recovery

some days its easier.. some days I get reminded and its back to square one.

Today was alot better... I have not cried..

But whilst talking to my students abt their problems, and me being touched by how sweet this student of mine is, I was close to tearing..

It made me think of my song...and made me think of his song...

And i realized just how appropriate my song was to him..and his song to me...

I think the reason why i still cry..is because I miss him and because i know that I have to totally get away from him...and that we could have been something..maybe... something happy...

And this all still reminds me of Pravin and I....how much I had to go through to get out of that hell hole. Ive been asking myself alot recently..of whether I would be willing to disregard religion and race.... whether I was willing to give it a try anyway.... and my answer now..is yes I am...

Not because I believe that we can overcome that...but because I know where I'm happy... and I know that no matter how things may work next time, I wouldnt regret the time we had or might have...

But its too late now I guess... coz the answer I got was a No...


TO you,

I wish u all the happiness that I cant provide. Im sorry i caused u so much pain and dissappointment. Trust me that I know how you feel. Its not gonna be easy but I will still fulfill my role as a friend and back you up whenever you need it. All you need to do is tell me. And please..tell me.

I said that this friendship matters to me and it does. While i cant see u as a sibling and neither can you, You are still my family. you're more than a friend and Always will be... No matter what..I do still love you..and I cant seem to change that no matter what Ive done to get you out of my head.

This is gonna be a tough time for me. And whilst I would hope to have you with me, I need to work this out on my own. Because I have to stop being emotionally affected by you. Not when you arent gonna be mine.

I keep hoping that you'd call me and tell me that you've changed your mind..but Im silly... too silly...
And Im sorry that Im that silly... that I cant just let things be... because they race around my head...
Especially when within the last year, we've just gotten alot closer... and that wall that Id built..is now fully down thanks to you.. I always wonder what your behaviour means in all this.. that and your words..confuse me... and now Im building my wall back up again...

Thats why all the more, I have to move away... if this is all not meant to be..then I have to move away...