We called it the end today. After not being able to sleep the entire night... The honest chat we had the night before, led to the end. Maybe it was inevitable..
Maybe we would never meet each other's expectations..maybe I was just too shit scared to show any forthcoming feelings..the n stepping back into my cave as long as I say dark clouds.. maybe it was all my fault. wanting yet not daring to step out... Im am the fox that got tamed in a way...then realising that The Little Prince had to leave... At this moment... Im still dealing with the loss.
It hurts...
Basically all the songs that we did for the band, is a trigger song... and thats 40songs.. :/
I guess I need to thank God that I have Open House to take my mind off things. I'm sure thats why so many people become workaholics. I understand it now...
Thank you for the memories. Im sorry I didn't meet up to your expectations. Im sorry my expectations weren't realistic enough for you to meet. I was always a tall order...
I hope you find someone who would be that person to break through your workaholic tendencies of yours. I hope that same person would help u quit smoking and would be welcomed into your family with open arms.
As for me...once again I question my capabilities as a person who can love or deserves to love... maybe Im waiting for the next one to come in and break that same fortress that I now have to rebuild... extra fortified now...
I can't help thinking that Im sorry but what can I do when sorry doesn't work anymore?
I can't cry now because I have events happening. but i can't help thinking that I wish u would take me back...but I dont want to hurt you anymore than I have...thats why I agreed to step back.
And maybe ur right... maybe all my life Ive waited for someone to love me and not to love someone.
Although I can't always justify which is which... not to you..not to myself...
So what can I say now but I hope you live happily from now on. Love you Bear.
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