wrote abit of it yesterday....
Anyway..the Asoka experience. Its been awhile since I last went clubbing. Seems like a yearly affair really but my dad doesnt seem to be able to register that clubbing is part of normal youth entertainment. "Night Club!" was my dad's 1st response.... hmmm
Should I laugh or cry ah? Haiz...
Anyway..we had the vip box seats which gives us a physical fencing around undesirable males. If there wasnt a physical fencing, Id have made one of those mental fencings with my eyes. I cant remember how many cold looks Ive given. Just to ward off foolish minds hahahah
Today is tuesday but it feels like a monday. Stuff happening around thats gonna make the next 2 months slightly harder to get through. I prayed last night and this morning for a long long time...talking to God about my problems and hearing his answers...aside from his constant reasurance that He'll always be there for me and that Jesus died for my sins already...Psalm 23 kept rotating in my head...
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
he maketh me lie down in green pastures and leadeth me beside still waters.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil for You are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepre a table before me in the presence of my enemies
you anoint my head with oil and my cup overfloweth
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
1stly...He is our shepherd who leads us to places that will provide us with everything we need. He is the one who worries for our provision while all we have to do is follow. We dont even need to ask him for anything or do anything for him but follow.
Though we walk into trouble (valley of the shadow of death) ie: get ourselves into trouble thanks to Satan. Our God is still there with us. He does not leave us to fend for ourselves in the dark but continues to protect us and lead us out to green pastures again. Keep in mind that Death is always a shadow...never death itself. Because our Lord is there. No death shall befall us and no suffering is long-lived..good will always come of it in the end and it always results in a closer walk with God. Amen
K I feel better. :) at the end of my prayer, I believe that God will provide everything I want, in its right proportions. Everytime I walk in danger I will believe in His saving me from it. Afterall, he is there for me...I shall sit by my table of provisions and rest as God prepares my route through the stormy rain. Amen!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
My favourite picture...
Saw a picture today and it caught me...
it was a picture of a man standing by the shore, pants rolled up, hands in pocket, facing the sea, wave beating against his feet.
His back was facing me but its obvious that his head was slightly down...and he slouched
He stood alone and it seems for a very long while...
I cant help but wonder if he was staring at his feet and the waves beating against it...yet thinking of something far beyond the visible sea...
Feels like one of those moments that you take time to reflect abt something you've had in your heart but never could show to anyone else.
Walking away from the gang of frens he came with, alone to the sea..facing the waves and thinking back or forward...facing your back to those you are with in real time...showing how you really feel and really are..to the only thing that you're not afraid to show..the waves...or hoping for someone to come via the waters...or hoping for words from far away...
I was moved and I do believe that I have never seen another picture that intruiged me more than that pic...nothing can beat how much I feel for that pic and how much meaning it hides.
The beauty of imagination...mabe this time Ive found amuse for a new song...
I must say though that I cant bear looking at that pic even if I wanted to...its too dangerous...
Awaiting for the new song...
God Bless
it was a picture of a man standing by the shore, pants rolled up, hands in pocket, facing the sea, wave beating against his feet.
His back was facing me but its obvious that his head was slightly down...and he slouched
He stood alone and it seems for a very long while...
I cant help but wonder if he was staring at his feet and the waves beating against it...yet thinking of something far beyond the visible sea...
Feels like one of those moments that you take time to reflect abt something you've had in your heart but never could show to anyone else.
Walking away from the gang of frens he came with, alone to the sea..facing the waves and thinking back or forward...facing your back to those you are with in real time...showing how you really feel and really are..to the only thing that you're not afraid to show..the waves...or hoping for someone to come via the waters...or hoping for words from far away...
I was moved and I do believe that I have never seen another picture that intruiged me more than that pic...nothing can beat how much I feel for that pic and how much meaning it hides.
The beauty of imagination...mabe this time Ive found amuse for a new song...
I must say though that I cant bear looking at that pic even if I wanted to...its too dangerous...
Awaiting for the new song...
God Bless
Monday, July 23, 2007
My Heavenly Father...
Dont remember mentioning this in my previous entries...
One of my bros..has been having problems with his ended relationship...
He's been on the bottle and smokes since leaving Spore and few days back, he felt such a need to speak to someone that he called me...rare
We couldnt speak much because of the connection overseas etc and me being in the tunnel....all we ended with was, "go read my blog" says he...
I did....and thats where I found out exactly how bad a condition he was in....
I want to comfort him and say wise words, say God's words...he is a christian too and all these God's words would ring familiar in his mind...would he heed?
He is so upset by him losing the only girl he loves with all of his heart and more...his soul...
I know if I told him that I know how he feels....He'd say that I dont....which can be true at points....Id feel like his gf....I guess when I see him, I see someone who suffers from not being able to love the one he loves..something I sometimes wished my ex had...while my bro has all intention to find his ex again..and be with her...I cant say too much about my side hahahahhaha
Afterall, its been 3-4 years? Hahahaha
I envy my bro and his gf having a love that never runs dry..but runs deep...I feel..resentment for his parents who believe that love can be controlled...I feel resentment and I feel angered....
Hmmmm....
Did I also mention how my cousin (same age as me) had recently given birth to a girl? How my student has got a bf now? How one of my sisters got a new bf? How all my close gfs have got someone to love? HAHAHAHAHA Im okay with that! Im overjoyed and feel blessed for them hahahaha :P Oh my youngest cousin probably has someone already :P Damn!
Well.what Im saying is that..Im soooo glad that they've all found someone! I dont think I'll ever forget that I told God that its okay if I didnt have my ex..so long as everybody else around me had someone to love. :p Then they'd all know how it is to find true love. :) AMEN!
In fact this bro of mine....was the one who counselled me, saying that a broken relationship is something natural and getting over it requires time but it will eventually dwindle to a mere drizzle.... so thin that we wont even feel it....thats when the rainbows come in right? The irony that my bro had to go through all this....do I know how it feels? Nooo not all of it....I know how my ex felt when we first broke up though. As my bro..as he explained to me on why he gave up and how it didnt mean that he didnt love her..but that it wasnt the right time..all familiar words...whats probably not familiar..is that he still holds on...I fully understand Liz though....
Liz has her bad habits and if I were her, shoudl I even have tried to get rid of those bad habits...I might relapse into it because of such a breakup...
Anyway...I pray for them..I pray that they will be able to find out what to do next? to move on or to move back....
I must admit that within the 3-4yrs...half of me or 3/4 of me has moved on...by no measure of volunteerism....Hahahaha I will always seethose close to me and their happy relationships and know that all all hope exists no matter what the situation is because My God is Awesome!!! My God leaves none of His children unhappy, lonely and sad! He blesses His children and those around them! AMen!
God Bless!
One of my bros..has been having problems with his ended relationship...
He's been on the bottle and smokes since leaving Spore and few days back, he felt such a need to speak to someone that he called me...rare
We couldnt speak much because of the connection overseas etc and me being in the tunnel....all we ended with was, "go read my blog" says he...
I did....and thats where I found out exactly how bad a condition he was in....
I want to comfort him and say wise words, say God's words...he is a christian too and all these God's words would ring familiar in his mind...would he heed?
He is so upset by him losing the only girl he loves with all of his heart and more...his soul...
I know if I told him that I know how he feels....He'd say that I dont....which can be true at points....Id feel like his gf....I guess when I see him, I see someone who suffers from not being able to love the one he loves..something I sometimes wished my ex had...while my bro has all intention to find his ex again..and be with her...I cant say too much about my side hahahahhaha
Afterall, its been 3-4 years? Hahahaha
I envy my bro and his gf having a love that never runs dry..but runs deep...I feel..resentment for his parents who believe that love can be controlled...I feel resentment and I feel angered....
Hmmmm....
Did I also mention how my cousin (same age as me) had recently given birth to a girl? How my student has got a bf now? How one of my sisters got a new bf? How all my close gfs have got someone to love? HAHAHAHAHA Im okay with that! Im overjoyed and feel blessed for them hahahaha :P Oh my youngest cousin probably has someone already :P Damn!
Well.what Im saying is that..Im soooo glad that they've all found someone! I dont think I'll ever forget that I told God that its okay if I didnt have my ex..so long as everybody else around me had someone to love. :p Then they'd all know how it is to find true love. :) AMEN!
In fact this bro of mine....was the one who counselled me, saying that a broken relationship is something natural and getting over it requires time but it will eventually dwindle to a mere drizzle.... so thin that we wont even feel it....thats when the rainbows come in right? The irony that my bro had to go through all this....do I know how it feels? Nooo not all of it....I know how my ex felt when we first broke up though. As my bro..as he explained to me on why he gave up and how it didnt mean that he didnt love her..but that it wasnt the right time..all familiar words...whats probably not familiar..is that he still holds on...I fully understand Liz though....
Liz has her bad habits and if I were her, shoudl I even have tried to get rid of those bad habits...I might relapse into it because of such a breakup...
Anyway...I pray for them..I pray that they will be able to find out what to do next? to move on or to move back....
I must admit that within the 3-4yrs...half of me or 3/4 of me has moved on...by no measure of volunteerism....Hahahaha I will always seethose close to me and their happy relationships and know that all all hope exists no matter what the situation is because My God is Awesome!!! My God leaves none of His children unhappy, lonely and sad! He blesses His children and those around them! AMen!
God Bless!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Less hair, less weight....more life
Went to meet my mum after work yesterday evening...the goal was to cut our hair.
Sorta have this phobia with hairdressers....I know they're nice people but....yeah..dont like people messing arnd with my hair..anyway wat has to be done, has to be done...
tidying my table now....lotsa work to do too....im gonna cry but I believe that I can do it! God is by my side!
Anyway..im feeling lightheaded in a good way! :P
GOd Bless
Sorta have this phobia with hairdressers....I know they're nice people but....yeah..dont like people messing arnd with my hair..anyway wat has to be done, has to be done...
tidying my table now....lotsa work to do too....im gonna cry but I believe that I can do it! God is by my side!
Anyway..im feeling lightheaded in a good way! :P
GOd Bless
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Suddenly Comperes is so popular!!!
I pity my student....every month we have abt 4-5 events to handle and my colleagues arent the most patient ones in the world.... Im stuck because I want my students tog et back to them soon but at the same time...I cant really chase my student because he has his lessons, tests and exams to do too.
Yet...I cant allocate duties myself because I mysef have no time....
I guess this only makes me feel abit less competent....this sucks....
Part of me wants to mas email everyone and see who's free to do duty and who wants to do duty...but..I cant because not all of them can do the duty...
Im stuck and slightly losing breathe....
This morning I psyched myself saying that theres nothing that can get me down if God is with me and never against me but how frail am I, oh thou of little faith....that such a call and chain of emails would get me down...
I guess all of the advices my colleague has given me about doing my best and making sure I give them what is needed asap...has hit into me that this whole delaying of providing a compere...could very well result in my downfall too...seriously said...all i hope is that the compere we give them in someone good enough that the organisor would say that all the chasing and waiting was worth the wait....YAH RITE!....although..I do believe that if I did provide the right compere, they would be happy with at least the performance of the compere...
Daddy God, I still believe that I am your child..and because of this, I believe that something like this will not get me down...I praise you for your grace and mercy and I thank you for your forgiveness in my faults and sins...I praise you because you gave me your son.
God Bless
Yet...I cant allocate duties myself because I mysef have no time....
I guess this only makes me feel abit less competent....this sucks....
Part of me wants to mas email everyone and see who's free to do duty and who wants to do duty...but..I cant because not all of them can do the duty...
Im stuck and slightly losing breathe....
This morning I psyched myself saying that theres nothing that can get me down if God is with me and never against me but how frail am I, oh thou of little faith....that such a call and chain of emails would get me down...
I guess all of the advices my colleague has given me about doing my best and making sure I give them what is needed asap...has hit into me that this whole delaying of providing a compere...could very well result in my downfall too...seriously said...all i hope is that the compere we give them in someone good enough that the organisor would say that all the chasing and waiting was worth the wait....YAH RITE!....although..I do believe that if I did provide the right compere, they would be happy with at least the performance of the compere...
Daddy God, I still believe that I am your child..and because of this, I believe that something like this will not get me down...I praise you for your grace and mercy and I thank you for your forgiveness in my faults and sins...I praise you because you gave me your son.
God Bless
Thursday, July 12, 2007
who am I
....
The past few days have been tough...lots of events and stuff to do....
I know that Im not efficient enough...pity...
Was thinking what would happen if I got fired....what else would I be able to do if I get fired? I cant do freelance compereing if my chinese isnt good...no point!
I looked at myself today and I thought about how I was a person. What makes me unique...all I could come up with was that I was too multiracial for my own good....and I was easily affected by alot of things...I have passion in too many things and find alot of things interesting and nice to know...I value experiences...sadly...bad ones cant be avoided
I am dissappointed by myself but I know God keeps telling me that I should never feel condemned by my faults but look to him and he wil give me the strength and wisdom to do all I need to do...I have his favour and blessings...prob is that my probs make me seem so useless and make me blind from what I actually can do with God by my side and not against me...
I ask Him for understanding....I ask Him for wisdom every day and I ask Him for forgiveness...
I pray for understanding of myself more...lastly...I ask for funding for my studies...
God Bless
The past few days have been tough...lots of events and stuff to do....
I know that Im not efficient enough...pity...
Was thinking what would happen if I got fired....what else would I be able to do if I get fired? I cant do freelance compereing if my chinese isnt good...no point!
I looked at myself today and I thought about how I was a person. What makes me unique...all I could come up with was that I was too multiracial for my own good....and I was easily affected by alot of things...I have passion in too many things and find alot of things interesting and nice to know...I value experiences...sadly...bad ones cant be avoided
I am dissappointed by myself but I know God keeps telling me that I should never feel condemned by my faults but look to him and he wil give me the strength and wisdom to do all I need to do...I have his favour and blessings...prob is that my probs make me seem so useless and make me blind from what I actually can do with God by my side and not against me...
I ask Him for understanding....I ask Him for wisdom every day and I ask Him for forgiveness...
I pray for understanding of myself more...lastly...I ask for funding for my studies...
God Bless
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
Have faith in Him who created you
Hmmphh the weekend was okay...wasnt fantastic coz I was quite tired by everything...
I think I really need a holiday man...anyone wanna go sentosa for a day? feel like walking arnd spore for a day..all the super "out of the way" places...feel like going JB for a day...feel like soaking in a hot tub for a day...feel like staying at home and cleaning my room......feel like clearing my cupboard..feel like...sitting down w the bible for the whole day...feel like compereing an event...feel like...taking up a new class....wanna have a movie fest....
Lots wants....
Wanna take a few days off man....
Okay after letting all that out and looking at the multitude of things I "feel like" doing...it would take a whole 1 month hahaha the longest being...packing my room...
i seriously need a break....
God Bless
I think I really need a holiday man...anyone wanna go sentosa for a day? feel like walking arnd spore for a day..all the super "out of the way" places...feel like going JB for a day...feel like soaking in a hot tub for a day...feel like staying at home and cleaning my room......feel like clearing my cupboard..feel like...sitting down w the bible for the whole day...feel like compereing an event...feel like...taking up a new class....wanna have a movie fest....
Lots wants....
Wanna take a few days off man....
Okay after letting all that out and looking at the multitude of things I "feel like" doing...it would take a whole 1 month hahaha the longest being...packing my room...
i seriously need a break....
God Bless
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