Its been a long time...

Woke up at 8am today. Damn the body clock!
Finally get to rest a day and Im lost for stuff to do!

Went to Chinatown to get some canto movies and a chinese book to read.
I liked mandarin and cantonese its just that I wasnt fluent in them because i dont speak it enough. And i dont read mandarin stuff. Now I will try..

Anyway I fell like I may have offended Silma and I hope not but I feel bad...

In fact, I really feel like Im changing..my temperament has changed.
I feel like I've become more impatient...I also feel like I've become more snide...
It makes me wonder if this education or living alone has made me this way.

Especially when I go back to SG, Ive had to ration my time and Im sure many would say that I dont need to meet everyone..just the more impt ones. I guess the "important" is the key word.
To me, i feel like there are alot of people that I care for...and enjoy being with..
Because of that..I never have enough time for all and trying to ration out my time means I never feel like theres enough and I rush from one to another...

And this lack of time has sometimes made me easily irritated when I get stood up or when people come late etc. Or when something makes me change my plans...

It made me question how much I mean or meant to them. It made me relook at my friendship with them...

I guess I had that coming..seeing as how I have lost some of my best friends to negligence...

It irritates me that I can be so easily irritated! And how my remarks can change to sarcasm or be snide so easily... I feel like its a me that I dont want...

I also feel like Im being more self-centred...casting alot of "I..." comments.

Almost makes me wanna shut myself up!

I might slowly become a bitch! :(

It leads me to think about why Ive become so self centred..do I feel the need to constantly say I?
To keep talking about how I feel? If I do where does it come from?
Do I feel like I havnt been heard? Do i feel like I don't have anyone to talk too and hence when I do get a chance, I immediately express MY opinion?
If so, is it because Im mostly alone? And dont socialise much?

If so...then other people I know whom have this same problem or who dont get the chance to socialize too...is that why they are how they are?

Reminds me of my parents as well. They dont speak to each other and to others.

While chatting with my sis, Ive come to a conclusion that I do need to help my parents become better selves. They have sacrificed enough for my sis and I and need their own lives and because they have lived too long with the identitiy of a parent, they dont see themselves as anything other than that. Not even as themselves.

My gut feel is that like someone who has just come out from a relationship and needs time to regain their own identity, they need to gain their own identity too..

God Bless