hard day...

so a few things happened that made me feel sucky but I immediately turned to God. As I sat under a tree (abit unglam) and wiped of the remains of tears (no I did not sob like a baby)...I praised His name. I praised Jesus with tears and all. It gave me courage.

If theres somethign I learnt through the years...its that not everything can be controlled by you. everybody has a part to play on how big an issue can be. Even if it was your fault, whats done is done...

I know some people dont think very highly of me now. Amazingly...I dont feel to hurt by it. I only teared because I felt frustrated......in fact of any of hte students complaint and I was to meet the Principal and Director..maybe I could go in scared...but the most that could happen is that I resign. As it is, alot of my friends have encouraged me to do so....

So now as I sit in the midst of the storm...hearing of hte oncoming of another wave....I will look to God. He knows the intentions of my heart. He knows everything I do and feel and think.

All this happening as I was visiting my granny in the hospital. So my visit wasnt very long coz while I was talking on the phone and handling the situation...I was made to leave the hospital. So I cudnt say goodbye to granny before I left.

What hurts the most..is that my lack of experience and x-ray vision and foresight has caused my clubs to suffer. Its something I cant explain but maybe the more I know Jesus and fight to be in peace, the more my clubs have problems..mostly by fellow students who misunderstand them and talk bad about them...If Satan has learnt to use this tactic to counter me...its a good move. But it seems like this is his last resort....

Going back to Jesus.

When Jesus and his disciples went onto the boat and a storm came and rocked the boat so hard that even His disciples (who are mostly fishermen) got scared. Thats what I feel like now. Rocking in a boat, facing the storm with Jesus in me and yet being scared and trying to handle things on my own. the disciples tried many methods to save themselves..except looking to Jesus.
After all the miracles each of them saw..wouldnt they 1st think of Jesus as the best solution? But no. And then the storm probably got stronger or the boat seemed like it might not be able to take the storm anymore, then did htye call on Jesus. Jesus woke up from his sleep when the disciples called Him. He rebuked the storm and the storm abaited...

Did u notice that Jesus didnt wake up until they called Him? He had peace in himself soo much that a HUGE ASS storm couldnt wake Him up?!! But He woke up at the cry of his disciples?!?!
Is a storm not big enough for Him to be scared of? Like an alarm clock ringing in the morning and all we do (provided its not an urgent matter) is cover our ears with our pillow or hand and continue going to sleep. is that how mild a HUGE ASS storm is to Jesus?
But His disciples 1 cry woke Jesus up immediately.
And Jesus just rebuked the storm! Just like that!

Our troubles may seem like a Tsunami to us but God is bigger than the mightiest Tsunami. He's bigger than death. He who created life would be able to repair life.
Did you also notice how timid the storm became at His words? Doesnt it remind you of the shadow of the valley of death? As we walk through, it would seem liek both sides of the valley are looming over us, higher than us and looking down at us.
But as Psalm23 goes, God is w us even when we are the ones who got into the valley to start with.
Did u also notice that its only a shadow of death? Or the storm was only being rough and nosy and overbearing but would always end up cowering to a corner when Jesus is near and orders it,

Well..the Holy Spirit is in us...Jesus has given us His health, power etc. So no matter how noisy n overbearing our obstacles are..by Jesus Christ name, we can move it.
We have the same amount of power as Jesus since Jesus gave us the authority to continue to work miracles.

Im not expecting any repentance coz I dont see it coming but I pray that God will deal witht eh students as He wills. I dont ask for Jesus to do something to them..in fact..I wanna bless them.

So these things were my valley of shadow of death.