When people ask me about my fav past-time, I realise that there isn't much I can say and I dont even watch much movies.
Watched a movie recently and was reminded why...
Because I always end up really liking the male lead...
Of course a lot of woman get bowled over by the charms and chivalry of the male lead. And that exactly what I dnt like..about myself.
I get sold on that character and that idea very easily...
That guy from Divergent who looks a lot like Marlon Brando (Who also looks bloody good), The guy who acted as Star Lord In Guardians of the Galaxy and more...
Maybe just being single means you fall into that trap easily. That you start dreaming of a person like that who would fulfil those crazy fantasies.
And thats why I find it irritating and annoying when I find myself in these situations...
Its obviously human to end up dreaming of these crazily chiseled and mysterious "heroes" in ur dreams... unfortunately I might be one of them sad females i guess...
Whilst I know that the thoughts and character of a person is so imp, i hate to admit that looks do play a part, physique does play a part...
Maybe Im just a weak female after all...
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Realization
Maybe its just one of those times that makes me just that bit more emotional... *shrugs
Anyway I was reminded today that as an officer, we can never and will never "belong" to any club. because we have to many of them. Which might be sad but it has to be so..I guess.
We have to be impartial, objective and hence its probe not a good idea to be too gummy to them, especially if you;re anything like me.
Anyway today is the wedding of two of the ISC alumni. Yes they are married to each other. :) I get bit excited to see the alumni, especially those who have come together, gotten married with each other etc. Today was like a double celebration..seeing them get married, and a mini unofficial ISC alumni gathering.
Admitedly, yesterday's headache left me dazed and almost unwilling to turn up. but knowing that the groom had personally asked me to turn up, I did...walking them walk down that aisle together did make me tear.
Catching up with some alumni who had disappeared for such a long timing resurfaced for this occasion, was a pleasant surprise.
But when one of them exclaimed and said " you are from ISC meh" twice, I gotta admit that my emotions and maybe even pride got the better of me. SIGH..
Truly I am not. :) I didn't sign up for it, never went through camp and interviews with them etc. Didi none of that with them and as such, if thats what it takes to be in ISC, no Im not from ISC.
This goes to show one thing though..I have spent too much time with my "kids" and forgotten how to live my own life. And now that such a reminder has been said, I can't help but tell myself " well...you sorta deserved that" "you weren't entirely there for them when they needed it and yet you were with them too much to remember that you had your own life. So essentially, its a lose lose situation. *shrugs*
do i feel hurt? yeah probably so. But hurt is as much a part of life as is happiness and anger. And such one just needs to learn from it. Where do I go from here? I guess Im reminded to step back bit more again. Which is a lot easier considering that I am no longer the officer of this club.
The members will always have their memories and feel their ownership of the club. But the officer will never have that sense of belonging. :) because the officer will always be seen as an officer.
God Bless
Anyway I was reminded today that as an officer, we can never and will never "belong" to any club. because we have to many of them. Which might be sad but it has to be so..I guess.
We have to be impartial, objective and hence its probe not a good idea to be too gummy to them, especially if you;re anything like me.
Anyway today is the wedding of two of the ISC alumni. Yes they are married to each other. :) I get bit excited to see the alumni, especially those who have come together, gotten married with each other etc. Today was like a double celebration..seeing them get married, and a mini unofficial ISC alumni gathering.
Admitedly, yesterday's headache left me dazed and almost unwilling to turn up. but knowing that the groom had personally asked me to turn up, I did...walking them walk down that aisle together did make me tear.
Catching up with some alumni who had disappeared for such a long timing resurfaced for this occasion, was a pleasant surprise.
But when one of them exclaimed and said " you are from ISC meh" twice, I gotta admit that my emotions and maybe even pride got the better of me. SIGH..
Truly I am not. :) I didn't sign up for it, never went through camp and interviews with them etc. Didi none of that with them and as such, if thats what it takes to be in ISC, no Im not from ISC.
This goes to show one thing though..I have spent too much time with my "kids" and forgotten how to live my own life. And now that such a reminder has been said, I can't help but tell myself " well...you sorta deserved that" "you weren't entirely there for them when they needed it and yet you were with them too much to remember that you had your own life. So essentially, its a lose lose situation. *shrugs*
do i feel hurt? yeah probably so. But hurt is as much a part of life as is happiness and anger. And such one just needs to learn from it. Where do I go from here? I guess Im reminded to step back bit more again. Which is a lot easier considering that I am no longer the officer of this club.
The members will always have their memories and feel their ownership of the club. But the officer will never have that sense of belonging. :) because the officer will always be seen as an officer.
God Bless
Saturday, May 23, 2015
ramblings....
Graduation Ceremony is happening...
I didn't have many graduating students but those I had, I was happy and proud of them. :)
To see them grow within their years in SP is an amazing thing.
Some of them I know will conquer life because of their tenacity. Some I want to see enter the army and become men instead of just boys.
And then to those whom have become men and come back to visit, I always end up being amazed by how mature they've become. And I also wonder what Ive done to enjoy such privilege of their visitation....What have I done in my life?
Am I really a good officer? Or just someone whom the kids liked or felt was cool?
I guess no matter what it is, I dont want to take it for granted. I want to be a better officer..always.
And in the midst of that, i want to be a better person...
Maybe it seems almost desperate of me. Which I hope not..
But I guess sometimes I wonder what other girls have that I dont..maybe I'm just not feminine enough. LOL. dont have them X factor hahahaha
But honestly, whilst it makes me feel down sometimes...I mostly just want a person whom makes me laugh and makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. Is that not what everybody wants?
What if there comes a day where the media corrupts people's minds to the point that people just can't accept the "normal" type of person in the real world. i.e: the non sexy, non provocative kinds haha
What if they are educated to think that the base line of a girl they like would be one with the moves and the makeup? That would be the saddest thing in the world..
Anyway... it almost feels like that is happening..
Just want someone who makes me laugh heartily... who has real thoughts, can be mature yet almost child-like at times, knows how to look after themselves and others. someone whom i can speak to for hours and not wonder if this person is actually listening or faking it?
I didn't have many graduating students but those I had, I was happy and proud of them. :)
To see them grow within their years in SP is an amazing thing.
Some of them I know will conquer life because of their tenacity. Some I want to see enter the army and become men instead of just boys.
And then to those whom have become men and come back to visit, I always end up being amazed by how mature they've become. And I also wonder what Ive done to enjoy such privilege of their visitation....What have I done in my life?
Am I really a good officer? Or just someone whom the kids liked or felt was cool?
I guess no matter what it is, I dont want to take it for granted. I want to be a better officer..always.
And in the midst of that, i want to be a better person...
Maybe it seems almost desperate of me. Which I hope not..
But I guess sometimes I wonder what other girls have that I dont..maybe I'm just not feminine enough. LOL. dont have them X factor hahahaha
But honestly, whilst it makes me feel down sometimes...I mostly just want a person whom makes me laugh and makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. Is that not what everybody wants?
What if there comes a day where the media corrupts people's minds to the point that people just can't accept the "normal" type of person in the real world. i.e: the non sexy, non provocative kinds haha
What if they are educated to think that the base line of a girl they like would be one with the moves and the makeup? That would be the saddest thing in the world..
Anyway... it almost feels like that is happening..
Just want someone who makes me laugh heartily... who has real thoughts, can be mature yet almost child-like at times, knows how to look after themselves and others. someone whom i can speak to for hours and not wonder if this person is actually listening or faking it?
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
The child in me...
Felt the need to be a kid at some point today. Some times its tiring to seem like you are in control or that you are mature all he time.. always thinking about all aspects of each matter.
Sometimes I just dont want to care about anything for a day...curl up in a chair and sip on milo, fall asleep in it, whine abit and have someone go " awww there there"
Am I the only weird one? Do we all at some point feel the need to be childish, to say silly things?
Or do we all do so well at being mature that it never occurred for us to just let it go?
In fact, I felt guilty feeling the need to be silly to a select few people whom I can trust to be silly to..
There are truly only a select few whom I feel I can bare my soul to..although I guess Im constantly worried about being judged and being viewed as weak and emotional.
I dont need to be judged or assessed. I just need to be loved, to be heard , and to be understood.
There are a bunch of people whom I can't bring myself to appear weak...
I guess Im really just waiting for the person, the One..to come, make me laugh make me feel that its okay to be myself in front of him. Like..really be myself. It's emotional, crazy, nonsensical, chatty, quiet, cuddly, nonchalant person..
To appreciate my contradictions without feeling the need to ask why until I take too long to tell him.
Someone who will sit by me, ask me how I am and wait patiently for me to conjure up the right words to say it...
God Bless
Sometimes I just dont want to care about anything for a day...curl up in a chair and sip on milo, fall asleep in it, whine abit and have someone go " awww there there"
Am I the only weird one? Do we all at some point feel the need to be childish, to say silly things?
Or do we all do so well at being mature that it never occurred for us to just let it go?
In fact, I felt guilty feeling the need to be silly to a select few people whom I can trust to be silly to..
There are truly only a select few whom I feel I can bare my soul to..although I guess Im constantly worried about being judged and being viewed as weak and emotional.
I dont need to be judged or assessed. I just need to be loved, to be heard , and to be understood.
There are a bunch of people whom I can't bring myself to appear weak...
I guess Im really just waiting for the person, the One..to come, make me laugh make me feel that its okay to be myself in front of him. Like..really be myself. It's emotional, crazy, nonsensical, chatty, quiet, cuddly, nonchalant person..
To appreciate my contradictions without feeling the need to ask why until I take too long to tell him.
Someone who will sit by me, ask me how I am and wait patiently for me to conjure up the right words to say it...
God Bless
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Love
Whilst walking to the train station and listening to a long song. I small empty feeling sorta surfaced. My head started thinking and this is what came out..
Love is knowing that the person would slow down his life if he needs to, to care for you. But not wanting him to do so because you know that you dnt want to be his stumbling block to his dream chasing. Its forcing yourself to say no because it's better for her, when what your heart really wants to shout out is an earth shattering YES. Is feeling weak and not having the strength to carry on, except for the spark of strength gained from the mere silhouette of a person whom you constantly remind yourself that he/she is the one that you are "fighting" for. Is to feel so much for a person that if you could, you'd envelope them in your arms forever, yet fearing that the strength and love you have in you, could hurt them, that you hold it back. Love is a contradicting matter. Some people choose to cast it off from their beings but it will never be possible. The same passion to cast it off, is the same passion that will be overwhelmed by it. Let love come and liken it to be a rose that is delicate and sweet smelling yet carries with it a sting which reminds you not to take love easily, but think twice of whether you would risk being pierced to obtain it. When you do pluck it, dnt take it for granted, display it and treasure it.
I put it on FB whilst on the train.
Of course love is more than this. And i gather that maybe I've forgotten half of what love is...
What i remember is the love my family and friends have given me.
Just can't wait for the moment when I know that I want feel bad for needing to talk to the person I love. Because Id know that he's all mine.
God Bless
Love is knowing that the person would slow down his life if he needs to, to care for you. But not wanting him to do so because you know that you dnt want to be his stumbling block to his dream chasing. Its forcing yourself to say no because it's better for her, when what your heart really wants to shout out is an earth shattering YES. Is feeling weak and not having the strength to carry on, except for the spark of strength gained from the mere silhouette of a person whom you constantly remind yourself that he/she is the one that you are "fighting" for. Is to feel so much for a person that if you could, you'd envelope them in your arms forever, yet fearing that the strength and love you have in you, could hurt them, that you hold it back. Love is a contradicting matter. Some people choose to cast it off from their beings but it will never be possible. The same passion to cast it off, is the same passion that will be overwhelmed by it. Let love come and liken it to be a rose that is delicate and sweet smelling yet carries with it a sting which reminds you not to take love easily, but think twice of whether you would risk being pierced to obtain it. When you do pluck it, dnt take it for granted, display it and treasure it.
I put it on FB whilst on the train.
Of course love is more than this. And i gather that maybe I've forgotten half of what love is...
What i remember is the love my family and friends have given me.
Just can't wait for the moment when I know that I want feel bad for needing to talk to the person I love. Because Id know that he's all mine.
God Bless
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