stuck for now

New year firsts

might have broken my foot...spent the entire day at home coz i can't move..and IM stuck with words i can't say because the person I love is no longer by my side...

I feel miserable..I feel like this is a wasted day and I cant bring myself to feel better. And all I need is for him to message and say " let me in again" how selfish of me...but the truth is, I wanna say " let ME in again...I beg you" but my pride is so terrible...

I know such a heartache isn't worth dying over but I feel empty... so empty...like my heart isn't working anymore and I have no more songs left to sing..I have no more voice to sing now... I dnt feel the urge to sing anymore...

I feel so much gnawing pain not just on my foot, but in my heart....

I can't sing the songs we did anymore... they make it very painful for me..

Babe I miss you... I really do.... I can't imagine getting over this and still being sane...my fears have been heightened and every minute, one more brick gets laid for the new fortress and this time, it will be doubly thick.

Im holding my breathe for something that will never come!

I will never get to hold his hand, i will never get to feel his hugs, I will never get to play w his hair, I i will never get to watch him work or play with pride, knowing that he's mine..I will never get to feel all that....

I feel like bit of me is dead....

God Bless