i got the stubborness and posessiveness of my space and my diehard clinching of pride...from these countless little movements against my dad... My eating habits can not be controlled by someoneelse...not ot mention allt he rest.

Anyway..i mayb sound liek a kid to you now..but if you were living for 22 years w someone who keeps thowing wat he thinks is right for you, without even regarding whether you like it or not..you'd understand me.

love

movie update! Hehehehe

k here are a list of movies I aim to watch!!! Feel free to join me or blan jah me haha

- Chicken Little
- Pride n Prejudice
- Chronicles of Narnia
- Harry Porter n Goble of Fire
- The Promise
- Wallace n Gromit
- Memoires of a Geisha (Jan 06)
- Da Vinci Code (May 06)

Wahahaha but too much rite? Thats why I say blanjah me! hahaha

Will write more soon.

Love

...

Im soo bloody tired! Im aching all over because of yesterday!

Went for a toastmasters session. Sorta just to try out and see if Im comfortable there.
This girl came up to me after that and asked if I wanted to be in a choir. Seems like a good thing! Coz then I can improve on my singing! :)

Also rebinded w an old acquaintance, Nathaniel. He was int eh same poly group as me and he was from and still is Toastmaster. So i met him againt here.

Anyway..been thinking alot about what i want to do next time. Its abt time i got that straightened out coz I need to know how to step out of SSO....sigh...

k my brain aint working...take care

LOVE

Awwwwww

Kicked in the ribs, stepped on the toes, twisted and flipped...awwwww

for the 1st time in a long time, im aching all over... :/ Getting abit blur w allt he moevments. I know what they mean but I cant seem to get them to flow... :( exam fail!!! (nah not yet)

Damn tired..but its only coz Ive been sleeping late. Next week is full-fledged aikido week so those of you who cant find me when u call, Im at aikido.

Anyway...tat wud also mean that I cant meet any of you anytime soon.

Today, before aikido, i bumped into a long time fren :) It sort of lifted my spirits coz I havnt seen him in ages and he's one of the bros I knew in comperes... Julian! :) Nice guy, bloody funny, boyish hahaha Sooo need to keep in touch w him and a bunch of my other old frens. :/ new month resolution!!!

love

wabawabawabawabawabawabawaba

k insane insane insane

what to say...my body n head keep telling me to take a break but i cant. Coz if I do, I wont stop. So Im writing everything I need to do down, so that I follow it and keep focused...if I dont, I'll forget waht I need to do and kill myself at the terrible outcome.

Dont ask me what Im saying coz I realy dont know yah.

Time has been very cruel to me. My days are all packed w Aikido and tuition and small nitty gritty stuff that its not funny anymore. The onlt time i really enjoyed myself was at the esplanade performances. BTW the next indian fusion performance is this fri to sun. The band is Orange Street. They;re from india and they've got a whole lot of hip hop and indian percussion, electric guitar etc. Im game for it and am starting to rally a group of frens for the performance. Most probably (if its good) will be staying for the 1st n 2nd session on sunday.
http://www.esplanade.com/SOPApp/espsop/portal_proxy?uri=SPZLCtNkTbYPEmCWu!=EQ_YM7or6RsmOKvd@5rq-E_iUX,lzcq.8pr-lIpKvvG=3,wz45xN56IyzcmwjRsJFM

Bloody long link but this webpage is a synopsis of the Organe Street performance.
Let me know if you wanna go via sms or email or just leave a comment. we'll all go together n have a great time!

K now, I need to go back to work and reorientate my life coz I fel like I want to go in all directions but I cant. :)

LOVE

Woohoooo! EXCELLENT!!!!

I just came back from a performace that got me goyanging till my kepala cud very well have dropped off! Hahahaha Im sooo glad I decided to go for the outdoor concert at Esplanade coz they had this band, Prana that my bro's ren (now my fren) Abi recommended.

Was sceptical at 1st but after watching it I was aesthetic!!! Esp tonights concert was better than yesterday night's! Im sooooo glad that iw ent back tonite! They had this song, funky indian that showed off their damn power percussion guys. Its when the tabla n mirdhanggam, and other percussion instruments do an indian argument. one instrument at a time, they answer and question each other. EXCELLENT! The beat was very good that it kept my head shaking man!
My jaw was open 90% ofthe time! Then from that percussion argument, the drummer decided to do the same argument verbally...I cant really describe it. For ex ur using ur mouth and making it sound like the tabla or mirdhangam and ur just doing it back n forth! It was soooo good!

The sitar player was soo skilled he played his sitar like an electric guitar! He even played a chinese song like a chinese erhu or soething! The actual main guitarist in the band is jamie wilson. He used to play w eagles n other known celebrities man! He did allt he jazzy bits that just made me close my eyes and sway to it! Throughout the whole performance, I cudnt keep my body still coz it was just sooo danceable n soo full of beat! Even a chinese old man got up n danced int eh middle of the theatre! He didnt have alot of shaking bottie skill but he danced anyway!

Afetr the performance, I went up and bowed at them man! I got jamie wilson's signature n stuff n shook hands w the rest of the guys. Left my email so thatw hen they're done w their website, I cud go n see. I am in awe!!!

Will let you guys hear the songs if and when i meet you. Tonight, I am fully indian!

LOVE

nag nag nag...ning the nagger...

im a nagger...barking up teh skin of my grens about wats right. like a mum...like a grandma...trying to tell everyone what i tot was rite...guess i only tot of it as being a sis...

emmm..just found out that one of my bros is smoking...seems like alot of my bros smoke...I cudnt help but feel dissappointed..or shocked. Like my bro said...my whole world crashed down. I cudnt help it...I tried to stop myself from saying anything...I tried to hold my tongue...but I cant.

3 of us walked along the road n he was talking to another bro fo mine abt how we have our own lives and the right to live it as we please. If we wanna die earlier, we shud be able to. Better to die young than die old...

Yeah what he said si rite! w ehave our own rights to live our lives as we please. But how abt those around us that love us or that we love? How wud they feel to see us suffer or even die? I rememebr the time i felt that...felt pain because i was causing someone pain by mistreating myself. How wud they feel?

Me being a sis...the person who loevs my bros n sistas sooo much that my heart wud burst if I saw any of them die younger than me. I dont want to live to 70 and go to a funeral once a month for my frens who pass away...it sounds extreme rite. But its true. by 70, the no of birthdays n weddings i attend can be added up and still not be as many as the funerals Id be need to attend. It wud be even heart breaking if I had to bury my own children for it.
So. I can accept any one who says its their lives n they can smoke if they want to. Coz once upon a time..i used to think that abt love...having full rights on ur life is close to impossible and if not...extremely hard to live. because no matter how u try to exclude pple out of it...u will still affect ur frens, family's or even acquainances hearts.

I can stand the thought of letting my bros take their lievs slowly..thats like telling me to kill my own bro. Thats like letting ur child slowly put his hand tot he flame and see his fingers get burnt and red n sore n cry..yet...not doing anythign abt it. You fail n u learn rite. But for alot...byt he time they realize what smoking has done, its too late. in fact the moment you start...even a week...you have done enuogh damage to ur body that will cause you alot of probs int eh later years. if you dont die young. you live ur last years w a sackful of probs that you wud rather have died. I fear to see my loved ones in hospitals 90% of the time..Id fear to see my loved ones w arthritis, eye prob, kidney prob, diebetes, pneumonia, cancer... How can i stand and let the ones i love slowly kill themselves? Extreme but true.

I thought abt alot of stuff ont he way home. How I wud never allow my children to smoke. How i wud never want my future spouse to smoke or drink heavily. Because id rather die 1stt hen see any of them die. if thats the case, i shud just take up smoking no right? and ensure i die bfore anyone of them. I thot abt how my ex never smoked or drunk..a rare thing nowadays. maybe the next guy that comes into my life wud be wise enuff to do that as well...

Anyway..im abit lethargic now..coz of this discovery...abit...tired. Mainly coz im close to giving up on convincing or persuading or nagging...i shud just let my frens choose the wayt hey want to die. And cherish them while they still live rite. :/ Im sorry. Im just not made that way. If i care, I care. If I dont...I dont. I wudnt bother abt any tom dick or harry who smokes...only those that I care for. And another thing...its not whether ur addicted or not. The point is..you have the chemicals in ur body and they are gonna kill you. its like how it doesn matter how you take poison..it is still poison n it will kill you.

I dont know who reads my blogs..i know some of my frens do...but maybe those that i refer to most of the time..dont read it. Which is sad..alot of things i just can tellt hem to their faces...coz i cant bring myself to. But i say it all here...

Bros...believe me that i still regard you as a bro n fren (even if you dont) and it really breaks my heart to see you guys hurt yourselves do it n imagine that I can only sit by and watch you walk right into a hole. in fact some of you merrily skip towards it n jump in. Smoking has made it so you have a piece of board or paper over the hole that says, "smoking causes heart prob" or rather in this context..."dont step on this" and you happily step on it. I love you guys coz you guys are wat make me realize who I am. You brighten up my day and care abt me when im down.

I had a great night today other than the discovery...had a wonderful performance by prana which was even better watching w frens. :) I value that...that bond... lost all motivation to talk abt it coz I can only come up w a one word description of it...great..

love

:) Just came back from heaven

I once again say that...music can NEVER be contained by international borders, language, cultural or geographical barriers...

It is an international language. You ask me what my fav band is 10 years ago, Id tell you Take That, Boys2Men, cranberries..etc But now, you have to ask me what my fav bands are in diff countries.
Chinese music: Wu Bai, Wu Yue Tian, Yu Cheng Ching, Zhang Zhen Yue, Dongli Huo Che..etc English music: any band that produces songs i like,
Indian music: A R Rahman, Nithin Sawhney, anything bhangra. Poetic Ammo
Israeli music:Idan Raichel, Misphat TACT, etc
Japanese: Takeshi Sorimachi, Aikawa Nanase, Do As Infinity, B'z
French: Manau
Cantonese: Tommy Cheung, Jackie Cheng, old songs,

Ask me abt fav actors, actresses and movies, the list will go on!

I jus had a wonderful evening w my bros at esplanade. Indian music to the core and I loved it! I feel in love w the tabla, the singing..etc the vocalist was a guy but he had the purest n smoothest of voices that was emphasized even more in Hindi songs! like Kalho na Kalho etc...If they had sung Vaseegara...I wud have died..but well..vaseegara is sung w a female vocalist. Told my bro that my future bf can not know any chinese songs..but as long as he can sing a hindi and tamil song well...Im in heaven hahaha Wohoooo! I never regret rushing down from tuition just to catch this performance! :) Tommorrow its Prana. A must see actually :P LOVE IT!

Incidently, the vocalist's name is Praveen hahaha The soulful melting voive.....my goodness I cud fall in love w it man!!! :) Come to think of it..bhangra can be good to dance...but indian soulful music is always the older songs where the authentic singing comes in.

LOVE

Aye! Be a man! Do the right thing!

As you can see, Ive watched Russell Peters and been bowled over w laughter that...I cant help but think abt it when Im w my frens.

Came back from meeting my SP student n Alumni director, Mr Liew. He's asked me to audition for a part int he SP Musical. Im abit sceptic on whether I can get in coz I cant dance and I cant act. Even if I cud sing..might not be applicable for musicals...sooo Im quite off all that enthusiasm.Yet..I will give it a try. Knowing the director and anthor SAA officer of mine eager to see me on stage. Anyone wanna teach me some moves?

It is true...the worst failure is to give up even before you try...

So I will try.

Meet my bro after work to pass him my invaluable collection of music.. :/ If he loses...ehmm..if you lose one of em, I'll kaifan you!

to be continued when Im awake..........

nothing to say...

Once again, I have nothing specific to say...just feel like writing.

At my aunt's place now...will be going back to my own home today...few things I plan to do is to clear my room....use photoshop, write songs..etc...

Fort he past week or so, Ive had soo many inspirations to write...feel like I wanna pen things down but ive never done it... :/ I think ive become abit afraid to pick up the pen...coz I feel as if....notihng that comes out of me is good....not now at least. My songs all seemt he same.

Been thinking of my ex abit these days...its quite weird really....but somethings never fail to remind me of him and so it does. No more tears k. Dont worry.Just sorta missing.
What breaks my heart most...is thatwe used to be best buddies. I used t want to tell him everything man...now..the things I can bring myself to tell, I cant. The things I can tell, I cant bring myself to tell. Our friendships has been laid dormant and almost extinct...for the pure reason that....I cant bring myself to face him and act like how we were when we were pals. Not now....Co it wud hurt too much. I dont know how jenny does it and I dont know how he does it but I cant. Coz I value everything too much. Maybe next time...Im just hoping that by then, our friendship wdnt be eroded byt ime to non-existence. Watever it is....if he sees this, I can only say, Im sorry for being this way...but please believe me that I realllyyyy realllyyyy do treasure our friendhip. I really do! I wish cud just go back 3 years ago and act like we were inseperable buddies...but I cant....I cant do that now. You can sayt hat it doesnt have to be this way. True..it doesnt....not for you.Coz you have the strength and past experieinces to carry yourself over theemotional barrier. For me, I have to fight through the motional barrier. Till I get to the other side, there is notihng I can do but to leave temporarily out of my life. I didnt forget the fun we had as buddies...but now, neither can I forget the memories we had as a couple....till I get past that emotional barrier. Take care bro...Sweetest sweet sister.

So thats abit or reminiscing for you....its a pity really.....I loved teh frenship we had....like how another bro of mine and I are now....1st on the buddy list hahahaha yeah. Im glad to have soo many buddies, so many sista n bruddas who are there for me and I only wish I cud be there for them even more. Feeling quite guilty sigh...I know it sounds crazy yah but i wonder how many pple wud attend my funeral hahahaha :P (k bad joke)

To my sistas n bruddas, I dont know why u guys wud think that im a sincere n caringperson yah...Coz I dont think I am one.Im sorry if ive neglected you or not spoken to you for soo long. I guess Im still in the process of finding my direction in life so ive lost sight of those around me.
Plus...my schedule is soo tight now that I cant meet you guys often. Sorry for that as well... if only I cud gather all of you together into one room and stretch my arms as far as I cant hug all of you att he same time hahahahaha

Watever it is....I LOVEYOU GUYS!!! :) hahaha the irony abt the pain of having a broken relationship, is it helps you to realize that everybodyelse around you also loves you as much. :)

LOVE

CLASSIC SILLY MOMENTS!!!

K I'll start with the least silly one. I was walking home from aikido class and my slipper gave way. Had to walk home w one foot shoeless :P

The next one is a major CLASSIC!!! hahahahahaha
Reached my auntie's house and got a call from my sis. She demands or rather pleads that I go home tom morning COZ....theres a lizard int he toaster.....*winks*...*scratch head*

Yes...blinking ur eyes anymore times will not change the words...there is a lizard inteh toaster.
There are 2 pple at home, my sis and my dad. Both of which deem lizards to be the most disgusting creatures on the planet. I cud threaten them w one and win! hahahahah

I can imagine both of them standing miles away fromt he toaster, frightened to bits and discussing abt how to get rid of it. Needless to say, MY name is the 1st to pop out of their mouths. Or rahter, my dad sabohed me.....He swore to my sis that I wud get rid of the darned thing!!! According to my sis, He said, "No! Ning is not scared of lizard! Ask her to get it out!" My sis did a triple or quadruple confirmation and he kept insisting that I can do it.... 0_o"....wth....

Soooo they want me to go home tomorrow..just to get ridof the lizard because they dont want ants to come n take over the corpse n the toaster. I tried to argue my way through...why didnt they just flipt he toaster upside down, over the rubbish bin? Well. the izard is quite stucked. Prob why it died there anyway huh. sigh..... hahahahhhaha I cant help but laugh!

Well there you have it ladies n gentlemen! My sis and dad! Might I strongly repeat, my sis was BEGGING!!!! PLEADING!!! Hahahahaha classic!

LOVE

Forgot to add sometihng...

Anyone got a copy of Anniyan? heheh Aye bro! You got or not? Can I borrow?? PPLLEEAASSEEE!!!
Naandree!

LOVE

The indian me...

Deepavali isnt complete without visiting. :) Went to one of my sista's house. U know....Im just amazed by indian's hospitality! My bro's relatives in JB were sooo big-hearted as to invite a GANG of us to their place for lunch.
My sista, invited me to visit their place as well and I can honestly say that I feel like family...I think one of these days...or maybe next year....I'll go ver and helpt hem w preparing Deepavali! Heheh so I dont feel sooo bloody guilty going there and eating their food. :P As my sista said, every year her mum makes the food, she gets little presents on her hands....I cringe to think of those presents and Id wish she'd stop getting presents like that yah... :( Wat a lovely lady! Because of this, I knew I had to eat more than I normally do (despite body fat count)...toshow her how much I apreciate her food esp her little presents...
Quite sad actually...coz...Im not that appreciative when it comes to my mum food ah. :P

Cudnt do much to dress up so just wore a set of bangles on each side and ate w my hands...The only way to enjoy indian food I might add hehehehe :) Im a regular indian girl! hahahahahaha
I bet my dad's frowning now. if not...boiling! Well lets face it...I can never change my face or race yah..nor my genes. I love my culture where it is good but my regard for this and other cultures including indian... is not staunch and indepth. I prefer to mix and match and fuse.

Talking abt indian...saw an indian movie today. Think its tamil...but not sure... Hehehe Its called Anniyan...
Tallks abt 3 people, Remo, Aaniyan, Ambi. Ambi is a Mr goody 2 shoes who is anti-procrastination, anti-unjustice, anti-mistakes. He has the purest of hearts that makes his tolerance level for such things...as low as niltch. Aaniyan, is a killer, punishes the bad, the procrastinating, the unjust, the evil, the bullies etc....for goodness no doubt...but lethal. Because of him..a series of horrible series of killings occur. Remo is a lover boy, loves the girl of Ambi's dreams. Pity for Ambi, he's too shy to express his love for Nandini (think thats her name)

As the killings progress, the cops get closer to the truth. To find that the 3 guys are one and the same...Ambi. The pure hearted and spiritual man all that..without knowing it....Multiple-Personality.

They find out when Nandini pays black money to arrange her marriage to Remo. Anniyan gets let loose and tries to kill her...A long and almost supernatural chase between him and the girl and an internal struggle between Anniyan, Remo and Ambi brings Nadrini to realize that they are all him. She brings him to a hypnotists/psychiatrist and its certified.

One good thing out of it, Nandini marries Ambi instead of Remo. Thus eliminating Remo from Ambi and Anniyan. But ...what about Anniyan?

Another side to this story and how Anniyan came about dates back to when Ambi was a kid. His beloved sister died because of negligence. A heavy rain, live eletricity wire on the street, puddles of water in potholes (ill-made roads) Electrocuted his sister. In the court, everyone fromthe repair man to the people who build the roads should be blamed...in short: Procrastination and negligence of the country, its inability to be responsibile of their quality of work..etc During the funeral..the grandma assured the crying Ambi that every crime has its punishments...even said in sanskrit...punishments of boiling in oil, slowdeath using insects, trampeld by animals etc..all crimes. All this formed the basis of Anniyan...to punish those who sin, according to the holy books...fueled by Ambi's urge to change the world, revenge for his sister, yet inability to do so because of his good naturedness and religious beliefs.

Wouldnt say its was a fantasticly good effects but I enjoyed it... Hmmm

http://www.rediff.com/movies/2005/jun/18anniyan.htm

:)

Another show wud be Vasool Raja M.B.B.S hehehe a comedy and yet full of meaning. But that review is for another day. :P *winks*

TC

LOVE

.........

Soo bloody bored...

Soo bloody bored...

Sooooo bloody bored...

Sooooo Blooooody Booored...

.....

Watched the new Charlie n the Choc factory already... cant watch the other movie coz theres not DVD player here. Cant watch Russell Peters coz no real player here...SNORT...BORED

Anyone free for lunch? Lets meet at Harbour Front in 30mins! Sighhh

I have this feeling I will never survive if I were made to stay home for a whole day. Even if I had nothing to do outside, it wud still be better than staying indoors. It'll drive me nuts! ...if it hasnt already... HELP!!!

Sooooo zippidy doo dah Zippity Yay my oh my wat a ............(fill int he blanks) day!

love

I feel violated.... Who's sick idea is this anyway!

k Continuation from my efforts to help my fren find another...fren...

Went tot eh website again and loh n behold...the website has a column for each member that says, "the people who have favourite listed you" ..ie: pple who have listed ur profile as one of their favourites.....
another column says, "the people who have sent a kiss to you (more PR-ly put, the people who have sent you a HELLO) BLLECCCHHHH
I checked....sems like they are one and the same...a 30plus year old man!!!!!!!! I feel violated sia!!! In fact when you click on the 2nd column, it gives you a list of those who KISSED you!!!!
WTH!!! SHIVERSS DOWN MY SPINE!!!

No offence to 30 plus guys okay..just that..Im not exactly keen on having them as...moret han frens...NOT TO MENTION THEM KISSING ME!!! WTF!!!!! (excuse my french) In fact..they should hit on women around their own age..not me!

Another column (less offensive one) "the people who have IM'd you" Whatever it means....I have an indian guy who IM'D me...He looks alot older..somewhat like a married man w a kid. Once again, shivers down my spine..... BRRRRRRR

The prob with these kind of things..is that you have no idea how they really look until you see them face to face. i admit, I did decide to make a few frens but thats all Im planning to have..frens...coz for now, I dont see how someone can simply go up to a person and say, "be my girlfriend" I'll tell himt o go fly kite. Not to mention the idiot in my previous entry who was looking for a Fing sex partner. (dont know who reads my blog but pls do excercise self censorship)

Soo...yeah...theres particular guy whom seems nice enough for my friend but I find it a bit weird as to how to get them to meet :P sigh.... Dont ask me why or how. I simply DO NOT know...

I just checkd my profile to see if its correct. No i did not state that I prefered indian n malay guys an dno I did not specify that I liked older man. SO WHY IS IT THEY KEEP GIVING ME THIS!!! Wahahahahahahahaha DO I have " I want a 20-30yr old Indian/ malay bf" on my head? ahahahahahahaha My goodness!!! what int he world! Is it soo bloody obvioust hat Im looking for an indian or malay guy? (which im not by the way) hahahahhaa

Let me state for the record that I will take what God gives me. Indian, malay, chinese, maori, Oompa Loompa, Wazzle Shnazzles...etc...so long as God is the one who says yes.
Sigh....

I doubtI'll be sleeping much tonight...for the simple reason that I still have goosebumps on my skin hahahaha

Before I stop, Id like to specify that Ive nothing against other races...I like them more than my own race at times...nor do I have anything against 30 yr old men or older...AND..Im not furious or angry abt this..just damn amused n surprised n shocked n disgusted...none of which will result in my throwing furniture across the room or throwing an tantrum. yet..I will not hold back my tongue if any of them asks for another repulsive request. :)

LOVE :)

What have I got myself into!!!!!

Bloody hell!!! Wat is wrong w me man!! What have I done?

Hahahah Hmm k I confess my sins! heres what I did. believe it or not. I can see pple smacking their heads going, "why lah sister!!"

Days back, I joined a dating service to help a fren of mine...find someone. PURELY FOR THAT PURPOSE!!!

Sent them a msg which turned out to be (after reading it another time) abit more for myself than for my fren... :(

Seems that pple have ben reading my profile as well. And so far..alot of malay guys :/ Not that Im racist...but..just not possible ...

Also got msgs int hat mailbox, from pple who say they're INTERESTED. Not to mention one who's keen tog et another sex partner... }:( WAATTTT!!!!!!!!

Im doomed man! Shit! I just replied saying, "in my next life. Happy Hari Raya"

WAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!

love