Youth

maybe its resentment that causes me to say this...how my life so far has been relatively mundane and most of it very worth remembering...if i think abt it long enough it prob isnt true...

Having come back from camp...despite it being less than 5k away from mainland, Im quite happy to be away from Spore. Not so much because of stress...but because I get to leave Spore...how sad is that....

Thinking abt it...I havnt even been to thailand, vietnam, bangkok, philipines,

I have been to hongkong, china, australia, malaysia, indonesia,

Still i wonder if i day i would be able to step into russia, amsterdam, scotland, israel, greece, rome,

Knowing my warped family..I figure that there would be more years before I could really travel on my own..or with friends..get this..my dad asked for consent form for the camp...I amt he staff bringing them! what consent form?

Haiz...

I soo wanna travel..I wanna see the world man...when will I do that? when Im past 40? when things in me start creaking? Then wouldnt I be like my auntie who goes overseas more than twice a year..to make up for lost time? I dont blame her. Id encourage her.
Or like my mum who now doesnt travel much..even if she cud and even if she had the money...
no prizes for why she wont go....

so many family issues as I await my own time of when Id pluck the courage to let them know that Ive the age and right to fly.

Well as I came back and the reality of coming home and "fun over" dawns on me...I slipped into the poetic mood of writing abt youth but pity I cudnt get a pen and paper ready to harness the mood.

I could dwell on this situation as long as I will it but that would only make me unhappier. Instead I will hand this to God and trust that He will speak to my dad....

You know....its not so much being angry...its more of being stifled...I feel more dissappointment and sad than anger for my situation...I cant be angry because my situation would always be better than others...
My dissappointment comes when we center our behaviour and attitude and mood unto a single person in the family who might not have God's wisdom to harness and put it to good use.

Frustration....

Dont get me wrong....its not that I dont respect family...I do..I dont wanna be mean and I dont wanna be disrespectful....but at times where I cant hold it anymore...I really hope that my outburst will not be lethal...

I know the things I wanna do in life...but not all of them can be achieved if I avoid conflict..if I avoide being honest and candid...I just dont want to hurt feelings..would this be counted as being "too nice"?

I know the best way would be to let God handle this entire issue..and just await the time where I would not be seen as the 12 year old...but the adult..Im not saying that I am very capable on getting around....but everything takes experience and planning...

Abba...I cast this issue in your hands....You know the best time for me to get through to to others and I lean on you for that. I know if it is needed that you wouldbe my mediator and my advisor and that should the time come to be candid..that it would be done in a way that no bad comes out from it.

God Bless