My efforts down the drain..maybe its just me

So I wa shaving fun, relaxing on sunday, about to order ice cream when a call comes and like How Satan would do in a cartoon, hits me with a sledgehammer of bad news. The resounding "gong"..a few seconds of speechless moments. Doesnt help when what I was saying was bouncing back at me...took away my concentration....so my ice cream wasnt that nice anymore..my ride home became quieter, my mood went down and I shut up. Even when my frens shot at me for a dozen times at full force...I had no energy. Not that i was thinking alot about the matter...but I was sooo damn tired...sooo damn tired at having to handle the same thing again and again...All I hope for....is another revival of golden years in Comperes...

An excerpt of my email I was planning to send (but might not in the end)

I know soo many reasons why people will quit
- no interest in compereing
- boring training
- no bond w club
- better things to do
- club politics
- feel not capable
- dont like admin work

And guess what ..alot of them went off without even reaching out a hand to the club to help. The ones that stay..are the ones who's love is not in the club...but in the love for compereing... The one thing alot of you dont have...is the proactive nature. You above all people should understand that. None of the members offered to organise any gathering or even dinner. The times I offered to go for ice skating or blading...no one replied. sooo many people complained abt how comperes training is boring when they dont turn up for even the most exciting ones...and they dont realize how much we want to make things exciting..yet when I ask for people to respond during the sessions or try new things as they do their script...they stilll stick to the same thing. You remembered how the seniors tried to do a BBQ and only 3 of you turned up? You remember how we sat by the beach..discussing on what to do?

You know out of all this.....what is in it for me? Maybe I should just change club officer and let someone else deal with the mess! How many times do I try to change things by bringing in rollerblading, videotaking etc...I give up my leave days for you guys! Everybody else in my office says Im crazy! I just know that Im afraid you guys cant survive!

So whats in it for me?
If theres nothing in it for you, then there should be nothing in it for me too lah...Then I should stop trying to go for your events to give you advice, and to stop meeting you guys before your events to see hows the preparation and asking how things were after the event....After all, I dont get to do events...and if compere fail...I would get more events to do rite...if the selfish me starts thinking...

_________

Im pissed....Im dissappointed...Im about ready to let go. If they arent even willing to clap, even when they complain and complain...then I give up!
I feel even sadder thinking that it could be because I wasnt there to do anything, that the club is becoming like that...but isnt it the members that need to be proactive? Dont know what to do can ask rite? As an officer in charge...do I have to be the president as well?

I called Cal last week, feeling down and talking to her abt it and I told her what I felt...And she's rite. Why do I have to do soo much for the club? When at the end of the day...there is no "Thank You"? When it doesnt raise my salary? When I dont get anything out of it but a piece of mind..that I didnt just stand around and do nothing? At the en dof the day, Im the only what who learns....and best part abt it...of all this is true....then my dad (the one whom Ive been defending my clubs from the most) is right...

I love all my clubs...I adore them if they open up to me because I see sooo much strength in them...in fact..I admire them! I learn from them too...whether or not they learn from me.
Sometimes it makes me feel like Im not a good enough officer....and the more student clubs I have..the more problems they have...the less time I can be there to help....
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Lord Jesus, I thank you sooo much for allt he blessings you have given me throughout my 3 years in SP, Im slowly learning to lean on you for guidance..I hope 1 day, I would be able to shed the "stressed" me and be able to work effectively and happily, to show all that you are good and always there for me as my leader. I pray that all the blessings I get, will overflow to everything I put my hands to do and all the clubs I have, that they will be inspired to work well together...
Maybe Im the only one in this office who faces these problems Lord, but maybe not....all I am assured of is that you are with me.

God Bless