Man in full body tattoo with a small child, dance class

K so I know I should be concentrating on my essay but I really needed a break. So im blogging!
Body is aching but its a good ache this time because of dance class yesterday night. I decided that within this 1 week holiday, Id take the chance to destress by taking up hip hop dance, by exploring cooking and my pampering myself in a way.
Hopefully I can finish this essay, do my props extraction and do my arts & Ideas essay. this is just a farction of what Id need to finish by end this week. :(
Anyway was sitting the bus recently and sat across this guy who had full limbs of tattoos. He could be menacing except that his attire was normal and casual. He also didnt look too angry. But what made me smile was when he got down, another small bespectacled and warmly dressed girl went down with hima nd walked by his side. Then he reached for her hand and they walked hand in hand down the street. Sweet :) Wondered what the relationship between them was and it would be interesting to think taht He was the dad and inside that tattooed and slightly angsty body of his, is a soft spot for his little girl.
Anyway..it's wednesday. The plan is to finish my essay by afternoon. *cross fingers*
God Bless

Hang in there Ning!

Hang in there babe.
You know you;re better than who you think you are.
You know that You can do better and you cant let yourself be handicapped by thoughts...
Everybody has to learn and dont let your thoughts handicap you from learning...

Yes skills and knowledge is the makes of a good SM or techie but attitude is as well and so you will have to show people that your attitude is good.
You can do it Ning. You're a fighter! Dont forget what Ms Liu said before.
Dont forget that you have alot of people who support you. Including God.
Dont forget that if He is for you, no one can be against you.
No matter what kind of challenge you get, you will get through because you are a Child of God.

Letter to my grandparents...

Dear Gong Gong, Ma ma & mama:

I miss all 3 of you. I miss visiting you. I miss the hugs and I miss the past.

I also wished that I had been a better and more considerate grandchild. I wish that I had more vivid memories of all of you because with all 3 of you gone, a part of the family history is gone.

I realize that theres so little I know about our family and about the troubles that u guys had to go through. Eg: WW2, migrating here, losing a spouse, losing children, etc. Maybe it doesnt seem important to for me to know but I feel like I need to. to preserve my memory of your existence. Not that your life wasnt precious to start with...but I feel like I would love to tell people about you...of your life...yet I have so little to say....

In the current age, we all take things for granted...I regretted that...

I want so much to take the time this year to look through photos and recount memories of you. to finally put together the pieces of your lives in our lives. To hear the stories you told my aunties and uncles that never got passed down. To see the streonger younger side of you that got lost byt eh time I had enough sense to realize.

Especially to Gong gong, I love you. You're the coolest grandpa. I dont know about how u were in the past but if you were as well tempered and quiet and cool as now, I would have loved to have u as my father. you would have been a model father... I especially adored you not only because you were the only grandpa I knew...but because of your character. Your humour, your few words, your everything.
Since ma ma died, I felt the tenderness towards you because I became aware of how fragile you were as a person. how much u loved my grandma and how much you loved your children and us.

I was so happy for you and Ma ma when both of you carried your 1st great grandchild. The joy on your face brings tears to my eyes still. And when Ngoh Ye and Ma ma passed away, I cried not just for the loss...but also for your pain. How even more fragile you became since then.

Now that you've gone, I can only say Im happy for you and I know you wouldnt want me to be grieving...but I cant get over it right now... I know God will give me the strength and peace.

For Ma ma, I love you too. I love how you and Gong Gong did such a good job raising half a dozen children. And how both of you have kept the family so close knitted. Despite how the aunties and uncles still have disagreements at times. I can still hear your voice when you call me or when u answer the phone. You would be hte first person I see when I entire the front door. Yes I miss your hugs.

Mama, you have done soooo much as well...survived the abuse as a small wife, finally finding your happiness to eventually lose my grandpa and have to raise up half a dozen kids on your own. knowing christ, basically surviving alot of hardship. And at the last fwe decades of your life, suffering hte nonsense that your children sometimes treat you with. I hate my young self who didnt treasure you...I hate not being patient with you. I hate not knowing you well enough...I love you and I dont wanna forget what your voice sounds like or your wise words..or even your singing. You were such a chrisitan trooper. reading the bible and praying every day. singing praises as you did your chores or did your craft. I felt like I didnt know you well enough to absord your resilience. You are in a way my idol. Because of you, cantonese old songs and chinese opera have a meaning to me.

I want to work hard to make all 3 of you proud. I hope all 3 of you are in heaven because that way when its my turn...Id see all 3 of you there.

Once again, I love you.....

Ode to my grandpa and a big LOVE to my family and friends

My grandpa passed away on 1 Aug. I was there to say goodbye...
Deep inside Im still crying because I always wanted my grandpa to get better.
I was so glad that I could go home to say my last goodbyes and give my eulogy. Im so glad that he saw his great grandchildren as well.
Having the little kiddies around helped me feel better as well.
I didnt cry as much as expected in Singapore but now that Im back, I feel the pain even more because Im alone.
I will miss giving my grandpa hugs, buying food up for him, seeing him and communicating with him in cantonese...just being by his side...
Im so thankful that I have family and friends around me who have helped me through this time. My own sister, cousin: Bryan & Jill, my niece and nephew:Ally & Max, my bros: Ian, Stephen, my sistas: Francine, Peiyan, my other bros: Wandi, and other close friends: Wendy, Jess etc
Also those in Sydney who look out for me too. :/
I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life....
I know that although funerals are painful, that its always in these occassions that I feel the blessings in my life..that my relatives come together and get closer. I love my extended family even more. esp my niece and nephew and my baby cousin, Bryan who is no longer a baby.
It was a short few days but i had a chance to catch up with Bryan, with my bros and sistas and with Wandi
Thanks guys for spending time with me...u guys mean alot to me. Not just being there to help me with things, but just merely to cheer me up. to make me laugh, to help me get my mind off my grandpa.
Now I know how it feels like to lose a precious grandfather while overseas. Reminded me so much of Pravin....I remember how he loved his grandfather like his own father. While I didnt get a chance to send him my condolences...I still felt the pain when I knew about it. I guess in a way...I wished that I was still close to him. no doubt that he is only a msg away....but we have probabaly drifted too far away to offer each other such condolences without feeling akward. I feel that he might be the best person to understand me...afterall, I still regard him as my bestest best bro.... These are the times that I wish we were still close...
I guess now I can stop worrying about anything happening to Gong Gong. because he is in a better place now...
God Bless

Swollen eyes

Stayed at sonals place last night.
Cried myself to sleep...
Woke up with swollen eyes.
Flying tomorrow morning back to Singapore
Feeling quite numb...

When I think of how he was supposed to wait for me to come back in December, I cry...
I know I should be glad that he died peacefully... But I didn't even want him to die. Maybe I was being selfish but I wanted him to recover...

Alas..

Time for school... Bye

God bless

I'm feeling much pain now...

My grandpa has just passed away. My precious grandpa.
The whole time he was in hospital I was determined to stay hopeful of his recovery but allas...

It hurts knowing that I wasn't there and throughout the day, periodically, I teared. Then as if triggered by human touch, the floodgates open and streams flow...

He is supposed to wait for me to come back in December...

It may sound wrong but I feel like I'd just broken up with someone and every memory is triggering tears.

This man is an awesome man! Well natured, humorous, funny man. I respect him as a father...
This is the only reason why I'm glad that I went back last month.

I miss him...

In memory of Mr Wong Kim Siang...