Bye...

My auntie passed away yesterday...

Got the news during lunch time and I thought I could hold my tears..until I saw that my last facebook status, "the biggest failure in life is not being able to say "i love you" face to face to those you love, especially family members... She liked the facebook status that morning...
It may seem like a trivial thing but her liking that comment broke me down like a ton of bricks....

Some of you dont understand that my family has a knack for holding grudges and not expressing their love and appreciation outrightly. Saying " I Love You" almost seems like something we say when we have to say goodbye.... That should never be the case.

Thanks Gu for being my auntie, my strict tutor, my Godma (The one I looked the most alike), my gentle reproofing voice that I actually heeded when both my parents couldnt get to me, thanks for being the one who brought classical music into my life even though I never learnt piano from you. Even now, hearing the piano playing classical music gives me peace.... Thanks for looking after Mama even though you werent very comfortable with it, thanks for keeping the family together or even continually trying... Thanks for being the "mum" us cousins always had..even though you never had your own kids...You looked after every single one of us cousins. Thanks for being you...

I will always remember you and your strength... I Love You...

Revelation

Only recently did I realize just how important it is to have a partner of the same faith and of the same ideology of the faith. Especially for a faith like mine and my beliefs in the powers that we as Children of God have or should have.

In a situation where I do need someone to talk to about this and yet not have someone to do it with....it's building up in me. In fact, other than Jesus, there is no one else I can talk to now...

In fact alot of those I know would call me idealistic, unrealistic, blinded..too into the Jesus thing...
And everythingelse at this point, pales in comparison... Truly it is times like that that make me feel like I truly do not belong to this world...and that what I truly wanna do right now is read my bible and figure out exactly how a Child of God is meant to live and conquer the world.

Even other Christians would beg to differ on some views I have...

I believe my God is the one true God. I believe that He is the Creator of everything. I believe he has a Son, Jesus, who came down to be a human, to live our lives, show us what Our Father God is like by acting and doing everything His Father says. He is a living example of our God.
I believe that Jesus died for our sins, conquered the cross and death and rose again.
In doing so, He made us clean by switching his righteousness with our sins.

In cleaning us of our sins, we are no longer under Satan's jurisdiction anymore. Because all our crimes have been put on Jesus. Satan is barking up the wrong tree as far as we are concerned.
But he does it anyway because he wants us to believe that we deserve our punishment.

Now that Jesus lives by our Father God's side, the Holy Spirit is in us. The Holy Spirit teaches us about everything, about God and His love for us and about us as Children of God. With a piece of God in us, all the more Satan cant touch us! he sure cant be in us because you cant have good and bad in you at the same time.

If Jesus lived the example of His Father and healed everybody who came to Him and God never changes...then 2000 years later, what would be the reason that miracles dont happen?
God hasnt changed, Jesus still lives, Satan has no hold on us because the Holy Spirit is in us.
if anything at all that has changed, is that Jesus isnt bound by space anymore. He is in every Child of God. God still wants to heal and like before, he never asked people if they have sinned before they were healed...

Holding on to faith

It truly is hard...

I cant imagine how those of that age could hold so fast onto what they heard and believe in miracles and healing..to the point that they would travel the distance to seek Jesus out.

And knowing that it would have been impossible to know where Jesus and the disciples were and when, it would most probably have been a common issue to have reached a place and realized that they just left yesterday morning...

Maybe for alot of them, seeking Jesus for his healing would have been the last resort? because all other medications or methods didnt help? Or somehow, some of them heard so much that they had a GUT feeling that Jesus was the answer.

And when I say "was" I should be saying.. "is"

For a world that has the internet and TV footage, youtube, etc..yet our world has so little faith and so much scepticism on miracles.

Yet so many of us are still desperate for "healing" or the "answer" to our problems...

Why cant we believe?

My faith in God is small like a mustard seed. And these few days, my inner self battles against the common world saying miracles dont happen... But in my I know God doesnt change.

And given the comment, "you should be more realistic" My common self may have the tendency to want to agree but...what is reality?

Isnt reality what we know to be real? Isnt it then a relative term? defined by popularity?

What is real? Is it what can be proven? Then how are miracles not reality? If they do happen?

If time was any less long or short..would that make a miracle less probable?

What is truth and what is fact. Isnt even fact a relative thing due to popular belief? Until proven wrong?

Wasnt it a fact long ago that the world was flat?

I believe my God, my Heavenly Father. I believe Jesus Christ took my sins away via His death and Resurrection.

While I cant explain it in words and while my mind may choose to wonder and go "what if' "what if", I choose to stand strong and repeat my belief because that is my last choice.

GOd Bless

BIG ASS CURVE BALL

So while managing the production, got a curve ball and i have 1 less week to get the show up.

Its a drastic change and that got me abit stressed and just abit too vocal about it..

Thanks to classmates, destressed with chinese food and yoghurberry. Cheered me up a lot.

Lastly had a bad dream last night...dreamt that my grandma passed away.

Dreamt that we went shopping somewhere and suddenly we were at a church and before i know it, she was down on the floor and i had to shove through crowds to get to her. Cried in my sleep....

Bad night...

Hope this day will unfold peacefully and productively...

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

God Bless