Ruth Hoh...

Had my auntie's death anniversary memorial service today. She's not a war hero but she was very special to the church and so many of us didn't get a chance to say goodbye...

I was in SYD when she passed away. said my goodbyes to her through the phone without even knowing if she heard me.. a month later, after completing my production, sitting in an empty performance space, having restored everything back to standard, I cried with renewed tears...

Half a year later, meeting my club's piano instructor who was her student and having to tell her the news...I cried again....

And today, stepping into the hall, seeing all her friends, all of them telling me how much I look like her and sound like her and act like her...I struggled to hold back my tears...

Sitting behind and listening to what everybody had said, I held back as much as I could but tears streamed down my cheeks...yet at the back of my head, I hear her voice going "cry for what?" which is what she would have said if she was there and what she always said when I cried after getting scolded by her. Her scoldings made me stronger and because of those words, I never break down into a sobbing mess....the tears just flow down as I continue with my work just as I continued doing my homework under her tutelage.

She was always more to me than an auntie because everyone said I was soo much like her that she was my godma....

Listening to what everyone else had to say int he service, I knew that there was always more about her that I didn't know about and as the stories all unravelled, I became more and more proud of her as a person. She walked the unconventional, independent and free willed life.

Her friends in the church also spanned more than 80% of her lifetime. She had many primary school and secondary school friends who missed her and came and cried all over again...

Miss you Gugu....You have been such a role model to me...