Don't get me wrong Christmas was great. I got to be with the cousins, hang with sister, got lego, hang with my farmily etc. But I know somewhere in me, i wished i had someone :)
The forming of the band into what it is now, has been fantastic but also has brought about a reluctant realization for me. That maybe Im not good enough and that its harder for me to change than anything... For the silliest of reasons...
Everybody knows that I am plainer than the plain jane. I was never a fan of makeup because it was always beyond me to know how to wear it. Also that I felt like it would be me "dolling" up..just doesnt feel like me...
Yet being in this band has made me feel like this is if anything, necessary...despite some of my bandmates telling me that it's okay. Finally..the merciless MTV and commercial fashion has laid it's clutches on me, whispering into my ear that I need to change myself..
It leads me to wonder, do I really have to change to be in this line. Be it Emceeing or singing. Do I have to be "dolled up" to be someone? To be noticed...to find someone? Or is this really all in my head? Cant I be the wallflower and know that not every guy is looking at the pretty flowers and instead, look to the corners and walls? Because its there that you know this girl isnt there for show and tell. And thats where I hope that someone is seriously looking for such a girl and not preying on the un-noticed...
Cant I be that wallflower?
So if you need me, I will just be here..in my corner... clinging to what I know...
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