Very much blessed

So i know I was upset about coming back to sydney because theres so much I felt I was missing. But having close friends in Sydney and having the internet does help.

While I can't say Im a good friend-maker in school, Im glad that I at least have 1 or 2 in school whom I love to bits and whom I do like spending time with.

The internet also helped me keep in touch with my brothers. we're literally on diff corners of the planet. Singapore, Aus and UK. We started a dropbox folder that will help us make music together :) Im excited!!!!

Anyway Im reminded today that Im very blessed. very very blessed to know the people I know. Love the people I love and who love me.

Things can be a lot worse from the start but God has kept me safe and blessed me with love that transcends time and geographical space.

Love my brothers to bits and pieces and love my sistas and sister to bits too.

GOd Bless

Okay so maybe sometimes Im not as strong as I think myself to be

Didn't cry when I left but I wasn't happy... also teared a few times. Gladly sister wasn't there coz that wouldn't have worked. Dont know why..maybe its the wedding and her new life that sorta makes me feel protective of her.Not that I dont trust Keith! Of all people in her life, I trust him the most to look after her.

Anyway I got into the departure hall, went through security and because I decided not to check in my luggage, my baby swiss army knife got confiscated... if I recall, my sis gave it to me..

Got on the plane and scoot is definitely very very minimalist. Food not provided and hence if u do want food, you gotta buy it off them etc. No in flight entertainment as well. At least I was tired so it wasn't that bad. Just sleep lor.

Maybe because I slept, the flight seemed shorter. Good!

Nw that Im back, Im a bit numb..miss family and all but not enough to feel upset..

Only sad bit is that theres no one in the house to say hi to... the rest are in Vic.

This 1.5 years Im gonna have to forget about Singapore and work hard in Sydney..

Go on Ning! You can do it!

God Bless

tonight I fly...

Not happy today.
Holding back tears...
Im not terribly upset..but Im not relieved to go back to SYD either.
Not that I hate what Im doing...just that I know I will miss loved ones.

I dont regret coming back though...being back allowed me to meet up w family and friends.
To celebrate my sister's wedding and in odd ways, to realise how strong or how weak some friendships are.

There are a lot of people I will miss when I leave. A selected few whom I will miss terribly. My sister, my bros and sistas, my kids, abang Wandi, Cal, Neetz and Naz.

All of them have one way or another affected who I am now. And sometimes not having them around makes me lose who I am as a person. as Ning.

I dont wanna go back to who I was in JC. The me who was terribly lost in depression and self condemnation and...just lost...

I dont want to be that and somehow holding on to these good friends and family has allowed me to stay sane. Makes me wonder how it would be if I didn't know them...

Another thing I know I will miss in Sydney is the malay and indian race. The language, the culture, the food, the colour etc.

While me being a singaporean should mean that I should have no qualms mixing with people who are not my race, it also means that anything less than the kind of colour I get in Singapore just seems very boring.

Hence yes I do love Singapore. Its got its weird and distasteful things but on the overall, I love Singapore.

PS: 13 July my grandma's death anniversary. I miss you Mama.

God Bless

Why does the next 1.5years seem like too long a time?

So I dont know why but Im feeling quite sad about tomorrow night's flight. I should be geared to go and find it normal because I've flown to Sydney countless times. Somehow just thinking about my flight is making me sad to the point of tears.

There is nothing that won't be here when I get back at the end of next year...

Yes things will change but time changes everything regardless of whether we are there or not...

Im glad that i managed to meet up with most of the people I love..

And as usual I miss my students and Im reminded of myself as a person through all those I know.

Maybe admittedly Im easily homesick...hmmm


God Bless

holidays

my holiday in singapore has been really good. Managed to catch up with family and farmily. SIster's wedding is this thurs and its quite a surreal feeling. Im happy for her but it also means that I can't go into her room and find her there anymore...

met up with good friends and besties although there are a small bunch of them that I do wanna catch up with but have not had the time to..or our times just clash...

on or two of these good friends I miss a lot and to not meet would be disappointing but what to do...

Then there are friends whom i do want to meet but it seems like the other person doesn't feel the same motivation or enthusiasm... which is even more disappointing ...but one can't bend their backs for everyone. ITs just not possible. And hence I painfully learn how to let go...

Ive missed Singapore...

the next 1.5years Im trying not to come home. It will take will power not to do so actually coz I do love SG a lot. Because of the people I love in it. I love the colour in this country. But I do have things I dont like here. Im reminded of these things every day I wake up. its not big enough for me to hate the place but big enough for me to feel embarrassed for my own country...sigh

Anyway... my verdict still stands...No I won't be migrating to another country...not ever

God Bless