it's hard...no seriously it's hard

Back in school and into my first week of productions as a production manager...it's hard.
Dont get me wrong, I will keep at it. I dont give up. But it's really hard for me...

In the past 2 days, Ive come home with a glazed look, hunchbacked, aching shoulders and honestly, in need of a drink. (not that i actually drink)

Im constantly worrying about forgetting something :/

Honestly, being a Christian/Child of God, I know I can do better than this. I know I have the physical strength and mental strength to go through trials..because my strength and wisdom and positivity comes from God. Just that as a human, it's so hard to not depend on my own strength and depend on Him...
And its precisely because in my own strength I keep failing..resulting in me being dissappointed in myself...

sigh...

Just feel the need to sit in church now and have some quiet time with Him...

God Bless

so many things happening in this world

So Im back in Sydney. It was great to catch up with old friends in Perth. Many of them have established families there. While for me, I'd still rather live in Singapore than in Australia. That said, I do wanna travel more in Australia.

Now that I'm back and in NIDA, realization of my production and it's complexities is setting in. It is a fun set and I would be glad to see it in its complete state but till then, Im scared...

Anyway, the realisation of me returning back to SG this year is becoming bigger. Only thing I will feel sad from leaving Sydney, is the people I've come to love, the festivals and road trips. other than taht, i really can't wait to get back to SG. I miss family and friends and more so than before, I have a stronger urge to bring my family together. Not just immediate family but extended.

Ive lists of things I wanna do when I get back. how I'd improve my room and the house, my extended family album, spending time with my niece and nephews and my cousins. etc

Need to also look at learning how to cycle, swim and maybe drive. especially if I want to drive during road trips...

Living alone has only showed me how much I dont know...

Aside from all these domestic thoughts, there so many things happening around the world like the Boston Marathon Bombing, North Korea threatening to bomb South Korea, Pakistani misuse of the Blasphemy islam law, Africa's constant battles..it all leads me to wonder if the end is near...

It also brings to mind that just because the aussie skies here are bright, blue, shining and warm, doesnt mean that Afghanistan isnt covered with dust clouds conjured by bomb blasts or that death looms on the doors of some pakistanis...or that somewhere in Africa, a dozen have not just died from Aids...

We live in such a baby blue glass bowl.... even if we dont have a big wall around us that stops us from seeing the outside..doesnt mean it isnt mentally or psychologically there...

days of rest

So since being back Ive been itching for meet ups.

Been getting to know people who have been pretty cheeky with me. Guys in fact.
So I've got my guard up against these guys..hmmm
I feel like ive been honest and made it clear that being cheeky with me doesnt really work. *shrugs* some guys just function that way.

Had a really interesting chat with one of them. About looking serious and smiling.
Despite how everything is, it's always good to smile and sound cheerful and positive.

Ive booked my tixs to Perth. Owe many people the trip and so it shall be done. its for a short few days but enough to meet up with everyone.
After all it's not like I will get the same chance to do that once I get back to SG.

Cleaning up my room today...freeing myself from paper hell and hopefully in doing so, minimising the amount of stuff I need to bring back to SG. Gonna scan most of it I guess...

Yes I am thinking ahead. Its only freaking march and Im already thinking about November. Can't help it when people are asking when i will be back.

God Bless

Adelaide to Sydney

Just writing down the experiences ive had in the past 2 months

Starting with all the 1st times
- sleeping in a backpackers lodge
- going to a place entirely alone (no distant relatives and no family and friends accompanying me)
- doing womadelaide
- homestay in a wonderful house
- roadtrip from adelaide to sydney
- driving a golf buggy
- seeing the sunrise in an unfamilar country
- living in a car and campervan
- seeing a dead wombat
- watched animal farm

I feel like I might have grown up abit more during this trip.. maybe understood myself alot more.
In fact throughout this secondment, I have grown up a fair bit...

Missing Singapore now. Every time someone from Singapore comes to visit, I will need a day after to get myself back into Sydney mood.

Gotta wait for a good internet source to upload my pictures. :) it will be fab! But not as good as my friends camera I guess...DSLR... my little camera is dying..plans to save up for a new camera is in place.

had a long watsapp chat with Sonal today..miss her because she would have been the person Id get home to and have long chats with. She's definitely a sister from another Motherland. Had to update her abt all the interesting things that have happened in my life.
- pakistani and nepalese security guards chatting me up during Syd fest
- thai guy from the cleaning service wanting to be more than friends
- bar manager jokingly asking me to sleep w him. LOL!
- my friend experiencing a full porn show in teh backpackers place
- a friends allergic reaction to bed bugs
- endless roads with black skies and wildlife by the road

I know the moment I do up a list, my brain will get back into perspective but a part of me doesnt want to...

the past 2 months have felt like a dream...
dreams that I only have a written record (this) and pictures to prove that it all happened.

God Bless

Adelaide to Melbourne

In lieu of my friend coming to Adelaide for holiday and me promising to accompany him from there to Melbourne and then to Sydney, we hired a vehicle to do so. Dropping by at the Great Ocean Road.

The journey has been fun, full of wonderful scenery, silly foolish moments of sleeping in the cold car, night driving to watch sunsets and the race against time to see family and friends in Melbourne.

Admitedly, from this trip, I discover more about myself. The similarities between Mum and I. Not that I never knew where she was coming from but that I realize that if I was put in the same situation, I would react teh same way. Anal retentive, always worried about rushing against time, always thinking beforehand about what others would need and getting easily irritated.

Maybe its the need to have control...

Albeit, if i was 1 of a group and I didnt have to worry about others, i would be alot more chilled. But in this case, I felt like I had a responsibility to look after my friend. And i find myself getting easily irritated.

Im not blaming him. Its as much a challange for me to control my temper and find out the roots of my feelings as well as it is for h to constant be ehind hte wheel and get us across the states.

While I know I may not be a happy camper to chase after him and make sure he's okay, I realize that I do because e needs to concentrate on the wheel...And while we are rushing against time, I need to relax that rule because we cant afford the driver to be tired behind the wheel.

Which brings me to the thought that I wish I knew how to drive...

Ive bcome the mum of the trip.

I guess hte moral of the story is that if I go on a trip with another person, its either that we both do things the same way and have the same mindset or I dont travel with a single person but in a bigger group...

On our way to sydney now....

God Bless