setting goals again

This week, I pat myself on the back for being able to swim. Remembering that just last year, I embarked on my goal to take lessons and learn how to swim. Albeit I'm no where near getting the butterfly..but Ive got the freestyle and breast stroke. No Im not perfect with them.

This year, I need to set new learning goals.

Cycling and playing the guitar...

Yes..I cant cycle. The same response when I told people that I cant swim...

So I do want to learn how to cycle this year.

As for learning the guitar, I've had my guitar for years and since JC times, I've never really touched it.. need to do so now... again..

Its time...

God Bless

sick, party, reality check

Been sick the past few days. All started with a sore throat that grew into a monster of a fever, headache and running nose etc. That coupled by some smelly nonsense in school and that made my thursday quite shit. I took leave on friday...

But saturday was like a dream... us sistas heading to a yacht for a sista's birthday, playing music that pleased the crowd and decking up the place with simple buntings.. Feeling the wind in my face as we ride the waves... and thought back on when it was that Id last sat a boat like that... realising that it was my ex who put us on a bumboat ride around the Singapore river hahahaha because he had no money to out us on a yacht or cruise ship hahaha. Dont worry Im not being emotional. Its all past now.
In fact, if anything at all, Im happy that I managed to enjoy this yachting experience with my sistas! And that the birthday girl is happy with the surprise.

Im thankful that I was healthy enough to go and help despite knowing that i was perspiring abit more than usual just hanging buntings and that I wasn't in my most alert of minds..One of those out of body experiences..

I proved that i was an indian by my song selections. It would have made Sonal and Puneet proud too.
All the hindi songs and bhangra etc

We had the best time last night. :)

Then as I lay down on my bed last night... I realised that Im so glad I have this bunch of friends...none of them are chinese actually...my best friends are mostly Indian. My farmily is chinese yes but more western... and like Puneet said, I was one in a million. My character is so unique that I'm the centrespace between the cultures that actually appreciates the best of all the worlds.
Thats me...and Maybe being one in a million isn't that good a thing anymore...coz its a lot harder to find the other one in million...adding on to the small probability that the next one would be a chinese male.

So as I lay in my bed...i realised that maybe...just maybe..I will be alone in this world. surrounded by amazing friends and family etc. But maybe...this world hasn't made enough oddballs like me.

All I know is that I dot wanna lose my friends...ideally, I want someone who can assimilate into all my groups of friends..especially the ones dearest to me. Coz they are family...

Its going down...

So I'm sensing that a conversation that I've been having with a close friend is finally coming to a slow random rate. Unlike the daily exchange we used to have.
I know its not the end of a friendship but I guess maybe I have no confidence that this friendship might last as long or as strong as I want it to. Nor would it be healthy to have daily conversations with a friend. Not this friend at least.
Of course, I say this emotionally. The rationale me knows that my normal friends and I dnt even chat that much so for this conversation to taper down to a slow speed, would be akin to just slowing down to a walking pace. Walking is what I normally do.
Maybe its that the conversation has brought about a subconscious developing of a habit. And now that it is tapering down, it means this habit that I've unknowingly developed will now have to be unlearnt. *shrugs*
That sucks..hmmm

God Bless

pretty clear now...

Recently, reestablished contact with my ex. I guess i never really lost contact with him...I just never really "spoke" to him. Speaking and talking is slightly different to me. Like hearing vs listening...
Anyway, I sent the first email and we started a conversation. By the end of it, I came to a realisation that maybe both of us may never be more than "just a friend"
I probably got it wrong..but after my conversation with him, it brought to mind the same topic that my friend and I were talking about recently.."Alone protects me"
I feel like the person I knew no longer exists in its entirety...only a shell left...
Of course I probably say this because I would be the last person he confides in...maybe...and vice versa.
times have changed...
But i felt sad..not because of the person I lost...but because (if it is true) of whats left of the person.

Maybe I am wrong and I hope so..because..it would be a pity to lose such a wonderful person.
Not the outer sociable shell... but the one inside...

Whilst clearing my room, I came across the old postcards he wrote to me...the loving words he used to write. I think I miss having those words written/said to me... or maybe even the heart of the person who wrote it...but not him.

The past gatherings seeing him interact with others and his emails, really made my heart settle... as the final confirmation...that this person is no longer the person i loved... RIP B.

of course to me, that is a good thing. :)

As for him, he will be to me as a friend from long ago. :)

God Bless

Protection...

Had a very close friend who spoke about being alone as a protection...
Protection from what?

Protection from breaking hearts? from falling? from insecurity? from the lose of control? from lose of clear thought? from uncontrollable feelings? from incessive thoughts? from happiness without a cause? from incessive smilling? from laughs? from really long deep conversations? from having someone aside from yourself understanding and caring for you? from silent hours of conversations? of throwing your cares to the wind.

or all of the above?

why are we so scared?