One day dude..one day

Last night before I slept, i thought of many things..it almost got me sleepless. One of which was a hope..that one day. I would be able to have a proper conversation with my ex.
Dont assume that Im slipping back into a hole again.
Its not something that i havnt been thinking of. But it something I've lost faith in for such a long time.

I honestly want to recover our friendship to a point where we would be as good buds. Something in me felt that thats possible and that I would be able to once again have a hearty conversation with him.
But today, as I thought about how he is now, I don't know if we can still relate....
But something in me really wants to be perfectly honest w him and question if we can still relate to each other. Or has either of us lost a common trait somewhere along the way.

So we didnt get together. MEH Im ready to be good friends..because thats what we were before things changed. Like..Im ready to really try but ive always second guessed what he thinks.

I dont want our questions to be made of superficial "how are you doing"or "hows work"
I want someone whom I trust for honest opinions. Someone who still cares about my wellbeing and wudnt hesitate to give me the real answer. A brother.
I dont want us chuckling or laughing at each others jokes because its the right thing to do...

I know I've got friends whom have been that support system for me as well and Im not taking them for granted. One more good friend isnt too much. A broken relationship that is salvaged into a friendship...Some mistakes we make or that I made that I need to rectify because our friendship was too good to let it waste.

I know that it will take a while before I can face him physically and have as good a conversation because thats how I am. I am reserved. Im a reserved chinese. But the next we actually do have a coffee and sit down to chat, I want to be able to leave feeling like we did have an honest conversation again.. because I miss that. I really do.

One day when all us friends come together, i want to be able to joke with all of them and know that I dont need to put up a jovial front because they know me too well. And that I am actually comfortable.

I know its taken me a bloody decade to really commit to this hope and not be detered by it. But somehow, something have happened that made me realize this. I made a promise to him once that we would still be friends. I intend to keep it.

One day Pravin.