it's hard...no seriously it's hard

Back in school and into my first week of productions as a production manager...it's hard.
Dont get me wrong, I will keep at it. I dont give up. But it's really hard for me...

In the past 2 days, Ive come home with a glazed look, hunchbacked, aching shoulders and honestly, in need of a drink. (not that i actually drink)

Im constantly worrying about forgetting something :/

Honestly, being a Christian/Child of God, I know I can do better than this. I know I have the physical strength and mental strength to go through trials..because my strength and wisdom and positivity comes from God. Just that as a human, it's so hard to not depend on my own strength and depend on Him...
And its precisely because in my own strength I keep failing..resulting in me being dissappointed in myself...

sigh...

Just feel the need to sit in church now and have some quiet time with Him...

God Bless

so many things happening in this world

So Im back in Sydney. It was great to catch up with old friends in Perth. Many of them have established families there. While for me, I'd still rather live in Singapore than in Australia. That said, I do wanna travel more in Australia.

Now that I'm back and in NIDA, realization of my production and it's complexities is setting in. It is a fun set and I would be glad to see it in its complete state but till then, Im scared...

Anyway, the realisation of me returning back to SG this year is becoming bigger. Only thing I will feel sad from leaving Sydney, is the people I've come to love, the festivals and road trips. other than taht, i really can't wait to get back to SG. I miss family and friends and more so than before, I have a stronger urge to bring my family together. Not just immediate family but extended.

Ive lists of things I wanna do when I get back. how I'd improve my room and the house, my extended family album, spending time with my niece and nephews and my cousins. etc

Need to also look at learning how to cycle, swim and maybe drive. especially if I want to drive during road trips...

Living alone has only showed me how much I dont know...

Aside from all these domestic thoughts, there so many things happening around the world like the Boston Marathon Bombing, North Korea threatening to bomb South Korea, Pakistani misuse of the Blasphemy islam law, Africa's constant battles..it all leads me to wonder if the end is near...

It also brings to mind that just because the aussie skies here are bright, blue, shining and warm, doesnt mean that Afghanistan isnt covered with dust clouds conjured by bomb blasts or that death looms on the doors of some pakistanis...or that somewhere in Africa, a dozen have not just died from Aids...

We live in such a baby blue glass bowl.... even if we dont have a big wall around us that stops us from seeing the outside..doesnt mean it isnt mentally or psychologically there...