Maybe we're not better than ICS

Went to ICS dance competition a long time back and I remembered feeling relieved that ICS's emcees were not good. (no offence to the club. I do like your dances and etc but emceeing isnt ur forte) I remembered telling Jas that Im glad our emcees are better...

Today I fell flat on my face. Maybe its my fault that i didnt brief them abt event flow. I guess I figured that they would find things out on their own...

Im more dissappointed with myself....not being able to guide them...not knowing when to let go...letting go at the wrong time...
And at hte same time Im frustrated with them...and it sucks coz I dnt want to regret saying what I feel like saying now..knowing that most of what I say wud be unfair..it wud be "angry talk"

Dont know how many times Ive screwed things up so bad and this time..I feel like Ive done my worst... Somehow I feel like Im the one who screwed up the show. I feel like it was my event and Id flopped.

Ian is right...I cant be micromanaging anymore..I cant keep my hand there to keep them afloat... I cant..but...

Yah fine im emoing!!! Yes I know what else you're gonna say after that and all I can say is " Im not ready yet" and yes I can see the eyes rolling

From the likes of it..I dont think i want to be a parent anytime soon...Id pamper the kid too much...Id create a rebel child because that kid would find me too stiffling. He'd be so criticised that he'd hate me and hate my nagging. Id end up passing down the family tradition of petty emotions, "scold before reason", silent treatments etc

I wish I cud say sorry to somebody...but...no matter who I say it to right now...it wont matter...the shows already over.

God, I cast this worry to you...not cause I dont want to care about it anymore...but because you can do so much more than I can. Where I am not..you are. Where I cant help in, you can. Where I dont know how to instruct...you do. I cast them to you because I know so little and you know sooo much.
I cast them to you because theres 1 of me and you are omni-present.
God...I cast it to you because theres not point in me worrying....it wont bring back time..it wont make thigns better.

God Bless