the little weakness...

Last night was one of the best nights I had.

And its amazing how simple a night it could be. 

It basically involved being able to hold a really meaningful conversation with a close friend. A conversation that didnt really stop still the night ended.

Conversation after conversation..topic after topic.we went on and on. 

Maybe i was the only one who felt like everything was just right though. If so..then..

It's was dream conversation that I would have loved to have with someone from dusk till dawn. Exhausting all topics of life yet never really finishing it. And not fearing that at our next conversation, we'd have nothing to say... Ive had such times with Sonal, Puneet and maybe..even Pravin.
That the conversations aren't about the superficial stuff. About what food one likes or music that one likes..but also viewpoints on deeper stuff.

I would have loved to have this conversation with the guy I loved. For us to sit down some place with a view and talk...in each other's arms... to talk and laugh and even in quietness, it feels like we had a conversation.

I had a dream yesterday night...that I and a really close friend got together. And the sweetness of that dream lingered on after I woke up.. It wasn't anything sexual..it just felt like there was a connection..a warmth..that friendships can't really bring... being able to be the real, not so strong me..without caring about being a "burden" to anyone.
And thats a terrible thing to imply..that I feel "unreal" in front of all ym other good friends etc...but its not because of them. But because of me..I feel the need to be strong all the time... to be the supporting arm of friends...

Anyway by this morning,I had the aftermath of these 2 experiences in me..and admittedly...it made me just that bit lonelier...
I can be strong and independent and watch shows on my own and make plans with friends, swim or run and have a good time..but somewhere in my heart, the little room that I had locked up long time ago...the sadness within it has transformed into a sadness from something-else...its no longer about losing Pravin..its about not having someone....

Wonder who it will be....always felt that Iw as someone who needed the guy to be my best friend before things get any further... someone i can trust entirely...

I guess at times I wonder if its too much to ask... maybe it is...

God bless

Okay maybe abit too much to chew...

So here's the lowdown on whats been happening... all within aug & sept
1) Georgetown Festival
2) Mt Rinjani
3) Netball competition....
4) zumba, bollywood dance and hosting in an event
5) band competition entry

and in that mix, got a bunch of poeple that ive promised to meet and hang with...
1) my batch of comperes
2) trip to JB with farmily

Atop of other things that I wanna do..

These half of the year is gonna be crazzzzyyyyyyy... but hopefully I can look back at it and say that alot of good stuff was done. :D Woosh!!! ganbatte!

God BLess

Best gathering in a loonnggg while

Had dinner w Julian, my comperes clubmate from long time ago.

We talked about so many things. comperes, the things we went through in the past few years and laughed at so many things.

Aside from hanging with Cal and the rest, its been such a long time since I had so many laughs and tears at one go!

It reminded me of the camaraderie that we had in comperes..

This particular friend of mine sank into his own world whilst in poly and amazingly enough, whilst came to realise that we never hung out with him much, I still had the fondest memories of the friendship with him. And we didn't stop talking till he dropped me off at my place. :) 

The similarity of our experiences in the past 10 odd years, have also been pretty similar. I guess thats how it is with people who went overseas to study. Especially since we both went to different parts of Australia. we both realise just how frail/fragile relationships can be...

Also we both learnt how to cycle and swim at the later parts of our lives. haha And it is true..those who learn it later, value and appreciate have mastered it differently. The determination to learn it, is different.

Just all these little nuggets of similarities that made our conversation a lot more hilarious.

I even filled him in on the recent comperes history and the silly things thats happened.

In the past 10+ years, we have changed. All of us. no longer the happy go lucky, giggly youth that we were. We are more emotionally contained...and cautious at showing out silly sides.

Im just glad that we had such a good string of conversations. Thankfully it didn't turn out awkward...

Some people in our life, somehow leave such a big impression on our lives that we can meet them after such a long while and still talk like nothing has changed and time had not washed off some of that glimmer in the friendship.

Thank God for those... :)

God Bless

The good men suffer...

So recently, I met up with an old friend. One of my brothers in Comperes. At that moment where we knew each other, we were (in my opinion) such a close bunch of people. :) We were like a family of crazy ass people.

Then people started moving away..we were busy with our studies, work and family etc. some of us went overseas..

Now that most of us are back, meeting up with this friend was like meeting a new friend all over again...

I learnt quickly that he had his share of dark years... the kind of dark years that nobody should ever have. Yet 4 of my closest guy friends (including him) have had this same dark experience...

The girls that these 4 guys had, have in a way or another screwed these men up that they have become quiet and (whether they believe it or not) scared... and these guys are the nicest guys I've known. Mature, wise, full of fun :/

My 4 friends have become people who wont pin hopes on long lasting relationships...lost hope for love...Now, they distance themselves from love.....when they would make the best boyfriends to any lucky girl...
Why did something have to happen to the 4 nicest guys I know....
Girls, what were you thinking?!?! Why did you not treasure the 4 most amazing and stable guys?
Now you've gone and broken them... Thanks alot for nothing...
Thankfully they are mature enough to not turn 180 degrees and become playboys...

As for me, maybe one day I will find my own.....and hopefully he will be someone like any of these 4.

God Bless

Ups and downs

So these few days, I had bit too much anger in me. Stuff happened in school that made me want to shout at some students and I had all these strong punchlines to deliver...

When i finally got down to doing it, I didn't shout or scream. But i felt more disappointment than anything... But after hearing them speak, I felt bit of hope. And I dont think anyone can blame me for still being sceptical about how much they can change or achieve..because seriously..after being disappointed for so long...

Anyway, Im relieved that my club is on the road to recovering. lets hope that they can stick to that path... if they do, then they are on the verge of improving. And i will finally see them in the golden age.

On other news, Ive become fitter now. been doing lots more physical fitness so slowly toning up and losing just that annoying bit of weight. bit more zumba, stair climbing, swimming etc. I can do this shit!!! Gotta thank the colleagues and Saad for the support hahaha Oh rock climbing too!

I've recently also made new friends. 2 chinese sound guys who have been helping at our school events. No they are not from china. They are just normal singaporean guys who talk a lot of nonsense and basically have fun. Think they sensed that I wasn't too happy and invited me down to have some dessert.

Also recently reunited with an old poly friend. Julian. Amazing indian guy who never grows old! still looks like how he was but w a goatee hahahaha

And recently, I finally learnt how to cycle!!! WWWOoooooo! FINALLY!!!
Did 1 lap of East Coast from start to end. Was good even though I was soon ready to swear at pedestrians. LOL

So in essence, life is good! Life goals and achievements are being ticked off :)

GodBless