Gong Gong

Thought of my grandfather today during rehearsals and felt like tearing.
Not gonna be able to visit him when I get back this time round. Wanna visit him... visit mama and visit Ma ma.

We spoke about being remembered today. And that made me recall how I wanted to record my maid's voice before she left... Miss her too.

Wish I knew where she lived...wish I knew where she is now. how she's living. She would be upset to know that my grandma has passed away....

Miss them...

Words to the would be...

Sitting in the rehearsal room alone. It refreshing, opposed to a whole bunch of chattering  TPs in the room. Playing Adele's Turning Tables.

Felt the need to write you a letter but that would be weird because I don't even know who you are. hahaha

But I already expect that byt eh time we do meet, there would be much much to say about ourselves. It would feel like we have known each other since the beginning and after such a long time away from each other, it would be only natural that we recount to each other what we've missed out in each other's lives.

Of course, I'll leave out the bits about other guys in my life. Ive learnt the hard way that such information could hurt what we would have between us.

At a time like this, I do miss you. Where are you now? with another girl? overseas?

I keep reminding myself that the reason why we havnt met is because we are not ready for each other yet. Yap. we both need abit of prepping, training and stuff that would make us right for each other. No I dont expect you to be perfect, and I hope you dont expect me too. Because I cant...

I thought of this a few days ago...about how when u do come into my life, there would be many precious people that I will have to introduce you to. They are all people I hold dear to my heart but remember that of all the people I know, I love you the most. Right after Jesus Christ. :)

I sorta hope you'd be willing to join me in my happiness when Im with the students..but that would be a qn for another time. It would be awesome though.

I guess on hindsight, Im glad I dont have you now. Imagine how terrible it could be to have a distance relationship! I used to think that distance relationships arent a problem if 2 people love each other alot..but I realize that maybe hte more 2 people love each other in a distance relationship, the harder it gets. because it hurts longer and the loneliness is lonelier just as the darkness gets darker...

But of course thats my brain speaking. my heart often disagrees.

I do miss you... would be good to go home to see you there. And us just curling up ont he sofa, watching mindless tv. :)

Long chats

Had a llloonnnggg chat with Sonal. About our past relationships. Reminded me of how happy I was before.

Despite how Im not in it now, the memories were still golden. I still smiled and laughed at them.

While a part of me missed him still, at hte same time very sure that nothing could be done to rewind time, I actually was more happy than sad that I had those memories.

Im not sure whether i miss him and still love him..or whether I just miss having someone...

And Im sorry to keep talking abt this in all my entries so far. Maybe it is because I am in a foreign country and Im alone...

The long chat we had was a very fruitful one. Both of us with our pasts yet agreeing on so many principles and thoughts and ideas...

OH well...they always say that time will heal all things. Im gonna be naive and believe that is still so. :)

God Bless

itchy hand lah u!

Before I delve into my intended entry, Just wanna say that Im glad that Im in the production Im in now. It isnt just that it's logistically easier...its also coz hte people Im working with are hte loveliest bunch of people.

I cant help but wanna give them hugs! They bring a smile to my face.

Anyway was on facebook today and very much excited to catch up w family and friends in 2 weeks time.
I guess i communicated with a certain person whom I probabaly shud never have communicated with ever again. which in itself is also a pity..that person is a good person.

Except that, by doing so, Im causing myself more trouble.

itchy hand lor! type the msg some more lor. kaypoh lor! Ning ning ning....whatever will we do about you. You got yourself from all that shit and now u happily dug a hole for yourself again. why not jump in and start piling mud on yourself now.

Sigh

Gonna drown my sorrow in bubble tea...

GOd Bless

notes to self for intl students

Walking home has always been a reflecting time for me.

This time, i reflected on my journey as an intl student.

I realize that myself as an intl student, hasn't been smooth.

I found myself thinking that people werent as friendly with me because I was asian/chinese.

Alot of people thought I was from China...


I guess after that entire experieince, there are somethings I want to say to the intl students in singapore

1)  That Singaporeans or others may seem unapproachable..butu as an individual need to approach them because they are very comfortable in their comfort zones and they wouldnt apparoach u unless they need to if you dont.
2)  That language is an issue but it must not stop you from learning to communicate with them.
3)  Dont see yourself as an outsider but an ambassador for your country. Educating them on your country, reducing as many blind F's as possible.
4)  Dnt settle for "Im fine" tell them more, care for them too

God Bless