The words unsaid...

So recently Ive felt that I just dont say much to anyone.
Most likely true actually...
"good!" is the auto-reply I give to anyone who's asked me how I am.
The thing is..I know I'm not always good and is my life can only be described with "good"..then what am I doing with my life?
Sometimes I give the auto-reply because tell you the full story might be a drag. especially when we're not the only ones meeting up. Or because I think that question was just a version of "hi"

Maybe its unfair to expect anyone to really want to listen to your life story...and as such " Im good" helps both parties. Does it? Are we really all so superficial to each other? Are we all so selfish?

I guess now, I dont need anything but someone to really connect with. And till I find it, I feel like I'm forcing my thoughts and stories on people who dont want to hear it. And maybe thats why some people feel that they can talk to me. Because I don't disrupt them much...or I try not to...

I feel like Ive heard so much and spoken so little...

Maybe what I really need..is for someone to speak to...who actually listens...the person doesnt need to agree to everything I say..just let me say it...

Maybe it's me being selfish..maybe its me being an introvert and realizing that if I dont speak up, I'd never make new long lasting friends.
 I dont need "hi bye" friends..I need close ones..but of course if I dont speak up, I will never have that...

But maybe I dont want to seem like Im relying on people with my emotions..maybe I dont want them to know how weak I am..maybe I dont want to waste their time..maybe I feel like my stories arent worth their time... maybe its just the extreme introvert speaking..

maybe its the me who hasnt found someone..speaking...proclaiming the kind of person I need and proclaiming the requirements..and maybe..just maybe..hoping that someone would ride by this blogspot and find this and break through the thorns and climb the wall...

sounds like a nice topic for a song...

Had a chat with a friend recently..somehow we (in our own points in life) felt the immense pain of a failed relationship..and hence have barred ourselves from others... an underlying fear of opening up that door... the inexplainable pain... we both felt that despite having been out of the scene for more than 3 years, we still feel that our past loves are still causing us pain. In my case, it's not pain, but a sore reminder that I let my heart out in the open and got it hurt and still havnt had the courage to let someone else in.

I dont regret loving the one I loved. because he showed me what love was. But the pain after that was like a stab and a tear of an inner muscles that is now scarred and might never dissappear..

God Bless