tonight I fly...

Not happy today.
Holding back tears...
Im not terribly upset..but Im not relieved to go back to SYD either.
Not that I hate what Im doing...just that I know I will miss loved ones.

I dont regret coming back though...being back allowed me to meet up w family and friends.
To celebrate my sister's wedding and in odd ways, to realise how strong or how weak some friendships are.

There are a lot of people I will miss when I leave. A selected few whom I will miss terribly. My sister, my bros and sistas, my kids, abang Wandi, Cal, Neetz and Naz.

All of them have one way or another affected who I am now. And sometimes not having them around makes me lose who I am as a person. as Ning.

I dont wanna go back to who I was in JC. The me who was terribly lost in depression and self condemnation and...just lost...

I dont want to be that and somehow holding on to these good friends and family has allowed me to stay sane. Makes me wonder how it would be if I didn't know them...

Another thing I know I will miss in Sydney is the malay and indian race. The language, the culture, the food, the colour etc.

While me being a singaporean should mean that I should have no qualms mixing with people who are not my race, it also means that anything less than the kind of colour I get in Singapore just seems very boring.

Hence yes I do love Singapore. Its got its weird and distasteful things but on the overall, I love Singapore.

PS: 13 July my grandma's death anniversary. I miss you Mama.

God Bless