emo

in my dreams last night, I dreamt I was back in school and while walking to class, my bestest best bro walked by and all i could do was give him an akward smile... not because of the time rush. heck if i wanted to, id have walked over to him and spent a good amount of time with him! Its my dream!

But anyway, i woke up...feeling abit sad. somehow this bit of the dream stuck to me...

Maybe its te christmas season and Im having my first (as my friends would call it) Orphan Christmas. and as such, im reminded about what I dnt have in my life...my bestest best bro/friend.

Too long a story to tell...most of it doesnt hurt anymore. what does hurt is how from being best of friends..even siblings, Ive lost even the smallest possible contact...

to my bestest best bro

You know...what hurts more now isnt the possible love lost..its the friendship lost..

I feel like ive tried to redeem the friendship but maybe its something i did wrong that garnered no response. And the continuous no responses made me stop trying..for fear that ive overtired...for frustration..

The person I knew too well...I dont know anymore because I dont know what to do and not to do anymore...it is not familiar anymore..

While i know I have other brothers who will be there for me... the brother whom i could relate to the most, I lost....my brother, my best friend...

So yes I cry. Now while I am still sad about this loss, I have to hold my tongue...because it now feels like Im talking to a complete stranger...

God Bless