The start of the hurricane

Sooo...This is the last day before the hurricane. Tomorrow its war against time and anxiety...

As a student we probably dont think much of the events that SP really hosts often because it seems alot easier than it is. Then as you become a staff you realize just how much work needs to be done to pull off a 30min program even.

Maybe we never got it..we never understood, never appreciated until we got into clubs and had to roganise our own and go through allt he stress and swear to never do it again...when we think abt it some events that are done..ahev to be repeated year after year..no point swearing and promise not to do it..you just have to.

I guess the staff of SP do wanna make life fun for students even if they sometimes...most of hte times dont understand...

BUT when is it time to say enough of serving them stuff on silverware...when do we stop? if we are too blind to stop when they dont appreciate it...then have we lost our aim to start with?
have we been doing it for the students or for ourselves?

Think of it in any form of service...even mrt service...
Some people just dont deserve courtesy because they cant get it through their heads.

Well thats me...I guess at times where I know effort is wasted..then why do it?

Which is abt like american film..stereotypical problematic youth who dont study when its a waste of time and nobody would see htem as normal youth...so why not go out and work in watever you can find and just earn what you can...aint it?

Hmm theory....

Been abit mellow on life drive hahaha stepped into my room and looked at my stuff and said.."since when did I build a storeroom...time to clear....but where to start?
So many things mean to me in so many ways...

Also it occured to me that its been 2 years since I wrote a song...rare for someone who always wished she could write her own songs...do inspiration? maybe dont want to do back into emo-ness while I write..and then end up thinking back..haiz...

speaking of past..had a student come to my office today and he was just chatting w me and all which is fine! Then he started asking these qns abt my ex and I hahahah..yeah they sorta know the story...since I came in before the year3s (who know my history) left.
Emmm not feeling sad or what. Feelings are feelings and they will still be there but in lesser amounts so Im fine. :) Just leads me to wonder.."what now?"

guess when you reach a certain age...you ask yourself and others ask you.. "when?"

I choose to say, "when it comes, it comes" I wont rush it or go guy shopping etc hahaha not that i can buy one...but..you get what i mean! I choose to believe that God sends.

And dont tell me abt " God doesnt help those who help themselves" The Bible didnt say that. Benjamin Franklin said it.
In what case..even if it was said in the Bible, the interpretation of it is different because its true that If we dont believe that Jesus saved us and He loves us, then we are not God's children and therefore...as the Bible says..the non-believers will go to hell...
NOTE: Its not that He cant help or that He doesnt help. Its that we dont accept it.
So that line still makes no sense.
New testement says that Jesus came, doed for our sins that we may be righteous in God sight. If we are righteous, we are sin-less..hence we are saved. At the same time...our righteousness obtained from Jesus's sacrifice entitles us tot he blessings that God gives to his righteous children. Blessings include health, wealth, wisdom, length of days etc..all included to make our present lives well to do..not just our days in heaven.
SOO we dont have to do anything but believe that Jesus has saved us and made us righteousness in God's eyes to gain everything we need in life.
Thanks to Apostle Paul.

Problem is...how easy is it to throw your cares unto God and believe that He will take care of all? Those who have lived their whole lives w the idea that no one helps them but htemselves....will find this the hardest to overcome. Like me.

As I head downt he remainder of this week, I pray al goes well and I pray that next week goes by smoothly. I want to cast my cares on Him..so I will try.

Till then, take care

God Bless

multi-tasking

They say women have it..then how come I feel like I dont? Am I more guy than I think I am? DANG!!!

It sucks knowing you have so much to do and yet onyl be able to do some of it in a day...it sucks...

I know I am almost up to my neck with work and i know Im not the very very productive and very very efficient type and so its getting me down abit...okay i admit..alot...

This sucks....

Anywya through the week, Ive had fever and terrible body ache that kept me upt he whole sat night and half of sun night...so I came intot he office looking like kungfu panda...DOUBLE DANG!

So Im not he coolest of people and my anxiety attack is constantly returning these days...

Times like these I know satan is taking advantage of my lack of will power....


God Bless

Stress

At school now....doing work and calming my heart w music...

Christmas is around the corner and its great just thinking abt how after a long struggle of a year..that it would end with Christmas. How wonderful it is feeling the christmas mood and knowing christmas is a time to feel peace and celebrate Jesus birth gatherng w people u love...

Im starting to wonder if I should even be so anxious over meeting everyone's demands... I know as a human, depending on my own power..I cant...its prob just me..but i know my God will give me strength to do it..and I know if I could, I would give in my few sats to do my work too...provided im not too tired...But point is...is it really so impt to cater to everyone's needs?

Its making me confused abt my priorities...

Was at Esplanade recently and the outdoor place is done up so nicely thatt he steps are almost aligned witht he water surface and the lower i go down the steps, the more i feel i could really do a simon peter. walk on water i mean.. Coolness.

Borrowed my friends camera and started to shooting ridiclous things... Hmm makes me feel like i could look at anything from a different point of view

God BLess

God's word...

Its a battle..the more I know God's word and how Jesus has given us his peace and power to be kings and queen of this world..the more I know Im not...and somehow...the more I feel Im being attacked my Satan and his devious plan to steal me of my peace.

Its like the more I believe that my God can pull me out of the anxiety I feel..the more Satna tries to pile on more things for me to feel anxious about.

Chances are Im not the only one who feels it. Everone who knows that Jesus has died for our sins and cleared us of our evil doings.. that we dont have to keep thinking of redeeming ourselves to anyone by our own deeds.... also might be feeling the same way.

Its not meant to scare christians away from God. Personally...knowing my rights as a christian..of everything Jesus has done and provided me...all the more I want to fight on...

The best thing about my God..is that we prepares the armour for us. He is also stronger than Satan..alot stronger. So my prob now is having the faith that I have this armour on and I have Jesus word so I can daringly step out to face the problems...

Yet something inside me keeps arguing and asking myself " Why do u work so hard? Or You caant cope w this! Why did they give you so much to do? or How come you just dont get the idea of time management?"

It just occured to me that the answer I give to the question, "why do u have 9 clubs?" shuld be because...."God wants me to bless their lives"
"Why do you have so mnay events?" is "Because God trusts that my blessings will overflow and make the event successful"
All I need to do now..is believe that I am a blessing!

Its alot harder when you are blinded by problems. :/

Dont let Satan plague your heart with condemning things too. The moment you think that you are too fat or you;re too short or that you;re not good in something..its most prob satan going "uhuh uhuh! Bingo!"


God Bless

Birthday bash!

Steps to giving a surprise party

1) make sure the person is not there
2) get manpower and fellow conspirators
3) choose your materials wisely and take into consideration the earth (reduce reuse recycle)
4) garner support from public
5) choose a fast and efficient way to excute the surprise
6) be spontaneous with ideas
7) sit back and wait for the resounding "Oiii"
8) for more fun...get a small gift but put in alot of stuffing

Happy Birthday Helmi! (pics come later)

end of the day

Im sooo pooped! Sports Day, lunchshow..worrying abt other events too....im soo damn tired...

Its wed and Im sooo tired and I need rest but im too tired to get off my chair and go home....

Had event after event today and at times i felt soo bad that I cudnt attend some fo them...

I know im being random here but it comes a time when I feel like i have to express somethign but I either dont know what to say or cant say it..hence Im left with realy lame random comments, recycled and reworded...

I do know that for the past few days..Ive been having migraines...

For the past few days.been also having relapses of..reminiscing. hahaha dont worry i dont go into a deep sorrow its more like a small sore spot :P...i think this is something people go through all their lives :)

So my desk is messy now..papers everywhere and phone calls left and right :P

K gotta go. legs aching and all. Love yall

Mon blues

Sun night I was turning and tossing in bed...somehow after watching Lust.Caution, I felt disturbed. Not by the fact that it was an NC16 movie..for blatant reasons...but its meaning..

How far do you go for your own ends or for the country..that you would sacrifice a friend? How far would you as teh friend...go for you? Why? because of country too? or because of you?

When you're in too deep..which side do you take? The cold ruthless good side? Or the loving evil side?

In life.. we always have to take sides...in this movie..the lead was the slave of both sides...so when u have evil on both sides? take the lesser evil.

Been fighting w faith and satan these few days...i feel liek i need to take control of my life when i know I need to leave things to god at times because worrying adds nothing to our stature...

Plus my faith still doesnt seem to work...my prayers even and i dont know why... I know this journey probably seems easier than it feels so maybe im not getting it...when i get there..i know that when i look back..id know how easy it is...

Anyway..every beginning of the year..Is et goals for myself butt hey never work coz i always forget them...trying man! trying!

I guess these days i still feel like I havnt gotten my life straightened out....I feel liek in my life I have soo much clutter that its getting hard to find my way or my aim...
I bet Im not the only one who thinks that but alot of them can still afford to buy time and stall and hide that fact. Alot of us even dont do what we want and end up in jobs we mumble about all day.. as if someone took to us w a knife and made us sign up for it.

Im lost now..feeling quite lost.. feel like wanna take 2-3 days off to think through..

In fact been thinking abt my past soo oftnet hat im getting demoralised by it hahaha bad ning! bad bad ning!

The end of a great birthday...

I told you how great i felt during birthdya and how (in a long time) i actually felt that i wanted the birthday to last...i think the past few days have been a harsh truth that birthdays dont last.

Today's lunchshow was wet...cats and dogs wet...we had a lunchshow for less than 70 paxs because it started to pour...and it continued to pour like hell. That drenched my day...

Then i had alot of meetings and trainings to go to that i was running arnd the whole day. only time i got to sit down at my office was...8.30-10am

I also got heartbroken by comperes. I admit im putting too much emotions onto comperes that my relationship with other clubs has never even been established...Im really bad at this...

For the past few trainings for comperes...I felt like the members werent committed...I felt that I didnt have their committement at all...except for a small group...
Im dissappointed...heartbroken...angry...betrayed...
Ive heard of club members wanting to quit but their making me want to quit....
They're making me want to scold them and shout at them and holler vulgarities at them..thats how vexed I am!

I think Im throwing in soo many ideas that I feel only I want to do it..everybody else things its a load of crap....

And the best part of all this!?!?! I feel like im whining like a teenager now! F!

Im soooo emotional abt it that Im tired out!

Im sooo tired! Im drained!

...................................

Halloween Nite

Met cal, edwin, naz for my birthday dinner at wala wala, only to realize that it was more than just 4 of us. Snowlin, arisya, Nabila, Khay, Ian, Ian Dmat, Deborah, James, Stephen, Amily..all came.

It was fun. :) I was really touched.

The highlight of the day was watching EIC perform. The lead guitarist was GOOD!!!! Im sooo impressed! He was dressed as a nerd on that day and that made his performance even more impressive! The way he played those rock tunes! His solo bits! Damn!
The bassist was jimi handrix and Rai (plays the chords) was dressed as Speedy Gonzales. Their frens came dressed as a dead soldier and a sanitary pad. *shrugs* go figure.

I got sabohed (as i expected) to go up and sing..and to sing by EIC...was like a huge honor and we did "I will survive"...i was sooooo nervous...i still shook 3omins after the performance.

AND that night ont eh way home, i felt sooo embarassed and disappointed w myself on how badly i did that song! If i thought anymore, Id get nightmares abt it!

Im really touched by allt he things my frens and students and family have done for me this year and Id say that this is my best birthday ever. :) I may have sounded or looked like I didnt want it..but its because i never felt htat birthday are meant to be celebrated by others..they dont have the duty to do it at least..so I dont bother telling people nor do i organise birthdays for myself. But i do like to plan surprises for my frens.

Cant wait to get the pics!

Today was another packed day. went to sch for SPARC ceremony, went to mandarin gardens to celebrate Gong gong's birthday, then went to esplanade for Avenue Q (which was really really funny!) and then raced to NP for NP ISC intl nite.

Im glad its only sat but i miss my birthday already. Think I could watch EIC perform forever haha

K I would love tot hank all who remembered my birthday. Ever wish counts and makes me wish I was there for you guys as much too. Thanks and God bless you and keep you safe & healthy in all ways!

God Bless