New year is almost here

Before the big clock strikes 12 unto the first second of 2015, there are many things that I feel I will need to give thanks to...

This year was tough because i was back in Singapore. it took a while to get used to it after 3 years in Sydney.
Needless to say, Im thankful for the office and the people in it for welcoming me back. Especially my colleagues who are close to me. Who make me laugh, who celebrated my birthday etc. I cant be more thankful for them. Without them, my office wouldnt be what it is..motivational, inspiring, fun

Im thankful for my "siblings" for staying as my siblings. :)

For my family whom I have missed alot. Especially my sister, cousins and the young ones.

Im thankful to be able to graduate :D, to be able to go to Sydney to graduate. And at the same time catch up with many friends.

Also thankful for the India trip. To have made new friends and to see my soul sister get married.

To have been able to learn how to swim, to swim with family.

To be able to host a few events and to be offered to host more.

Time is precious and I feel that whilst more could have been done...this year wasnt too shabby. :P

Thank you God for all the blessings you have given me this year. Keep it coming!!! LOL

God Bless

....

so had a really long chat with a friend recently. from 10pm to 5am...whilst im feeling bloody tired now, not really regretting it because its been such a looonnngggg time since I actually met someone who thinks and acts exactly like me!! Packed with humour that got me in stitches. It was such an honest conversation which I havnt had in a long time.... the sort of conversation, Ive been in need of for a long time..something that made me feel like I was willing to just brave the fear and speak my mind. a conversation that didnt consist of mediocre replies but real life experiences, real thoughts and feelings that I have always been afraid of saying, for fear that the listener would read into it and read me. Of things that Ive always believed but never mentioend because nobody really asked or didnt seem to want to sit down to listen.

We spoke of fear, breakups, being an introvert, the real self, the dreams, conflict in the world, autism, abuse, women and children, movies, religion.

got to know this new friend at a friend's wedding and because of his character, I found myself instantly throwing comebacks at his comments. something that I felt very bad afterwhich and as such, tried not to say anything else to offend but somehow we still ended up throwing comments at each other. abit of friendly smart comments flying around. Good thing this person has enough skin to not be offended. 

this and my friend's wedding, got me thinking about my own life...

what i want of it, whether Im living my life the way it's meant to be lived, whether Ive just allowed myself to close up so much that what I could have enjoyed, Ive just pushed away...Ive had too many people asking me when my turn will be...... ppfft

it truly is time to make new resolutions and action on it... to re-evaluate my goals and deadlines...

God Bless

2 weddings in a day...

So one of my ISCians got married to another ISCian. Another ISC baby!!!!
I'm so happy for them finally tying the knot! Also got a chance to catch up with many ISCians because of this gathering. Good to see familiar faces :D Good to catch up with them and find out how they're doing.

Of course the rest of us kept asking each other when it will be our turn... dont know man..

Then after lunch, i went to my cousin's wedding reception at Fullerton. Was most excited to see the children. To give them hugs and kisses, to carry them. Missed them for 1.5months! Miss my cousins for 1.5months!

Distance did make the heart fonder. my 3 years in Aus definitely showed me how precious my cousins were to me. They are my distant siblings :) I love them and their children are like my children..onyl that I dont need to bring them home.

Today I carried Emily for the 2nd time. the little duckling of the family. :) When is aw my cousin (the father) carry her, I found that soooo endearing. My cousin whom is my age, whom I grew up with, carrying his little daughter. protecting her, rocking her, showing her around. :)

My nieces and nephews grow up so fast! too fast! I want to be able to communicate with them!

After the lunch, some of my cousins and I went to Orchard to shop. buying presents for the little ones is such  tough task! I dont want them to play with useless toys or toys that they don't fancy. I want it to be educational, fun and harmless to them. a lot of those toys dont meet all the criteria and if they do, the kids probably already have it

I treasure the time I have with my cousins... we all grew up too quickly too. Now that everyone has their own lives, its abit harder to get us together.... our younger generation needs to have that amazing bond that we have with our cousins and aunties. Thats what we can give them...

GOd Bless

The words unsaid...

So recently Ive felt that I just dont say much to anyone.
Most likely true actually...
"good!" is the auto-reply I give to anyone who's asked me how I am.
The thing is..I know I'm not always good and is my life can only be described with "good"..then what am I doing with my life?
Sometimes I give the auto-reply because tell you the full story might be a drag. especially when we're not the only ones meeting up. Or because I think that question was just a version of "hi"

Maybe its unfair to expect anyone to really want to listen to your life story...and as such " Im good" helps both parties. Does it? Are we really all so superficial to each other? Are we all so selfish?

I guess now, I dont need anything but someone to really connect with. And till I find it, I feel like I'm forcing my thoughts and stories on people who dont want to hear it. And maybe thats why some people feel that they can talk to me. Because I don't disrupt them much...or I try not to...

I feel like Ive heard so much and spoken so little...

Maybe what I really need..is for someone to speak to...who actually listens...the person doesnt need to agree to everything I say..just let me say it...

Maybe it's me being selfish..maybe its me being an introvert and realizing that if I dont speak up, I'd never make new long lasting friends.
 I dont need "hi bye" friends..I need close ones..but of course if I dont speak up, I will never have that...

But maybe I dont want to seem like Im relying on people with my emotions..maybe I dont want them to know how weak I am..maybe I dont want to waste their time..maybe I feel like my stories arent worth their time... maybe its just the extreme introvert speaking..

maybe its the me who hasnt found someone..speaking...proclaiming the kind of person I need and proclaiming the requirements..and maybe..just maybe..hoping that someone would ride by this blogspot and find this and break through the thorns and climb the wall...

sounds like a nice topic for a song...

Had a chat with a friend recently..somehow we (in our own points in life) felt the immense pain of a failed relationship..and hence have barred ourselves from others... an underlying fear of opening up that door... the inexplainable pain... we both felt that despite having been out of the scene for more than 3 years, we still feel that our past loves are still causing us pain. In my case, it's not pain, but a sore reminder that I let my heart out in the open and got it hurt and still havnt had the courage to let someone else in.

I dont regret loving the one I loved. because he showed me what love was. But the pain after that was like a stab and a tear of an inner muscles that is now scarred and might never dissappear..

God Bless

To India & Back #3

Dharamshala was an amazing place...the weather wasnt as cold as I thought and our room was pretty huge with our own bathroom.
Alot of the locals reminded me of my burmese students.
The scenery was meditation inspiring and I found myself wanted to stare at the sky and think about life. Didnt get a chance to climb up the mountains but I got a chance to catch the HImalayan Festival. Saw the mongolian throat singing, the tibetan yak song. All that cultural performances hit the right spot for me. India wouldnt be India if I didnt get a chance of music and dance onstage.

I got to know many of Orevia's tibetan friends and got to see hte local schools. The children are so cute! Rosy cheeked. They were playing soccer with tennis balls.

I left Dharamshala nervous and sad. I would be travelling alone from here on and it would be the last time in a long while that I see Orevia.

Unfortunately on my trip, I lost my aussie phone... :/

I got to know this French lady, Eliese? She looked after me during the bus trip. If not for her, I would have ended up at kashmir gate instead of Manju Ka Tilla. She also let me rest in her room and use her bathroom before I went off. Im totally appreciative of her care. if not for her, i would have been a ton of nerves being in delhi alone in the early morning.

I managed to survive in Delhi on my own for the day. Although, I did however get hit by an auto rickshaw. No biggie. No scars, just a big bruise on my arm. Did shake my nerves though. was abit more concerned about crossing the roads.

Bought stuff for myself and for others.

By 3pm, I was at the airport, waiting for my flight to Delhi. Delhi was starting to drizzle when i left.
I flew to Mumbai and then to Singapore. Reached on 14 Dec morning.

It's tough to write about this trip when alot of my emotions cant be described in words.

Its almost a week since I left but I still miss India. I miss the new friends I made and I miss Sonal again. :) She is after all my soul sister :) Her family is now my family. I love her mum and her grandmother. Something about them makes me want to give them big hugs! Even Sonal's dad.

I dont know when would be the next time that I go to India but at least now, I know that I have friends and "family" there to meet up with and hangout with them.

I sorta also regret not learning my hindi. It hindered alot my understanding to the conversations. although alot of the friends were considerate enough to translate :) yet whatever hindi I could use, I did :P

All in all, this India was a partial tick off my bucket list and yet a full tick. because I experienced alot of other stuff aside from what I had planned to see. :)

Since coming back from India, I'm once again reminded of just how fortunate i am to be a Singaporean. I am in a country that is safe for women, the air pollution here is alot alot alot lesser, people here had adopted a cleaner way of living. Our sanitation is alot cleaner then in India and there are no touts. The trees and grass here are cleaner than in India. My family and I are truly fortunate to be from Singapore when it is a developed country.

God Bless