Even now

Had a catchup session with some ex students recently. I want to start by saying that Im thankful that some of my students have wanted to continue to have a friendship with me. And now more so than ever, I realize just how precious that is... it means that I did mak a good impact in their lives.

But as they were recounting to me stuff that had happened to them. Im again reminded of how even in an informal session like this, i have to be a student developer. Not because I miss my job, but because as these young ones continue to confide in me, i need to continue to be there as a mentor, role model, advisor. Thats is the most I can do for them.

I also realize that even after so many years of me being a student development officer, I still have a long way to go to being an reliable source of support. 

Me growing up in a time where tough love was the parenting style. No i never got caned, but i never had a loving home either. There werent many "i love you"s or "im proud of you"s going around. There wasnt much role modeling of how to be empathetic, there werent one to one talks about how to manage my emotions, how to decipher what my feelings were telling me.... I learned how to put emotions aside and just say" That's life. Man up" So it's so easy to revert to that when talking to the younger generation but times have changed and it's not right to use that school of thinking anymore, especially when it was never right to begin with. 

So in my conversation with these kids of mine, I realize how i had unknowingly dished out a seemingly "genderist" response to something that happened to one of them. Something along the lines of, 'its not the guy's fault but the girl's. And when these kids pointed this out to me, I gotta admit that I was surprised at how my response of "guys brains develop slower".... made it seem like what the guy had done was excusable and in this case, it CAN NOT be excusable. Me of all people.... What exactly was i thinking?

this incident and another 1-2 others (with other kids), is forcing me to wonder if i really am a good empathetic, level headed and objective person...Someone whom others can trust their vulnerability with...

I do know that one of what i have said ir dne was meant to belittle or hurt. Not intentionally..But it has left much regret. There is much more to learn on how to respond appropriately to sensitive topics/ situations... I don't think I'm there yet but I want to be...