The past few weeks have been quite tough..a few inner demons running around and making me possibly the unhappiest in this entire year...I just wasnt myself..
At this moment, I guess I can say that Im in a state of numbness... almost
Im about to..or maybe I am losing one of my best friends and my emotions make it hard for me to do anything but chase him away...
Im trying not to think of the really good moments (i feel) that I had with him because if I draw a comparison with that and now, I know that I'm losing something really precious and it would start choking me up... The tight hugs, the jostling, the laughs, the hanging out, the random poking, the random "I miss you", the random urge to annoy each other.
No more random asking him out for dinner...because now I dont really know if he wants to...my guilt or my thoughts would plague me and the dinner will turn into a stale affair.
But do I have to give this up? Coz it really does feel like Ive lost a bestest best bro all over again... over and over again...
I dont think this heart of mine could take this continuously... And times that I wished that my heart was cold... and that I didnt miss any of this.... but what can I say..I do love him.
I feel that I need to step away to get myself together but I dont know if we will ever be close friends again...or if we will ever be friends... Maybe yes I am thinking too much... but at this moment I cant change it.... I have to move away so that I can get my heart out of it's labyrinth...
Theres nothing I know that will help this except for turning to God...
God Bless
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