recovering

Its been a few weeks since my little crumble. I was a whole different person then..
I distanced myself away from some of my closest friends. And much as I really wanted to tell them something, I couldnt. I felt that it was too trivia and too embarassing a thing to tell...pride..

All I did was talk myself out of it. constantly drilling myself that there is nothing to be upset about and that emotions are emotions because they arent always reasonable..

So now I'm back in a place where I can face the individual and talk to them like a friend..without thinking about whether the person could ever love me. :/

Such is life.

I'm recovering again. of course its safe to say that I could never go as low as the first break because that tore my heart apart repeatedly. So if I should be able to recover from that, then it's only a matter of time before this too shall pass.

but on a side note, I dont think I would ever not love this man..as much as me not thinking that I would ever not care about the first one. its just that my regard for them isnt as strong as before..or maybe, I regard them in a different way now. Hopefully it stays that way because both these guys are amazing people in their own rights and make for good friends.

Both inspire me to be a better person and to build my talent..despite me actually feeling like crying if I do upset or dissappoint them. I know I've built a wall around my heart..but the inside is still as fragile as before... :/ shrugs

I'm still as weak as before I guess. :/ Life still has to go on..

God Bless