Fwah!..I survived 5 cakes, 1 monkey & handmade card, 1 ice cream brownie, 3 surprice attacks, a lot of hugs and a roar of cheers!
I dont think Id ever forget this day, this year.
Lunch was a good salmon sandwich and ice cream w brownie at ben & jerry's
5.30pm: my comperes invaded my office with a cake and 3 big candles. I fed all of them cake since there werent too many pple
8.00pm: my ISC ended the meeting with a surprise attack at FC5. They woke everone at FC5 up with loud cheers and the ISC cheer! Made me feel like everyone at FC5 was cheering for me.
Got a present and a beautiful selfmade card and cut cake for everyone.
8.45pm: surprice attack by a sista with chocolate banana cake, smoked slamon sandwich and roasted beef sandwich
9.30pm: went to friends place because they had a gathering for me. 1 cake
11.15pm: Family prepares hte last cake for the day, but im still burping on the past 3 cakes.
What can I say? Im blessed! I havnt been the best of friends or officers but yet they took the trouble to do all this. Im really touched and this is in fact he 1st time I wished my birthday never ends.
I know I wasnt int he most excited moods but I never was when its my birthday coz I never felt like it was something worth people's effort to celebrate..even if i wanted it.
So this year's 5 celebrations...was beyond me.
I didnt really tear but I was touched. I didnt know what to say..i dont really know what to say at all in these times..except maybe..Thanks for doing this for me...thanks for all this. u didnt have to get a cake but u did anyway and I totally appreciate it. Thanks for being here to celebrate for me. Thanks for your well wishes and thanks for your hugs.
Thanks guys! Thanks sooo much!
God Bless!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
sunday lazy day
I think I need to get my drive back. Somwhere in me is a Ning who hasnt spoken for a long time...she has been lying dormant or subdued for awhile and every once in awhile..she pops up to ask the question I havnt asked myself often. "is life all that it is now?!?!"
Im at Obriens now, had lunch..been reading one fo my christian books (alot fo them unread) and I felt sooo at peace just reading them. How good is that!!! How good is it to feel at ease..
Yesterday, took a pic w Gurmit Singh at mediacorp for the new tv show he's hosting. :) I respect him for his talent! And as I sat with my comperes and we watched in awe at hte host...I turned to my student and said, "that is your goal"
Im tired today. And seriously feel like taking a break....maybe take leave again..hmmm
I may sound scary now...but i long to see God's image now...(its doesnt only happen when u die u know) and hear God's voice and personally hear Him tell me what to do with life...
K batt running flat. LOve all!
God Bless
Im at Obriens now, had lunch..been reading one fo my christian books (alot fo them unread) and I felt sooo at peace just reading them. How good is that!!! How good is it to feel at ease..
Yesterday, took a pic w Gurmit Singh at mediacorp for the new tv show he's hosting. :) I respect him for his talent! And as I sat with my comperes and we watched in awe at hte host...I turned to my student and said, "that is your goal"
Im tired today. And seriously feel like taking a break....maybe take leave again..hmmm
I may sound scary now...but i long to see God's image now...(its doesnt only happen when u die u know) and hear God's voice and personally hear Him tell me what to do with life...
K batt running flat. LOve all!
God Bless
Monday, October 20, 2008
In the mood for dissappointment...
Okay well as I look throught he things i have to do today..I felt abit clastrophobic.
I think alot of them i brought upon myselfs and I could kick myself for it. I think Im trying hard to get certain things done but I know I cant do it alone....yet..its getting harder to push people to do things....I might just give up really....Maybe Im too ambitious..maybe I should let he students work it out themselves...the sink or swim method.
I know other clubs of mine warrant more fo my attention...
Hmm Yes I do feel down...
God Bless
I think alot of them i brought upon myselfs and I could kick myself for it. I think Im trying hard to get certain things done but I know I cant do it alone....yet..its getting harder to push people to do things....I might just give up really....Maybe Im too ambitious..maybe I should let he students work it out themselves...the sink or swim method.
I know other clubs of mine warrant more fo my attention...
Hmm Yes I do feel down...
God Bless
Sunday, October 19, 2008
emm depression
You know how you are mostyl with pple younger than you and you;re so used to being the big sister. You feel that you ahev to be strong for them all the time and the provider of wisdom etc...
Then when something in you breaks loss and you're self defence breaks down like 1 of the 12 apostles in Australia...you feel like you cantturn to them because you dont want them to see you as anythign else less than the big sister?
Or that you've always been the smallest and others treat you like you dont really know much and you're just being silly that you dont feel like you could confide int hem when you have problems coz they'd only (once again) deem you as silly?
Yah today felt like it...
I snapped when just one careless and insensitive comment flew at me...a comment that has always been used but for the 1st time in a long while, I took it to heart and I felt so unjustified...
Then it started playing games w my head and instead of feeling unjustified, I actually felt like I cud have been as useless as the comment implies...something that if I dont carefully psycho myself out of...would result in a session in the toilet with a mountain high of tear drenched tissues and red eyes.
Guess wat...it did happen.
So ont he way home...I felt the idea of furthur studying was tempting...so tempting...something Id fancy doing to force myself into independence.
I threw the idea at my sister and the wordsd she used, "if you're onyl doing this to run away..its a waste of money" amongst other words.....
Come to think of it (here i go thinking again) I might just have wanted to run away.....
Running away witht he legal right to come home.
As I stayed in the toilet for awhile....all sorts of comments, self depreciating comments flew into my mind...but 1 thing I really needed at that time...was God to say something. Anything really...just something. If there was any other time for God to say my name...it was NOW.
Not that I dont believe Him. Its precisely because I believe Him that I wanted to hear Him...
Alas...the resounding voice of God didnt come....instead a calm "it" inside of me reasoned w my emotional side. Maybe its God working his words in me to comfort me...maybe He chose to speak to me in that way instead of the resounding "Ning"
Im still sad...but Im more tired than anything....
Alot of times..I feel like everybody else is living the lives they want when its not true...we all have our downs..it really depends on how down we let ourselves go. Do we immediately fight the tides to go back to mainland or do we ride the tide and watch as we twirl into the centre of the whirlpool..into whats below? The further we go in, the more strength it takes to get out.
God Bless
Then when something in you breaks loss and you're self defence breaks down like 1 of the 12 apostles in Australia...you feel like you cantturn to them because you dont want them to see you as anythign else less than the big sister?
Or that you've always been the smallest and others treat you like you dont really know much and you're just being silly that you dont feel like you could confide int hem when you have problems coz they'd only (once again) deem you as silly?
Yah today felt like it...
I snapped when just one careless and insensitive comment flew at me...a comment that has always been used but for the 1st time in a long while, I took it to heart and I felt so unjustified...
Then it started playing games w my head and instead of feeling unjustified, I actually felt like I cud have been as useless as the comment implies...something that if I dont carefully psycho myself out of...would result in a session in the toilet with a mountain high of tear drenched tissues and red eyes.
Guess wat...it did happen.
So ont he way home...I felt the idea of furthur studying was tempting...so tempting...something Id fancy doing to force myself into independence.
I threw the idea at my sister and the wordsd she used, "if you're onyl doing this to run away..its a waste of money" amongst other words.....
Come to think of it (here i go thinking again) I might just have wanted to run away.....
Running away witht he legal right to come home.
As I stayed in the toilet for awhile....all sorts of comments, self depreciating comments flew into my mind...but 1 thing I really needed at that time...was God to say something. Anything really...just something. If there was any other time for God to say my name...it was NOW.
Not that I dont believe Him. Its precisely because I believe Him that I wanted to hear Him...
Alas...the resounding voice of God didnt come....instead a calm "it" inside of me reasoned w my emotional side. Maybe its God working his words in me to comfort me...maybe He chose to speak to me in that way instead of the resounding "Ning"
Im still sad...but Im more tired than anything....
Alot of times..I feel like everybody else is living the lives they want when its not true...we all have our downs..it really depends on how down we let ourselves go. Do we immediately fight the tides to go back to mainland or do we ride the tide and watch as we twirl into the centre of the whirlpool..into whats below? The further we go in, the more strength it takes to get out.
God Bless
Saturday, October 18, 2008
friday and saturday
friday was ISC AGM. I had fun and I was happy but I was also abit sad because the fact that the year3s were leaving soon was hitting me. The more i think abt the year3s being my 1st bath of year1s and how they've grown....the more I feel the sweet and sour.
All of thejm are dear to me and I wisht hemt he best but also know that ISC would eb very different without them. I am soooo proud of them and how far they've come! And osmetimes I feel liek Ih avnt bene there enough.
Of course I would love to be with them alt he time becauxse they're such nice people to be with...fun and spontaneous...but I cant because my work doesnt allow me to.
As we took pictures, they sang, " Shi Shang Zi You Ma Ma Hao" which isnt the right song for me but at that point I guess i didnt cared. Everything that I have felt or doen for this bunch..the late nights etc....worth it.
I wonder abt he juniors. how they will fill the big boots of this batch.
Because I think deep down..I dont think Im doing a good job at leading these students...God help me. I need His wisdom!
Saturday (Today) met my sec sch friends or aka sistas for breakfast. Pity we couldnt get all 4 down but Im happy with what we have. Its good to have a small reunion even if it means breakfast only. To talk abt how we're doing now etc.
I go home and my dad gives me a one-liner that shws he's not happy that I went to have breakfast.
So Im between feeling happy with the prized gathering and irriated that my dad is this way. Somehow I feel he doesnt realize that every person has a time in their lives where they want to be with friends or want to go out and explore. And if tis not done in a young age then its done in the older age but it will be done before someone focuses on this family..if not they havnt lived
Its times like these that I could feel condemned and it sucks. I guess its true..the more critical you are of yourself, the more self condemning you are, the smaller a person and the weaker a person you become. Like in my JC years and my last year of Poly.
Its harder to get out of this pithole than it seems...
I guess out fo all this I should thank God for being there for me. Providing me witht he skills to lead and providing mee with the strength and courage to believe in myself...
All of thejm are dear to me and I wisht hemt he best but also know that ISC would eb very different without them. I am soooo proud of them and how far they've come! And osmetimes I feel liek Ih avnt bene there enough.
Of course I would love to be with them alt he time becauxse they're such nice people to be with...fun and spontaneous...but I cant because my work doesnt allow me to.
As we took pictures, they sang, " Shi Shang Zi You Ma Ma Hao" which isnt the right song for me but at that point I guess i didnt cared. Everything that I have felt or doen for this bunch..the late nights etc....worth it.
I wonder abt he juniors. how they will fill the big boots of this batch.
Because I think deep down..I dont think Im doing a good job at leading these students...God help me. I need His wisdom!
Saturday (Today) met my sec sch friends or aka sistas for breakfast. Pity we couldnt get all 4 down but Im happy with what we have. Its good to have a small reunion even if it means breakfast only. To talk abt how we're doing now etc.
I go home and my dad gives me a one-liner that shws he's not happy that I went to have breakfast.
So Im between feeling happy with the prized gathering and irriated that my dad is this way. Somehow I feel he doesnt realize that every person has a time in their lives where they want to be with friends or want to go out and explore. And if tis not done in a young age then its done in the older age but it will be done before someone focuses on this family..if not they havnt lived
Its times like these that I could feel condemned and it sucks. I guess its true..the more critical you are of yourself, the more self condemning you are, the smaller a person and the weaker a person you become. Like in my JC years and my last year of Poly.
Its harder to get out of this pithole than it seems...
I guess out fo all this I should thank God for being there for me. Providing me witht he skills to lead and providing mee with the strength and courage to believe in myself...
Sunday, October 05, 2008
make up for lost time
i had such a revelation during today's church service. Sooo much was learnt! The best thing abt the bible is that regardless of the diff in time..teh writers still said teh same things in their different books. For those that dont know, the bible is made up of different books written by differnt people. dating from the start of earth till years years years later..books by the diff apostles before, during and after Jesus died.
Todays sermon was the signs of armagedon. How the 4 horsemen who will cause chaos int he land are alined with how the tribes of the children of israel set camp around the temple of god while they wondered int he wilderness.
And how the standards (flags) of hte diff tribes are alined with the different face/characters of God and how these standards all represent Jesus and Jesus is the conqueror of all the horsemen, hence conqueror of all our troubles, hence whoever believes in Jesus and has Jesus in the midst of him (like how the temple of God was in the middle of the tribes...) would never have to fear of oncoming troubles, but sit at the table of rest that God has prepared for us and watch Jesus defeat our enemies one by one.
So enriching! I have soo many christian friends from diff denominations and somehow I felt that if they weere there w me, they would see a wonderful side of Jesus that they have never met before. How can u deny this message when it shows evidence in the old and new testement? How can you deny christianity when even achealogical evidence shows that it exists!
Im not upset...Im just to blessed by today's message that I wished I cud speak it out to others! I walked out fo church full with happiness and gladness and belief that my God is alive, watchign over me and keeping guard over me!
Another things Iw anted to share..is a personal revelation. Dated back during my leadership training camp...we had to jump off this tree branch into the water. It seemed sooo easy but when I got on it, I shook...I was soo scared and I really had half the mind to get off but I pushed myself. It only helps alittle knowing that I wont drown because the water is shallow or that I had pple watchign me...the prob was taking the step. the prob was jumping..was jumping and fearing that Id lose my balance and end up *in the weirdest way possible* breaking something something. wat if wat if wat if?!?!?!
I jumped anyway...for a sec, abandoning the fear and throwing myself into the water and as I went down, "wth! stop! no!"
As I look on things I plan to do or want to do...I have the exact same fear..the leg softening, heart thumping fear and the absolute hesitance of not doing it because its more convenient...
Im glad I didnt give up. im glad I jumped again...to conquer my fear another time. Indeed I was still scared on the 2nd try....same goes for abseiling and rock climbing...maybe nervous or scared.
I guess in all this, Im more determined to enjoy life and not let myself be dorwned by worries at work or devils cunning ways of psychoing me into being self condemning. I want to get my life back from him and put it in God's hands.
Lastly...as I heard today's msg I was happy of the security that I have inherited as God's child..and of how wonderful heaven could be. But I was abit scared thinking of how my non christian friends would be. Its daunting and grim but its true.
I want soo much toget them saved...to let them know how loving a God we have. Note: WE! meaning even those of you who are unsaved..have a God..the same God...only thing is to acknowledge and believe in Him...
So I extend this invitation to all! I want to bring you to my God. It takes very little to step into the church to hear but hear with an open heart. No strings attached.
:) My God is an awesome God! Jesus is beautiful!
God Bless!
Todays sermon was the signs of armagedon. How the 4 horsemen who will cause chaos int he land are alined with how the tribes of the children of israel set camp around the temple of god while they wondered int he wilderness.
And how the standards (flags) of hte diff tribes are alined with the different face/characters of God and how these standards all represent Jesus and Jesus is the conqueror of all the horsemen, hence conqueror of all our troubles, hence whoever believes in Jesus and has Jesus in the midst of him (like how the temple of God was in the middle of the tribes...) would never have to fear of oncoming troubles, but sit at the table of rest that God has prepared for us and watch Jesus defeat our enemies one by one.
So enriching! I have soo many christian friends from diff denominations and somehow I felt that if they weere there w me, they would see a wonderful side of Jesus that they have never met before. How can u deny this message when it shows evidence in the old and new testement? How can you deny christianity when even achealogical evidence shows that it exists!
Im not upset...Im just to blessed by today's message that I wished I cud speak it out to others! I walked out fo church full with happiness and gladness and belief that my God is alive, watchign over me and keeping guard over me!
Another things Iw anted to share..is a personal revelation. Dated back during my leadership training camp...we had to jump off this tree branch into the water. It seemed sooo easy but when I got on it, I shook...I was soo scared and I really had half the mind to get off but I pushed myself. It only helps alittle knowing that I wont drown because the water is shallow or that I had pple watchign me...the prob was taking the step. the prob was jumping..was jumping and fearing that Id lose my balance and end up *in the weirdest way possible* breaking something something. wat if wat if wat if?!?!?!
I jumped anyway...for a sec, abandoning the fear and throwing myself into the water and as I went down, "wth! stop! no!"
As I look on things I plan to do or want to do...I have the exact same fear..the leg softening, heart thumping fear and the absolute hesitance of not doing it because its more convenient...
Im glad I didnt give up. im glad I jumped again...to conquer my fear another time. Indeed I was still scared on the 2nd try....same goes for abseiling and rock climbing...maybe nervous or scared.
I guess in all this, Im more determined to enjoy life and not let myself be dorwned by worries at work or devils cunning ways of psychoing me into being self condemning. I want to get my life back from him and put it in God's hands.
Lastly...as I heard today's msg I was happy of the security that I have inherited as God's child..and of how wonderful heaven could be. But I was abit scared thinking of how my non christian friends would be. Its daunting and grim but its true.
I want soo much toget them saved...to let them know how loving a God we have. Note: WE! meaning even those of you who are unsaved..have a God..the same God...only thing is to acknowledge and believe in Him...
So I extend this invitation to all! I want to bring you to my God. It takes very little to step into the church to hear but hear with an open heart. No strings attached.
You wont know how happy God will be to see you at church and if you really listen on that 1 session at church....that will be all that takes to change your mind. I believe that my God can cure the sick so he can definitely do change your heart within seconds. If by the 1st session and your not convinced..then you dont have to come again if you dont want to.
I wont force you a second time. I wont force you to go again and again. its your choice but I will speak fo God to you again..not to persuade you or bug you...but because I feel happy speaking abt Him and I want to share that with you!:) My God is an awesome God! Jesus is beautiful!
God Bless!
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