And its amazing how simple a night it could be.
It basically involved being able to hold a really meaningful conversation with a close friend. A conversation that didnt really stop still the night ended.
Conversation after conversation..topic after topic.we went on and on.
Maybe i was the only one who felt like everything was just right though. If so..then..
It's was dream conversation that I would have loved to have with someone from dusk till dawn. Exhausting all topics of life yet never really finishing it. And not fearing that at our next conversation, we'd have nothing to say... Ive had such times with Sonal, Puneet and maybe..even Pravin.
That the conversations aren't about the superficial stuff. About what food one likes or music that one likes..but also viewpoints on deeper stuff.
That the conversations aren't about the superficial stuff. About what food one likes or music that one likes..but also viewpoints on deeper stuff.
I would have loved to have this conversation with the guy I loved. For us to sit down some place with a view and talk...in each other's arms... to talk and laugh and even in quietness, it feels like we had a conversation.
I had a dream yesterday night...that I and a really close friend got together. And the sweetness of that dream lingered on after I woke up.. It wasn't anything sexual..it just felt like there was a connection..a warmth..that friendships can't really bring... being able to be the real, not so strong me..without caring about being a "burden" to anyone.
And thats a terrible thing to imply..that I feel "unreal" in front of all ym other good friends etc...but its not because of them. But because of me..I feel the need to be strong all the time... to be the supporting arm of friends...
Anyway by this morning,I had the aftermath of these 2 experiences in me..and admittedly...it made me just that bit lonelier...
I can be strong and independent and watch shows on my own and make plans with friends, swim or run and have a good time..but somewhere in my heart, the little room that I had locked up long time ago...the sadness within it has transformed into a sadness from something-else...its no longer about losing Pravin..its about not having someone....
Wonder who it will be....always felt that Iw as someone who needed the guy to be my best friend before things get any further... someone i can trust entirely...
I guess at times I wonder if its too much to ask... maybe it is...
God bless
I had a dream yesterday night...that I and a really close friend got together. And the sweetness of that dream lingered on after I woke up.. It wasn't anything sexual..it just felt like there was a connection..a warmth..that friendships can't really bring... being able to be the real, not so strong me..without caring about being a "burden" to anyone.
And thats a terrible thing to imply..that I feel "unreal" in front of all ym other good friends etc...but its not because of them. But because of me..I feel the need to be strong all the time... to be the supporting arm of friends...
Anyway by this morning,I had the aftermath of these 2 experiences in me..and admittedly...it made me just that bit lonelier...
I can be strong and independent and watch shows on my own and make plans with friends, swim or run and have a good time..but somewhere in my heart, the little room that I had locked up long time ago...the sadness within it has transformed into a sadness from something-else...its no longer about losing Pravin..its about not having someone....
Wonder who it will be....always felt that Iw as someone who needed the guy to be my best friend before things get any further... someone i can trust entirely...
I guess at times I wonder if its too much to ask... maybe it is...
God bless
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