SP Graduation Ceremony

Once a year, I reminisce on how much the graduating students have matured through the 3 years. Its a pity though that I cant be there to say congrats to them etc. From the shy little girl to the confident mature graduate, from the quiet and obedient guy to the confident graduate beaming with pride and showing his parents around, introducing his friends etc. And especially when groups of them come over to say thanks and ask for a photo to be taken. :) No Im not especially happy because the students wanna take pics with me. Im just proud to have known them. Proud to have seen them grow.
I dont know if I have the right to be proud of them. Afterall, honestly I havn't been there for them all the time. I just happen some times.
But anyway, I am proud of the graduates Ive worked with. I honestly also feel that maybe some of them hold me in a higher esteem than I can dare to claim.
I still often wonder what specific factors have shaped them into specific people and am thankful that I have come to know them personally. Alot of them have shaped me, been my role models even and indirectly encouraged me to be a better person or keep at what Im doing now.
Congrats SP Graduates of 2012! :)
Go forth and show the world what you have.

God Bless

Good Saturday!!!

SO firstly, I woke up on my own time. (plus point!) then slacked around till 10ish and made my way to NIDA to catch a bus to the Railway Sq. Met Silma, we walked all the way to Sydney Fish Market. The distance justified the good meal! seafood galore with fresh sashimi!! Yay! Then we walked it off by making our way to Darling Harbour, down to the bottom of the city and caught a bus to Bourke Street Bakery which sells positively the best chocolate cake ever! Flourless chocolate cake!!!!! Worth all the walking!
To top this all off, we caught another bus to Bondi to catch The Avengers!

This is where I go into my thoughts from the movie. Why I don't say "about" is because Im never in a good position to comment once ht ethnical aspects of the movie except to say, I liked it but I wouldn't wanna watch the whole movie again. Only the fighting bits were as usual, humorous, uplifting and triumphant.

BUT I don't wanna watch the front bit because normal storytelling required the movie to shows the problem/crisis in the story before the triumphant bit..obviously to make the triumph seem larger. It worked. Except that I couldn't stand the Avengers quarrelling like teenage delinquents.
Especially Iron Man and his huge ass hard cased ego.

In fact, my tendencies against such childishness is always to smack the person in the head. Likewise, I felt the need to smack Iron man in his unarmoured head. As my script analysis tutor would normally ask after we've read our scripts, " who is the who has the biggest journey" Id say..either Loki (the enemy who thought he'd win but obviously had to admit defeat) or Iron Man (Who was close to losing his ego and his life)

Im inclined to rate my preference of the individual Avengers (1 being the most fav) excluding Nick Fury cause he wasn't fighting much
1) The Hulk
2) Captain America
3) The Hawk
4) Black Widow
5) Thor
6) Iron Man

The irony is that both geniuses are at both ends of the spectrum. The Hulk in his normal human form, is as much genius as Iron Man. But while everyone is scared of The Hulk's rage, The human version of The Hulk actually has the most control over his anger and behaviour than Iron Man..whom shits ego every time he opens his mouth. Yes those are my words.
Out of all the Avengers, the Hulk was the one who had the most control over his emotions which is really ironic because the enemy was counting on him to explode and cause havoc. Which he eventually did but with the help of every other Avenger quarrelling with each other! hahahahaha

Captain America is obviously the All-American, has the All American look and obviously in my opinion, looked the best out of all. After all, it was a not so subtle way of propagandising American power and good American image hahahaha Yes I caught all that. Whats also ironic is that Captain America (apparently being frozen for years and revived in the future) was also one of the most level headed ones and obviously was made the commanding voice by the time the real fights occurred. Like a big brother to the bunch of Avenging monkeys :/ Shrugs

The Hawk was good for his shots. Akin to Legolas. And Legolas is exactly what Iron Man calls him at a point of time. he had good looks too.

Black Widow is just good to look at when she fights. :) She also literally knocked the senses back into the Hawk.

Thor... is a demi-god! lots power but not necessarily a smart one though. like a stereotypical college football player. Nuff said

Iron Man...a child genius. And will stay that way unless he grows up. Nuff said.

And just to give u a glimpse on how "moved" i was with the characters, I smacked my forehead a few times. like how I would with my students when they do stupid/silly things

Anyway, was taking the lift down and there were a bunch of children in there who had pressed every single button on the lift so that it stopped at every level! Trust me, I had the urge to use my pan like Thor!
I handed the pan to my friend for safekeeping before anyone got hurt.

While walking home, I bumped ion  old man and his dog. Both of which Ive had the ill fate to meet before. This old man had previously shouted at me to go back to China. Of which I promptly (as i was moving further and further away) said, "okay" and proceeded on to listen to my indian music.
Anyway I bumped into him again and this time, I stayed out of his way but having he pan in my hand made me less scared and more confident in defending myself if shit hits the fan.
He apparently started circling away from me the moment we got closer to each other. I don't know if its meant to be an insult (i.e.: chinese are like dirty pests and disgusting to be a near to) or he realised what I had in my hands and how I could possibly use it to his disadvantage..but whatever it is, if he provoked me and got nearer, id have made him say hi to the base of my pan. And me being in a creative mood, imagined myself bringing the pan down on him like Thor with his hammer, then hurling the pan at him like Captain America with his shield and then retrieving it back like Thor with his hammer and magnetic hands.

Obviously all this humour would be better appreciated if you watch the movie.

Going back to the topic of Avengers, my favourite bits of it involve Hulk. Him Flipping Loki around like a fish, him throwing a 1 solid side punch at Thor when everyone least expected it (to make an obvious comedic point) and Hulk shouting in frustration at the seemingly dead Iron Man, only to wake him up like an alarm clock on steroids. Doesn't sound funny now but watch the movie and you'll get it.

Right! Im done with my lengthy post. Gonna sleep!

God Bless!

Wisdom

Was speaking to one of my brothers at 3am in the morning. Given my already slightly sleepy and multitasked brain, I decided that it was appropriate to listen to him because he wasn't feeling too good about life. Or to me more accurate. He felt confused but wasn't sure why.

Anyway certain things were spoken about which I will not mention but one of which was wisdom. I guess there were some things that I mentioned which made him comment that I had become wiser. 

while I would argue that I was quite wise to start with, a small part of me went, " really? I know people have said that to me before but...really?" And the next question the little voice said was " how?"

As I was walking down the street to school, this topic suddenly popped into my mind again. Where did my wisdom come from? Im inclined to say, from God. Because even I have no idea how I gathered certain wise thoughts..and even if I did conjure them up, what factors made me determine that they would be true? So I attribute it to God. 

Yet, while I might be seen as wise, there are many times where I feel like kicking myself in the butt for illy things that were done on impulse or emotions that the wiser me would not have allowed. Also bringing up the past relationship I had that wasn't a wise move on the overall. It would have saved me zoo much heartache if I had heeded my wise self. All these proves that no matter how wise someone is, there are times where its just hard to heed ones own advice. Because the emotions were stronger than the wise one. Call it the devil vs the angel. Its not that the wise little me wasn't speaking aloud or even shouting at me or nagging me. Its not that the rest of me didn't register the wisdom..its that at that point of time, wisdom wasn't followed upon.

Such is human nature. To follow ones wisdom all the time would require constant objectiveness, impartialness and copulous amounts of discipline. Not easy. Maybe the body has an innate intention to rebel from even oneself.

While enjoying my breakfast before going back to school, was looking at Facebook. This website has become my sole source of communication to the SG world. The best app that gave me a ready update on how my SG friends and family is doing without me having to ask " hey hows life" to individuals.

Anyway I came across someone's comment about her parents making her grow up but restricting her freedom. The common frustrations that both parents and growing teens have which other.

I admit that I would still be having this frustration if I was in SG now. Can even hear my mum nagging me about spending more time at home.

But my reply to my friend's comment (and i view this as my little wise self 's wisdom) Parents spend at least 1.5 decades learning how to protect us and care for us. From when our mums got pregnant. Its been a continuous learning process. And theres never a moment where either parents  fully know if what they are doing is right. There will always be doubt. But just when they feel like they may have gotten the hang of it, we grow too big of that protective shield and need to break out to find out who we are. The conflict starts because the parents now have to unlearn everything about how to protect you and learn how to become more of a mentor/friend.

Some parents fail/barely pass/score at this but all this is due to what they learnt from their own parents who are/were their only teachers. Also the way they teach is affected by their own learning process in life and their life experiences.

Thus is life... 

Looking back at my own parents, I know I have been too harsh with them at many points in time. my emotional side has often disregarded the wise me's words. Thats because they often treated me with the h same methods too. And maybe one instinctively reacts to others with the similar method to communicate with them in the same way. Alike how one would felt eh need to speak the same language as the one they are speaking to to relate better to them.

Angry comments beget angry comments, wise words beget wise words, smile begets smiles, etc

Hmm interesting :)

K going back to vectorworks now. :)

Burst of laughter and freedom and revelation!

Its so easy to be engulfed by your sorrows. And believe me no sorrow is too small to make someone feel down and out. Especially being alone in Sydney, sometimes it takes its toll.
Anyway today while surfing the net, I came across something that made me heaps happier!
Its like my confusion and sadness was immediately wiped away! I dont know if it will come back to me at this point Im happy to be happier! :)
It finally hit me in the face..well not a physical thing obviously. and amazingly enough..while it did sting, it also cleared my mind! And while im not sure if this small fact or hint I found was true, Im gonna deem it as true anyway because it keeps me in the right direction. :)
Yap I know whoever reads this now is confused but at this point I dont care hahahahaha
Im gonna keep this fact in my head and use it to stir myself off from sadness and keep working at bettering my life.
Thank you God for helping me find this. I guess this is what I lost sight of hahahah and now that Ive found it, I know what to do and what to feel :)
In fact, this is the 2nd time Im doing this...come to think of it...
Last time I did that, it took some time but it worked. This time it will work too in fact easier.

I dont know how to say it but Im relieved! Im happy! I feel a load off my back! I feel like I have a renewed energy to go on again! hahahahahha

Okay enough of ranting..back to essay!

Thanks God!

God Bless!

Last friday before freedom flies away

don't know where to begin actually... lets start with..I miss SG..or I miss home...

In the midst of washing my hair, a thought hit me..that much as I know its worth me being here in Sydney, I suddenly didn't know why and that the place that I actually wanted to be in was SG.

Don't get me wrong, there are people here whom I love and would miss...but the entire feel of the place...doesnt seem like it could be home. And while I do love my room and bed in Sydney, and even love my housemates, I could never term it as home either...and the funny thing is I don't know why.

What I do know however, is I miss the people I know in SG, I miss the me in SG, I miss the colour, culture, activities in SG. knowing fully well that yes there are boring days in SG City.

Yet still...I love SG more.

I knew from young that I would leave SG to stay in another country unless factors force me to...even now my stand is still there.

As I told my ex housemate/sister/penpal, Sonal, maybe its because Ive been in SG for 20+ years that its just a lot harder to fit into another countries mould. Maybe being a SGporean who grew up with so much difference in culture and religion and languages..makes certain countries pale in comparison...No offence..

Makes living here..abit bland...

I must also state now that Ive been very unfair to those i love whom I can't see all the time anymore. Its unfair for me to feel down and neglected just because u guys have your own lives to worry about and msges just take a backseat to that. Its unfair for me to feel like I deserve an immediate reply from you guys on watsapp or Kiks or Viber or any other form of communication. Im sorry. 

Also to a close friend of mine, is unfair for me to demand so much off you when there is nothing between us anyway. yet I find myself getting irritated over the a mere unreplied msg..or even find myself getting happy over the chance to communicate with you that I go overboard. I must seem like a needy, dependent and obsessive person. I hate being that. It may seem bait drastic but Ive taken to the measure of communicating to everybody else but you..leaving u as the last resort...because there isn't a point. And while I admit this is true, its especially true in your case, I call you my brother because you can only be so. And I'm convincing myself on that fact all the time. Im not gonna burden u with my nonsense because the more i burden you, the guiltier i feel and the more i feel distant from you. which is ironic...

anyway, Im sorry...

have been doing abit of recording these few days. I conclude that my voice sucks. Im out of tune..my voice isn't strong...I sound like a guy coz my voice is so low... listening to my own recording literally made me cry. unhappy tears k. not happy overjoyed tears

while I'm slowly getting the hang of it, Im not getting over the fact that its not good. I know people have told me that I have a good voice..yet it just seems that I can't trust them until i hear from an expert... I know Im my worst critic...but one can't argue with pitch...And seeing as my voice isn't up to standard...

All this just makes me question myself. and also doesn't make me a happy camper...

As my brothers would advise 1) relax in a corner, clear my head and it what i feel like Ive lost, will appear 2) write everything down, sentence by sentence and it will appear.

What will appear, something Ive lost...something I don't know about..yet I know Ive lost it..

God Bless